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Welcome to Three Percent. This is your space if you’re on a journey of pursuing holistic masculinity, growing your emotional awareness, and cultivating deeper relationships and an authentic faith. We’re here to provide evidence-based guidance and proven strategies drawn from our experiences as therapists, friends, and mentors.We aren’t here to give you gimmicks or superficial “hacks.” We’re not telling you who to be, we're helping you uncover what gets in the way of being the man you want to be and offering you the authentic tools needed for tangible growth.
Latest Episodes
The most recent episodes — sign up to get AI-powered summaries of each one.
- 6 days ago30 min
The Uncomfortable Truth About People Pleasing
What if your people pleasing isn't really about being kind? What if it's actually about protecting yourself from rejection, conflict, or disappointment? People pleasing often looks like kindness, generosity, and selflessness. But beneath the surface, it can be driven by fear, a need for control, and a habit of abandoning our own needs to keep others comfortable. In this episode of the Three Percent Podcast, therapists and best friends Jamie and Blake explore the uncomfortable truth about people pleasing—and why being nice isn't always the same as being kind. With Thanksgiving and the holidays approaching, they discuss how people pleasing shows up in family expectations, relationships, boundaries, and the pressure to keep everyone happy. **In this episode:** - Why people pleasing can actually be self-protective - The surprising connection between people pleasing and narcissistic tendencies - How selflessness becomes self-abandonment - Why people pleasers often struggle with resentment and suppressed anger - How childhood experiences shape our need for approval - The difference between being nice and being genuinely kind - Why setting boundaries can feel so threatening - Small ways to begin breaking the cycle This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation. In Part 2, Jamie and Blake will explore practical ways to begin recovering from people pleasing patterns. **A question to consider:** Are you being honest about what you need, or are you managing everyone else's emotions so you don't have to face your own discomfort? Subscribe for honest conversations about relationships, attachment, emotional health, and the 3% that keeps us stuck. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
- 1 weeks ago1h 22m
Why You Feel Abandoned in Relationships | Jimmy Knowles
Why do we keep repeating the same relationship patterns, even when we desperately want things to change? In this episode of The Three Percent Podcast, Jamie and Blake sit down with Jimmy Knowles (Jimmy on Relationships) for an honest, funny, and surprisingly vulnerable conversation about marriage, anxious and avoidant attachment, emotional safety, and the patterns that keep us disconnected. Jimmy opens up about his own marriage nearly ending, what he's learned about his anxious attachment, and why even people who desperately want connection can struggle to create it. Together, they explore: Why anxious and avoidant partners often get stuck in painful cycles How people-pleasing can become self-abandonment Why emotional safety doesn't mean avoiding discomfort The difference between expressing a feeling and making an accusation How defensiveness can derail a conversation in just three sentences What it actually takes to repair conflict and rebuild connection Why healthy relationships require both partners to show up Whether you're married, dating, or trying to understand your own relationship patterns, this conversation offers practical insights into creating healthier, more connected relationships. Follow Jimmy Knowles (Jimmy on Relationships): Website: https://jimmyonrelationships.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/jimmy_on_relationships YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCaehsa75y02rDJW1oPom-Xw Subscribe for more honest conversations about emotional health, relationships, and the 3% that keeps us stuck. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
- 2 weeks ago35 min
Why Knowing Your Patterns Isn't Enough | The Field Guide Pt. 3
You know your patterns. You understand where they came from. So why is it still so hard to change? In Part 3 of The Three Percent Field Guide, Jamie and Blake explore what it actually takes to move from self-awareness to meaningful change. Recognizing our hidden fears, shame, unmet needs, and protective behaviors is important. But awareness is only the beginning. Real change requires intentional action, vulnerability, and safe relationships. In this episode, we explore: - Why understanding your patterns doesn't automatically change them - How our protective behaviors can keep us disconnected - Why vulnerability feels dangerous, even with people we trust - The difference between awareness and action - Why self-care isn't selfishness - How connection and community help us change - Practical steps toward sharing your 3% You don't have to reveal everything at once. You don't have to make a dramatic breakthrough. Sometimes the most meaningful progress begins with one small, honest step. This is the third installment of our Field Guide series, an ongoing exploration of the ideas behind the book we're writing. **Part 1:** The 3% That Happened to You **Part 2:** The 3% That Lives in You Now **Part 3:** What We Do With Our 3% Moving Forward If this conversation resonates with you, consider sharing it with someone you trust and starting a conversation of your own. Subscribe for honest conversations about emotional health, relationships, shame, vulnerability, and the parts of ourselves we tend to keep hidden. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
