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The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Kate Anthony, CPCC
Should you stay or should you go? And if you decide to leave, how do you protect yourself, your children, and your future? The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast cuts through the confusion, fear, and overwhelm of marriage and divorce to give women the knowledge, strategies, and confidence to make decisions on their own terms. Hosted by Kate Anthony, bestselling author of The D Word and nationally recognized divorce coach, this podcast tackles the realities of marriage, separation, and divorce with honesty, expertise, and an unapologetically feminist perspective. Through candid conversations and expert interviews, Kate explores emotional abuse, toxic relationships, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, coercive control, high-conflict divorce, divorce strategies, child-centered co-parenting, and rebuilding your life after divorce. Whether you're questioning your marriage, preparing to leave, or navigating the legal and emotional challenges of divorce, you'll gain the clarity, practical tools, and expert guidance to advocate for yourself and create a future on your own terms.
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- Today27 min
Episode 392: Kate On: When Family Lawyers Push Back on Parenting Plans
There's something happening in the world of divorce right now that I find incredibly frustrating. Many women are spending huge amounts of time, energy, and often money building thoughtful parenting plans. They're planning for the problems that come with raising children alongside someone who has shown over and over again that cooperation isn't their strong suit. Then they take those plans to their attorneys and hear, "This is way too detailed. The judge is never going to sign off on this." This episode is not one that has the answers to this problem. What it is is a call to start asking better questions. These parenting plans come from experience. They're written in soft, reasonable language, and they're meant to prevent problems that have already happened in these families. When one parent has used disagreement to keep control, every issue left open for later negotiation becomes another way back into conflict. So if we're telling parents to anticipate problems, protect their children, and set clear expectations, why are we pushing back when they do exactly that? I'll be digging into this a lot more in the coming weeks, in future conversations and episodes. In the meantime, I want to hear from you. If you've built a detailed parenting plan and been told it was too much, come find me on Instagram and tell me what happened. If you're a family law attorney listening, help me understand what I'm missing. And if you're in the middle of this right now, I've opened single Sanity Saver sessions to everyone through Sunday, November 15th. You don't need a package or a membership. What you'll hear about in this episode Why women who have lived through broken agreements and manipulation want as little room for interpretation as possible How ongoing conflict after separation isn't a side effect of poor communication but the very purpose of coercive control The difference between a provision that's legally impermissible, one a judge may not approve, and one the other parent simply won't agree to Why flexibility and specificity aren't mutually exclusive, and how a plan can include procedures for handling change Whether a focus on resolving the immediate case is coming at the cost of a family's long-term needs Resources & Links: Book Your Sanity Saver Session with Kate Today (Limited Time Offer through Nov 15, 2026) Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Unbreakable Retreat The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Private Coaching Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDIN
- 1 weeks ago48 min
Episode 391: Learning to Trust Your Intuition with Chel Cartmill
Today we're talking about intuition, betrayal, and the kind of subtle control that can be so hard to name. So many women sense that something is wrong in their relationship but talk themselves out of it because they can't point to anything obvious enough to prove it. When I was trying to make sense of the emotional abuse in my marriage, every example I found online was something my ex-husband was far too smart to ever say out loud. Subtle control doesn't look like name-calling or threats. It looks like passive-aggressive comments, plans that suddenly change, and a moving target we can never quite reach. And yet, I don't know many women who look back and say their gut was wrong. We've just been trained, and gaslit, into ignoring it. My guest, Chel Cartmill, is a next chapter transition specialist who has been coaching since 2007, guiding men and women through divorce, grief, broken relationships, and the longing for a fuller life. She uses tools like emotional regulation, breathwork, and embodiment work to help clients quiet the spiral, trust their own judgment, and break old patterns. She's also the author of Spider on My Neck, a story of deception, betrayal, and the physical warning sign she spent years explaining