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The Hardcore Self-Help Podcast with Duff the Psych: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Robert Duff, Ph.D.
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- Feb 17, 202658 min
The Secrets of Good Daughtering with Dr. Allison Alford
We talk a lot about parenting. But we don't talk nearly enough about being a daughter. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Allison Alford — communication scholar, professor at Baylor University, and author of Good Daughtering — to unpack the hidden emotional labor adult daughters carry inside their families. We explore the invisible work, the guilt, the pressure to be "enough," and how daughters can set boundaries without walking away from the people they love. This isn't about cutting family off. It's about understanding your role, recalibrating it, and finding pride instead of burnout. If you've ever felt like you're doing a lot… but it's never quite enough — this one will hit. What We Cover What "daughtering" actually means (and why it's invisible) The "specter of expectation" and where guilt really comes from The difference between healthy families and the "messy middle" Why boundaries aren't magic — they're strategy How to shift your role even if no one else in your family changes Why being a daughter can be a noble pursuit — not just a burden What changes when daughters finally see the system clearly Chapters 00:00 – Intro + Texas roots & communication background 01:00 – "Not by magic": boundaries during the holidays 02:00 – Why she wrote Good Daughtering (research → real-world tools) 06:45 – Growing up with a therapist mom + learning to "talk about talking" 12:00 – Emotions A–Z vs A–F (communication differences in relationships) 16:00 – Generational healing, enmeshment & the "messy middle" family 20:00 – What "daughtering" actually means (visible + invisible labor) 23:30 – The guilt, pressure & the "specter of expectation" 26:00 – Where to begin: notice → calibrate → communicate 29:00 – When family won't change: boundaries + internal work 36:00 – Realizing the invisible labor in her own life 42:00 – Daughters as an untapped community 46:00 – Is daughtering a noble pursuit? 49:00 – What's inside the book (tools, scripts, boundary setting) 53:00 – What changes if daughters "see the Matrix"? + Release date About Dr. Allison Alford Dr. Allison Alford is a communication scholar and Clinical Associate Professor at Baylor University. Her research focuses on family communication, identity, and the overlooked emotional labor of adult daughters. 🌐 Website: https://www.daughtering101.com 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daughtering101 📘 Good Daughtering (Releases February 17, 2026): https://www.harpercollins.com/products/good-daughtering-allison-m-alford (You can also find it on Amazon, B
- Jan 27, 20261h 1m
Intimacy, Breakups, and Dating in the Real World: A Conversation with Dr. Justin Garcia
Dating and relationships have never been simple — but in today's world of apps, algorithms, and endless options, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and disconnected. In this episode, I speak with Dr. Justin Garcia, Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute, evolutionary biologist, sex researcher, and author of the upcoming book The Intimate Animal. We talk about what our biology can (and can't) tell us about love and desire, how technology is reshaping intimacy, and why breakups can hit so hard. We also get personal — sharing stories about grief, recovery, non-monogamy, and navigating love in the real world. Dr. Garcia brings a refreshingly nuanced perspective, blending science, lived experience, and a deep respect for the complexities of modern relationships. Topics Covered The biological basis of pair bonding and why love is a survival strategy How dating apps are changing the way we connect — and the pitfalls of infinite choice Non-monogamy, open relationships, and what science really says about them Breakups, heartbreak, and why they feel like addiction withdrawal Infidelity: what motivates it, and why it's often about secrecy more than sex Practical