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Divorce Happens: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Fresh Starts Registry
Welcome to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we inspire, educate, and support you through divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only divorce registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in between. Remember, divorce happens...and then, we start fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Hosted by Olivia Dreizen Howell, the co-founder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry.
Latest Episodes
The most recent episodes — sign up to get AI-powered summaries of each one.
- Yesterday17 min
The Codependency Reframe That Will Change How You Think About Your Next Relationship — With Author Kelly Sundberg
There is a particular kind of gaslighting that is almost impossible to name while you’re inside it — the kind where someone spends years convincing you that you can’t survive without them, and you believe it so completely that leaving feels less like freedom and more like stepping off a ledge. That was Kelly Sundberg’s reality before her divorce. Her ex-husband had her convinced she was incompetent — that she couldn’t parent alone, that she couldn’t care for herself, that without him, she would fall apart. What happened instead was that she left, earned a PhD, raised her son to 80% custody with extraordinary closeness, wrote two celebrated books about surviving domestic violence and healing after trauma, got remarried to someone who met her as a whole person and loved her that way, and became one of the most important voices in the conversation about why women stay in abusive marriages. In this warm, luminous episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with Kelly for a conversation that is equal parts literary and deeply, disarmingly human.Kelly’s first book, Goodbye, Sweet Girl, told the story of her marriage and why she stayed as long as she did. Her second, The Answer Is in the Wound — published through Roxane Gay Books — is a hybrid essay collection and memoir about what comes after: surviving PTSD, reclaiming identity after coercive control, learning to be alone, single parenting, and slowly, improbably, learning to love again. She talks in this episode about what surprised her most after leaving: not how hard it was to be a single mother, but how much easier it was than being married to someone whose presence was itself a burden. She had been carrying his emotional weight, managing his moods, parenting him alongside their son — and she hadn’t even known it. The relief of her own home, her own decisions, her own mess, her own peace, was something she genuinely hadn’t anticipated. Her time as a single parent, she says, was her favorite season of motherhood.But the moment that might stop listeners in their tracks comes when Kelly talks about codependency — and offers one of the most quietly stunning reframes in recent Divorce Happens memory. She describes how those old codependent impulses surfaced when she started dating the man she would eventually marry. And then she says this: they had nowhere to go. Her partner, eight years younger and emotionally grounded, had no interest in being managed, fixed, or rescued. Her need to caretake had no foothold. And so it faded. For anyone who has ever feared that their patterns will follow them into their next relationship, Kelly’s story is both a warning and a profound piece of hope: the right person isn’t someone who accommodates your old wounds. They’re someone whose presence simply doesn’t feed them. This episode is a gift for anyone surviving domestic violence, healing after an abusive relationship, or trying to believe that a full, joyful, loving life is still waiting on the other side of the hardest thing they’ve ever done.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/
- Yesterday7 min
Hey Olivia, What Questions Should I Ask at My First Divorce Attorney Consult?
What questions should you actually ask at your first divorce attorney consultation? In this solo episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia answers a listener letter from someone terrified she'll sit through her first consult, nod along, and walk out without asking a single thing that mattered — then spend three days replaying everything she wishes she'd said.If that fear sounds familiar, you're not failing. That blank-brain overwhelm is what shock does to all of us in that room. So Olivia hands you the cheat sheet: the exact questions to ask a divorce lawyer, the ones too many people only think of afterward, and the single most important thing to pay attention to that has nothing to do with the law. This is the divorce consultation prep you wish someone had handed you before you walked in, so you leave with real information instead of regret.THE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR DIVORCE ATTORNEY (COVERED IN THIS EPISODE):What's your experience with cases like mine, specifically? How to tell whether an attorney has handled your kind of divorce, whether that's high-conflict custody, hidden or controlled finances, business and self-employment assets, or interstate situations.What is your communication style, and who will actually work on my case? How to avoid hiring an attorney and then hearing only from a paralegal for six months.How exactly do you charge, and what burns through a retainer faster than people expect? Understanding divorce attorney fees, retainers, and hourly rates before you're emotionally deep in the process.What's your approach, and does it match what I need? How to tell whether an attorney is litigation-minded, negotiation-first, or mediation-focused, and which is right for your situation.What are the biggest mistakes people make early in a divorce? The proactive warnings a good attorney gives you up front, about money, documentation, and social media.What does a good outcome actually look like for someone in my situation? Why their answer reveals whether they truly listened, and whether your expectations are aligned.The gut-check that matters most: how does this attorney make you feel in the room? Why trusting your instinct about a divorce lawyer is data, not emotion.Plus: why shopping around for two or three attorneys before you commit isn't indecisive, it's smart.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/
- 2 days ago7 min
Hey Olivia, My Husband Just Said He's Leaving — What Do I Do First?
