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Office Hours with Arthur Brooks: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Arthur Brooks
I’m Arthur Brooks, a social scientist, professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, and columnist at The Atlantic. I write, speak, and teach about the science of human happiness, blending neuroscience, behavioral science, philosophy, and religion for insights on how to live better, and be happier. Each week on Office Hours, you’ll get a glimpse into the cutting edge research on happiness, and explore how you can use it to improve your life—and share what you learn with those you love.
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- Yesterday42 min
9 Rules for a Happier Vacation
Many people come home from vacation feeling disappointed. Not because the trip was bad, but because they expected it to do more than any vacation possibly can.In my previous episode on leisure, I discussed its importance to happiness and well-being. A vacation, done well, is really an opportunity to practice leisure more intentionally—whether that means a chance to reconnect with the people you love, lose yourself in nature or culture or read a book you've been meaning to for three years.In this episode of Office Hours, I share nine research-backed protocols that can help you return from time away feeling happier, more fulfilled, and genuinely restored. We discuss why anticipation is one of the most enjoyable parts of any trip, why shorter vacations may be better than longer ones, and how taking too many photos or posting on social media can pull you out of the very experience you're trying to enjoy.—Brought to you by:• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks —Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/ • Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro America's culture of skipping vacations Vacation rule #1: Discern your motive Vacation rule #2: Savor the anticipation Vacation rule #3: Manage your expectations Vacation rule #4: Break your trip into vacation-ettes Vacation rule #5: Take fewer pictures Vacation rule #6: Don’t post Vacation rule #7: Leave work at home Vacation rule #8: Come home early Vacation rule #9: Brace yourself when you return Recap of the 9 vacation rules Q&A: Is music a distraction? Q&A: Using screens during meals and before sleep—Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership • Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale • The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks:<a hre
- 1 weeks ago42 min
How to Stop Dating the Wrong Person
Finding the right person is hard. Being attracted to the wrong one is just as common.In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why some people find themselves stuck in the same dating patterns over and over again, pursuing partners who are unavailable, manipulative, emotionally destructive, or struggling with addiction. I explain why attraction can override good judgment, why certain personality types are especially alluring, and how to learn from past mistakes and create healthier patterns in love.This episode focuses on choosing the right person in the first place. If you haven't yet listened to my episode, 3 Rules to Fall in Love and Stay in Love, I recommend it as a companion to this conversation. Together, they offer a roadmap for both finding love and building a lasting relationship.—Brought to you by:• LMNT—A science-backed electrolyte drink mix that helps you feel and perform your best, without sugar, artificial ingredients, or gimmicks. Get a free sample pack at DrinkLMNT.com/Arthur —Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/ • Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro Why dating feels so difficult Dating Groundhog Day Attraction to unavailable people Substance abuse The Dark Triad How the Dark Triad reels you in Why we ignore red flags Dating strategy #1: Stop relying on others' judgment Dating strategy #2: Address your emophilia Dating strategy #3: Expand your time horizon Dating strategy #4: Don’t focus on looks and status Dating strategy #5: Look in the right place Dating strategy #6: Stop looking for your ex Dating strategy #7: Stop romanticizing doomed love Q&A: How to reconcile being on your phone to learn more Q&A: The value of fun leisure—Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership • Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • The
- 2 weeks ago49 min
The Real Cost of Family Estrangement
Family estrangement is strangely common—affecting one-third of American adults today. While cutting ties can bring temporary relief, research suggests that, over time, it often resembles grief.In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why family, one of the four pillars of happiness, is central to meaning, what is driving the rise in estrangement, and why conflicts over values and identity have become so difficult to repair. Most importantly, I discuss what it actually takes to mend broken relationships: the difference between healthy boundaries and permanent rupture, and the two qualities that help families overcome deep disagreement and stay connected. —Brought to you by:• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet https://davidprotein.com/arthur• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks —Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/ • Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro Why family estrangement feels so painful How common is family estrangement Why family estrangement happens The rise of the “no-contact” movement What the data shows about going no-contact The two ingredients every family needs What tolerance really means Why forgiveness is essential in families The hidden incentives behind encouraging family division Q&A: Finding reciprocity in friendships Q&A: Attachment styles and finding love Q&A: Meeting a future spouse in person—Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-of-your-life • Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership • Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale • The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.co