dating advice backed by years of research The neuroscience of attraction, and how foreplay, communication, and intention keep passion alive How personal experience shaped Dr. Garcia's latest work — including his own recent marriage and fatherhood Guest Bio Dr. Justin Garcia is an evolutionary biologist, sex researcher, and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. He's also the Chief Scientific Advisor for Match Group, guiding large-scale studies on modern relationships like the annual Singles in America survey. His research has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, TIME, and CNN, and his new book The Intimate Animal: The Science of Sex, Fidelity, and Why We Live and Die for Love will be released on January 27, 2026. Learn more: Kinsey Institute Bio – https://kinseyinstitute.org/about/staff/executive-director-justin-garcia.html Pre-order The Intimate Animal – https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/justin-r-garcia-phd/the-intimate-animal/9780316594035/ Resources Mentioned Singles in America study – https://www.singlesinamerica.com/ Kinsey Institute – https://www.kinseyinstitute.org/ Dr. Garcia's social media: Search "Dr. Justin Garcia" on major platforms or follow updates via the Kinsey Institute <h2
- Jan 20, 20261h 4m
Compassionate and Effective Schizophrenia Care with Dr. Tracy Hicks
In this episode, I'm honored to welcome Dr. Tracy Hicks, a dual-certified family and mental health nurse practitioner with over two decades of clinical experience—and a deeply personal connection to serious mental illness. Dr. Hicks is both the daughter of a parent and the mother of a child with schizophrenia spectrum disorders. Her perspective blends professional expertise with lived experience in a way that is both deeply compassionate and refreshingly practical. We talk about what schizophrenia really is (and isn't), the impact of stigma on individuals and families, and the importance of person-centered, empathetic care. Dr. Hicks shares her personal journey—raising a daughter with serious mental illness while navigating barriers in the healthcare system—and offers guidance for both providers and caregivers who want to better support those living with schizophrenia. This is a powerful and deeply human conversation for anyone touched by serious mental illness. Topics We Cover What schizophrenia is and how it's commonly misunderstood Growing up with a parent who has schizophrenia Early warning signs and delays in diagnosis for her daughter How stigma and systemic bias impact treatment access and quality Long-acting injectable medications: what they are and why they matter Creating space for curiosity and shared decision-making in care How to support loved ones without losing yourself Advice for providers on building trust and improving outcomes The power of grace, boundaries, and self-care for caregivers Timestamps 00:00 – Introduction to Dr. Tracy Hicks and her personal/professional background 03:00 – From nursing to psychiatry: building a whole-person care model 07:00 – Childhood memories of a parent with schizophrenia 11:00 – Explaining what schizophrenia is and is not 14:00 – Challenging stereotypes: what schizophrenia actually looks like 18:00 – Early signs in Dr. Hicks' daughter and missed opportunities for intervention 22:00 – Racism, bias, and provider assumptions 24:00 – Treatment begins with the story, not the symptoms 26:00 – Why empathy and curiosity matter more than credentials 28:00 – The question that opens everything: "What's your goal for today?" 32:00 – Including family and support systems in the care plan 36:00 – Communication shifts that changed lives 41:00 – What long-acting injectables are and how to present them as an option 47:00 – Combating clinical inertia and provider bias 51:00 – What Dr. Hicks would do differently as a parent 54:00 – Creating your own space when the system doesn't serve you 58:00 – Boundaries, burnout, and filling your own cup as a caregiver 1:02:00 – Final thoughts on stigma, advocacy, and asking for what you need 1:03:30 – Where to follow Dr. Hicks and access her work Guest Links Website: <
- Jan 12, 202616 min
I Am Determined.
