How to Stop Passing Your Emotional Baggage to Your Kids

Parents carry their past into their parenting, often without realizing it. In this episode, I sit down with relationship therapist and author Eli Harwood to talk about how emotional baggage forms, how it quietly shows up in the way we respond to our kids, and what it actually looks like to break those patterns in real time. We get honest about triggers, shame, defensiveness, and the parts of ourselves we learned to tuck away long before we ever had children. Eli breaks down how emotional inheritance works, why our bodies react before our brains catch up, and how to shift from reactive parenting to connected parenting. This isn’t about perfection or never getting activated. It’s about noticing, pausing, and choosing something different so our kids don’t have to carry what we never had support for. If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I passing this on?”, this conversation will help you see the patterns with compassion and give you tools to change the story. What we talk about: Why emotional baggage forms and how it shows up in parenting How your childhood coping strategies become adult triggers The difference between reacting and responding Why kids activate the parts of us we haven’t healed How shame keeps patterns going Practical steps to interrupt the cycle Why slowing down is the most powerful parenting tool How to repair with your child when you slip into old patterns To connect with Eli Harwood follow her on Instagram @attachmentnerd, check out all her resources at https://www.attachmentnerd.com/ and buy her book “How to Deal with Your ___ So Your Kids Don’t Have To: https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Your-____-Kids-Dont/dp/1632175967  00:00 – The Core Idea: Kids Feel What We Don’t Heal 05:23 – From Secure Kids to Secure Parents 09:18 – The Five Gifts of a Secure Parent14:06 – Showing Up Without Making Kids the Burden23:14 – When Your Stuff Spills Out 25:58 – Hidden Baggage: Denial, Over-Apologizing, and Self-Doubt 27:28 – Bias, Blind Spots, and Long-Term Connection 36:40 – Emotional Maturity in Real Life 41:17 – “I Want Mommy”: Rejection and Attachment Preferences Our podcasts are also now on YouTube. If you prefer a video podcast with closed captioning, check us out there and ⁠subscribe to PedsDocTalk⁠. Get trusted pediatric advice, relatable parenting insights, and evidence-based tips delivered straight to your inbox—join thousands of parents who rely on the PDT newsletter to stay informed, supported, and confident. ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join the newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠! And don’t forget to follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠@pedsdoctalkpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠ on Instagram—our new space just for parents looking for real talk and real support. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on the ⁠PedsDocTalk Podcast Sponsorships⁠ page of the website.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices