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Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Suzanne Noble
Everything you need to know to have a thriving, nourishing sex life as you age—whatever that means for you. Suzanne Noble is over sixty, sexually experienced and honest. She discusses her own experience and—as a woman in her sixties—brings years of sex and intimacy to reflect on in a witty, open and enthusiastic way. The series is dedicated to helping older people find their way to a healthy and enjoyable sex life. Whether you are just starting out with a new partner or continuing with an old one, there's sure to be something new here for you. www.sexadviceforseniors.com
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- 3 days ago29 min
Pelvic Floor Health After 50: Stop Bladder Leaks & Improve Sexual Wellness | MaryEllen Reider
What I Discussed With Mary Ellen Reider- Why bladder leakage is common but should not be treated as an inevitable part of aging.- What the pelvic floor is and why everyone has one.- How childbirth, menopause, aging, weight, and other factors can affect pelvic floor strength.- The connection between pelvic floor muscles, bladder control, sexual sensation, and orgasm.- Why pelvic floor relaxation is just as important as strengthening.- How the Yarlap device works and who may benefit from it.- Why it is never too late to start caring for your pelvic floor.Chapters00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod + Introduction to Mary Ellen Reider01:40 What Is the Pelvic Floor and Why Does It Matter?03:40 Why Bladder Leakage Is Common But Not Normal05:46 How Pelvic Floor Weakness Affects Your Body07:49 Introducing Yarlap: Pelvic Floor Training and Sexual Wellness10:17 Why Pelvic Floor Exercises Are Difficult to Do Correctly11:11 How Pelvic Floor Training Works Over Time12:06 How Long Does It Take to See Results?12:52 What Causes Urinary Incontinence?14:12 How Bladder Leaks Affect Confidence, Dating and Intimacy16:13 The Connection Between Pelvic Floor Strength and Orgasms17:40 Female Sexual Wellness and Understanding the Body19:51 Why Pelvic Floor Relaxation Matters Too22:10 Understanding Pelvic Floor Tone: Too Tight vs Too Weak25:00 Talking to Your Doctor About Pelvic Floor Health26:46 It’s Never Too Late to Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor28:21 Closing Thoughts: Removing Shame Around Women’s Health28:57 Visit Sex Advice for SeniorsShownotesBladder leakage is common, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it as an unavoidable part of aging.In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I speak with MaryEllen Reider, co-director of Yarlap, about pelvic floor health, urinary incontinence, sexual confidence, and what happens when those important muscles become weak or overly tight.We talk about what the pelvic floor actually is, why both women and men have one, and how it supports the bladder, uterus, spine, and other parts of the body. Mary Ellen explains why leakage when you laugh, sneeze, exercise, or cough should not simply be dismissed as “one of those things” that happens after childbirth or menopause.We also explore the connection between the pelvic floor and sexual pleasure, including why some women experience weaker orgasms or reduced sensation as their pelvic floor changes. And importantly, we discuss why relaxation matters just as much as contraction when it comes to pelvic floor function and intimacy.MaryEllen explains how the Yarlap device is designed to support pelvic floor training, why Kegel exercises are not necessarily suitable for everyone, and why it’s important to understand whether your pelvic floor is weak, tight, or both.Most importantly, this episode is about replacing embarrassment with information. Whether you’re dealing with bladder leakage, painful sex, reduced sexual sensation, or simply want to take better care of your body, it is never too late to start paying attention to your pelvic floor.Key Takeaways- Urinary incontinence is common, but it is not an inevitable part of aging.- Everyone has a pelvic floor, and it supports both physical and sexual health.- A weak pelvic floor may affect bladder control, posture, back pain, knee pain, and orgasmic sensation.- A pelvic floor that is too tight may also cause pain and discomfort.- Strengthening and relaxation are both essential for healthy pelvic floor function.- Pelvic floor health can affect confidence, dating, intimacy, and sexual pleasure.- It is never too late to ask a doctor about your pelvic floor.About MaryEllen ReiderMaryEllen Reider is the co-director of Yarlap®, the wellness device to treat urinary incontinence and improve feminine performance and experience through muscle control. MaryEllen spends a lot of time researching and finding out what’s new in the pelvic floor world and the social media realm.About SuzanneSuzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of Sex Advice for Seniors, a podcast about sex, intimacy, pleasure, and relationships in later life.Through her podcast, newsletter, and community, Suzanne challenges the idea that sex has an expiry date and encourages people to stay curious about their bodies and sexual wellbeing at every age.Connect With SuzanneInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniorsFacebook: ht