What do you do in the first 24 hours after your spouse says they're leaving? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a woman who was standing at the stove making dinner when her husband walked in, told her he wants "a new life," and said she could keep the kids and the house. She hasn't cried yet. She thinks she's in shock. And she just needs someone to tell her what to do first. If you've been blindsided by divorce and can't think straight, this episode is for you.Olivia walks through exactly what matters in the first 24 to 48 hours after being blindsided — starting with the most important truth: nothing your spouse said in that moment is legally decided, final, or binding. She covers why shock is your nervous system protecting you (not weakness), why tonight's only job is getting through tonight, and the concrete first steps that protect you: tell one safe person, don't agree to or sign anything, start documenting what was said, and keep things simple and loving with the kids. And she offers a reframe for the hardest part — the words "a new life" — reminding you that a spouse's choice to leave is information about him, not a verdict on your worth.IN THIS EPISODE:Why that strange, blank "calm" after a blindside is shock — and exactly what your nervous system is doingWhy nothing your spouse said in the moment ("you can have the kids and the house") is a legal agreement or final decisionThe single most important rule tonight: make no decisions and sign nothingTelling one safe person and why you need a witness right nowHow to start documenting what was said — simply, in a notes app, datedWhat to say to your kids in hour one when you don't have answers yetThe reframe for "he wants a new life": his restlessness lives with him, not with youWhy the 2am spiral isn't the full truth — and who to lean on (a divorce coach, therapist, and attorney) insteadABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.SUPPORT & RESOURCES:In the first days after a blindside, you don't have to sort anything out alone. A trusted friend or family member can be a witness while you find your footing. When you're ready for the practical pieces, a divorce coach can help you prepare and stay steady, a therapist can hold space for the grief and shock, and a family law attorney can tell you where you actually stand legally — so the big decisions get made with good information, not in the middle of hour one.LISTEN & FOLLOW:If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who's in the very first hours of this right now. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/
- 3 days ago7 min
Hey Olivia, There's No Villain in Our Divorce — So Why Does It Hurt This Much?
How do you heal from a divorce when there's no villain — when you both still love each other and simply grew apart? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a listener ending a marriage with no betrayal, no blowup, and real care still between them. They share a child, they can still show up for each other, and she wants to know: how do you stay connected as co-parents while creating enough distance to actually heal? If you're grieving an amicable divorce that looks "good" on paper but still aches, this episode is for you.Olivia names what so few people say out loud: an amicable divorce can be one of the hardest versions there is, because the grief is quieter and lonelier when there's no anger to propel you forward. She offers a reframe that changes everything — you're not ending the relationship, you're changing its form — and walks through what healthy distance really means: not coldness, but structure. From "business-warm" co-parenting communication to protecting breathing room around the parts of life that aren't about your child, this is a tender, practical guide to mourning the marriage while building the new relationship that comes next.IN THIS EPISODE:Why an amicable divorce with love still in it can be harder, not easier, to grieveGiving yourself permission to mourn a "good" divorce no one else fully understandsWhat's happening in your nervous system when closeness feels natural and also keeps the wound openThe central reframe: you're not ending the relationship, you're changing its formWhy grief and rightness can coexist — it's allowed to be sad even when it's the right callWhat healing distance actually means: structure, not coldness"Business-warm" co-parenting and using a shared calendar or co-parenting app so every message isn't an emotional doorwayThe question to ask on the hard nights instead of "did we make a mistake?"ABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.SUPPORT & RESOURCES:Grieving a relationship you still care about is its own kind of work, and you don't have to do it alone. A therapist can hold space for the quieter grief that comes with an amicable split, and a divorce coach can help you build "business-warm" co-parenting structures and the healthy distance you need to move forward. A shared calendar or co-parenting app can keep logistics in one place, so day-to-day messages stay focused and don't reopen the wound.LISTEN & FOLLOW:If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone navigating a loving, amicable split right now. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/
- 3 days ago14 min
She Turned Her High-Conflict Divorce Into a Movement. Here’s What Courtney Gilmartin Learned About Surviving, Documenting & Fighting Back
