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by Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler provides you with practical tools and spiritual principles to help you overcome whatever obstacles might be holding you back. Each episode, Christine coaches callers live on the air offering them inspiration and guidance to heal their past, change their present and create what they really want. Topics include: relationships, career, health, transitions, finances, life purpose, spirituality and whatever else callers have questions about. Christine coaches "regular people" on problems – and opportunities - we all face. It's a show that reminds you that you are not alone, while also teaching things you can implement in your own life.
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What if your habit of giving so much in relationships is actually preventing you from receiving the love and connection you desire? In this coaching session, Christine works with Emily, an empathetic woman and mother of two who recognizes a pattern of overgiving in relationships. Although she's become more aware of her people-pleasing tendencies, she struggles to change them without feeling like she's losing an important part of herself. As they explore Emily's childhood, Christine uncovers experiences of rejection by peers and emotional invalidation that taught her to seek belonging and approval through pleasing others. Being chosen became a way to feel worthy, safe, and accepted. But even after being chosen, Emily continued trying to earn love by giving more, anticipating others' needs, and putting her own feelings aside. Christine helps Emily recognize that overgiving and hyper-independence can stem from the same fear: rejection and being left alone. Rather than abandoning her natural empathy, Emily is encouraged to redirect some of that compassion toward herself. Together, they explore boundaries, self-worth, emotional safety, and why always being the person who's "fine" can actually prevent others from truly knowing and loving us. If you've ever felt responsible for everyone else's happiness, struggled to express your needs, or believed you had to earn love through giving, this episode offers a powerful reminder: You don't have to stop being generous to stop abandoning yourself. Consider / Ask Yourself Do you give because you genuinely want to, or because you're afraid someone won't choose you if you don't? Are you constantly anticipating other people's needs while overlooking your own? Do you struggle to express your feelings, ask for support, or set boundaries? Have experiences of rejection taught you to earn belonging by being helpful or low-maintenance? When you're hurting, do you acknowledge your emotions or immediately try to convince yourself you're fine? Are you allowing others to truly know you, or are you hiding behind the role of always being okay? Key Insights and A-Ha's Being empathetic and generous isn't the problem. The motivation behind giving and where that energy is directed matter. Childhood rejection can create a deep desire to be chosen, accepted, and included. When our feelings are dismissed growing up, we may learn to distrust our own emotional experiences. Overgiving and hyper-independence can be two different responses to the same fear of rejection. Continually earning someone's approval can prevent us from experiencing balanced, reciprocal relationships. Intellectualizing difficult emotions can repeat the emotional invalidation we experienced in childhood. Healthy boundaries don't make us selfish; they allow us to honor ourselves. Being the person who never needs anything can prevent others from offering genuine love and support. Self-awareness allows us to recognize protective patterns without confusing them with our personality. How to Deepen the Work When you notice yourself overgiving, ask: "Am I doing this from love, or because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't?" Practice slowing down in new relationships and observing whether the effort and care are reciprocal. Redirect your attention inward when you notice yourself constantly monitoring someone else's needs. Acknowledge difficult emotions instead of immediately analyzing or dismissing them. Practice asking for support and expressing your needs with people you trust. Notice moments when you're trying to be low-maintenance or always okay, and consider what you're afraid might happen if you were honest. Celebrate the progress you've already made in setting boundaries and caring for yourself. A Powerful Reframe: Overgiving Can Be a Way of Hiding One of the biggest breakthroughs in this conversation comes when Christine explains that overgiving can actually keep us from experiencing the intimacy we're trying to create. When we're always checking on others, anticipating their needs, and presenting ourselves as someone who doesn't need support, we may unintentionally prevent people from truly seeing us. Emily recognizes that she's already begun changing this pattern in her fe