- 3 weeks ago51 min
Your Kids Don't Need a Perfect Dad | Strider Patton (Dad Braids)
What if being a great dad has less to do with getting everything right—and more to do with being willing to show up imperfectly? In this episode of the Three Percent Podcast, we sit down with Strider Patton, the artist and father behind Dad Braids, a community that began with a simple desire to connect more deeply with his daughter by learning to do her hair. But this conversation goes far beyond braiding. We explore what it really means to be present as a father, why play can be difficult for adults, how our own childhood experiences shape the way we parent, and why embracing imperfection might be one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. We talk about: - Presence versus perfection in parenting - How play builds connection between parents and children - The relationship between childhood experiences and adult fatherhood - Why embarrassment and vulnerability can lead to deeper connection - How the way we speak to ourselves influences our children's inner voices - Learning to embrace imperfection instead of hiding it Whether you're a dad, a mom, or simply someone learning to be more present in your relationships, this conversation is for you. Subscribe to Three Percent for conversations about emotional health, relationships, healing, and becoming more fully yourself. **CONNECT WITH STRIDER PATTON** **Dad Braids** – Tutorials, resources, and inspiration for dads connecting with their daughters through hair braiding. https://www.dadbraids.com/ **Dad Braids Instagram** https://www.instagram.com/dad.braids/ **The Rabbit Hole Children's Theater** – Inspiring creativity, imagination, and play in children. https://www.therabbitholetheater.com/ **Strider Patton – Art & Creative Work** https://www.striderpatton.com/ #ThreePercentPodcast #DadBraids #Fatherhood #Parenting #PresentParenting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
- Oct 5, 202645 min
How Your Past Is Still Showing Up | The Field Guide Pt. 2
What happened to you is in the past. But what did it leave behind? In Part 2 of The Field Guide series, Jamie and Blake explore “the 3% that’s in you now”—the ways past wounds and experiences continue to shape how you show up today. They look at four places where that 3% can live: your body, your beliefs, your relationships, and your behavior. Why can it be easier to explain what you think than notice what you’re actually feeling? Why do old protective strategies keep showing up in relationships that are different from the ones where those strategies were formed? And how can talking about your pain sometimes become another way of staying disconnected from it? Jamie and Blake discuss self-abandonment, resentment, intellectualizing, shame, nervous-system responses, compassion, and the difference between asking “What’s wrong with me?” and becoming curious about “What’s going on within me?” But this isn’t only an inventory of what needs to change. They also turn toward the other 97%—the strengths, gifts, beauty, and goodness already present that deserve to be noticed and celebrated. This is Part 2 of The Field Guide, a series exploring the framework behind the book Jamie and Blake are currently writing. Keep showing up. You’re worth it. 00:52 The Field Guide: Part 2 02:00 The 3% That's in You Now 06:23 Four Ways Your Past Shows Up Today 08:15 Why We Disconnect From Our Bodies 11:14 How Your Body Learned to Keep You Safe 15:07 Selflessness vs. Self-Abandonment 18:19 Shame, Rage & Protective Parts 20:50 Why We Need Other People to Heal 23:37 Your Body Can Reveal What You Believe 25:37 Stop Asking “What's Wrong With Me?” 28:06 Talking About It Isn't Always Feeling It 30:20 Intellectualizing Your Pain 32:10 Content vs. Process in Relationships 34:47 Don't Forget the Other 97% 38:30 What Is Already Good in You? 40:54 An Honest Self-Assessment 43:11 “You're Not a Good Writer” 43:44 Keep Showing Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
- Sep 28, 20261h 16m
Family Estrangement: Is Cutting Them Off Really the Answer? | Matthias Barker
