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The Imperfects: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.
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- Today1h 11m
Dr Emily - The Phenomenon That Is Imposter Syndrome
Do you live in fear of being found out as a fraud? That despite your years of competency, achievement and high performance someone will uncover the truth? Well, you’re in the right place. Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is here to tell you that your imposter syndrome is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, it’s not even a syndrome. 💌 Get practical take-aways from this episode, and join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ To get a little bit meta, Dr Emily explains that knowing that you don’t know everything, is a good thing. Especially if you’re starting a new role, or trying something for the first time. HOWEVER, the long-term consequences of the imposter cycle such as perfectionism, overcompensation, burnout, or even avoidance and procrastination, may impact your willingness to say yes to new opportunities, such as going for that promotion or asking for support. In this episode, Dr Emily asks Hugh, Ryan and Josh to think about the balance of their competence and confidence, and provides them (and you!) with four practical strategies for combatting this pesky phenomenon. And then, a weird amount of chat about Vlad the Impaler. 0:00 – An Emisode!2:41 – Adam Grant is not an imposter5:11 – Origins of Imposter Syndrome6:45 – ‘Syndrome’ is the wrong word8:19 – It all comes back to belonging10:39 – How common is imposter syndrome?12:20 – Fear of being found out as a fraud15:16 – The evolutionary psychology of belonging and self-doubt16:35 – Is self-doubt actually healthy?17:42 – Is your confidence a mask?18:57 – The Dunning-Kruger Effect23:15 – The more you know ….25:12 – Competence vs confidence26:29 – The Imposter Cycle: anxiety, perfectionism, luck32:09 – Becoming your own favourite artist35:55 – Avoidance, procrastination + self-fulfilling prophecies38:29 – Long term consequences ft. Hugh’s anus45:26 – Authenticity as the antidote46:22 – Less growth, less promotions48:52 – Strategy 1: write down your skills49:53 – Strategy 2: name your shame51:40 – Supporting a friend with imposter phenomenon52:29 – Self-doubt in a new role is a good sign57:12 – Strategy 3: mentor a near peer1:00:38 – Strategy 4: celebrate your success1:02:57 – Creating a good workplace culture1:04:06 – Belonging is good for business1:06:25 – Want more on belonging? Dr Em, thanks for joining us. 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Adam Grant - The Potential of Your Potential - https://bit.ly/4jc0DFM Dr Emily - We’re Longing for Belonging - https://bit.ly/4yElLJp Rana Hussain - Belonging for Connection - http://bit.ly/4odhGY8 Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You - https://bit.ly/4yxgljs 🎧Things to listen to The Curiosity Shop with Brene Brown and Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4gT05mW 📖Things to read Hidden Potential, by Adam Grant - https://bit.ly/4AemQcv Hardwiring Happiness, by Rick Hanson - https://bit.ly/3T6IhM0 📺 Things to watch Mad Men - https://bit.ly/4cLB6zx 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- 1 weeks ago1h 9m
Andy Lee - DO NOT Listen To This Episode!
When he was 15, Andy Lee’s mum forgot who he was. 💌 Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Given only two weeks to live, Andy tells Hugh, Ryan and Josh how this news impacted his family, impacted his childhood, and continues to impact his sense of self. And then, we’re going all the way back to the early days of Radio Karate, and Hamish & Andy. In a long overdue conversation (recorded, of course), Ryan and Andy chat about their own friendship dynamic and why they both felt like the odd one out. Getting down to business, Andy and Ryan discuss how a bunch of 20 year old guys made tough financial decisions while trying to remain mates, how they learnt to give constructive criticism to each other, and with the blessing of hindsight, how they feel about that time now. Andy, we’ve been waiting for this episode longer than a baker with his oven off. 0:00 – 2 years of secret vocal coaching4:35 – HOW long for one cartoon episode?5:48 – When Andy met Hamish (and Ryan)9:39 – The impact of getting cancelled after 5 episodes10:08 – The best advice Andy received14:07 – Jealousy, Jealousy20:25 – The Four Way Split of Hamish & Andy23:42 – Should we be recording this?25:10 – Social media has replaced the paparazzo26:11 – Andy’s nude photo scandal30:23 – Inspiration and renegotiation36:55 – The Vulnerabilitea House38:02 – When your mum is given two weeks to live40:30 – Rapid deterioration and rush to hospital43:28 – Taking on the parent role at 1546:04 – Furious at the new normal49:09 – Why “Don’t Worry, It’ll Be Fine” is the worst thing to say54:36 – Andy’s Dad’s incredible sacrifice58:20 – The Lee Gazette1:00:50 – Why we should talk about will’s 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4A230B5 📺 Things to watch Institute of Sayings from Real Stories - https://bit.ly/4xBJHgq Do Not Watch This Show! - https://bit.ly/4cAwlIZ New Zealand Spy - https://bit.ly/4hdjPBI 🎧Things to listen to Andy Lee on Falling Upwards with Kate Langbroek - https://bit.ly/4yucp30 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- 2 weeks ago1h 15m
My Brilliant Career Took Years of Rejection
Have you ever watched the person you love most get everything you ever wanted? Did you harden around envy, or shrink with comparison? Were you able to find happiness for their success? Philippa Northeast, Logie nominated and lead of Netflix’s My Brilliant Career, is a star quickly rising. Her most significant role? The little sister of our producer, Bridge. 💌Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Joining us as a guest host, Producer Bridge, alongside Hugh, Josh and Ryan, discuss the years of failure and rejection behind the scenes of Pip’s overnight success. Constantly aware of the need to prove herself a success, Philippa is completely vulnerable about the obsession that came from certain rejections, and her anxiety which manifested itself as trichotillomania. Offering a unique and intimate perspective, both Bridge and Josh reflect on their respective siblings’ success, and how that has shaped their own identity. It’s sibling vs sibling, and only one will make it out alive (kidding, it has a happy ending). 0:00 – Meet Producer Bridge’s Little Sister5:43 – Pip’s Brilliant Career: From Home & Away to Netflix Star11:39 – Middle Child Syndrome19:28 – Sibling Comparison: Cricket and Drama Solos20:55 – Finding Success Straight Out of High School22:56 – Self-belief vs Self-doubt: Why Pip Took The Leap and Bridget Didn’t25:30 – Feeling Over-shadowed, and Under Pressure28:00 – Becoming an Unemployed Clown29:17 – The Sensational Potter Backup Plan34:01 – Getting Undressed (Again)35:46 – The Hollywood Grind37:32 – Lockdown, Isolation and Growing Doubt46:15 – Obsession born from Rejection51:49 – What Loneliness in the Acting Industry Feels Like52:46 – The Body Keeps Score: Trichotillomania54:47 – Healing: Journalling, Yoga, Grounding57:04 – The Hallmark Offer That Changed Everything1:03:39 – The Downside of Growing Up Next To A Rising Star1:07:29 – Choosing Pride Over Jealousy1:09:49 – The Upside of Losing to Claudia Karvan 🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Claudia Karvan - Love, Her Way - https://bit.ly/3UNr9LC What’s Your ATAR? - https://bit.ly/4zQ4AG5 📺 Things to watch My Brilliant Career - https://bit.ly/4zPaW8L Family Next Door - https://bit.ly/4gEp0cw Newsreader - https://bit.ly/3UNr4ri A Royal Runaway Romance - https://bit.ly/3V8rGb2 Standing Up For Sunny - https://bit.ly/4xyeASP 🎧 Things to listen to Undressed by Sombr - https://bit.ly/4wY9Ipf 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- 3 weeks ago1h 9m
I Tried No-Sleep-Parenting For 10 Months
What impact does sleep deprivation really have on your wellbeing? What about your parenting? What about your identity? Matt D’Avella has amassed over 4 millions subscribers on YouTube undertaking 30-day wellness challenges, and promoting his minimalist lifestyle. In life that was meticulously controlled, having kids changed everything. 💌Join 9,400+ others in our newsletter community - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Blessed with a baby who woke every 30 minutes for the first ten months of their life, Matt chats to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about how becoming a new parent impacted every facet of his life. Hugh and Josh share just how lonely they have felt at different times during their parenting journey, and Ryan saves the day by holding a baby for a full 40 minutes (save the applause! please!) Matt this was a dream come true. To watch the full episode on YouTube - https://youtu.be/foilZTRGXco 00:00 - I Tried Being Vulnerable for 30 Days 7:03 - Minimalism Maxxing 18:00 - The Vulnerabilitea House 20:25 - Becoming a father, losing