- 1 weeks ago41 min
Widowhood, Desire, and the Sexual Reawakening Nobody Talks About
What I Discussed With Amy Gabrielle- How losing a partner can change our relationship with our body, identity, and desire.- Why grief and pleasure can exist alongside each other after loss.- Amy’s experience of rediscovering sexuality and confidence after becoming a widow.- Dating after loss, including her experiences with dating apps and exploring new relationships.- How women can reconnect with their own desires without shame or guilt.- Why sexuality does not disappear as we get older.- The difference between seeking connection, companionship, and emotional security.- How society shapes the way women think about aging, relationships, and sexual expression.- Why rebuilding a relationship with yourself can be an important part of healing.- How honest conversations about sex and desire can create more freedom and confidence.Chapters00:00 Introduction: Amy Gabrielle on Desire After Loss03:00 Losing a Partner and Rediscovering Desire08:00 Dating After Loss and Starting Over13:30 Sexual Desire, Relationships and Life After 5018:00 What We Want From Relationships Now22:00 Widow’s Fire: When Grief and Desire Meet26:00 Sex, Aging and Challenging Expectations30:00 Shame, Confidence and Accepting Your Body34:00 Dating, Boundaries and Finding What Feels Right37:00 Pleasure, Freedom and Owning Your Desire40:00 Closing Thoughts and Amy’s Book Widow in the CityShownotesIn this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I’m joined by Amy Gabrielle, writer, digital creator, and author of Widow in the City.After losing her husband to cancer, Amy found herself navigating grief, identity, and an unexpected return of desire. In our conversation, we explore what happens when loss changes the way we see ourselves, our bodies, and our relationships.We talk about the complicated relationship between grief and pleasure, the experience of dating after loss, and what it means to rediscover yourself in midlife.Amy shares openly about rebuilding confidence, exploring sexuality, and letting go of the shame that many women carry around aging and desire.This is a conversation about much more than sex. It is about identity, healing, connection, and giving ourselves permission to continue growing and changing throughout life.Key Takeaways- Grief does not erase desire; both can exist at the same time.- Rediscovering yourself after loss can be a powerful part of healing.- Sexuality and intimacy continue to evolve as we age.- Women deserve to explore their own desires without shame or judgment.- Relationships after 50 do not have to follow traditional expectations.- Confidence often comes from reconnecting with yourself first.- Honest conversations about sex can help reduce shame and create deeper connections.About the GuestAmy Gabrielle is a writer, digital creator, and advocate for authentic self-expression in midlife women. Following her husband’s death from cancer, she began using memoir and social media to explore the complex intersection of grief and desire, cultivating a community of thousands drawn to honest conversations about life after loss. Her work appears in Absolute Pleasure on Substack, as well as Medium publications including The Memoirist and Slackjaw. She lives in New York City, where she enjoys photography, travel, and raising her son.About SuzanneSuzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of Sex Advice for Seniors, a podcast for people who want to enjoy sex, intimacy, and connection at every age.Through her podcast, newsletter, courses, and community, Suzanne challenges the idea that sex has an expiry date and offers honest, practical conversations about sexuality, ageing, relationships, and pleasure.Connect With SuzanneInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniorsFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniorsTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniorsSubstack: https://sexadviceforseniors.comConnect with AmyWebsite https://amygabrielle.com/Instagram @amygabriellenyc https://www.instagram.com/amygabriellenyc/Facebook https://www.facebook.com/amygabriellenyc<p
- 2 weeks ago34 min