What if your habit of giving so much in relationships is actually preventing you from receiving the love and connection you desire? In this coaching session, Christine works with Emily, an empathetic woman and mother of two who recognizes a pattern of overgiving in relationships. Although she's become more aware of her people-pleasing tendencies, she struggles to change them without feeling like she's losing an important part of herself. As they explore Emily's childhood, Christine uncovers experiences of rejection by peers and emotional invalidation that taught her to seek belonging and approval through pleasing others. Being chosen became a way to feel worthy, safe, and accepted. But even after being chosen, Emily continued trying to earn love by giving more, anticipating others' needs, and putting her own feelings aside. Christine helps Emily recognize that overgiving and hyper-independence can stem from the same fear: rejection and being left alone. Rather than abandoning her natural empathy, Emily is encouraged to redirect some of that compassion toward herself. Together, they explore boundaries, self-worth, emotional safety, and why always being the person who's "fine" can actually prevent others from truly knowing and loving us. If you've ever felt responsible for everyone else's happiness, struggled to express your needs, or believed you had to earn love through giving, this episode offers a powerful reminder: You don't have to stop being generous to stop abandoning yourself. Consider / Ask Yourself Do you give because you genuinely want to, or because you're afraid someone won't choose you if you don't? Are you constantly anticipating other people's needs while overlooking your own? Do you struggle to express your feelings, ask for support, or set boundaries? Have experiences of rejection taught you to earn belonging by being helpful or low-maintenance? When you're hurting, do you acknowledge your emotions or immediately try to convince yourself you're fine? Are you allowing others to truly know you, or are you hiding behind the role of always being okay? Key Insights and A-Ha's Being empathetic and generous isn't the problem. The motivation behind giving and where that energy is directed matter. Childhood rejection can create a deep desire to be chosen, accepted, and included. When our feelings are dismissed growing up, we may learn to distrust our own emotional experiences. Overgiving and hyper-independence can be two different responses to the same fear of rejection. Continually earning someone's approval can prevent us from experiencing balanced, reciprocal relationships. Intellectualizing difficult emotions can repeat the emotional invalidation we experienced in childhood. Healthy boundaries don't make us selfish; they allow us to honor ourselves. Being the person who never needs anything can prevent others from offering genuine love and support. Self-awareness allows us to recognize protective patterns without confusing them with our personality. How to Deepen the Work When you notice yourself overgiving, ask: "Am I doing this from love, or because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't?" Practice slowing down in new relationships and observing whether the effort and care are reciprocal. Redirect your attention inward when you notice yourself constantly monitoring someone else's needs. Acknowledge difficult emotions instead of immediately analyzing or dismissing them. Practice asking for support and expressing your needs with people you trust. Notice moments when you're trying to be low-maintenance or always okay, and consider what you're afraid might happen if you were honest. Celebrate the progress you've already made in setting boundaries and caring for yourself. A Powerful Reframe: Overgiving Can Be a Way of Hiding One of the biggest breakthroughs in this conversation comes when Christine explains that overgiving can actually keep us from experiencing the intimacy we're trying to create. When we're always checking on others, anticipating their needs, and presenting ourselves as someone who doesn't need support, we may unintentionally prevent people from truly seeing us. Emily recognizes that she's already begun changing this pattern in her fe
What if your biggest obstacle to finding the right partner isn't a lack of options—but a lack of trust in your own decisions? In this coaching session, Christine works with Victoria, a 34-year-old woman who deeply desires marriage and motherhood but feels increasing pressure to find the right partner before time runs out. Victoria has dated men who were interested in her, only to realize months later that the connection wasn't what she wanted. She often commits mentally too quickly, analyzes potential partners, and seeks reassurance from friends and family about whether she's making the right choice. As Christine explores Victoria's childhood, a deeper pattern emerges: making mistakes never felt safe. Victoria learned to rely on other people's approval to determine whether her choices were right, gradually disconnecting from her own intuition and discernment. Christine helps Victoria recognize the difference between being intentional about finding love and putting so much pressure on herself that dating becomes an exercise in avoiding mistakes. Rather than trying harder to find the perfect partner, Victoria is encouraged to slow down, stop outsourcing her decisions, and rebuild trust in her own judgment—one small choice at a time. If you've ever questioned your relationship decisions, worried about choosing the wrong person, or felt pressure to reach certain life