sleep (and himself) 24:14 - Depression Diagnosis Wake-Up Call 32:56 - Hugh's Sleep Score 40:38 - SOS: Hiring Help, Expanding your Village 48:50 - Sleep Training: What Actually Works 52:02 - The Real Cost of Sleep Deprivation 58:29 - Being A Mum: The Additional Burden 1:01:32 - 'Do You Regret Having Kids?' 1:04:00 - The New and Improved Matt D'Ad-Avella 🫖Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby… New Brain… Matrescence - https://bit.ly/4zVt9Si 📺 Things to watch Minimalism Documentary - https://bit.ly/3SSZb0t Why I disappeared - Matt D’Avella - https://bit.ly/3SwYA4g Matt D’Avella YouTube - https://bit.ly/4wOzFXW 💤 Things to sleep train Tresillian Sleep Organisation - https://bit.ly/4zAGTS5 The Ferber Sleep method - https://bit.ly/4iCdqB4 Masada Sleep School - https://bit.ly/4qNi7uc 📚Things to read Regretful Parents subreddit - https://bit.ly/4gx9W0b 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- 4 weeks ago1h 6m
How Childhood Cancer Motivated One of the World’s Greatest Chefs
How does having cancer as a child impact the way you live as an adult? Uber successful chef and restauranteur Josh Niland doesn’t do things in halves (no, literally, have you read his book The Whole Fish?). From opening a restaurant at 26, to becoming the first Australian to win the James Beard Book of the Year award when he was just 30, Josh’s creativity came from a place of desperation to explore every opportunity presented to him. 💌Join 9,400+ people getting a Dr Emily values worksheet and takeaways from this week’s episode in our newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Diagnosed with cancer 2 days after his 8th birthday, Josh’s childhood transformed in a matter of hours into hospital hallways, chemotherapy and facing his own mortality. In this episode, Josh joins us in the Vulnerabilitea House to talk us through an experience which profoundly changed him, which he is now grateful for. Hugh, Ryan and Josh (our Josh), also ask about where his drive and ambitious creativity comes from, and just how close to failure Josh’s culinary career came. We wish this chat could have gone on longer, If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/hjZPPeKKsVA 🫖Other Imperfect’s episodes mentioned on this episode Nathan Cavaleri - The Ups & The Blues - https://bit.ly/468HE7l 📺 Things to watch Josh’s Australian Story - https://bit.ly/4giDtKR 📚Things to read Saint Peter: Chapter & Verse, by Josh Niland - https://bit.ly/4bVM0SN The Whole Fish, by Josh Niland - https://bit.ly/4bVM0SN 🍽️ Places to eat Saint Peter - https://bit.ly/4qrs4gv 💻Things to check out Starlight Children’s Foundation - https://bit.ly/4hHDkmM Josh Niland’s Website - https://www.mrniland.com 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- Aug 16, 20261h 20m
Dr Emily - Tough Love vs Shame
Is tough love to blame for our shame? 💌Join 9,200+ people getting a Dr Emily values worksheet and takeaways from this week’s episode in our newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy We all know that parent or coach on the sideline who takes under 10’s basketball a liiitttllleee too seriously. And occasionally, tough love might seem to work in the moment, long term, the shame train isn’t going anywhere good. Dr Emily, our resident psychologist, is here to name the shame to tame it, and teach us how we can be shame strippers too (get your head out of the gutter. Shame on you). We go into the difference between shame, humiliation, guilt and embarrassment, bow down to the queen Brene Brown, and introduce ourselves to our own Healthy Adult. Shamelessly, this is one of our best episodes to date. 0:00 – Ever heard of a shame stripper?6:27 – Bow down to Brene Brown12:25 – The other self-conscious emotions (they’re shy)20:51 – Humour and humiliation29:21 – Shame is a full body experience36:16 – Beware of who you share (with)40:43 – Manosphere + behaviour change46:59 – Tough love + kids sport57:07 – Working with shame1:06:10 – Bring on the compassion!1:10:07 – Introducing the Healthy Adult If you’d like to watch the full episode on YouTube, follow this link - 🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Ryan Shelton - Shame, Jealousy & Purpose - https://bit.ly/4qgEqrO Dr Emily - Compassion of The Self - https://bit.ly/4hqWa1k How do you know you’re in a thinking trap? - Maria Ruberto - https://bit.ly/4ze4eJh 🎧 Things to listen to Between Two Beers with Steven Adams - https://bit.ly/4g3wipS 📚Things to read Daring Greatly, by Brene Brown - https://bit.ly/45VT2Dx The Compassionate Mind, by Paul Gilbert - https://bit.ly/3UewPOq Movember study of the Manosphere - https://bit.ly/4wZxtOs Proneness to shame vs proneness to guilt research by Tangney et al. - https://bit.ly/4g4lQyl 📖Things to do The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer - https://bit.ly/4zg353K Othership (breath work app) - https://bit.ly/4g7Q03E 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- Aug 9, 20261h 5m
