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Circle In: The Family Leadership Center Podcast: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Family Leadership Center
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- 6 days ago30 min
036: The Power of Belonging: Why Your Child’s ‘Bad’ Behavior is a Cry for Connection
In this episode, we’re diving into Connection—the first of the 4 Crucial Cs. We’re moving past the "fixing behavior" mindset and getting to the heart of the matter: Belonging isn't a luxury; it’s a biological survival need. When a child doesn't feel that solid sense of "I belong here," they don't just sit still—they scramble to get back into your spotlight. We call these Mistaken Goals. Whether they are acting like a clown or playing the helpless victim, they aren't trying to be bad; they are trying to be seen.Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. Let us know a fun way you created to connect this week! We’d love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org.🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.orgHosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership CenterPaige Trevor, Parent CoachSpecial thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy TracyResources🤓 Check out Paige’s Resource Page for the Ultimate Chore List🎧Reboot Special Time with Episode 05: The Present of Your Presence: 1-on-1 Time with Your Child Boosts Confidence and Trust 🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don’t already have one!Join our community and share what happens when you look for strengths and share them with the children in your life!Stay Connected📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
- 2 weeks ago22 min
035: Encouragement: the heart of it all
Stop Praising, Start EmpoweringWe’ve all been there: over-praising in an effort to motivate, only to realize that external validation isn't the same thing as internal courage. Or, we try to "help" by pointing out what needs fixing, unintentionally leaving everyone feeling discouraged.This week, Marjie and Paige dive into the real engine of a happy home: Encouragement. It’s more than just a pat on the back—it’s about giving our kids (and ourselves!) the courage to be imperfect, to grow, and to contribute.Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. We’d love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org.🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you’re enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.orgHosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership CenterPaige Trevor, Parent CoachSpecial thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy TracyResources🤓 Check out Paige’s Ode to Encouragement Blog for some more inspiration🎧 Marjie and Louisa share wonderful ways to encourage through strengths: 018: Finding Strengths: The Essence of Encouragement🧰 Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don’t already have one!📄 Encouragement vs Discouragement Handout📖 Books mentioned: Punished by Rewards, by Alfie Kohn and Mindset, by Carol DweckJoin our community and share what happens when you look for strengths and share them with the children in your life!Stay Connected📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
- Apr 1, 202623 min
034: What's Your Style? Parenting on Purpose
Does your day start with gentle good mornings and end with drill sergeant vibes? If you find yourself swinging from the Permissive Parent at breakfast ("Eat your breakfast, okay?") to the Autocratic Parent by bedtime ("Get in bed, NOW!!!"), you aren't alone. In fact, many parents find themselves caught in this pendulum swing, trying to be kind but eventually losing their patience when things don't get done. In this episode, Marjie and Paige explore the four parenting styles and how they shape the roles our children play. The Four Styles at a Glance: 🍭 The Permissive Parent (The "Feel Good" Approach): High warmth, low limits. We prioritize harmony and happiness. While it feels nice in the moment, we might accidentally treat our kids like "guests" in the home, leaving them without the life skills they need. 💂 The Autocratic Parent (The "Look Right" Approach): Low warmth, high limits. We prioritize order and obedience. While things might look "right" on the outside, it often trades long-term connection for short-term compliance—and can leave kids struggling to find their own voice. 📱 The Distracted Parent (The "Hands-Off" Approach): Life is busy, and sometimes we just let them figure it out. However, without our presence and coaching, kids can miss out on the vital training and connection that fuels their growth. 🛠️ The Encouraging Parent (The "Do Good" Approach): The sweet spot! This is High Warmth + High Expectations. We stop trying to "fix" our children and start solving problems with them through mutual respect. This Week's Home Play: The Detective 🕵️♀️ Before we change a single habit, we have to see them! Don't change a thing yet—just observe. Keep a shame-free log of your default moves: Which style did your own parents use? (We often repeat what we know or swing to the opposite extreme). When do you step in to "save" them? (e.g. forgotten lunches, tied shoes, or managing their big emotions for them). When do you find yourself on repeat? (e.g. shoes, chores, or the "one more minute" screen-time battle). Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. Let us know your Parenting Style! We'd love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org. 🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org Hosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center Paige Trevor, Parent Coach Special thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy Tracy Resources 🤓 Read Paige's PEP blog: To Change the Walk, Start with the Talk describing that clay exercise 🎧 Listen Again: 032 Family Play ♥️ Book a 20-minute Free Parenting Consult with Paige 📚 Explore more on parenting styles in this FLC blog: All About Parenting Styles 🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don't already have one! Join our community and share what happens when you look for strengths and share them with the children in your life!