- 3 weeks ago45 min
The Diet Protocols for Happiness
We obsess over diets, fasting, and weight-loss drugs in the name of health. But we rarely ask a more important question: what kind of eating actually makes us happier?In this episode of Office Hours, I explore what the science say about the relationship between food and well-being. Eating gives us pleasure, but meals bring deeper enjoyment when they also combine people and memories. I explore what that means in practice along with seven other practical rules for “happy eating.”In the end, happiness at the table depends less on the food than the company. As my Spanish wife likes to say: the point of eating is not the food—it’s the love.—Brought to you by:• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet https://davidprotein.com/arthur• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks —Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/ • Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro Why eating is pleasurable—and why pleasure alone does not create happiness Two ways to turn pleasure into enjoyment How both positive and negative emotions influence eating Why eating moderately often is linked to greater happiness Dietary patterns associated with greater happiness What the research shows about alcohol and well-being Junk food’s impact on mood and well-being The pros and cons of a vegetarian diet Why crash diets are bad for your well-being and happiness Time-restricted eating and GLP-1 drugs #1: Balance across a variety of foods #2: Emphasize proteins and fats #3: Avoid junk food and refined sweets #4: Moderate alcohol consumption #5: No recreational drinking #6: Avoid obesity without starving yourself #7: Organized, regular, formal meal times #8: Meals in the company of others Q&A: The neuroscience behind how books affect our brains Q&A: Leisure vs. Sabbath —Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com• Meaning Membership:<a href="https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership" ta
- 4 weeks ago47 min
4 Ways to Get Better at Friendship
We spend much of our lives building our careers. We chase success, recognition, and expansive networks—yet despite all of it, many of us still experience a quiet, persistent loneliness.In this episode of Office Hours, I turn to Aristotle and his work, the Nicomachean Ethics, to ask an age-old question: what makes a good friend? I’ll explore Aristotle’s three types of friendship, and suggest something that sounds counterintuitive: the best of friends are perfectly useless. I also share four practical ways to deepen the friendships you already have, and cultivate more of these useless relationships that create real meaning, deeper happiness, and a life well lived. —Brought to you by:• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks —Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/ • Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro Why close friendships are essential to happiness What a healthy friendship ecosystem looks like Aristotle’s three types of friendship Real friends vs. deal friends Friendship step #1: Give yourself a friendship checkup Friendship step #2: Identify the people who truly know you Friendship step #3: Go deep or go home Friendship step #4: Make more friends that you don’t need Q&A: Adjusting to home after a year abroad Q&A: Building better habits —Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership • Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale • The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur• Why You Should Want to Be Alone: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/07/hermit-solitude-benefits-happiness/678955• I Matter to My Friend, Therefore I am Happy: Friendship, Mattering, and Happiness: <a
- May 11, 202643 min
Stop Trying to be Perfect
Sometimes, the most insidious thing someone can tell you to make you feel better is the age-old phrase, “but you’re perfect!” While research suggests this may ease emotional pain temporarily, it might actually be holding you back from growth and, consequently, satisfaction.In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why we avoid uncomfortable truths when feeling down, and why the better path towards fulfillment is honest self-acceptance—embracing your imperfections, and taking on the challenge to improve.—Brought to you by:• Noble Mobile—With Noble, there is only one plan: The No-Bull Plan. It’s simple. It’s transparent. And if you use less data, you get cash back. Get an exclusive offer at: https://noblemobile.com/arthurbrooks —Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• In-person Retreats: https://retreats.arthurbrooks.com/ • Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro The psychology of self-enhancement bias Who suffers most from self-enhancement bias Why we protect others with comforting lies What the research shows about self-enhancement bias #1: You’re not perfect but you’re normal #2: Accept yourself #3: Work to improve #4: Don’t blame other people #5: Reframe imperfections as puzzles Q&A: People pleasing and happiness Q&A: Finding time for happiness in a busy life Q&A: Teaching happiness habits to young children—Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership • The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale • The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur• I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide: https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277• Taking time seriously. A theory of socioemotional selectivity: htt
