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by Alastair Duhs
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- 2 days ago10 min
185 - Why Do I Keep Getting Angry Over The Same Things?
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through three powerful mindset shifts to help break the cycle of repeating anger. Whether it is the same argument with your partner, the same trigger at work or the same driver cutting you off, he explains why the pattern keeps happening and what you can do to finally change it.Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair gets to the root of why anger keeps repeating. These are real, practical shifts. And the good news is they are skills anyone can learn.Key Takeaways:Repeating anger patterns do not mean something is wrong with you. There is a specific reason the same things keep triggering you, and once you understand it, everything changes.Practicing acceptance is not about being passive. It means letting go of the idea that anger will change what you cannot control. When you stop fighting that battle, your anger has nowhere to go.Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in relationships. When you pause and ask what might be going on for the other person, the defensiveness drops and there is suddenly room for a real conversation.Anger makes things feel urgent and catastrophic. Most of the time they are not. Asking yourself whether this will matter in a year gives you a fast way to check if the anger is worth it.Maintaining perspective also means remembering that everyone makes mistakes, including you. That awareness makes you more forgiving and less likely to repeat the same argument.These are skills, not personality traits. With practice, they can fundamentally change how you respond to the things that used to set you off.Resources & Next Steps: If you would like help breaking the cycle of anger and building calmer, more loving relationships:Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
- 1 weeks ago12 min
184 - Why Do I Always Say The Wrong Thing When My Partner Is Upset?
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through four simple but powerful steps to help you say the right thing when your partner is upset - whether you tend to jump straight to fixing, go quiet or say something that somehow makes things worse. These are practical, learnable skills that work even when emotions are running high.Rather than offering generic advice, Alastair gets to the heart of why these moments go wrong so often: not because you don't care, but because your partner doesn't yet feel understood. And until they do, almost nothing you say will land well. And the good news is, that's entirely within your power to change.Key Takeaways:The problem usually isn't what you're saying. Until your partner feels understood, even the kindest or most logical words won't land. Feeling heard has to come before anything else.Minimal encouragers, a nod, a quiet "I see," steady eye contact, are small signals with a big impact. They tell your partner it's safe to keep going, and their absence is one of the most common reasons partners feel unheard.There's a real difference between questions that open a conversation up and questions that close it down. Open-ended questions and questions about feelings take the conversation somewhere real; beyond facts and logistics, into what your partner actually experienced.Reflecting back what your partner has said in your own words does two things: it lets them know they've genuinely been heard, and it gives them the chance to correct you if you've misunderstood. Both of those matter more than most people realise.Giving positive feedback doesn't mean piling on compliments. A simple "thank you for telling me that" signals that bringing things to you is safe, and partners who feel appreciated for communicating tend to communicate more.Practice these four steps consistently and the change you'll notice isn't just fewer arguments. It's a stronger, warmer connection day to day.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support saying the right thing in those difficult moments and building a calmer, more loving relationship:Visit: angersecrets.comLearn more about The Complete Anger Management SystemAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
- 2 weeks ago11 min
183 - You Can Control Your Anger Faster Than You Think
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through the three tools that actually create lasting change for people who struggle with anger. Whether you've tried to change before and slipped back, or you've started to believe that this is just who you are, this episode explains exactly why that happens and what a different approach looks like.Rather than offering surface-level fixes, Alastair lays out the three layers of real anger management. From catching it early, to changing the thinking that drives it, to rebuilding the communication that repairs relationships. And the good news is that most people see real, noticeable change in just a few weeks when they have the right tools in the right order.Key Takeaways:Most people don't catch their anger until it's already taken over. Learning to recognise your early warning signs gives you a window - a brief gap between