Men Who Fear Toys Have It Backwards PhD Sexologist Explains
What I Discussed With Dr Jess O’Reilly- Why sex toys can help couples adapt to changing bodies, arousal, and sexual needs as they get older.- How introducing a toy can create novelty and playfulness in a long-term relationship.- Why a sex toy is a tool for pleasure — not a replacement for intimacy or a partner.- How smaller, simpler toys can make introducing them into a relationship feel less intimidating.- Why toys can reduce performance pressure when erections, libido, or orgasm become less predictable.- How self-pleasure can help women understand what they like and communicate it more clearly.- Why desire doesn’t always come before arousal, particularly in long-term relationships and later life.- How shame and embarrassment can stop older adults from talking openly about sex.- Why conversations about sex don’t need to be perfect to be useful.- How the Yes/No/Maybe checklist can help couples explore sexual interests together.Chapters00:00 Introducing Dr Jess O’Reilly and the conversation about sex toys01:30 Why sex toys can improve intimacy in long-term relationships02:34 The importance of novelty as our bodies change with age04:36 Why some men feel threatened by sex toys06:20 How toys can reduce performance pressure07:14 Choosing versatile, accessible toys for different bodies08:38 How sex toys open up better conversations09:03 Using toys when erections or sexual performance are unreliable10:30 Why pleasure matters more than performance10:51 Choosing toys for different sensations and mobility needs11:59 Why simple controls can make toys easier to use13:58 The best couples’ sex toys for beginners15:21 How air-pulse pleasure feels different from vibration16:08 Understanding the clitoris and changing sensations19:45 Why desire can begin after arousal21:17 Learning to trust your body and your capacity for pleasure22:47 Why satisfying sex and communication need to come first24:06 Shame, aging, and the pressure placed on older women25:20 Why talking about sex can protect long-term relationships27:59 How to start a conversation about sex toys with your partner30:52 A simple way to introduce a new toy without pressure33:45 The Yes/No/Maybe checklist for couples35:05 Dr Jess introduces the Womanizer Enhance36:10 Where to find more from Dr Jess and SuzanneShow NotesI’ve always been fascinated by sex toys. I was first given one when I was a blogger in the early 2000s, and these days I have boxes of them perhaps more than I really need.But sex toys aren’t just about novelty or having a large collection. They can be genuinely useful as our bodies change, especially when arousal takes longer, sensitivity shifts, or erections and orgasms become less predictable.In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I’m joined by Dr Jess O’Reilly, a globally recognised sexologist and relationship expert. Jess has a PhD in human sexuality and has delivered workshops in more than 45 countries.We talk about how couples can introduce sex toys without making either partner feel inadequate or threatened. We also discuss why starting with something simple can make all the difference, how toys can take the pressure off performance, and why pleasure should be viewed as a shared exploration rather than a test that someone has to pass.Jess and I also talk about the changing nature of desire. Sometimes we don’t feel spontaneously “in the mood”, but that doesn’t necessarily mean our desire has disappeared. With patience, touch, communication, and the right kind of stimulation, arousal can sometimes come first and desire can follow.We explore the role of masturbation, shame, sexual communication, and the importance of understanding what feels good in your own body before trying to explain it to someone else.And if you’re not sure how to bring up the subject of sex toys with your partner, we have a simple suggestion: blame us. Tell them you heard about a product or idea on this podcast and ask what they think.Key Takeaways- Sex toys can help couples adapt to changing bodies and sexual responses.- Introducing a toy does not mean that a partner is inadequate.- The simplest toy is often the best place to begin.- Pleasure and connection matter more than sexual performance.- Desire may develop after arousal, rather than appearing beforehand.- Self-pleasure can improve communication between partners.- Talking about sex may feel awkward, but avoiding the conversation can create greater distance and resentment.About the GuestJess O’Reilly is a sexologist & relationship expert (PhD, MSc) who has delivered thousands of workshops in 45
- 3 weeks ago33 min
Your Dating Profile Is Scaring People Away with Eric Resnick
What I Discussed With Eric M. Resnick...- Why the swipe apps trained women to chase the dopamine hit of a match, and stopped everyone from looking at who they were actually matching with- The one word Eric uses for Tinder and Bumble, and why he calls them exactly that- What ChatGPT admitted to Eric, in its own words, about why it's bad at writing dating profiles- Why my own list of dealbreakers might be doing more damage than the men on it- The reason women over 50 still hesitate to message first, and why Eric says the men who get put off by it were never worth the risk- What dating apps actually do to your visibility if you don't log in for two weeks- Why a naked photo without a face has no value, and a naked photo with a face is a liability- What made my late partner Bob's Tinder profile the most authentic one Eric's ever heard described to himChapters00:00 – Sponsor spotlight: OhMiBod https://www.ohmibod.com/00:20 – Introducing dating profile veteran Eric Resnick to tackle why most online bios fall completely flat.02:17 – Looking back at how online dating evolved from early matchmakers to addictive swipe culture.04:40 – The brutal swipe statistics between men and women that broke app dynamics.05:40 – How meeting his wife on a niche site proves there really is someone out there for everyone.06:14 – Reflecting on early dial-up dating sites and the modern shift toward casual hookup apps.08:04 – Why incognito mode is a total game-changer for women navigating overwhelming inboxes.09:07 – The biggest profile writing traps men fall into when trying to sell themselves.10:05 – Why letting AI tools like ChatGPT write your dating bio completely kills authentic chemistry.12:10 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook.12:45 – The hidden danger of listing red flags and past relationship baggage on your profile.15:40 – The hard truth about why dating success comes down to who you choose, not who chooses you.17:00 – Why making the first move as a woman over 50 is an empowering shortcut.18:03 – How dating app algorithms track daily logins and quietly lower your visibility.20:50 – Why dystopian AI avatars and paid profile boosts keep daters hooked on the screen.22:50 – Turning your profile into an authentic conversation starter instead of an empty checklist.26:23 – Why a great dating profile acts as a window into your world rather than a sales pitch.28:55 – The blunt truth about unsolicited photos and the golden rules of photo etiquette.31:30 – Suzanne and Eric wrap up with key strategies for showing up authentically and finding connection.Show NotesI've been on dating apps since 2000, same as my guest this week. So when Eric Resnick, founder of ProfileHelper.com, told me he's read more than 40,000 dating profiles and consulted for the platforms themselves, I knew this was going to be a conversation I couldn't have with almost anyone else.We started with how different online dating looked in 2000, back when it was Match.com and dial-up modems, and how Tinder changed everything the moment it made swiping possible without writing a word. Eric calls swipe apps a dopamine slot machine, and he means it literally: they train you to chase the feeling of a match, not the person behind it.Then things got personal. I admitted my own profile has a list on it. Bad teeth, beer bellies, things I don't want. Eric didn't let me off easy. He explained exactly what that list has been doing to the men who read it, and why the healthiest ones see it as a red flag before they've even said hello.We also got into why AI can't write a profile that means anything, because AI aims for the middle, and if you're acceptable to everyone, you're not special to anyone. And we talked about the algorithms themselves, the visibility rankings, the fear of missing out tricks, and why Eric thinks the newest AI matching features are the most dystopian thing he's seen yet.This one runs a little short because I had to get to the theatre. Eric's already agreed to come back for a whole episode on photos.Listen, learn and enjoy.Key Takeaways- Swipe apps like Tinder and Bumble train people to chase matches, not connection. Eric calls them a dopamine slot machine.- Lists of what you don't want in a profile read as unresolved baggage. Healthy matches see it as a red flag, not a filter.- AI-written profiles fail because AI aims for the widest possible appeal, and being acceptable to everyone means being memorable to no one.- Success on a dating app comes down to who you choose, not who chooses you, on
- Aug 20, 202628 min
Why Are Women Over 50 Ashamed of Sex Toys? | FT. Dr. Shamyra Howard