milestones, this episode offers a powerful reminder: You don't build self-trust by always getting things right. You build it by trusting yourself to navigate whatever happens. Consider / Ask Yourself Are you approaching dating with intention or with pressure and urgency? Do you worry so much about choosing the wrong partner that you struggle to recognize genuine connection? Did making mistakes in childhood lead to shame, criticism, or disapproval? Do you rely on friends, family, or outside opinions to validate your relationship decisions? Are you more focused on finding what's wrong with someone than noticing how you genuinely feel around them? What would change if you trusted yourself to make decisions without needing reassurance? Key Insights and A-Ha's Wanting marriage, partnership, or children is a beautiful intention, but pressure can interfere with the process of finding love. Intentionality and urgency are not the same thing. Childhood experiences of criticism or shame can create a lifelong fear of making mistakes. When we learn to rely on external validation, we can lose touch with our own discernment. Overanalyzing potential partners may be a protective strategy against choosing incorrectly. Strong sexual chemistry doesn't necessarily mean someone is an emotionally aligned partner. Slowing down allows relationships to unfold before we mentally commit to a future with someone. Self-trust develops through making decisions, learning from mistakes, and trusting ourselves to handle the outcome. The goal isn't to eliminate mistakes. It's to stop believing that making one means something is wrong with us. How to Deepen the Work Notice where you're putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to reach a particular milestone. When dating someone new, slow down and allow the connection to develop before deciding they're your person. Practice making small everyday decisions without consulting friends, family, or outside sources. Before asking someone else's opinion, check in with your own feelings and intuition. Give yourself permission to make mistakes without interpreting them as failures. Notice when you're overthinking a decision because you're afraid of getting it wrong. Reflect on past relationships as opportunities to develop discernment rather than evidence that you've made poor choices. A Powerful Reframe: From External Validation to Self-Trust One of the biggest breakthroughs in this conversation comes when Victoria recognizes how often she looks outside herself for reassurance. Whether she's dating someone new, evaluating a relationship, or making everyday decisions, she frequently seeks confirmation that she's making the right choice. But Christine reminds her that self-trust cannot develop when we're consistently outsourcing our decisions. The invitation is to begin small. Choose what
What if the reason you're struggling to receive the masculine partnership you desire isn't because you haven't found the right man—but because part of you still believes you have to do everything yourself to be safe? In this deeply insightful coaching session, Christine works with Nicoletta, a divorced mother who has spent years navigating relationships where she never felt fully supported. Some partners were financially stable but emotionally unavailable, while others offered different qualities without providing the complete sense of partnership she desired. Now, after taking time away from dating and doing significant personal growth work, Nicoletta knows she wants something different: a relationship with healthy masculine and feminine polarity, where she can feel cherished, emotionally supported, and safe enough to receive rather than constantly lead. But underneath that desire is a deeply ingrained protective pattern. Growing up, Nicoletta learned to prove her worth through pleasing others, giving more, and becoming who she thought her family wanted her to be. As an adult, she continued those patterns in her marriage and relationships, often putting other people's needs ahead of her own. Christine helps Nicoletta recognize that her longing for a masculine partner may also reflect a deeper longing to finally feel supported in life—to step out of hypervigilance, over-functioning, and the exhausting belief that everything depends on her. As they explore childhood experiences of emotional neglect, heartbreak, and sexual trauma, another important truth emerges: surrender and vulnerability can feel frightening when being vulnerable has previously led to pain. Rather than encouraging Nicoletta to simply let her guard down, Christine offers a different starting point: reclaiming her discernment and learning to trust her own embodied wisdom. Together, they explore feminine energy, emotional safety, protective patterns, self-worth, vulnerability, and the difference between being attracted to masculine leadership and choosing a partner who can remain grounded, accountable, and emotionally safe when life becomes difficult. If you've ever longed for someone to take the lead but struggled to let go of control, or wondered why receiving support feels uncomfortable even when you deeply desire it, this conversation offers a compassionate path forward. Press play to discover how shifting from protection to discernment can help you create more room for the kind of