- Mar 18, 202620 min
033: Out of the Nest: Reverse-Engineer Your Parenting
What if you stopped parenting for today and started parenting for a Tuesday ten years from now? This episode introduces the "Out of the Nest" framework—a powerful exercise that helps you work backward from your long-term vision to handle today's reality. By shifting your focus from "fixing the behavior" to "building the human," you transform navigating family life into the exact training ground your kids need. Paige and Marjie share: The Dinner Guest Test: Imagine your child at age 30, knocking on your door for dinner. We look at the qualities you hope they have then (like resilience and kindness) and how the challenges you're facing now can become the gifts to develop those qualities. What Tools Work?: We audit the common tools—nagging, rescuing, reminding, and punishing—and ask the hard question: Are these methods actually building the skills required for an independent adult? Challenges as Opportunities: Learn how to reframe a screen-time battle or a sibling spat as a specific opportunity to teach self-advocacy and accountability. Instead of acting as a short-term manager, start acting as a long-term mentor. Your home is the primary social laboratory— where everyone learns that mistakes don't define them, and the skills to navigate the challenges of life. ✍️Home Play: Imagine your child is 30 years old and visiting you. What is one quality you hope they have? Now, look at a struggle you had with them recently—how could that challenge be utilized to grow and practice that specific quality? 💬Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. We'd love to hear your thoughts on the "Out of the Nest" framework and answer your questions. Share your thoughts anonymously here, on Instagram, or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org. 🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org Hosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center Paige Trevor, Parent Coach Special thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy Tracy Resources 🎧 Take another listen to 004: Parenting Hacks: 10 Ways to Foster Cooperation Through Chores ♥️ Read Paige's Blog: The Path of Parenting ⚒️A parent's perspective on raising responsible, caring humans: Teaching Kids to Be Capable 🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don't already have one! Stay Connected 📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter ⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
- Mar 4, 202619 min
032: The Family Play: Designing a Stage Where Everyone Can Shine
Imagine your family dynamic is a play where the stage is set, the scenery is in place and the play is already underway. When children join the play, they interpret the family stage and then cast themselves in a role to find their own place (i.e. as "the funny one"). When you view your home through this lens, you gain the levity needed to stop "fixing" your kids and start enjoying your family's unique performance. 🔦 Your Spotlight: Notice how your children may become polar opposites to avoid competing for your attention, carving out unique space to ensure they belong. 🎭 Your Script: Realize that what you label "misbehavior" is often just a mismatch between your child's natural rhythm and the script you've established for the house. 🧥 Your Casting: When you stop casting your kids in rigid roles, you give them the freedom to take off old "costumes" and try on healthier ways of interacting with you. Instead of acting as a stressed-out director trying to control every line, try being a curious producer who sees possibilities and appreciates the nuances of your family's show. Home Play: This week's invitation is to notice and name a "role" you've accidentally cast a child in (e.g., "The athletic/good/bad/smart one" and catch them acting out of character this week, acknowledging the moment with a simple, neutral observation. Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org. 🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org Hosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center Paige Trevor, Parent Coach Special thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy Tracy Resources 🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don't already have one! 🎧 Take another listen to Episode 011: The Power of Noticing + Shining a Light on Strengths: How Positive Attention Builds Cooperation 🍻Read Paige's Blog, People are Prisms ♥️ Want to know more about Temperament 🤝Join our community Stay Connected 📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter ⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
- Feb 18, 202626 min
031: Unlocking Cooperation and Confidence: The 4 Crucial Cs