away. Together, we unpack a passage from Chel's book about the endless search for the right combination of behaviors that might unlock the husband she thought she married. When I read it, I thought, this is the story of every single one of my clients. We also talk about how to trust our intuition again, and why doing the work and healing matters before stepping into the next relationship. As Chel puts it, every repeated pattern is an "opportunity to spot it, to know, to grow." What you'll hear about in this episode How the "spider on my neck" became Chel's warning signal, and why the body's early alarms are so easy to explain away Why the whole abuse cycle is the relationship, not just the reconciliation phase we keep trying to get back to How covert aggression and subtle control create crazy-making that no one outside the marriage can see How to tell kids it's okay to love their dad while naming his behavior as not okay How Chel runs an "intuition check" in her marriage now, and why curiosity rather than judgment is the way through Learn more about Chel Cartmill: Chel Cartmill helps people find their footing when life looks different than they expected, or different than they want it to. As a Next Chapter Transition Specialist with coaching experience since 2007, she guides men and women through divorce, grief in all its forms, broken relationships and the longing for a fuller life – stronger relationships, a steadier sense of self and a deeper connection to what matters. Chel's work goes beyond conversation to deliver the tangible results clients actually come for: the ability to quiet the thoughts spiral, trust their own judgment and move forward with real clarity. Her "how-to" approach equips people to break old patterns, get out of their heads and into their bodies, helping many find their voice for the first time. By teaching practical tools like emotional regulation, breathwork, mindfulness and embodiment work, she partners alongside every client as a neutral observer, encourager and compassionate guide – direct, judgment-free and present through the whole process. Chel holds multiple advanced certifications, including Trauma-Informed Master Coach, Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), Reset Breathwork Facilitator, Grief Coach, and Divorce Coach. She is the author of Spider on My Neck, her debut book releasing this July. She lives in Florida with her husband and their German Shorthaired Pointer, and is never happier than when she is surrounded by family, out on the water, up in the mountains, or discovering a place she has never been before. Resources & Links: Unbreakable Retreat The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Private Coaching Focused Strategy Sessio
- 2 weeks ago42 min
Episode 390: AI Armor: Using AI to Protect Yourself in a High-Conflict Divorce with Rina Rosewell
Can AI help women protect themselves in a high-conflict divorce? Many women are already using it to respond to their exes, while others are cautious of it, worried their history could be subpoenaed. So I invited Rina Rosewell to the show to talk about some of the topics covered in her book, AI ARMOR: Your Digital Defense Solution for Coparenting with a Narcissist. Rina has thought deeply about how survivors can use AI well, and also where it can go wrong. Together, we talk about why so much of what we read online now sounds like AI, why a chatbot that tells people what they want to hear is a narcissist's dream, and how AI can make an abuser's messages sound smoother and more reasonable even though his actions don't change. Rina also shares the prompts she's created to help women step out of fear, respond strategically, and translate their experiences into what she calls "judgish," the language judges are more apt to respond to. Finally, we dig into the challenge of being authentic and strategic at the same time in court, which Rina calls the worst game of Twister ever. The bottom line is that AI can be a powerful ally for survivors, but only when they know how to use it well and understand its limits. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why a translator and copywriter, not a tech expert, was the right person to write a book about AI for survivors How AI can help women practice for the questions they'll face in court or from a custody evaluator What goes into Rina's two-page "Yellow Rock" prompt, and why most prompts fall flat What survivors should know about discovery and confidentiality, and why fear of their ChatGPT history being used against them shouldn't keep women from getting help How asking AI "Where am I going wrong?" can help sharpen critical thinking Learn more about Rina Rosewell: Rina Rosewell knows what it's like when your ex turns every text message into a battlefield. As a CDC Certified Divorce Coach and High-Conflict Coach, she's spent years helping post-separation abuse survivors find their footing after leaving coercively controlling partners. She wrote AI ARMOR: Your Digital Defense Solution for Coparenting with a Narcissist to solve a real problem: what do you do at 2 a.m. when your ex sends another manipulative message and your brain shuts down? You use AI. Rina holds an MA in Advanced Language Skills with a thesis focused on judicial interpretation, and brings 20+ years of experience as a professional translator and copywriter. She understands better than most how language is used as both a weapon and a lifeline in high-conflict family court situations. She moderates a private local Facebook support community for moms, writes a weekly newsletter to inspire and empower victims of post-separation abuse, and works with clients across Canada and beyond. Resources & Links: Unbreakable Retreat The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Private Coaching Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Rina's website Rina's book, AI Armor Rina o