The Nature of Being Alone
Can nature help us to feel less alone? 💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Psychologist on the incredible, Alone Australia series (remember our seminal episode with Gina Chick?), Mark Mathieson is in the Academy of Imperfection to help us understand how nature regulates our body, and how we can reconnect to it in this digital age. Mark talks about how to uncover the person behind the persona, the science behind gardening, and why Hugh had the best sleep of his life in a tent, with no pillow. According to Mark, human are immensely capable of change, and this episode provides a few things we can do to ensure nature is incorporated into our routines, without cramming the schedule more. Mark, it was great to be alone . . . with you. If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIMSSRJg2vQ 0:00 – Ice breaker: where have we gone wrong?6:58 – The segmentation of exercise11:46 – Evolution of Mark18:53 – Person behind the persona24:10 – Our virtual reality future27:22 – Let’s learn to adapt36:00 – Building relationships with nature42:28 – The science of gardening and sunshine48:53 – Eventually, reality TV gets us all53:08 – Big city blues 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Gina Chick - Don’t Fight Life - https://bit.ly/4xj0kga Sean Turnell - A Prisoner’s Guide to Life - https://bit.ly/4btNKCu Sex for Normal People with Ita O’Brien - https://bit.ly/4btNNya Dr Emily - The (pesky) Hedonistic Treadmill - https://bit.ly/4yXxx2B Dr Paul Callaghan - How To Follow The Dreaming Path - https://bit.ly/457l9PY 📚Things to read Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter - https://bit.ly/4pV10Ga The Dreaming Path, by Dr Paul Callaghan and Uncle Paul Gordon - https://bit.ly/4gctqrZ 📺 Things to watch Alone Australia (new season out now) - https://bit.ly/4yWVW8n 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects All views expressed in this podcast are Mark Mathieson’s and not representative of the Department of Defence, Australia. The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- Aug 2, 20261h 20m
Briggs - What Racism Feels Like (feat. Nazeem Hussain)
What is racism, really? 💌Join 9,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Adam Briggs, rapper, writer, actor, senator and Yorta-Yorta man, joins Hugh, Josh and guest host Nazeem Hussain, to have an honest conversation about racism in Australia. We explore the impact of The Voice Referendum vote, how culture and community impacts identity, and why Briggs has never, ever felt the need to people please (yep, that’s the sound of us frantically scribbling down notes). Briggs also chats about the highs and lows of bipolar II.0:00 – No boundaries Briggs5:26 –Big Shep’ Washing Machine12:25 – This is racism21:27 – A hyper-vigilante28:06 – Perfect storm for art36:09 – Copping it Australia Wide43:22 – The Yes Vote53:08 – Australian Culture57:02 – Never just about music1:04:50 – Make Aboriginal Cool1:09:19 – Bipolar, therapy, training 🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Ben Shewry (Pt 1) - The Other Side of Excellence - https://bit.ly/4fErGpQ Ben Shewry (Pt 2) - How The Chef Was Made - https://bit.ly/45sPsR7 Ben Shewry - Making It Right (And Delicious) - https://bit.ly/4gXyDEZ Nazeem Hussain - Losing a Parent - https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-imperfects/id1476501557?i=1000589981824 🎧Things to listen to Big Noter - https://www.thebignoter.com The Children Came Back by Briggs & Gurrumul - https://bit.ly/4fGaxMH 📺Things to watch Briggs’s Voice Referendum ad - https://bit.ly/4bkiTs2 📚Things to read Our Home, Our Heartbeat by Adam Briggs - https://bit.ly/4yQKbjW 💻Things to check out Rumbalara Football Netball Club - https://www.rfnc.com.au/ Bad Apples Music - https://bit.ly/4x8Rdi3 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - https://www.patreon.com/c/TheImperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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About The Imperfects
We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.
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