Nobody warns you that the divorce itself might be the easy part. For Courtney Gilmartin, a New Jersey mom who started her divorce journey nearly a decade ago, the 13-month dissolution of her marriage was just the opening chapter of a much longer, harder story — one that wound through post-judgment litigation, forensic custody evaluations, parenting coordinators, and years of fighting a family court system that moves nothing like the urgent, life-disrupting pace of the people trapped inside it. In this raw and remarkably practical episode of Divorce Happens, host Olivia Howell sits down with Courtney to talk about what high-conflict divorce really looks like from the inside: the emotional toll, the strategic survival, and the hard-won wisdom that comes from living it. Courtney is now the founder of NJ Protective Moms, a grassroots nonprofit focused on family court advocacy and coercive control legislation, and runs Monarch Consulting Group, where she helps women prepare for custody evaluations and complex litigation. She is living proof that the mess can become a mission.What makes this conversation so valuable is the way Courtney refuses to let the emotional and the strategic stay separate — because in high-conflict divorce, they can't be. She talks honestly about how she survived years of post-settlement chaos: the near fifty-fifty custody schedule that left her with empty weekends that felt more like exile than freedom, the way exercise — walking, Pilates, lifting weights, hot yoga — became less a wellness habit and more a lifeline. She shares one of the most useful reframes in the episode: that every professional in your case, even the ones who seem unhelpful or frustrating, can serve a strategic purpose if you approach them with the right lens. A co-parenting therapist who can’t move the needle with your ex isn’t a failure — they’re evidence. A parenting coordinator whose recommendations aren’t being followed isn’t useless — they’re documentation. In high-conflict co-parenting situations, Courtney argues, the question is never just “is this helping me emotionally?” but “how does this build my case?”The episode closes on something that feels both practical and deeply human: the power of documentation in family court proceedings. Courtney is emphatic — your case is only as strong as your evidence. Keep records. Organize everything. Not because someone will necessarily look at it tomorrow, but because when they do, you want to walk in with credibility rather than chaos. And then she offers something softer: a reminder that you are not on anyone’s timeline but your own. Whether you’re just beginning to consider leaving, waiting until the kids are older, or trying to find your footing after years of post-divorce litigation, the pressure to move faster than you’re ready to is one more thing you don’t owe anyone. Courtney’s story is a testament to what women can build out of their hardest seasons — not in spite of them, but because of them.
- 5 days ago8 min
Hey Olivia, We Told the Kids About the Divorce — Now the Questions Won't Stop. What Do I Say?
How do you answer your kids' questions about divorce when you're barely holding yourself together? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a parent whose kids seemed "fine" when they first heard about the divorce — and are now flooding her with questions. Where will I sleep? Will I still see my friends? Do you still love each other? Is it my fault? If you've already told your kids about the divorce and the questions won't stop, this episode is the steadying guide you've been looking for.Olivia explains why that "fine in the moment" reaction is textbook child psychology, why the wave of questions is actually a sign of trust, and the three things your kids truly need to hear — repeated as often as they need them. She shares a skill that changes how these conversations feel: listening for the question underneath the question, and answering the fear instead of the surface. And she talks honestly about you — how to stay emotionally present for your children while you're grieving too, without having to be perfect or have a script ready for every hard moment.IN THIS EPISODE:Why kids often seem "too okay" at first — and why the questions come laterHow the flood of questions is a sign of trust and attachment, not a sign you got it wrongThe three anchors every child needs to hear: this is not your fault, you'll be loved and cared for by both of us, you'll always have a homeWhy "I don't know yet, but we're working on it" is an honest, appropriate answerThe skill of listening for the question underneath the question — and answering the fear beneath itHow to directly and completely address "Is this my fault?" — even before they ask it out loudGiving yourself permission to say "Let me think about that and come back to you"Modeling emotional honesty without oversharing — and why a little realness helpsPractical anchors for this season: routines, timing, and when a child therapist can helpABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.SUPPORT & RESOURCES:If your kids are working through a lot right now, a few sessions with a child therapist can give them one warm, neutral adult who is entirely in their corner — not because anything is wrong, but because support helps. And give yourself somewhere to put your own grief too: a therapist, a divorce coach, or a trusted friend can hold space for you while you hold space for them.LISTEN & FOLLOW:If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with a parent who's fielding the same hard questions right now. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/
- 6 days ago7 min
Hey Olivia, My Ex Wants to Tell the Kids the Divorce Is My Fault. How Do I Stop Him?