What I Discussed With Dr Shamyra Howard...- What a man actually hears when his partner tells him she needs a toy to finish- The three words she gives every couple before they open the box- What happens to the clitoris once the estrogen goes, and why nobody warned us- The one question to answer before you look at a single product- What a manufacturer found when it stopped testing on twenty-five-year-olds- Why she keeps a box of lube next to her desk and gives it away to everyone- What a partner did with my vibrator that I have not stopped thinking about since- The belief about women's sexuality after 50 she would destroy tomorrowChapters00:00– Sponsor spotlight: https://www.ohmibod.com/00:28 – Breaking the silence on why midlife intimacy is due for a serious upgrade.02:06 – Looking at the outdated societal scripts and the hidden pleasure gap affecting mature women.04:11 – Why physical body changes after 50 make intimate aids essential tools rather than afterthoughts.05:10 – Why male partners often feel replaced by bedroom aids and the crucial mindset shift that changes everything.07:54 – How to smoothly invite a hesitant partner to explore intimate devices together without making it awkward.11:02 – The surprising clinical research showing how certain stimulation devices can actively reduce menopause symptoms.12:18 – Choosing the right sensation when navigating internal versus external stimulation options.13:53 – How targeted clitoral air technology is transforming arousal and natural blood flow in post-menopausal bodies.15:07 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook http://gitmplaybook.com/SUZANNE2015:53 – A compelling study on how regular orgasms can meaningfully protect and boost your mental health.17:17 – Creative ways to use a multi-use massage wand across the entire full body's erogenous zones with a partner.19:37 – Why investing in high-grade intimate wellness tools is just as essential as your regular self-care routine.20:12 – The non-negotiable rule about pairing the right body-safe lubricants with medical-grade silicone.22:04 – Overcoming the persistent stigma around dryness and why lubrication is basic physiology, not a personal failure.24:04 – Combining topical solutions with daily bedroom habits to turn intimate comfort into a completely seamless experience.25:50 – Letting go of performance anxiety and completely redefining what pleasure feels like after 50.26:48 – The single most damaging myth about ageing women’s sexuality that needs to be completely dismantled.27:31 – Wrapping up with community resources and practical ways to keep prioritising your intimate life.Show NotesMost women over 50 were handed a script that said sex was something we provide rather than something we receive. Then our bodies changed, nobody explained why, and we quietly decided the problem was us.In this episode I'm joined by Dr Shamyra Howard, an award-winning sexologist and licensed therapist who founded On the Green Couch. She spends her working week with couples over 50 who cannot say one sentence out loud to each other, and she has heard every version of how that silence ends.I told her something I do not say often. I need a toy about 80% of the time to get there. I have also been with a man who told me toys were not coming into his bedroom, and that put more strain on the relationship than the toy ever could have. Shamyra explained what he was hearing that I had no idea he was hearing.She is just as direct about the industry. Most sex toy companies still design for the average twenty-five year old, and she names the two that stopped and started asking menopausal women what they actually want instead.There is no clinical distance in this conversation and no coyness either. If sex has quietly got harder and you have been waiting for it to sort itself out, this is the episode that tells you what you are waiting on.Listen, learn and enjoy.Key Takeaways- The oral medications for men release the brakes. Sex toys do the same job for women, and Shamyra's line for partners who feel replaced is that tools don't compete, they assist. The toy is a teammate, not a rival.- Estrogen, progesterone and testosterone all fall from around 50. Lubrication drops, clitoral sensation drops and arousal needs more input than it used to. Most male partners have never been told any of this, so they keep doing what always worked.- Invite, don't surprise. Bring your partner into the decision before the toy arrives, frame it as an us thing rather than a me thing, and be clear that if pleasure matters to both of you, this
- Aug 13, 202629 min
He Helped Invent Viagra What’s Next for Men’s Sexual Health? | FT. Dr. Arthur Burnett