- 3 weeks ago48 min
Episode 389: Kate On: When You're the One Who Gets Left
What happens when you're the one who gets left? More specifically, what happens when the end of your marriage comes with a level of betrayal you never imagined possible from the person you trusted most, the person you thought you were building a life with? A listener wrote about her own similar experience, and it made me realize how little attention we give this side of divorce on the show. So this week, I'm taking it on, and then some. Some women never wanted their marriages to end. They were planning a future while their husbands were quietly consulting attorneys, moving money, or carrying on affairs, all while insisting everything was fine. And sometimes the truth arrives at the precise moment a woman is least equipped to handle it. In this solo episode, I take on how a husband who claims he wants things amicable can manufacture one emergency after another, and why early legal support matters so much when shock has a woman in survival mode. I also look at spousal support when the higher-earning wife was carrying the household too, and why what's legal, what's fair, and what's moral are not always the same thing. What you'll hear about in this episode How "I just want this to be amicable" can mask an aggressive campaign, and why chaos becomes leverage What happens when a woman is left during a serious illness, and how differently we value women's caregiving versus men's Why spousal support exists, and what happens when the higher-earning wife was also doing most of the unpaid labor How earning capacity can come into play, and why legal fairness and lived fairness can feel worlds apart Why closure may never come from the person who caused the harm, and how to grieve without being rushed into an empowerment story Resources & Links: Unbreakable Retreat The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Private Coaching Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================
- 4 weeks ago43 min
Episode 388: It's Not About the Alcohol: Emotional Sobriety and Divorce with Colleen Freeland
Today we're talking about drinking, emotional sobriety, and what both have to do with navigating divorce. I've shared my own sobriety journey on the show before, including how heavily I relied on alcohol to cope with trauma I didn't yet have the words to describe. At the time, drinking felt like the easiest way to get through it. Looking back, I wish I'd had better tools, and that's exactly why I wanted to have this conversation. My guest, Colleen Freeland, is an Intuitive Drinking Coach and host of the globally top-ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast. She founded Emotional Sobriety Coaching to help high-achieving professional women reduce their alcohol consumption by 80% without relying on willpower or deprivation. Her approach combines neuroscience, cognitive reframing, and spirituality to help women change their relationship with alcohol. She's also been through divorce twice, so she brings both professional expertise and personal experience to this conversation. Together, we unpack mommy wine culture and how drinking has become such a normalized response to the stress and overwhelm women experience. Colleen challenges the idea that overdrinking is about overindulgence, arguing instead that it's often a symptom of self-neglect. We explore what emotional sobriety actually looks like, how to distinguish fear from intuition, and why the emotional state we're in when making decisions about our marriages matters. And we talk about what happens when women stop numbing their feelings and start paying attention to what those feelings are telling them. As Colleen jokes, her future swag might just say, "Emotionally sober. Warning: May cause divorce." What you'll hear about in this episode When drinking shifts from something we do for enjoyment to something we rely on to manage stress, and how alcohol became "mommy's little helper" What emotional sobriety really means and how to stop being intoxicated by our own emotions Why quitting drinking doesn't automatically resolve shame, guilt, or perfectionism, and the emotional work that can remain How unresolved patterns can follow us into new relationships, even after we've left an unhappy marriage How to distinguish fear from intuition, and why intuition is an awareness rather than an immediate call to action Learn more about Colleen Freeland: Colleen Freeland is an Intuitive Drinking Coach and host of the globally top-ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast. Colleen