Ep 31: Perfectionism Made Him Great. Will It Break Him As A Dad?

A former New York City Ballet principal dancer opens up about the fear underneath the joy of expecting his first child. Chase Finlay talks with Tony Cooper about the perfectionism that carried him from a childhood ballet studio to the world's biggest stages, and why that same drive could work against him as a father. They cover the difference between performing for approval and living in alignment, why presence stops time with your kids, and how recovery and honest relationships taught him to become his own cavalry instead of waiting to be rescued. Chase also shares his intentions for his baby shower, his hopes to raise a daughter free to imagine, and the advice he's giving himself for the first months of fatherhood.Key TakeawaysPerfectionism can build a career and also work against you as a father if left uncheckedThe external pursuit of validation can be fulfilling, but internal alignment creates lasting fulfillmentRecovery and a healthy relationship helped reframe self-reliance: "I'm the cavalry"Presence is the antidote to feeling like time with your kids moves too fastPlay is a child's domain, and imagination is worth protecting from screens and self-consciousnessDoing your own personal work before becoming a parent is a gift you give your childrenA baby shower can be a celebration of the work both partners did on themselves, not just the babyBeing a firm, present, aware foundation for your partner matters as much as showing up physicallyIf you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com. Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/00:00 Cold open00:29 Meet Chase Finlay01:19 30 weeks into pregnancy01:35 Abundance and joy in pregnancy02:30 Fear of not being good enough03:24 Wanting everything to be perfect04:11 The evidence he'll be a great dad05:03 Chase's ballet career begins06:41 Principal dancer by 1907:32 External pursuit vs internal journey09:07 How he discovered dance11:40 Athletic and artistic, not fitting a box13:18 Tony's son finds DJing15:23 Watching your kid arrive at themselves17:24 Being flexible, not predicting the future18:13 Perfectionism: great for dance, risky for dad19:31 Living aligned with authenticity20:29 The shift from performing to real recovery21:14 Becoming his own cavalry22:19 Substance abuse and hitting bottom23:00 His wife calling him on his bullshit24:20 Alignment resolves inner conflict26:11 Doing the work before kids arrive27:27 His vision: presence as his top value29:28 Be what you want your kid to become30:07 Presence stops time32:30 Wanting to rebuild play and imagination34:22 What joy means to him now36:16 Planning the baby shower39:11 Celebrating the work, not just the baby40:08 Advice to himself for the first months41:13 Closing thoughts