What I Discussed With Dr Arthur Burnett...- Why the pill has never once started an erection, and what that means for the nights it did nothing- The name he would give erectile dysfunction if he could rename it tomorrow- What his lab found when they went looking for the same response in women- Why the men who most want the pill to work are the ones it helps least- What he thinks of a prescription that takes four clicks and no conversation- The sentence surgeons skip before a prostatectomy, and why he takes the blame for it- What he does when he finds his own name on a supplement bottle- What he refuses to write a prescription for, no matter who is askingChapters00:00 – Intro & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/) 00:26 – Redefining Intimacy After 50: Welcoming Johns Hopkins Urologist Dr. Arthur Burnett 01:33 – Is Erectile Dysfunction Inevitable? Why Unreliable Erections Don’t Mean the End of Your Sex Life 02:18 – The Real Science Behind Viagra: What a Pioneering Researcher Wants Men to Know 04:29 – The Hidden Danger of Quick-Fix Online Prescriptions & Skipping Root Causes 07:24 – Removing the Shame: Why Men Must Stop Suffering in Silence 08:30 – Erectile Dysfunction as an Early Warning Sign for Heart & Vascular Health 10:19 – Does Viagra Work for Women? The Truth About Female Clitoral Blood Flow 12:31 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook) 13:10 – Why the Blue Pill Doesn’t Work Without Mind-Body Synergy 16:23 – Rethinking Performance: Shifting Focus Beyond Penetrative Sex 17:06 – The Unspoken Trauma: What Doctors Often Miss in Prostate Cancer Care 19:39 – Innovations in Prostate Surgery: Preserving Nerve Function & Recovery 20:58 – Post-Surgery Rehabilitation: Do Vacuum Pumps & Therapy Devices Actually Work? 22:29 – How to Talk to Your Partner About Sexual Decline Without Losing Attraction 23:33 – Lifestyle Habits That Naturally Improve Blood Flow & Performance 24:30 – Nitric Oxide Supplements: Separating Hype from Real Medical Science 28:01 – Authentic Health: Ditching the “Marlboro Man” Myth & Taking Charge Show NotesMost men over 50 assume their erections changed because they got older. Dr Arthur Burnett has spent forty years trying to tell them otherwise, and for most of those years he has been shouting into the wind.In this episode I'm joined by Dr Arthur Burnett, a urologist at Johns Hopkins, where he has worked for more than four decades. His laboratory did the discovery work in the late 1980s that made the blue pills possible. So I opened by asking him whether he regrets what men have done with them since.Two of the men I loved died. Both of them started here, and I read it as age. One had diabetes and told me flatly that the pill wasn't working, and I believed him. Dr Burnett listened to that story and told me what had been going on inside that man's body while I was busy blaming the wrong thing entirely.He is just as blunt about his own profession. He has watched surgeons treat the cancer and skip the man, and he does not exempt himself from it.There is no shame in this conversation and no bravado either. If your erections have changed and you have been waiting quietly for them to sort themselves out, this is the episode that tells you what you are actually waiting on.Listen, learn and enjoy.Key Takeaways- The oral medications release the brakes on an erection. They cannot start one. Arousal has to be driven from the brain and the body first, which is why a man can take the pill, feel nothing, and wrongly conclude he is finished.- Dr Burnett would call it penile vascular dysfunction. An erection runs on blood vessels, nerves and hormones, the same system that runs the heart, and it usually falters before anything else does.- His lab found the same nitric oxide response in clitoral tissue. The mechanics are close to identical, but female arousal involves hormones and other factors, so one pill was never going to be the answer.- Diabetes damages nerve and blood vessel tissue and behaves in the body almost like premature ageing. These men need more stimulus to drive the response, and the drugs work measurably less well for them.- The online questionnaire skips the health workup. Erectile dysfunction should send a man for a full check, and Dr Burnett calls home delivery without a clinician an unfortunate development in his field.- Nerve sparing surgery lifted recovery rates above zero. Surgeons now map the nerve pathways during the operation, man by man, though the results are still not where he wants them.- He has little faith in nitric oxide supplements and has
- Aug 6, 202627 min
Why Women Lose Their Libido (And How to Get It Back) | ft. Pauline Ryeland