In this episode, I share the absolute honest truth about my life at the moment. I also talk about my focus for this year, the phrases I can't get out of my head, and the things I'm grateful for from the last year. Let's do this. Got a question for the show? Email duffthepsych@gmail.com or head over the http://duffthepsych.com/contact. Watch the video at http://youtube.com/duffthepsych Follow me on Instagram at http://instagram.com/duffthepsych and Facebook at http://facebook.com/duffthepsych More writings and additional podcast content over at https://robertduff.substack.com/
- Nov 10, 20251h 17m
A New Approach to OCD: Internal Family Systems w/ Melissa Mose
In this deeply informative episode, I'm joined by licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Mose, LMFT, who brings 30 years of clinical experience to the table and a unique approach to treating OCD by integrating Internal Family Systems (IFS) with traditional methods like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Melissa shares how a personal experience—her daughter's sudden-onset OCD—propelled her into the world of OCD treatment and changed the direction of her career. We talk through how OCD manifests, why traditional ERP can be both life-changing and difficult for people, and how IFS can offer a more compassionate, effective way to approach healing by helping clients access their internal "Self." We also discuss Melissa's new book for clinicians, her training work, and the upcoming OCD SoCal Conference happening online on November 15–16, 2025. 🧠 What We Discuss in This Episode: Melissa's unexpected path from literature and mythology to psychotherapy The sudden-onset OCD experience with her daughter that changed everything What OCD really is – beyond stereotypes – and why it's often misunderstood Core concepts of ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) How Internal Family Systems (IFS) works and its 8 C's of Self-energy Why combining IFS and ERP may provide better outcomes for some people "Self-led ERP" – Melissa's integrative model for treating OCD Real-life examples of recovery using this compassionate framework The importance of identifying OCD early, especially in kids Training efforts to help clinicians recognize and effectively treat OCD Hope for those who feel "too far gone" ⏱️ Episode Chapters & Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro to Melissa Mose and IFS for OCD 03:00 – Melissa's background and shift from English literature to psychology 08:00 – Early career in teen and family systems therapy 11:00 – Her daughter's sudden-onset OCD and the diagnosis of PANDAS 14:30 – Navigating confusion, misdiagnosis, and treatment discovery 18:00 – What OCD actually is: the obsession-compulsion cycle 22:00 – How compulsions generalize and worsen OCD 24:30 – Introduction to ERP and how it works 29:00 – What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)? 34:00 – Comparing IFS to ACT and other models 42:00 – Mapping OCD symptoms to internal "parts" using IFS 48:00 – A self-led approach to ERP: empowering the Self 50:30 – Client success stories and examples 55:00 – The rise of IFS in the OCD world 58:00 – Is IFS evidence-based for OCD? 01:00:00 – Melissa's "Self-led ERP" model explained 01:02:00 – Workbook and practical tools coming soon 01:04:00 – How to get started with IFS<br data-start=
- Nov 3, 20251h 2m
Celeb Chef Chris Valdes on Mental Health in Kitchens
In this heartfelt and candid episode, I'm joined by Chef Chris Valdes—TV personality, cookbook author, and lifelong culinary artist—to talk about his powerful personal journey through the culinary world and the mental health struggles he's faced along the way. From growing up in a Cuban restaurant in Miami to rising to national TV fame, Chris has seen both the bright lights and the dark corners of the kitchen. He shares stories of family, grief, hustle, and healing—including why he took a year off from everything to rediscover himself. Whether you're in food service, struggling with burnout, or just love a good story with heart and spice, this one's for you. Timestamps / Chapters: [00:00:00] Intro & Chris's background [00:03:00] Earliest food memory: the flan and whipped cream incident [00:06:45] Growing up in a family restaurant [00:08:30] Father's imprisonment and family disruption [00:13:00] Early entrepreneurial spirit (orange hustling!) [00:17:00] High school struggles & turning point with Le Cordon Bleu [00:23:00] Launching his catering company at 19 [00:26:00] First experience with depression & thoughts of ending it [00:29:00] Hitting a wall after a breakup & GMA meltdown [00:33:00] Psychedelic healing ceremony in Malibu [00:38:00] Rediscovering self through solitude, therapy, and boundaries [00:43:00] Toxic kitchen culture and normalizing mental health discussions [00:47:00] Holiday catering chaos and internal pressure [00:52:00] Advice on rest, recovery, and choosing yourself [00:56:00] What's next: books, new management, and the slow lane [00:57:00] Signature nostalgic dish [00:59:00] Go-to Latin spices (cumin, garlic, cilantro) [01:01:00] What young Chris would say to 2025 Chris [01:02:30] Where to follow and final thoughts Links - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chefchrisvaldes TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chefchrisvaldes His cookbook - One With the Kitchen: https://www.amazon.com/One-Kitchen-Recipes-stories-inspired/dp/0578886456
- Oct 10, 20251h 15m
Dr. Andrea Martinez Talks Gangs, Loss, Depression, and Learning Discernment.
