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by Neil Sattin
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- Feb 24, 202630 min
262: What High-Conflict Couples Taught Me About Healing the Political Divide
I've been working with high-conflict couples for more than a decade. While every couple is different, there's a consistent way that they either solve their conflict (or stay stuck). And it turns out that it works for ANY kind of conflict. In this episode of Relationship Alive, you'll learn the proven framework to take any challenging conversation from confrontation to collaboration. Whether you're trying to figure out how to talk about politics with family, navigate a disagreement with your partner, or have a difficult conversation with someone you care about - the skills are the same. I break down the three steps that actually work to move past the divide, find common ground, and stay connected even when you deeply disagree. In this episode you'll learn: - Why trying to convince someone they're wrong almost never works - How to stay regulated when a conversation gets heated - The three steps to move from argument to collaboration - How to find common values underneath surface-level disagreements - Why relationship conflicts and political conflicts have the same root cause FREE Guide to my Top 3 Communication Secrets: https://www.neilsattin.com/relate Regulate to Communicate workshop co-taught with Peter Levine: https://www.neilsattin.com/workshop Reach out: neilius at neilsattin dot com 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:20 The Key Problem - How We (Don’t) Learn to Handle Conflict 00:03:00 The Pitfalls of Democracy When It Comes to Resolving Conflict 00:05:20 A Simple Framework for Getting Through Conflict 00:06:43 The Importance of an Actual Conversation 00:08:08 Do You have to be calm for a challenging convo? 00:09:22 Do the specifics Matter? 00:10:09 The Most Important Priorities 00:12:08 What about When the Other Person Can’t Show Up? 00:14:53 What Keeps Couples Stuck - and how to undo it 00:17:11 Another KEY skill 00:21:16 How to Be Ready to Fail 00:22:15 Bringing this together for politics and other conflicts
- Oct 9, 20251h 21m
261: Sue Johnson - Being Truly Seen: Healing Trauma Through Attachment Science (EFIT)
When you’re stuck, you have powerful internal drives that you can harness to get unstuck. I’m not talking about pain vs. pleasure, or fear vs. love - instead, it’s the power of connection that enables you to overcome any issues, no matter how seemingly insurmountable . Today’s guest is Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and author of “Hold Me Tight.” In this interview, perhaps one of her last recorded conversations, Sue talks about the development and practice of EFIT - Emotionally Focused INDIVIDUAL Therapy - and offers a virtual masterclass in how this approach can transform your life. Witness exactly how Sue Johnson masterfully harnesses the science - and art - of attachment to create a deep sense of safety, and then use it as a solid foundation for growth and change. This episode is dedicated to the memory of Sue Johnson, who was a gracious, frequent guest here on Relationship Alive. Her willingness to privilege emotion, through scientific rigor, elevated our understanding of how relationships work, and how we humans can grow, change, and connect more deeply. Thank you, Sue, for everything. Visit ICEEFT to learn more about Sue Johnson’s work, find an EFT Therapist (or EFIT, or EFFT), learn about her books, and get training. https://www.iceeft.com Claim your Free Top 3 Communication Secrets here: https://www.neilsattin.com/relate Want to regulate your nervous system, and develop rock-solid emotional resilience? https://www.neilsattin.com/connected
- Aug 8, 20251h 4m
260: How to Turn Your Vulnerability into Your Relationship Superpower - with Ken Page
What if the parts of yourself you're most ashamed to show are actually your greatest assets in building deep, lasting relationships? In this powerful conversation, renowned therapist and Deeper Dating author Ken Page reveals why vulnerability isn't a weakness to overcome - it's your secret weapon for attracting people who truly see and value you. If you're tired of playing dating games, hiding who you really are, or attracting people who can't handle your authentic self, this episode will completely shift how you approach connection. Plus, you'll see how to bring your authentic self into your existing relationships in a way that keeps you safe, while inviting others to be more real with you too. You'll discover: Why "attractions of deprivation" keep you stuck with the wrong people The one question that instantly reveals if someone is right for you How to lead with your "core gifts" instead of your protective armor Why being more vulnerable actually makes you MORE discerning (not less) Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship that needs deeper intimacy, Ken's insights will help you stop exhausting yourself trying to be "enough" for the wrong people and start attracting those who celebrate exactly who you are. This is Ken's third appearance on Relationship Alive—you can find our previous conversations about Deeper Dating fundamentals (Episode 30) and Fear of Intimacy (Episode 53) at neilsattin.com Ready to turn your vulnerability into your superpower? Listen now. Also - Claim your Free Top 3 Communication Secrets here: https://www.neilsattin.com/relate
- Jul 8, 202539 min
259: Don't Fight Your Negative Thoughts...Join Them! (to Overcome Them)
Your negative thoughts feel like the enemy. They sure can get in the way of your goals and dreams! But when you embrace your negative thinking, you'll uncover a surprising paradox that suddenly turns them into your most powerful allies. In this episode of Relationship Alive, you'll learn how to transform your negative thoughts into fuel for your biggest goals. In the process, you'll heal old wounds...and free up tons of energy and motivation that's been stuck. Links mentioned: *FREE 3-step communication guide: https://www.neilsattin.com/relate *Regulate your nervous system and develop Emotional Resilience: https://www.neilsattin.com/foundationcourse *Communication Workshop co-taught with Peter Levine: https://www.neilsattin.com/workshop *Support for the process: https://www.neilsattin.com/coaching