what you feel and what you do.In that window, simple tools like positive self-talk and a short timeout can be the difference between staying in control and saying something you'll regret for days.Your anger isn't caused by what happens to you. It's caused by what you think about what happens to you. Change the thought, and you change the response.Two people can experience the exact same situation and react completely differently, because they're having different thoughts about it. That gap is where your real power lies.Managing the surface is not enough. Until you address the thinking driving your anger, you'll keep fighting the same battle over and over again.Active listening is one of the most powerful relationship repair tools there is. When someone feels genuinely heard, defensiveness drops and real conversations become possible.These are skills, not personality traits. Most people who've struggled for years see meaningful change in just a few weeks. Not because they tried harder, but because they finally had the right tools.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support working through these three layers and building calmer, more loving relationships:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
- 3 weeks ago11 min
182 - 3 Steps to Improve Your Relationship Starting Today
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three practical steps to help you improve your relationship starting today. Whether the arguments have become more frequent, the conversations that matter have quietly stopped or there's just a low-level tension that never fully goes away, this episode explains exactly what's getting in the way and what to do about it.Rather than offering generic communication tips, Alastair gets to the root of what most struggling relationships are actually missing, and walks through three specific, learnable steps he's used with couples over 30 years. And the good news is that most relationships aren't broken. They're just missing a few things that can be learned.Key Takeaways:Anger is like a leak in a boat. You can try harder, communicate better, go on more dates. But if the anger isn't dealt with first, you're fighting a losing battle.When one partner walks on eggshells, real intimacy becomes impossible. You can't be close to someone you're slightly afraid of, and unmanaged anger is almost always at the root of it.Most people think "communicate better" means express yourself more clearly. The more important half is listening, really listening, not just waiting for your turn.The fastest way to change the dynamic in a relationship is for one person to genuinely start listening to understand rather than listening to respond. It changes everything.The Magic Six Hours (a concept from relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman) shows that just six hours of small, intentional connection per week is enough to transform a relationship over time.Simple isn't the same as easy. These steps take real commitment. But in 30 years of working with couples, Alastair has seen them transform relationships people had almost given up on.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support reducing conflict and building a calmer, more loving relationship:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
- Apr 19, 202611 min
181 - Feeling Anger Rising? These 3 Exercises Can Stop It in Its Tracks
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three practical mindfulness tools you can reach for the moment you feel anger starting to build. Whether it's a comment that lands wrong, a situation that spirals or just one too many things going sideways in a single day, these tools work when things are heating up, not just when everything is already calm.Rather than offering a generic "take a deep breath" and leaving it there, Alastair explains exactly how each tool works, why it works and how to use it in real life. And the good news is that none of these require any prior experience with mindfulness.Key Takeaways:Mindfulness isn't meditation retreats or cushions. It's simply the practice of being present. And that tiny gap between what you feel and what you do is exactly where anger management happens.Deep breathing works,but most people aren't doing it correctly. Done properly, it sends a direct signal to your nervous system that the threat has passed, calming your body whether your mind wants to or not.Anger almost always shows up in your body before your awareness catches up. The body scan trains you to notice those early warning signs in time to do something about them.Mindful observation breaks the mental spiral that keeps anger burning. Focusing on a nearby object pulls your attention back to the present and softens the intensity of the emotion enough to respond rather than react.A lot of what fuels anger isn't the situation itself. It's the story your mind builds around it. Interrupting that narrative early is one of the most effective moves you can make.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support managing your anger in the moment and doing the deeper work to understand what's driving it:Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
- Apr 12, 202610 min
180 - Face-to-Face vs Online Anger Management - Which One Actually Works?