What I Discussed With Pauline Ryeland...- Why the brain turns your libido down on purpose, and what it thinks it's protecting you from- The one thing men do on the sofa every night that women were taught never to do- What Pauline said to a man in his early thirties who was booked in for his third Peyronie's operation- The trauma technique that cleared decades of her own dental trauma after EMDR did nothing- Where painful sex after menopause comes from, and what she reaches for before anyone mentions surgery- The client whose daily panic attacks stopped after a single session- Why I ended up shaking uncontrollably on a hypnotherapist's sofa, and what lifted afterwards- The thing Pauline wants every woman doing from perimenopause onwards, and almost nobody isChapters00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)00:26 – Episode Preview: Unlocking Midlife Passion & Somatic Sexology with Pauline Ryeland01:30 – From Personal Healing to Intimacy Coaching: Pauline’s Journey03:15 – Breaking the Silence: Why Seniors Are Reclaiming Their Sexual Wellbeing05:40 – Somatic Sexology Explained: How Your Body Holds the Key to Pleasure08:12 – Overcoming Midlife Libido Blockers & Emotional Disconnect11:05 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)12:10 – Tantra & Sensual Touch: Redefining Intimacy Beyond Performance15:45 – The Power of Pelvic Floor Awareness & Sacred Energy19:20 – Navigating Body Image Changes and Self-Confidence After 5022:50 – Simple Micro-Habits to Ignite Connection with Your Partner Today26:15 – Vulnerability in Midlife Dating & Long-Term Relationships29:40 – Closing Words: Why Desire Has No Expiration DateShow NotesMost women over 50 assume their libido went quiet because of their age. Pauline Ryeland says the brain switched it off deliberately, and she can usually tell you why.In this episode I'm joined by Pauline Ryeland, a sexological bodyworker, tantra teacher and trauma specialist based in Queensland, Australia. She trained in NLP, hypnotherapy and the Havening technique, and calls herself a libido expert because that's what almost everyone arrives at her door with.Pauline works hands-on with things most practitioners won't touch. Vaginal pain that women have been told to put up with. Peyronie's disease when urologists have run out of ideas beyond surgery. Sexual trauma that has been sitting in the body for decades.She also told me about her own dental trauma, which EMDR couldn't shift and Havening cleared, and about the client who had ruled out having a baby because of daily panic attacks. I shared something from my own experience with hypnotherapy that I hadn't planned to.Then there's the homework. It costs nothing, needs no partner, and most women have never once tried it. Men have been doing it on sofas for decades without giving it a second thought.If your libido has gone quiet, this episode is proof it doesn't have to stay that way.Listen, learn and enjoy.Key Takeaways- Your libido didn't fail. If sex has hurt, the brain turns desire down to keep you away from the pain, and it doesn't turn back up on its own.- Havening is touch-based and gentle. You stroke your own arms while you talk, and score the memory out of ten as you go.- Pauline scored her childhood dental trauma at 10. Afterwards she could feel her brain hunting for it and coming back empty.- Vaginal pain is treatable. Pauline maps the whole area on a 0 to 10 scale, never pushing past a 4, and pain usually halves by the next session.- Castor oil builds elasticity and collagen in the vaginal wall. She wants women using it weekly from perimenopause, not after sex has become painful.- Peyronie's disease is not only an older man's condition, and surgery is not the only route. One client cancelled his third operation.- Nothing sticks in under 28 days. Miss a day of the practice and you start again. Most clients need five to eight sessions, a fortnight apart.- Sit with a hand down your pants and do nothing with it. No touching, no goal. It rebuilds the pathway between brain, heart and genitals, which for most of us are living in separate post codes.About the GuestPauline Ryeland, Intimacy Whisperer ® works as an Intimacy, Sex & Libido Coach & Educator. She is certified as a Somatic Sexological Body Worker, Tantra Teacher & Facilitator and a Master Trainer & Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Advanced Subconscious Reprogramming, Errikson Hypnotherapy, a Results Coach & Performance Consultant and a Havening Techniques™ Trauma SpecialistAbout SuzanneSuzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of
- Jul 30, 202629 min
Why Couples Lose Desire (And How to Get It Back) | Dr. Anna Elton
