Ep 28: How Getting Sober Made Jay Vincent the Father He Never Had

What does it take to become the father you never had? Jay Vincent joins me for one of the most honest conversations we've had on the show. Jay grew up idolizing a dad who slid into alcoholism and walked out when Jay was 15, and for years Jay repeated the pattern, through addiction, two DUIs, and the day he came home to an empty house after his kids' mother left. This is the story of how he climbed back.In this episode: how childhood shapes the dads we become, breaking a generational cycle of addiction, the night everything changed, getting sober and staying sober for 14 years, rebuilding trust with kids who barely knew him, parenting traumatized teenagers, and why doing the inner work is the real job of fatherhood.If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/00:00 A hard-won lesson: kids absorb everything00:29 Meet Jay Vincent, girl dad02:03 Becoming a girl dad05:44 Jay's childhood and his father09:33 When a hero slides into alcoholism10:53 The dad who left at 1512:01 An angry teenager finds the dark side14:00 Five miscarriages and the road to Kirsten17:58 Bringing a child into a fighting home21:03 The definition of fatherhood21:36 Coming home to an empty house24:07 Losing his kids and hitting bottom25:04 Two DUIs and the cop who kept showing up27:16 The night he cried out for help28:49 Fourteen years sober30:22 Doing it for his kids, then for himself33:33 Showing up across state lines34:00 Finding purpose in a fathers' recovery group46:26 Advice for parents in a struggling relationship49:22 Closing thoughts