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The Kink Consultant: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Amanda Dames, The Kink Consultant
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- 4 days ago59 min
Dating Advice for Men & Women: Flirting, Confidence and Attraction with Connell Barrett
Flirting is supposed to be fun, not complicated. In this episode, I’m joined by dating coach and author Connell Barrett for a conversation about flirting, confidence, dating apps, rejection, and why so many people are overthinking connection. We talk about authenticity in dating, the difference between charming persistence and creepy persistence, why trying too hard is one of the biggest turn-offs, and how flirting is really just about making someone feel seen. Connell also shares practical dating advice for approaching people in real life, navigating dating apps without losing your mind, and why confidence has less to do with “alpha energy” and more to do with honesty, playfulness, and presenceWe also get into pickup artist culture, negging, ghosting, rejection sensitivity, and the very real loneliness so many people are dealing with right now. There’s dating horror stories, flirting examples that somehow become weirdly kinky, and a lot of honest conversation about what actually creates attraction beyond status, money, or “the three sixes.” If dating has been feeling exhausting, performative, or impossible lately, this episode is going to feel like a very refreshing reality check.Connect with Connell Barretthttps://datingtransformation.com/https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformation/Connect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/store
- 1 weeks ago44 min
Answering Your Most Common Kink Questions
I have combined my most popular solo episodes to answer your most asked questions about kink, BDSM, dom/sub dynamics, and relationships. In this episode, we talk about how to safely find kink communities, what healthy BDSM relationships actually look like, navigating kinky and vanilla relationships, building confidence as a dom or sub, and the communication skills that make power exchange dynamics work long term. We also get into common red flags in kink spaces, how to introduce your desires to a partner, and why so many people struggle with feeling “not kinky enough” or “too much” at the same timeIf you’ve been curious about BDSM, exploring kink for the first time, or trying to build healthier communication and trust inside your relationships, this episode is going to give you practical advice, honest conversations, and reassurance that you’re definitely not the only one figuring this out. Tune in, take what resonates, and keep exploring what feels authentic to you.Take the BDSM Test: https://www.bdsmtest.orgSpeak Your Desires with Confidence - Download this FREE step-by-step guide to having open, honest, and judgment-free conversations about kink, boundaries, and pleasure.https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1Connect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/store
- 2 weeks ago37 min
The Life And Loves Of A Sex Writer with Gabrielle Cassel
You’d think being a sex writer would make dating easier, right? Apparently not.In this episode, I sit down with Gabrielle Cassel, a queer sex and wellness journalist whose work you’ve probably read in Cosmopolitan, GQ, Women’s Health, and more. We start with the article that hit a little too close to home, why being a sex educator can actually make dating harder, not easier. Gabrielle shares what it’s like to be either instantly oversexualised or immediately written off the second someone finds out what she does, and how that completely changes the dynamic before it even begins. We get into the reality of dating when people project their fantasies onto you, assume what you’re into, or decide they’re not “enough” before even getting to know youGabrielle also shares about her journey from identifying as lesbian to bisexual, how attraction can evolve in ways you don’t expect, and why your sexuality is so much bigger than just who you’re attracted to. We unpack the pressure to explain yourself, the importance of curiosity in connection, and why your career, your desires, and your identity don’t have to make sense to anyone else to be valid. If you’ve ever felt misunderstood in dating, boxed in by assumptions, or like you’re constantly having to “explain yourself” just to be seen, this one is going to hit.Read Gabrielle’s article here: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a70484661/sex-writer-dating-struggle-sex-therapy/Connect with Gabrielle: https://www.instagram.com/gabriellekassel/Connect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/store
- 3 weeks ago31 min
Larah Sky’s Dating Preferences: Complicated, Specific, and Slightly Unhinged
Back for the third time, we’re joined by everybody’s favourite guest, Larah Sky.In this episode, we get into Larah’s very specific, slightly unhinged, and honestly impressive approach to dating. From identifying as pan and poly to wanting a relationship that looks completely “normal” on the outside but seems really specific and complicated behind the scenes, we unpack what she’s actually looking for in a partner. We talk about why she can’t date straight men (but also kind of wants one?), the appeal of a “pathetic but functional” boyfriend, and how her preferences are less about labels and more about personality, power dynamics, and not being boredThis conversation also covers chaotic travel schedules, content creation burnout, hiring disasters, and the reality of working in an industry where communication, boundaries, and identity are part of your everyday life. And just to make things more interesting, we’re about to see each other in person on the upcoming cruise… so if you think this episode was fun, just wait until we record the next one. Stay tuned! Connect with Larah Sky https://www.larahsky.co.ukConnect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/store
- Apr 16, 202612 min
How To Dom When You’re A Sub
How does one really become a Dom? In this episode, I answer one of the most frequently asked questions from my Ask Me Anything Mondays which is: how do I become a Dom? And more importantly, how do you do it without feeling awkward, forced, or like you’re playing a role that doesn’t actually fit you? We get into why so many people feel pressure to “perform” dominance, and why that’s usually the thing getting in your way. I walk you through what Dom energy actually is, which is less about control and more about presence, and how you’re creating a space or “bubble” that your submissive steps into. We also talk about different styles of Doming, why you don’t have to be the kind of Dom you’re used to receiving, and how asking questions and actually listening is one of the most underrated skills you can have.If you’ve ever thought “my partner wants me to Dom and I have no idea how,” this is where you start. This episode will help you let go of the pressure, figure out what kind of Dom you want to be, and step into it in a way that feels natural, confident, and actually enjoyable.I’M HOSTING A LIVE CLASS! Join here: https://www.amandadames.com/domenergy2Connect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Join the Kinky Book Club:https://www.amandadames.com/offers/H3LbqfTw/checkoutCourses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/store