- May 4, 202636 min
How to Enjoy Your Life
Want to miss (or forget) life’s sweetest moments? Easy: don’t savor anything. My late mother, an artist, knew this was a terrible strategy for happiness. Through her art, she was an expert at savoring—and the first to teach me its benefits.In this episode of Office Hours, I connect her lesson to what we now know from behavioral science: because of our built-in negativity bias, we tend to overlook positive experiences unless we make an effort to notice them. I’ll share three simple ways to do that—so you can experience your life more deeply, remember it more clearly, and find meaning even in the hard moments.Want to go deeper on this—and other ideas from the podcast—and actually put them into practice? If you’re ready to do that work in person, I’ve partnered with MEA, a transformational science-backed retreat center, to bring these principles to life through a series of retreats in Santa Fe. You can find the details at retreats.arthurbrooks.com.—Brought to you by:• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet https://davidprotein.com/arthur—Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro What savoring really is How savoring affects your brain and body How savoring shapes your memory Negativity bias and why it’s hard to savor #1: Savor in all three time zones #2: Expand your savoring techniques #3: How I do it–what are you looking forward to How to savor difficult experiences to support growth Q&A: Making space for relationships in a demanding season of work Q&A: Finding a religion that resonates Q&A: Finding a calling—Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership • Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale • The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur• Savoring the past: Positive memories evoke value representations in the striatum: <a href="https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4254527" target="_
- Apr 27, 202640 min
How to Manage Grief
Grief is part of the human experience. If you love, you will lose. And when you do, the pain is inescapable. It can be disorienting, overwhelming, and in the case of acute grief, the symptoms can even resemble something like psychosis.In this episode of Office Hours, I explore what grief actually is, how it is lived and felt by those who are bereaved, and why these reactions—however unsettling—are not signs of dysfunction. They are, in fact, evidence of something profoundly good: the depth of our love and devotion to one another.The aim is not to eliminate grief—that is neither possible nor desirable—but to approach it with understanding. In doing so, we can move toward our suffering rather than away from it, extend compassion to others walking a similar path, and begin to discover meaning within our loss.—Brought to you by:• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet https://davidprotein.com/arthur—Where to find Arthur Brooks: • Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/• Newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • X: https://x.com/arthurbrooks• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/• Email: officehours@arthurbrooks.com—Timestamps: Intro The story of Itaru Sasaki’s wind phone What grief is Grief vs. bereavement Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief and newer research The brain’s response to grief How long does it take to get through grief Post-traumatic growth and the five areas that often improve #1. Look for meaning #2. Change your identity #3. Adopt rituals #4. Let yourself be happy again #5. Help others with grief Q&A: How failure helps your career Q&A: Getting married in a church after leaving it Q&A: Breaking the cycle of self-blame —Referenced: • The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership • Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter • The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale • The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur• My Wind Phone (wind phone directory): https://www.mywindphone.com• Treatment of complicated grief: a randomized controlled trial: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15928281• ...References continued at: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours—Production and marketing by https://penname.co/.
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About Office Hours with Arthur Brooks
I’m Arthur Brooks, a social scientist, professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School, and columnist at The Atlantic. I write, speak, and teach about the science of human happiness, blending neuroscience, behavioral science, philosophy, and religion for insights on how to live better, and be happier. Each week on Office Hours, you’ll get a glimpse into the cutting edge research on happiness, and explore how you can use it to improve your life—and share what you learn with those you love.
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