healthy, conscious love you truly want. Consider / Ask Yourself Do you desire a partner who can lead and support you, yet find it difficult to surrender control? Did you learn early in life that you had to prove your worth or become someone else to receive love? Are you longing for masculine partnership—or also longing to step out of chronic over-functioning and hypervigilance? Does vulnerability feel unsafe because of experiences of heartbreak, abandonment, or betrayal? Are your relationship standards rooted in embodied wisdom, or are they sometimes a way to protect yourself from being hurt? Do you trust yourself to recognize a partner who is genuinely emotionally safe? Key Insights and A-Ha's Wanting a masculine partner may reflect a deeper desire to feel supported, safe, and free from constantly carrying everything alone. Childhood experiences can teach us that love must be earned through proving, pleasing, or performing. Protective strategies that once helped us survive can continue influencing how we approach relationships as adults. Knowing intellectually that we're worthy of love is different from fully embodying that belief. Surrender can feel threatening when our nervous system associates letting go with losing safety or stability. We may become more invested in avoiding what we fear than in actively moving toward what we desire. Vulnerability doesn't have to be the first step toward intimacy. Developing discernment and self-trust can come first. Having high standards is valuable, but requiring absolute certainty or perfection can sometimes become another form of protection. Healthy masculine energy involves more than leadership, attraction, or making plans. Emotional responsibility, accountability, and safety matter deeply. Healing isn't about fixing something broken within ourselves. It's about remembering who we are and learning to trust ourselves again. How to Deepen the Work <ul data-spread
What if the relationship patterns you've been trying so hard to change have actually been protecting you all along? In this special re-air episode, Christine revisits a powerful coaching conversation with Darletha, a woman who has spent years recognizing and working through patterns that keep her from experiencing the healthy, committed relationship she desires. Darletha knows she wants love, but when someone begins getting too close, she often finds herself pulling away. She notices red flags, questions compatibility, and eventually ends relationships before they can deepen. Despite years of therapy, reading, and personal growth, she's frustrated that awareness alone hasn't been enough to change the pattern. But Christine offers a surprising perspective: What if Darletha hasn't been sabotaging every relationship? What if some of those relationships genuinely weren't right for her? As they explore Darletha's childhood experiences of abandonment, rejection, and witnessing emotionally abusive relationships, Christine helps her understand why control, hypervigilance, and emotional distance became protective strategies. Together, they uncover the difference between fear-based avoidance and healthy discernment, the importance of reconnecting with the body, and how learning to feel safe expressing vulnerability can transform the way we experience intimacy. Rather than focusing exclusively on what's wrong or what needs to be fixed, Christine encourages Darletha to recognize how much progress she's already made. Her ability to identify unhealthy relationships, invest in herself, and begin expressing her emotions demonstrates strength, courage, and growing self-worth. If you've ever wondered why you keep attracting unavailable partners, why you pull away when intimacy develops, or whether your relationship standards are protecting you or holding you back, this conversation offers a compassionate new perspective. Press play to discover how understanding your protective patterns—without judging them—can help you create more safety, connection, and openness to healthy love. Consider / Ask Yourself Do you find yourself pulling away when someone begins getting emotionally close? Are you judging yourself for relationship patterns that may have originally developed to protect you? Have you confused genuine incompatibility with self-sabotage? Do you spend more time analyzing another person's behavior than noticing how you feel around them? Does being in control make you feel safer in relationships? Can you acknowledge how far you've come instead of focusing only on what you still want to change? Key Insights and A-Ha's Awareness of a relationship pattern is an important first step, but awareness alone doesn't necessarily heal the underlying wound. Childhood abandonment and rejection can create protective responses around intimacy, vulnerability, and trust. Not every relationship that ends is an example of self-sabotage. Sometimes discernment is helping us recognize genuine incompatibility. When we understand our wounds, we can become overly critical of ourselves and attribute every relationship challenge to our own patterns. Hypervigilance and the need for control are often attempts to protect ourselves from emotional pain. Constantly monitoring another person's behavior can disconnect us from our own emotions and bodily awareness. Healthy intimacy begins with learning