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Dad Starting Over: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Dad Starting Over
Welcome to the Dad Starting Over podcast! "Starting Over" means different things to different people. It could be that you're newly divorced and starting over fresh with a new life. It could be that you're still married and wanting to hit the reset button and finally do things right within your marriage. Whatever your story may be, you're in the right place. I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books called "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk" and "Red Flags".
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- Yesterday55 min
"I Love You. I Just Can't Be What You Need." | A Live Chat with Attachment Expert Cassie N.
What if she already loves you as much as she is capable of loving anybody? And it's still not enough for you.Not because she's cruel. Not because she's punishing you. Not because there's a switch you haven't found yet. The tank just isn't that big.I had an attachment expert named Cassie on my live stream, and she told me a story I haven't been able to shake. She'd been with an avoidant man who discarded her with no real explanation. Nine months later they ran into each other and he lit up like he hadn't seen her in twenty years. Then he told her he loved her for the first time. "I love you more than anybody or anything I've ever loved. But I can't be what you need."She believed him. Both halves of it. His love was real, and it was still smaller than what she needed.I sat there listening and thought, half the men watching my channel are living that exact story with the roles flipped.Because you've heard your own version of that sentence. "I love you, I'm just not a very sexual person." "It's not you, it's me." "I don't know why I'm like this."And you didn't believe her. You treated it like a puzzle. You lost the weight, you did the chores, you stopped complaining, you did the counseling, you handed her the books. You escalated to every department in the building looking for a different answer.In this video I'm talking about capacity. What it is, why it's not the same thing as willingness, and why you cannot beg, argue, therapize, or hand a thousand books into somebody's capacity getting bigger. People build that alone, if they ever build it at all.Cassie put it a way I liked. It's like a feral cat. All the chasing in the world does nothing. All you can do is stop.And I'll be straight with you about the part most guys get wrong. "Stop chasing" is not a strategy to get her back. If you're doing it to get her back, you're still chasing. You've just gotten quieter about it.🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join
- 3 days ago58 min
Chat LIVE with Ralph & Laura How: Attachment, Monogamy & Why Nobody Grows Up Anymore
A full hour LIVE with therapist and author Laura How — one of the very few women publicly saying what she says about sexless marriages. So few, in fact, that the wives in her own village have stopped saying hello.We covered a lot of ground: whether you should stay when the in-love feelings fade, why "I fell out of love" is usually an ego defense, what attachment dysfunction actually is (hint: it's arrested development, and it's everywhere), the rise of "the ick," why your algorithm has convinced you all women are avoidant, and the myth that a wife who isn't intimate with you must be getting it somewhere else.Then I saved the hot-button for last. I told Laura about the men who feel forgotten after kids arrive — husbands demoted to co-parent and roommate for 18 years — and about the reaction that message always gets online: "You big baby. Change more diapers, then maybe I'll have energy for you." I asked for her honest take.Her answer: "I reject it entirely. I call BS." What follows — on staying lovers after kids, the "devouring mother," what your children actually feel when mom and dad are okay, and why a woman keeping her sexuality alive is something she does for HERSELF — is the strongest ten minutes on this topic I've had on this channel. 👩 Find Laura: https://laurahow.com — and search "Laura How" on YouTube and Facebook. She's building her audience there, and if this hour did something for you, subscribing to her is how you say thanks.🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join
- 6 days ago14 min
Sexless Marriage: She Takes Care of Herself But Won't Touch Me
He came home early from a work trip. Didn't text ahead. Walked in and found out the truth.His wife doesn't have a desire problem. The desire works fine. He's just not part of it.Derek wrote me after sitting in his car for twenty minutes trying to figure out what to do with what he just found out. In this episode I break down what's actually going on — why the vibrator isn't about preference, what the anxious-avoidant dynamic looks like inside a dead bedroom, and what Derek actually does next.🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join
- 1 weeks ago48 min
Taking Your Dead Bedroom Questions LIVE: 10-Year Droughts, Avoidant Wives & Why Ultimatums Work
Here is a recording of impromptu live stream I recently did. No script, no agenda, just me and the chat. And as usual, the unscheduled ones end up being the best ones.This stream turned into a full clinic on the stuff I hear from men every single day: the guy who told his wife he desired her and got nothing back. The guy 10 years into a sexless marriage who swears he "shouldn't have to" bring it up. The guy engaged to a woman who already tells him "you sexualize everything." And the one that floors the average dude — 20 years, never married, sexless, and every time he tries to leave, her tears pull him right back in.We got into why nobody has the uncomfortable conversations early (when they'd actually save you), why "she trapped me with sex" is almost never what happened, what a decade of staying teaches your partner, breadcrumbing and why that little cookie every six months keeps you quiet, and the boss-who-can-never-fire-you problem that lives inside every one of these marriages.🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join
- 1 weeks ago14 min
She Called Me a Narcissist for Leaving. Was She Right?