Family estrangement between parents and adult children is rarely simple. When a family relationship has caused real hurt, is cutting contact the healthiest choice—or can reconciliation still be possible? In this episode of Three Percent, Jamie and Blake sit down with therapist Matthias Barker for a nuanced conversation about family estrangement, strained parent-child relationships, forgiveness, boundaries, reconciliation, and relationship repair. Matthias explores what can happen when therapy, social media, family culture, and our own need for healing give us different ideas about what a healthy relationship should look like. They discuss when distance may be necessary, why an apology isn't always the same thing as healing, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, rebuilding trust, resentment and justice, and how parents and adult children can begin taking small steps toward repair. There aren't easy answers here—and that's the point. Whether you're an adult child struggling with your relationship with a parent, a parent experiencing estrangement from an adult child, or simply trying to understand a difficult family relationship, this conversation offers a more nuanced way to think about healing, boundaries, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
- Sep 14, 20261h 6m
How Your Attachment Strategy Shaped Your Picture of God with Geoff Holsclaw pt. 2
What if the way you relate to God has less to do with your theology — and everything to do with your attachment strategy? Dr. Geoff Holsclaw is back, and this time the conversation goes somewhere none of them planned. In part one, Geoff laid out the attachment landscapes — the desert, the jungle, the war zone, and the pasture — and gave listeners a way to see themselves in their relational patterns. This episode takes that framework somewhere more personal: straight into the room where faith lives. How does your attachment strategy shape your picture of God? And what does it actually look like to move toward something more secure — not just with people, but with Him? KEY TAKEAWAYS How your attachment strategy shapes your picture of God — the difference between compensation and correspondence Why anxious/jungle people and avoidant/desert people often end up in the same church frustrated with each other for completely opposite reasons Why deconstruction is sometimes just dragging God into your insecure attachment landscape — and why that's worth sitting with How stoicism and trauma-informed therapy are two sides of the same insecure coin in our current cultural moment CHAPTERS Cold open: am I always trying to do it right with God? Welcoming Geoff back — and what we left on the table in part one The question this episode is built around: how does your attachment strategy shape your picture of God? Compensation vs. correspondence — two ways your childhood gets projected onto God Why people with insecure attachment tend to have the big crisis conversion Jungle spirituality: hyper-focused on whether God showed up in worship Desert spirituality: as long as I check the right boxes, God and I are good When desert people and jungle people attend the same church Blake: how losing the emotional spiritual experience left him skeptical of everyone who still has one Jamie: how his desert strategy built a faith with no room to receive — until it wasn't Secure attachment as balanced attachment: holding cognitive and social-emotional together We're always trying to drag God into our landscape — and He's always drawing us into the pasture Deconstruction as a way of making God match your insecure attachment style The rise of stoicism and trauma-informed therapy: two insecure extremes of the same cultural moment How to know if you're pulling God into your landscape vs. being invited into the pasture Jamie on experiencing God as Friend before Father — and why that path is valid God met me in the desert too: why you don't have to throw away the gifts from your old landscape Geoff: 26 years into marriage, he just started asking his wife, "Can I share my heart with you?" The secret pain of high performers: everyone thinks you have it together, and inside you're terrified you're a fraud Where's the growth edge? Running new experiments — that's what faith actually is The Attachment to God Summit and where to find Geoff LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Part 1 — Geoff Holsclaw on the Attachment Landscapes: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4TwXYm72Fprc7Bu2Xu6EZV?si=243a17fc5134416d Geoff Holsclaw's Website — Center for Embodied Faith: https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ Landscapes of the Soul (book by Geoff & Sid Holsclaw): https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ The Attachment to God Summit (fall): https://www.embodiedfaith.life/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Geoff Holsclaw, attachment to God, attachment landscapes, desert spirituality, jungle spirituality, secure attachment, faith, deconstruction, stoicism, trauma, embodied faith, Landscapes of the Soul, men's mental health, holistic masculinity, spiritual formation, running new experiments, pasture, healing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
- Sep 7, 20261h 1m
Permission to Talk About It — Suicide, Shame, and Stay with Jen Butler