to recognize, accept, and express our own feelings. Vulnerability is not weakness. It can be an important part of creating emotional safety and connection. We can recognize the protective purpose of old patterns while still learning new ways of relating. Healing happens through love, understanding, and compassion—not judgment. How to Deepen the Work When reflecting on a past relationship, distinguish between genuine incompatibility and moments when fear may have influenced your decisions. Instead of immediately analyzing someone's words or actions, ask yourself: "How do I actually feel around this person?" Notice whether your body feels relaxed, excited, anxious, guarded, or uncomfortable as you spend time with someone. Explore where your need for control originated and what you believe control is protecting you from. Practice expressing your feelings with emotionally safe people, even when vulne
In this episode, I'm sitting down with two women who went from struggling while single to calling in the love of their life. We talk honestly about what they learned about themselves, the patterns they couldn't see before, and what actually changed for them when it came to love and relationships. If you're a woman who deeply desires partnership with a man who can truly meet you, and you want to feel safe, seen, loved and fully yourself in your relationship, join my husband Stef and me for LOVE MAGNET, our free 3-day workshop. Join us at christinehassler.com/lovemagnet.
What if the reason love hasn't happened yet isn't because you're meant to be alone—but because part of you is still protecting you from the risk of losing it? In this deeply insightful coaching session, Christine works with Meredith, a 44-year-old woman who has built a full and fulfilling life. She's dated throughout adulthood, had long-term relationships, and created a career and life she enjoys. But she's never been married or engaged, and she's beginning to wonder: Do I actually want partnership anymore, or should I simply accept that this is my life? Yet underneath that question, the longing is still there. Meredith wants companionship, attraction, shared interests, and the feeling of coming home to someone. At the same time, her history has taught her that loving someone can mean losing them. Meredith suddenly lost her father when she was 13. Her mother was emotionally unavailable for many years, and just as their relationship eventually changed and Meredith began receiving more of the connection she needed, she lost her mother to cancer. Christine helps Meredith recognize the competing intentions operating beneath the surface: one part deeply desires love, while another part has learned that love is risky because the people you love can disappear. Rather than treating Meredith's relationship fears as evidence that she's broken or needs to fix herself before she can find love, Christine reframes them as protective parts doing exactly what they learned to do. The work isn't becoming perfectly healed before entering a relationship. It's understanding those parts, accepting them, and consciously deciding that love is worth the risk. Together, they explore grief, fear of loss, subconscious protection, self-acceptance, relationship insecurity, and why healing is very different from fixing yourself. If you've ever wondered whether you should give up on finding love, felt exhausted by the idea that you need to do more work on yourself before you're "ready," or found yourself simultaneously longing for intimacy and pulling away from it, this conversation offers a completely different perspective. Press play to discover what can shift when you stop asking, "What's wrong with me?" and begin telling yourself: "I'm willing to risk it for love." Consider / Ask Yourself Do you genuinely no longer desire partnership, or have you become discouraged after years of disappointment? Do you have one part that deeply wants intimacy while another part keeps its foot on the brake? Have experiences of grief, abandonment, or loss taught you that loving someone isn't safe? Are you afraid of the relationship itself—or are you actually afraid of losing the relationship? Do you believe you have to completely heal or fix yourself before you're worthy of healthy love? What happens inside your body when you say: "I'm willing to risk losing again to call in great love"? Key Insights and A-Ha's We can consciously desire something while subconscious protective parts are working hard to keep us from experiencing it. When it comes to competing intentions, the protective parts often win because they're wired toward survival. Meredith isn't necessarily afraid of love itself; she's afraid of experiencing love and then losing it. Sudden loss and emotional unavailability in childhood can create powerful subconscious associations between intimacy, instability, and grief. What we often label as insecurity may actually be fear that makes complete sense in the context of our history. You don't need to fully love every part of yourself before you're capable of receiving healthy love. Acceptance and compassion toward the parts of yourself you don't love can actually be powerful forms of self-love. Healing is different from fixing. Fixing assumes you're broken; healing involves understanding your wounds and protective patterns. You don't need to enter a relationship without any "scabs." You can take responsibility for your wounds while allowing someone to walk beside you. Part of healthy intimacy is accepting that loving another person always involves some degree of risk. The goal isn't to eliminate your desire for love so you won't be disappointed. It's learning to experience desire and longing without turning them into suffering. How to Deepen the Work Instead of asking whether you're desti