A man divorces his wife after two years of zero affection post-menopause. He starts dating again, shares his story with a woman he's seeing, and she calls him a narcissist. His ex-wife used the same word. Now he's writing to me wondering if they're right.In this episode, I break down what actual narcissism is, why the word has become a go-to weapon in relationship conflict, and how to think clearly about whether the label actually fits you — or whether it's being used to make you feel like the problem when you're not.🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=gNiRtwcj🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join
- 2 weeks ago19 min
Sexless Marriage... She Stopped Hugging Me Too
She stopped hugging you. She doesn't hold your hand. She shifts away on the couch without even thinking about it. You tell yourself it's just a sex problem. But deep down, you know it's not.I respond to a letter from Mike — 42, married 11 years — who had the moment where he realized it wasn't just the bedroom that went dead. It was everything.We break down: — The difference between a dead bedroom and a dead marriage— Why "the talk" doesn't work (and makes it worse) — What her body is actually telling you — What moves the needle, and what doesn't — The harder question you need to answer honestly🔴 FREE: Fix Your Dead Bedroom (Instant PDF Download)https://go.helpformen.com/tl/545🔴 FREE COURSE: The Dead Bedroom Fix Coursehttps://deadbedroomfixcourse.com🔴 NEW!: The Dead Bedroom Fix Apphttps://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=bGibj96r🔴 TAKE THE QUIZ: What's your REBUILD score?https://helpformen.com/insights/rebuild-score🟢 JOIN THE BROTHERHOOD (Private Community for Men)https://helpformen.com/join
- 3 weeks ago15 min
Sexless Marriage… She Cried and Said She Didn't Want to Lose Us. Two Weeks Later Nothing Changed.
Brian finally had the conversation. Sat his wife down, told her the truth — the distance, the loneliness, how much he missed her. She cried. She said she was sorry. She said she didn't want to lose them.Two weeks later nothing has changed.In this episode I break down why the crying moment feels like a breakthrough but often isn't, what's actually happening when a woman feels it in the moment and then goes right back to her default, and what men consistently get wrong in the weeks after a conversation like that.If you've ever had a moment that felt like a turning point — and then watched it disappear — this one is for you.📖 Get the Dead Bedroom Fix: https://deadbedroomfix.com🤝 Join the Help For Men Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/joinThe Dead Bedrrom Fix App: https://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=bGibj96r
- Jun 26, 202614 min
Sexless Marriage… She Finally Agreed to Counseling. Then Used It Against Me.
Tom finally got his wife to agree to couples counseling. He was hopeful for the first time in months. He thought they were finally going to address the real issues — the distance, the intimacy, the disconnection.Instead every session became a list of everything he's ever done wrong. Old arguments. Ancient history. Things he's already apologized for. And the actual problems — a year without sex, emotional withdrawal — never got touched.In this episode I break down what's actually happening when counseling gets weaponized, why the therapy room can become the most dangerous place in a struggling marriage, and what men in this situation need to understand before they walk into another session.If you've ever left a couples counseling session feeling worse than when you walked in — this one is for you.📖 Get the Dead Bedroom Fix: https://deadbedroomfix.com 🤝 Join the Help For Men Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join 📩 The Dead Bedroom Fix App: https://studio.com/ralph/deadbedroomfix?c=bGibj96r
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About Dad Starting Over
Welcome to the Dad Starting Over podcast! "Starting Over" means different things to different people. It could be that you're newly divorced and starting over fresh with a new life. It could be that you're still married and wanting to hit the reset button and finally do things right within your marriage. Whatever your story may be, you're in the right place. I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books called "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk" and "Red Flags".
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