What I Discussed With Dr Anna Elton...- Why the word desire gets confused with arousal, and how mixing them up keeps couples stuck for years.- The uncomfortable truth about the "spontaneous" desire I felt at 25, and why Anna says I actually worked for it.- What 700+ couples taught Anna about why some marriages stay passionate for decades while others go quiet.- Where my erotic energy goes when it stops flowing toward a partner (it doesn't just vanish).- The three personas every partnered person juggles, and the one that quietly starves first.- The couple who ate out "all the time" but hadn't been on a real date in ten years.- Why I hated being the default planner in my relationships, and Anna's fix for the "I don't know, what do you want to do?" dynamic.- The 20 second habit that took one couple from a sexless marriage back to wanting each other.- What actually kept Anna and her high school sweetheart flirting after 25 years and three kids.Chapters:00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)00:26 – Understanding Midlife Desire with Dr Anna Elton01:27 – Lessons from 25 Years Together: Clinical Research Meets Personal Reality03:00 – Why Young Couples Suffer From Sexless Marriages03:36 – The Brain Chemistry of Intimacy: Desire vs. Physical Arousal04:35 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire Explained05:34 – Rethinking ‘Spontaneous’ Spark in Long-Term Relationships07:01 – The Myth of Youthful Passion & Hormonal Shifts Over Time09:07 – Restoring Novelty: The A-to-Z Date Night Framework10:56 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)11:42 – Creating Mystery & Seeing Your Partner Through a New Lens13:05 – The Power of ‘Consensual Uncertainty’ in Midlife Dating13:44 – Overcoming the ‘Planner Dynamic’ & Resentment in Relationships15:32 – The Three-Step Coaching Technique to Encourage Partner Effort17:00 – Desire Diversion: Where Does Erotic Energy Go When It Leaves the Bedroom?18:50 – Balancing the Three Personas: Individual, Couple, and Family20:17 – Defining a ‘Sexless Marriage’ & The Impact of Parental Stress23:05 – What Long-Term Couples Do Differently to Keep the Flame Alive24:04 – Social Penetration Theory: Why Deeper Communication Drives Physical Connection25:58 – Micro-Habits for Reconnection: The 20-Second Rule27:12 – Can High School Sweethearts Last a Lifetime?28:30 – Closing Thoughts & ‘The Formula of Desire’ Book Release DetailsShow NotesDesire in long-term relationships is one of the most misunderstood topics I cover on this show, so I went straight to someone with the data.In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist who has spent more than 15 years researching desire with over 700 couples. Her new book, The Formula of Desire, grew out of a question she couldn't shake: why were she and her high school sweetheart still flirting after 25 years while couples half their age were arriving at her practice in sexless marriages?Anna dismantled something I'd believed my whole life. That electric, out-of-nowhere desire I remember from my younger years? She says it was never spontaneous. I put the work in without realising it, and that changes everything about how couples in later life can get desire back.We also get into where erotic energy actually goes when it leaves a relationship, because according to Anna's research, it doesn't fade. It moves. And I share something from my own marriage that made this whole conversation personal.If your relationship has gone quiet, this episode is proof it doesn't have to stay that way.Listen, learn and enjoy.Key Takeaways- Desire is psychological, and arousal is physiological. Losing one doesn't mean losing the other.- Spontaneous desire is really well orchestrated desire.- A sexless marriage means sex ten or fewer times a year, and it's happening to couples of every age.- Desire doesn't disappear from a relationship. It redirects toward kids, careers or someone else.- We each juggle three personas: individual, couple and family. The couple persona is the one that gets starved.- New experiences together let you see your partner through fresh eyes, whether that's salsa dancing or axe throwing.- Small consistent habits beat grand gestures. Daily check-ins, 20-second hugs and flirty rain checks keep desire alive.- Just knowing your partner desires you is often enough to feel satisfied in a relationship.About the GuestDr. Anna Elton, LMFT, CST, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist, speaker, and author of The Formula of Desire. With more than 15 years of experience and research involving
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Everything you need to know to have a thriving, nourishing sex life as you age—whatever that means for you. Suzanne Noble is over sixty, sexually experienced and honest. She discusses her own experience and—as a woman in her sixties—brings years of sex and intimacy to reflect on in a witty, open and enthusiastic way. The series is dedicated to helping older people find their way to a healthy and enjoyable sex life. Whether you are just starting out with a new partner or continuing with an old one, there's sure to be something new here for you. www.sexadviceforseniors.com
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