Growing up, Eliza learned that having a stable job meant you were doing well—and that people who didn't have one could be viewed as lazy or unable to get their lives together. She also missed an important developmental stage: the freedom to discover what she liked, who she was, and how she naturally wanted to express herself. Now, through raising her own children, Eliza has an opportunity to give herself something she didn't receive: permission to discover herself without pressure. Together, Christine and Eliza explore identity, people-pleasing, parenting, boundaries, self-worth, generational patterns, and the difference between who you truly are and the roles you play in the world. If you've ever thought, "I should know what I want by now," or felt ashamed because your career doesn't look the way you thought it would, this episode offers a powerful invitation: stop forcing yourself to have the answer and allow yourself to enter a season of discovery. Press play to explore how reconnecting with your authentic self may bring far more clarity than trying to force yourself into another role. Consider / Ask Yourself Do you feel pressure to have your career or next chapter figured out? Was your worth growing up connected to achievement, productivity, or having a "good" job? Are you making choices based on what you genuinely want—or what you believe other people will approve of? Did you have the freedom as a child to discover your interests, preferences, and authentic self? Have you confused your job, career, or other roles with your identity? Where might people-pleasing be making it harder to hear your own desires? Key Insights and A-Ha's Not knowing what you want doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong with you. You may never have been given enough space to discover it. When worth becomes tied to productivity or employment, career uncertainty can trigger deep shame. Feelings can be powerful without necessarily being facts. Missing a developmental stage in childhood can create patterns that continue showing up in adulthood. Parenting can provide an opportunity to reparent ourselves alongside our children. Moving from authoritarian parenting to overly permissive parenting doesn't necessarily break the pattern; healthy boundaries still matter. People-pleasing makes discovering yourself difficult because so much energy is spent monitoring what everyone else wants. Setting boundaries doesn't mean you're dishonoring someone else's feelings or desires. A career can be one expression of who you are, but it does not have to define your identity. Sometimes clarity comes after discovery—not before it. How to Deepen the Work Give yourself permission to put the pressure of finding the "right" job aside for now. Consider this season a discovery process rather than a problem you need to solve. As your children explore what they enjoy, allow their curiosity and playfulness to reconnect you with younger parts of yourself. Notice the qualities, interests, and forms of expression that begin coming back online. Practice stronger boundaries while remembering that honoring someone else's desires doesn't mean always giving them what they want. Notice when you're making a decision because you're afraid someone will be disappointed in you. Explore who you are through your qualities and authentic expression rather than through your job title. Release guilt or shame around making a self-honoring choice that works for your family during this stage of your life. A Powerful Reframe on Identity Christine offers Eliza a helpful metaphor for separating identity from the roles we play. Think of your authentic identity as water. Your roles—mother, wife, teacher, coach, podcaster, employee, entrepreneur, or anything else—are the different glasses that hold that water. The glasses can change. You are the water, not the glass. Instead of asking a job to give you an identity, begin by discovering the authentic version of yourself. Then ask: What roles allow that version of me to express itself? Resources Mentioned in This Episode Free Love Magnet Workshop Christine and her h
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Christine Hassler provides you with practical tools and spiritual principles to help you overcome whatever obstacles might be holding you back. Each episode, Christine coaches callers live on the air offering them inspiration and guidance to heal their past, change their present and create what they really want. Topics include: relationships, career, health, transitions, finances, life purpose, spirituality and whatever else callers have questions about. Christine coaches "regular people" on problems – and opportunities - we all face. It's a show that reminds you that you are not alone, while also teaching things you can implement in your own life.
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