founded Emotional Sobriety Coaching© for high achieving professional women who want to reduce alcohol consumption by 80 percent. She combines holistic and evidence-based strategies in Neurophysiology, Cognitive Reframing, and Spirituality to reprogram the mind and body - so you actually prefer drinking in moderation. Colleen secretly struggled with Alcohol Use Disorder for over 20 years before discovering that the solution to overdrinking is to get happy, not sober. She is an Addiction and Recovery-Certified Master Life Coach with an MSc in Health Coaching, a BS in Biology and Chemistry Education, and is certified as a Women's Functional and Integrative Health Professional. Resources & Links: Unbreakable Retreat Private Coaching Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook <li dir="ltr" aria-level="
- Oct 8, 202637 min
Episode 387: Kate On: The Cornell Case, Male Violence, and the Limits of Empathy
Content warning: This episode covers the Cornell 7 case and includes discussion of sexual assault, drugging, and how survivors are failed by the systems meant to protect them. "The conversation we should be having about the Cornell case isn't one about consent, it's one about entitlement." I have been trying to figure out what I want to say about the Cornell case that hasn't already been said. I'm angry, obviously, but mostly I'm just so weary. We have watched women come forward, watched them be doubted and doxxed, and watched powerful men continue to be powerful. I don't want to record another episode explaining consent. That's 101. We know. And if knowing hasn't changed enough, then maybe knowledge isn't the problem. We've spent a really long time treating a power problem as an empathy problem, and it's not getting us anywhere. Jane Doe alleges she was drugged and sexually assaulted by members of a Cornell fraternity in 2024, and one of the messages reportedly shared in the fraternity's Snapchat referred to her as "free pussy." In that phrase, she stops being a person and becomes something to be used. This all points to a question feminism has been circling for as long as feminism has existed. Who gets access to women? Not only to our bodies, but to our time, our labor, our attention, and our care. I don't believe these frat guys didn't understand consent. I think they understood it perfectly well. What we're looking at is entitlement, and entitlement is about power. In this solo episode, I talk about why women keep explaining our pain to people who already know, and why we keep selling women's freedom to men as something that's good for them too. Marriage is where so many of us see this play out most clearly. A woman spends years trying to get her husband to hear her, and the minute she asks for a divorce, he suddenly gets it. He always got it. What changed is that now it costs him something. And I think that's where feminism has to go next, from explaining to leveraging. What you'll hear about in this episode Why the Cornell case feels so wearying after Anita Hill, Kavanaugh, Epstein, and Me Too What "free pussy" reveals about who is entitled to access women Why entitlement is a power problem and education is a distraction from it Zawn Villines on household labor and why the arrangement works perfectly well for him Liz Plank on how the manosphere turned male loneliness into a grievance against women Why women's freedom should be enough, without needing male buy-in The difference between giving women tools and mistaking those tools for liberation Resources & Links: Unbreakable Retreat Private Coaching Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! <a href= "https://kateanthony.com/mindset-re
- Oct 1, 202637 min
Episode 386: The Divorce Paperwork You Can't Afford to Forget with Marni Blank
Today we're having a conversation that so many of us need to have but don't want to have, and that's end-of-life planning in the middle of a divorce. Divorce already comes with so many choices, and most of them feel urgent, so the paperwork that comes with planning for the end tends to fall through the cracks. But updating healthcare proxies, beneficiaries, and wills needs a place on that list too. My guest this week is here to help us feel a little more at ease and organized about all of it. Marni Blank is an End-of-Life & After-Loss Consultant and the founder of Begin With The End, a Brooklyn-based practice that helps people get their lives in order before a crisis forces the issue. Together, Marni and I walk through what actually needs updating, even in the thick of decision fatigue, from healthcare proxies and living wills to powers of attorney and guardianship. We also talk about why a spouse may still be the one making medical decisions if the divorce isn't final, and why naming an executor without asking first is a big ask. Doing this work now, while we're clear-headed, means we're not scrambling in the middle of grief or a crisis later. What you'll hear about in this episode: Where to start with updating paperwork after divorce, the documents and accounts beyond the obvious ones, and why it's never just paperwork The grief that comes with naming someone new as healthcare proxy after a spouse has held that role, and how to sit with that