- Apr 10, 202635 min
I’m Rebuilding My Life…Again
Back by popular demand, my Biz Dom, Brenda joins me in this episode to talk about what the past year has actually looked like for me. We get into what it means to rebuild your life more than once, and what it’s like being in a 24/7 Dom sub dynamic that feels aligned and expansive while still navigating very real emotions like grief, uncertainty, and starting over. Brenda came prepared with questions that pushed me to slow down, reflect, and actually look at what this season of my life is asking from me.We also get into business, censorship, and what it looks like to be a sex educator online right now when platforms are actively shutting down conversations around safety, pleasure, and education. We talk about the importance of community, why long-form platforms matter more than ever, and how to stay connected in a space that is constantly shifting. If you’ve been going through a big life transition, questioning your path, or just trying to figure out how to hold both excitement and discomfort at the same time, this episode is going to feel very real, very human, and maybe a little bit like the permission slip you didn’t know you needed.I'M HOSTING A LIVE CLASS! Join here:https://www.amandadames.com/domenergy2Connect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Join the Kinky Book Club:https://www.amandadames.com/offers/H3LbqfTw/checkoutCourses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/storeEpisode Highlights: Long Distance, Big Decisions, and Moving for Love Rebuilding Life in a New City and Starting Over Again Finding Small Joys While Navigating Major Life Changes Travel, Independence, and Relationship Expectations Sex Education, Censorship, and Why Platforms Are Failing Creators
- Apr 3, 202655 min
How A Kinky Throuple Relationship Actually Works with Carnivale Risque
Let’s be honest, most people hear “throuple” and immediately assume chaos, jealousy, or some kind of messy situation waiting to happen.In this episode, I’m joined by Carnivale Risque, a real-life throuple made up of Tank, Ellez, and Obsidian, who are out here living, loving, and building a life together in a way most people only speculate about. We talk about what non-monogamy actually looks like behind the scenes, not the fantasy, not the internet version, but the real dynamics of communication, boundaries, and sharing a life with more than one partner. They break down how their relationship formed, how they navigate being a closed triad romantically while still playing and sharing energy in kink spaces, and what it really takes to make this kind of relationship work long term.We also get into the stuff people are really curious about but are too scared to ask. Sleeping arrangements, jealousy, conflict, finances, and yes, how three people actually function as a unit without everything falling apart. We talk about emotional maturity, ego checks, and why non-monogamy does not work without radical honesty and self-awareness. If you’ve ever been curious about non-monogamy, questioned the “one person forever” script, or just want a real, human look at what this dynamic can look like when it’s done with care, this episode is going to expand your perspective in the best way.Connect with Carnivale Risquehttps://carnivalerisque.com/https://www.instagram.com/carnivalerisquehttps://www.facebook.com/229898104290303https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWAmtkOUzPRcV3rBpzVR9mghttps://www.x.com/CarnivaleRisqueConnect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/storeEpisode Highlights00:00 Poly and closed triad23:27 Sex intimacy and kink26:35 Vulnerability And Intimacy27:16 Beyond The Fantasy35:36 Switching Shame And Ego38:06 Authenticity In The Industry43:57 Titles And Real Experience
- Mar 26, 202634 min
Dominatrix 101: Negotiation, Limits, and Creating a Safe BDSM Scene with Mistress Tash Mia
What if the “perfect Dom” isn’t dark, scary, and mean… but sarcastic, grounded, and deeply present?In this episode, I’m joined by Mistress Tash Mia, a professional dominatrix and educator who brings humor, sarcasm, and real-world groundedness into her dominance. We talk about what authentic Dom energy looks like, why safety is the foundation of surrender, and how to start exploring desires without feeling like you need to go “extreme” to be valid.We also get into the behind-the-scenes reality of being a professional space holder, including what it takes to prevent Dom burnout, how to set energetic boundaries, and why presence is one of the rarest (and hottest) skills in BDSM. If you’re dominatrix-curious, already exploring, or trying to navigate power dynamics with a partner, you’re going to feel seen in this one. Press play, take what you need, and let this conversation expand your idea of what a dominatrix really does.Connect with Mistress Tash Miahttps://www.instagram.com/theworldoftashmiahttps://www.mistresstashmia.com/Sign-up for the Free Dom/Sub Dynamics Virtual Summit here: https://kconsultant--domsubliving.thrivecart.com/vip/Connect with Amandahttps://www.amandadames.com/https://www.instagram.com/the_kinkconsultant/Book A Consult Call with Amanda https://www.amandadames.com/book-a-consultDownload the BDSM Checklist Here: https://www.amandadames.com/resource_redirect/landing_pages/2151620560Courses and Resources to Help Your Kink Journey: https://www.amandadames.com/storeEpisode Highlights:00:00 Normalizing kink: shame, secrecy, and why desire is more common than we think03:10 Where to start in kink: identify desires + set an intention04:00 Safety first: competence, boundaries, and protecting someone’s values12:00 What makes a “good sub”: communication, consent, and intention21:00 Training Doms: tools are easy, psychology is the real work25:00 Dating while kinky: bring it up early, and don’t abandon what matters to you
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About The Kink Consultant
Welcome to The Kink Consultant podcast, where we’re turning up the heat on all things kink in dating, relationships, and pop culture! Join Amanda each week as she dishes out the juiciest stories, expert advice, and shares a sneak peek behind the bedroom door—with some amazing guests along for the ride. Whether you're just a little kink-curious, ready to spice things up, or a seasoned pro, there's something here for you! Expect fun, laughter, and a whole lot of eye-opening conversations as we explore the wild world of intimacy, kink, and those oh-so-intriguing D/s dynamics.
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