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs gives an honest, straight comparison of face-to-face and online anger management programs. Whether you've been Googling your options, looked at a few programs or just aren't sure where to start, this episode cuts through the confusion and helps you make a decision that actually moves you forward.Rather than giving a vague "it depends" answer, Alastair draws on 30 years of running both formats to tell you clearly which works better for most people and why. And the good news is that with the right format and the right support, change happens faster than most people expect.Key Takeaways:Face-to-face programs can be powerful — but retention is the real problem. When you learn something once a week, life takes over and most of it fades before the next session.Online programs work because of repetition. You can pause, rewind and revisit lessons until things stop being ideas and start becoming habits you actually live by.In a face-to-face group, you learn alone and go home to a partner with no context. Online, many couples go through the program together, and that shared understanding changes everything.Research backs this up. A Swedish study found that a well-designed online anger management program reduced anger and aggression significantly, with results better than traditional face-to-face interventions.The best program is the one you'll actually complete. If you need the accountability of showing up somewhere in person each week, face-to-face may still be the right fit for you.Whatever format you choose, the most important decision is to start now. Anger doesn't tend to improve on its own. But with the right tools, it changes faster than most people expect.Resources & Next Steps:If you'd like support choosing the right path and taking your first step toward controlling your anger:Visit angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
- Apr 5, 202614 min
179 - Why Anger Management Doesn't Work - And What To Do Instead
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven of the most common anger management mistakes that keep people stuck, even when they're genuinely trying to change. Whether you've read all the books, tried breathing exercises or sat through a course or two, this episode explains why the effort often doesn't stick and what to do differently starting today.Rather than offering surface-level fixes, Alastair goes deeper - looking at the root causes of why anger keeps coming back and giving you practical, honest tools to finally break the pattern. And the good news is that recognising these mistakes is often all it takes to start seeing real change.Key Takeaways:Most anger management treats the symptoms, not the root cause. Until you address what you're thinking, not what's happening, you'll keep fighting the same battle.Suppressing anger doesn't make it disappear. It builds. Learning to catch it early and deescalate is far more effective than pushing it down.When you blame others for your anger, you hand them all the power. Taking responsibility for your own responses is one of the most liberating shifts you can make.Anger doesn't arrive out of nowhere. Your body gives you signals before things escalate. Learning to notice them gives you a window to make a different choice.Negative self-talk pours fuel on the fire. Shifting from "I can't handle this" to "This is hard, but I've handled hard things before" can be the difference between escalating and staying in control.Rigid expectations about people or about life create a relentless sense that everyone is letting you down. Loosening that grip creates more peace than most people expect.Trying to change deep-seated patterns alone is genuinely difficult. The right support makes change happen far faster than most people ever expect.Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support working through any of these patterns and building calmer, more loving relationships:Visit angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
- Mar 29, 202610 min
178 - 7 Signs You Have an Anger Problem - And What to Do
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through seven signs that anger may be a real problem in your life - and what you can do about it. Whether it's a short fuse, constant irritability or a partner who walks on eggshells around you, these signs are worth taking seriously. And the good news is that recognising them is the first step toward change.This episode is for anyone who suspects their anger is affecting their relationships, their wellbeing or the people they love most, but isn't quite sure where to start.Key Takeaways:Anger itself isn't the problem. The problem is when it starts expressing itself in ways that hurt you or the people around you.Your body knows you're angry before your mind does. Learning to read your physical warning signs early is often the difference between staying in control and losing it.Regularly regretting what you say or do after an anger episode is a clear signal your anger is getting ahead of you.Holding grudges hurts you more than anyone else. Forgiveness benefits the person who gives it far more than the person who receives it.If your partner walks on eggshells around you, that's a sign - and it's fixable, faster than most people expect.Constant low-level irritability is often anger simmering beneath the surface. Gratitude is a genuine and practical antidote.If someone who cares about you has told you that you have an anger problem, take it seriously. It took courage for them to say it.Resources & Next Steps:If you'd like to understand whether anger is an issue for you:Take the free Anger Quiz: angersecrets.com/anger-quizVisit: angersecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
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About Anger Secrets
The Anger Secrets podcast is a weekly show that covers everything you need to know about anger management. Hosted by Anger Expert Alastair Duhs, this podcast offers valuable tips, techniques and strategies for controlling your anger, mastering your emotions and creating calmer, happier and more loving relationships. The Anger Secrets podcast is perfect for anyone who is looking for proven tools and techniques to control their anger and create calmer, happier and more respectful relationships with those they love. If you're ready to learn how to control your anger and live the calmer, happy and more respectful life you want, this podcast is for you. Join us on the journey to anger management mastery today!For more information on how to control your anger, visit AngerSecrets.com.
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