Friends, welcome back to the Hardcore Self Help Podcast. This is my first interview back after a bit of a journey. I thought there was no better way to kick off this next phase of the podcast than by introducing you to a friend and brilliant human that I met in the interim. Dr. Amy Andrea Martinez is a professor of sociology with a focus on Chicano gang culture, incarceration, and abolition. She is a total badass, and she gets vulnerable about her experiences in this conversation. We discuss how her younger brother's arrest, the development of her identity as a Xicana woman, her experiences with depression and suicidality, and her decision to build armor around her heart this year before diving back into the heart of academia and book-writing. I really hope you enjoy this one. In this conversation, Dr. Martinez mentions this book: https://www.amazon.com/AM-Club-Morning-Elevate-Life/dp/1443456624 Stay connected: Weekly newsletter: https://robertduff.substack.com – free tips, Q&A, and community updates. My website: https://duffthepsych.com – articles, resources, and ways to work with me. - Books & guides: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B00NDY4THK?ccs_id=5c5cac88-b920-4fc3-809c-f592ad3b55d3 – practical mental-health guides and workbooks. - Instagram: https://instagram.com/duffthepsych – daily insights, behind-the-scenes, and community chats.
- Oct 1, 202519 min
The Podcast is Coming Back.
Episode Summary: In this deeply personal solo episode, Dr. Duff returns to the mic after a hiatus to share what's been going on behind the scenes with The Hardcore Self Help Podcast. He opens up about an almost-acquisition of the show by a larger mental health organization—a deal that initially looked promising but ultimately fell through. With transparency and vulnerability, Dr. Duff reflects on the emotional and professional impact of that experience, explains why the podcast paused, and announces the exciting new direction it's headed in. What You'll Hear In This Episode: Why the podcast went quiet for a while A behind-the-scenes look at the attempted acquisition of the show The emotional and logistical toll of being let down by a potential deal Reflections on past professional disappointments outside of clinical work What's next: rebranding, new episode formats, and a stronger emphasis on interviews Why connection and personal stories will be the heart of the podcast moving forward Dr. Duff's renewed commitment to amplifying diverse voices and lived experiences Updates on the "Bipolar Answers" audiobook and Substack content Thoughts on staying consistent while prioritizing quality over quantity Timestamps: 00:00 – 00:52 — Welcome back! What this episode is about 00:52 – 02:00 — The podcast was almost sold—here's how it started 02:00 – 03:26 — Meeting the company, expectations, and initial excitement 03:26 – 06:04 — Multiple meetings and flying out to pitch in person 06:04 – 08:00 — In-person meetings and positive vibes, but no details yet 08:00 – 10:24 — Delays, excuses, and finally: the deal falls through 10:24 – 12:25 — Processing the disappointment and reflecting on past letdowns 12:25 – 13:21 — Token compensation offered, but trust was broken 13:21 – 14:00 — What's next: staying open to future partnerships 14:00 – 15:22 — New focus: interviews over general Q&A 15:22 – 16:48 — The unique value of human connection in storytelling 16:48 – 17:15 — Rebranding plans and more diverse guest features 17:15 – 18:17 — Finishing the audiobook, e
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About The Hardcore Self-Help Podcast with Duff the Psych
Hey, friends! My name is Robert. I am a neuropsychologist and self-help author. In this podcast, I interview fascinating individuals and provide information about psychology, mental health, neuroscience, relationships, and more. I have been told that I ask amazing questions and that I am talented at breaking down complex science into digestible information. Come have a listen and let me know if you agree!
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