- May 10, 20251h 20m
258: When Desire Fades, Come Together - Emily Nagoski & the Science of Longlasting Sexual Connection
What if everything you've been taught about keeping desire alive in long-term relationships is fundamentally wrong? In this revealing conversation with Dr. Emily Nagoski, we challenge the cultural "desire imperative" that has us constantly chasing an elusive spark. Discover why pleasure - not spontaneous desire - is the true measure of sexual wellbeing, and how understanding your "emotional floor plan" can create pathways to connection. Dr. Nagoski shares research-backed insights on how couples who maintain vibrant sexual connections focus on co-creating unique experiences rather than following cultural scripts. Whether you're experiencing mismatched desire patterns or simply want to deepen your intimate connection, this episode offers a revolutionary framework for sustainable pleasure that evolves alongside your relationship. Link for more info: https://www.neilsattin.com/nagoski2 FREE Communication Guide: https://www.neilsattin.com/relate Emotional Resilience Course: https://www.neilsattin.com/foundation
- Apr 19, 202541 min
257: Two Obvious (but IMPORTANT) Healthy Relationship Principles
What if the most important relationship skills were hiding in plain sight? In this episode, I return with two deceptively simple principles that form the foundation of ANY healthy relationship. Whether you're struggling with conflict, disconnection, or just want to take your relationships to the next level - these obvious (but often overlooked) truths will transform how you connect with others. Learn why kindness isn't just 'nice' but scientifically proven to be essential, and discover the single skill that unlocks all others: emotional resilience. Finally, you'll discover how to use your emotional skills to deal with a jerk - to connect, turn things around, and set meaningful boundaries. Links mentioned: FREE Top 3 Communication Strategies - https://www.neilsattin.com/relate From Chaos to Connected: Mastering Emotional Regulation and Resilience https://www.neilsattin.com/foundation
- Jun 4, 202448 min
256 - Something Personal - Where I've Been and Where We're Going
I stepped away from the Relationship Alive podcast for a "quick break" that was only supposed to last a month or two. That break became a journey of two and a half years, diving deep into questions about life, and meaning, and whether or not Relationship Alive should even continue. The journey also included a humbling exploration of where Relationship Alive might have gone wrong in those first 255 episodes. Nothing like hindsight to make certain things obvious! Now I'm back to share with you some of the answers to those questions. What did I miss during all of those 255 episodes? Is there still a reason for Relationship Alive to exist? And, assuming the answer is yes (hint: it is), where are we going from here? Along the way, there are some personal reveals that just might help you make sense of it all - as it has for me. I've missed you, and I'm happy to be back. Let's do this.
- Dec 29, 202157 min
255: How to Be Courageous (especially when it's hard)
It's easy to talk about being courageous - but how do you actually take action when it feels like a huge risk? Whether it's the decision to enter a relationship, or to leave a relationship, or all of the moments within a relationship when you might have to make a choice that feels a little edgy or scary - today's episode is going to focus on the practical steps to taking action...courageously. Don't just "feel the fear and do it anyway" - learn how to prepare yourself so that you stand the best chance of succeeding in a moment that requires your courage. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Resources: Check out my Secrets of Relationship Communication COURSE for a masterclass in how to improve the communication and connection in your relationship. I want to know you better! Take the quick, anonymous, Relationship Alive survey FREE Guide to Neil’s Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner’s Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) Support the podcast Amazing intro and outro music provided courtesy of The Railsplitters Transcript: Neil Sattin: So let's get on with this conversation about courage and how to actually be courageous. Now, the way I see it, courage is required before you get into a relationship, while you're in a relationship, and if you decide that you're going to leave the relationship, that requires courage too. Courage is required all the way through when you are, let's say, meeting people going out on dates, it may require courage for you to ask someone out and it may require courage for you to follow up with a the person, it might require courage for you to ask for what you want. Interested in reading the transcript for the rest of this episode? Click here to download the full transcript of this episode!
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About Relationship Alive!
Neil Sattin interviews John Gottman, Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Peter Levine, Stan Tatkin, Dick Schwartz, Katherine Woodward Thomas, Diana Richardson, Terry Real, Wendy Maltz - and many others - in his quest to dig deep into all the factors that keep a Relationship Alive and Thriving! Each week Neil brings you an in-depth interview with a relationship expert. Neil is an author and relationship coach who is enthusiastic and passionate about relationships and the nuts and bolts of what makes them last. You can find out more about Neil Sattin and the Relationship Alive podcast at http://www.neilsattin.com
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