What if the most dangerous thing we can do around suicide isn't talking about it — but refusing to? September is Suicide Awareness Month, and Jamie and Blake are kicking it off with someone they describe as the most accessible voice on this topic they've ever encountered: Jen Butler — real talk writer, comedian, and author of Volume Control — who has spent years refusing to let shame keep this conversation small. Both Blake and Jamie share openly from their own stories in this episode. Blake attempted suicide at 17. Jamie has experienced passive suicidality. Jen has had multiple attempts, multiple psych ward stays, and years of addiction underneath it all. And yet somehow this episode is also funny. Warm. Honest in a way that makes you feel less alone rather than more afraid. Jen traces her story from a heartbreak at 14 in a Burger King parking lot, to a cancer diagnosis at 22 and the narcotic pain pills that followed, to two psych ward stints, breast implant illness, disordered eating, and finally — sobriety, courtesy of a poet with a man bun. She talks about what it took to write Volume Control — a choose-your-own-emotional-regulation guidebook she built over six years by writing letters to her future self from her darkest places — and previews her next book, Stay, which publishers keep loving and refusing at the same time, because the word suicide makes everyone nervous. The irony is not lost on her. If you've ever had the thought that you just didn't want to be here anymore — or you love someone who has — this episode will give you language, permission, and a little bit of relief. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why not talking about suicide is the most dangerous thing we can do — not the other way around How suicidality is really just one expression of a universal human instinct: discomfort is loud, we want comfort Why a suicide attempt doesn't automatically lead to a shift — and what actually has to change What "the volume turned up on life" means and why some people feel everything louder than others How Jen built Volume Control — six years of letters to her future self, organized by emotional state CHAPTERS Cold open: the reason I got sober was a poet with a man bun Kicking off Suicide Awareness Month — and why Jen is the perfect guest Introducing Jen Butler: real talk writer, comedian, not afraid of the dark stuff Volume turned up on life: what it's like to feel everything louder than everyone else First thoughts of suicide at 14 — heartbreak, a Burger King parking lot, and no language for the pain Cancer at 22, pain pills, and finding the blend that numbed the discomfort First attempt at 23 — and why getting a clean bill of health was the trigger Being a victim is cozy — Jen, Jamie, and Blake on the seductive comfort of that identity Blake shares his own attempt at 17 and what was underneath it Suicidality as binary thinking — the same switch that fires at a bad job or a rough relationship The psych ward experience, and why leaving didn't change anything Getting sober at 27 — and then three years of white-knuckling through breast implant illness Writing letters to future Jen — the six-year origin story of Volume Control How to use Volume Control: zero through 11, the feely-wheely, and a choose-your-own-adventure table of contents Stay — the new book, the subtitle, and the publishing world's fear of the word suicide Platforms, shadowbans, and why even the word gets blurred like a photo of a... you know Veterans, police, and the career cost of asking for help Why getting help is treated as proof you're a liability — and why that's backwards Self-publishing, crowdfunding, and why Jen is done asking permission In the time of this episode, 83 people will have died by suicide LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Jen Butler's Website: https://www.jenbutlersays.com/ Jen Butler on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenbutlersays/ Volume Control by Jen Butler (buy the book): http://volumecontrolbook.com Free PDF from Stay — "Tricks for Rough Brain Days": sign up at https://jenbutlersays.kit.com/pdf-justfortoday 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 — https://988lifeline.org/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Jen Butler, Volume Control, Stay, suicide awareness, suicide prevention, suicidality, mental health, men's mental health, addiction, recovery, sobriety, emotional regulation, trauma, shame, stigma, veterans mental health, self-publishing, holistic masculinity, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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About Three Percent
Welcome to Three Percent. This is your space if you’re on a journey of pursuing holistic masculinity, growing your emotional awareness, and cultivating deeper relationships and an authentic faith. We’re here to provide evidence-based guidance and proven strategies drawn from our experiences as therapists, friends, and mentors.We aren’t here to give you gimmicks or superficial “hacks.” We’re not telling you who to be, we're helping you uncover what gets in the way of being the man you want to be and offering you the authentic tools needed for tangible growth.
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