How do you tell your kids you're getting divorced when your co-parent wants to blame you for it? In this solo "Hey Olivia" episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell answers a letter from a mom whose ex plans to tell their five- and seven-year-old that Mommy broke up the family — and who yells every time she tries to talk about doing it differently. If you're terrified of how the other parent might frame your divorce in front of the kids, this one is for you.Olivia explains why telling young children that one parent "broke up the family" is genuinely harmful, then walks through a calm, doable plan for telling kids about divorce in a high-conflict co-parenting situation: how to ask for a neutral third party in the room, the non-accusatory request to put in writing first, the simple and united words to say to your kids, and what to do if your co-parent says something hurtful anyway. The heart of it: you may not be able to control what your ex says, but you are never powerless — and being the steady, safe parent is more powerful than winning any single moment.IN THIS EPISODE:Why "breaking up the family" language harms kids — the developmental reason it sticksThe simple, united story children actually need when parents divorceHow to ask for a family therapist, co-parenting counselor, or mediator to be presentThe short, non-accusatory message to send in writing before the conversation (and why a record matters)Exactly what to say to your kids — clear, age-appropriate language you can use todayHow to respond in the moment if your co-parent assigns blame, without escalating in front of the kidsWhen to bring in a co-parenting therapist, divorce child specialist, or divorce coachABOUT DIVORCE HAPPENS:Divorce Happens is a podcast supporting people before, during, and after divorce, hosted by Olivia Howell. The show runs on one belief: divorce is not a failure, and it carries no shame. Through honest guest conversations and solo "Hey Olivia" episodes answering listener questions, Olivia offers real tools, real comfort, and the reminder that you're so much further along than you think.LISTEN & FOLLOW:If this episode helped you, follow Divorce Happens on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen, leave a rating or review, and share it with a parent who needs it before they sit their kids down. You are seen, and you are doing an incredible job. 💙🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/
- 1 weeks ago21 min
Divorce Books: Soft Launch: A Coming-of-Adulthood Novel by Sarah Vacchiano
What happens when you get married at 22, divorced by 27, and have to figure out who you actually are for the very first time — as a fully formed adult? That’s the question at the heart of this week’s episode of Divorce Happens, and it’s one that Sarah Vacchiano has spent the last decade not just living, but writing. Sarah is a Los Angeles-based entertainment lawyer, a first-time author, and the mother of a four-year-old — and her debut novel, Soft Launch: A Coming of Adulthood Story, is the kind of book the divorce recovery space has been quietly waiting for. Part roman à clef, part fresh start manifesto, Soft Launch follows a young woman navigating her first year after divorce in New York City, and the story is drawn unmistakably from Sarah’s own life. In this conversation with host Olivia Howell, Sarah opens up about why she wrote it, what she learned from her early divorce, and why “coming of adulthood” — not “coming of age” — was the only framework that fit.This episode is for anyone who has ever felt too young to be divorced, too old to be starting over, or too ashamed of a decision that was actually the bravest thing they ever did. Sarah and Olivia talk about the importance of representation in divorce media, the way childhood experiences shape the relationships we choose, and what it means to “live your way into the answer” — a Rainer Maria Rilke quote that Sarah has carried through her entire post-divorce journey. And for listeners who love a great beach read with emotional depth, Soft Launch is exactly the kind of divorce novel that makes you feel seen and hopeful at the same time. The takeaway isn’t just about surviving divorce in your 20s or starting fresh after marriage — it’s about giving yourself permission to become someone new, even if it’s uncomfortable, even if it’s messy, even if it takes ten years to write the book.🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/
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About Divorce Happens
Welcome to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we inspire, educate, and support you through divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only divorce registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in between. Remember, divorce happens...and then, we start fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Hosted by Olivia Dreizen Howell, the co-founder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry.
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