decision Beneficiaries, wills, trusts, and the other pieces worth revisiting while going through divorce, not just after it's final Why the people we choose for these roles need to be asked first, and what they're really signing up for How to think about our digital life and legacy, from legacy contacts to changing passwords Why so many newly divorced people don't want to think about the end when they're finally starting a new chapter, and why it's actually a good time to plan Learn more about Marni Blank: Marni Blank is an End-of-Life & After-Loss Consultant and the founder of Begin With The End, a practice that helps people get their affairs, their digital lives, and their wishes in order so the people they love aren't left guessing. A former attorney and trained mediator with training as an end-of-life doula and after-loss specialist, Marni came to this work after her parents' own health issues showed her how much most families haven't thought through, even the organized ones. Her clients include solo agers, sandwich-generation caregivers, people newly divorced or widowed, and executors working through an estate. She regularly speaks on topics related to death, dying and grief. Marni works virtually across the U.S. and in person around New York City. She writes The Hourglass, a weekly newsletter, and is the creator of the upcoming Plan Well Organizer, a guided system for getting your life documented in one place. She firmly believes that in order to live well today, we must plan well for tomorrow. She lives in Brooklyn with her labradoodle, Penny. Resources & Links: Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes a
- Sep 24, 202638 min
Episode 385: Kate On: Why You Miss Him After You Leave
"Why am I suddenly missing the person I worked so hard to leave?" A woman wrote to me recently with this question, and I know this is not an uncommon thing to feel. Many women know without a doubt they made the right decision. Yet, suddenly the desire to have the family back comes roaring back. In this episode, I'm unpacking why this happens, what might actually be driving it, and how to come back to the whole story when the heart is only showing part of it. Afterall, loneliness and grief are terrible historians. Sometimes it's another layer of grief. Sometimes it's attachment after 20 or 30 years together. If the relationship ran on cycles of cruelty followed by tenderness, there may be a trauma bond at work. I break down intermittent reinforcement, why co-parenting makes a clean break so hard, and why 12 minutes of charm in a school parking lot shouldn't be used to reconsider 20 years of data. Missing someone is information about our emotional experience, not evidence that anything about the relationship has changed. I hope this episode brings some perspective and clarity to a really confusing thing so many women feel. It's possible to build a life where pain doesn't have to be followed by reconciliation with the person who caused it. It's possible to miss someone and still choose yourself. What you'll hear about in this episode: How intermittent reinforcement works and why the nervous system becomes so accustomed to the cycle Breaking the attachment when going no contact isn't possible because of co-parenting Why patterns tell us more than moments, and how to start spotting them What real change looks like when seriously considering reconciliation The grief that can't be felt until after leaving, and why it doesn't mean go back What to do when the romanticizing starts, from referencing data you placed in your notes app to creating a relationship reality document Resources & Links: Private Coaching Unbreakable Retreat Kate Anthony's Complete Parenting Plan Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Strategy Toolkit Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective Kate on Instagram Kate on Facebook Kate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ===================
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About The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Should you stay or should you go? And if you decide to leave, how do you protect yourself, your children, and your future? The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast cuts through the confusion, fear, and overwhelm of marriage and divorce to give women the knowledge, strategies, and confidence to make decisions on their own terms. Hosted by Kate Anthony, bestselling author of The D Word and nationally recognized divorce coach, this podcast tackles the realities of marriage, separation, and divorce with honesty, expertise, and an unapologetically feminist perspective. Through candid conversations and expert interviews, Kate explores emotional abuse, toxic relationships, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, coercive control, high-conflict divorce, divorce strategies, child-centered co-parenting, and rebuilding your life after divorce. Whether you're questioning your marriage, preparing to leave, or navigating the legal and emotional challenges of divorce, you'll gain the clarity, practical tools, and expert guidance to advocate for yourself and create a future on your own terms.
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