What if your child isn't giving you a hard time, but is actually having a hard time because their internal buckets are empty? This week, we offer a powerful reframe for those moments of defiance and meltdown using the 4 Crucial Cs: Connect, Capable, Count, and Courage. When our needs go unmet, we often resort to "useless" behaviors—like power struggles or constant interruptions—to find a sense of belonging. By first noticing and then attending to these needs, you can transform your home into a place where respect comes first, and where everyone feels they truly matter. 🤝 Connect: Replace annoying attention-seeking with ten minutes of undivided "Special Time" to reinforce a feeling of belonging. 🛠️ Capable: Trade power struggles for intentional training, allowing kids to gain the mastery they crave through real-world skills. 🙉 Count: Listen to their perspective first so they feel their voice matters, turning "revenge" into its alter-ego–an ability to contribute meaningfully. 🏔️Courage: Normalize failure to build the resilience needed to face life without the paralysis of perfectionism. 📝Home Play: It might be helpful to consider home as the laboratory where we all can learn, practice and grow. Allow yourself to practice some of the ideas we share on the podcast. It takes courage to make mistakes. This week we invite you to consider one strength of a child in your life today. Write it down. Next, think when, where and how you'll share this strength with them. Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. Need advice on how to help your child(ren) feel connected, capable, that they count or courageous? We'd love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org. 🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org Hosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center Paige Trevor, Parent Coach Special thanks to editor Max Cotter and Wendy Tracy Resources 🎧 Listen Again to Episode 016: The Hidden Truth About Power Struggles ♥️ Read Paige's blog about how to Stay Encouraged (little things can make a big difference). 🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don't already have one! 🤝Join our community and share what happens when you look for strengths and celebrate them with the children in your life! Stay Connected 📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter ⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
- Feb 4, 202616 min
030: 5 Guidelines For Your Parenting Journey
Between the morning scramble and the bedtime battles, it's easy for our homes to feel like a series of fires we're constantly trying to put out. This week, Paige and Marjie break down five essential guidelines designed to shift your home from a place of friction to a place of partnership. Respect for self and others: We share how to balance essential self-care with empathy and establish boundaries to prevent burnout. Trust & confidentiality: Why "public" correction is the enemy of connection. Learn how to foster a safe environment where kids feel secure enough to solve problems creatively. Encourage each other: The power of shifting from nagging to noticing and how validating effort and contribution—rather than just results—can be a game changer. Be responsible for getting your needs met: Model responsibility by clearly communicating your own needs instead of expecting mind-reading. Be willing to experiment: Trade rigidity for curiosity. If a strategy fails, simply "reboot" with a new approach. 🛠️ This Week's Challenge Don't try to overhaul everything at once! Pick just one guideline and apply it to a high-stress transition this week (like the morning rush or meal time). Notice how the atmosphere shifts when you apply one of the guidelines. The End of Mind-Reading: Are you waiting for your family to "just know" what you need? We talk about modeling radical responsibility by communicating your needs clearly and kindly. The Power of the Reboot: Trade rigidity for curiosity. If a plan fails, you haven't failed—you're just in an experiment. Learn how to "reboot" without the guilt. Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. Need advice on any parenting issue? We'd love to hear your family guidelines. We are always here to answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org. 🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org Hosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center Paige Trevor, Parent Coach Special thanks to editor Max Cotter, Marike Pienaar, and Wendy Tracy Resources 🎧 Check out Alyson Schafer's encouraging podcast: Parenting the Adlerian Way ✅ Learn more about Dr. Karen John's work 👀 Watch Karen John's 2020 presentation on democratic leadership here. ♥️ Join our New Neighborhood: Circle In Online Community 🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don't already have one! 📖Read Paige's short blog: An Ode to Encouragement Stay Connected 📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter ⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
- Jan 21, 202625 min
029: The Parenting Voyage
Parenting isn't a destination; it's a voyage. In this episode, Marjie and Paige explore how to build a 'sturdy ship' for your family's journey, swapping reactive parenting for a shared compass of dignity and mutual respect. Most of us set sail using either a "replica" of our own upbringing or a "reaction" against it. To build a truly flexible parenting vessel, we must move beyond our own anxieties and learn to respond to the actual needs of the situation. The 4 Pillars of a Sturdy Ship Reframe the Need: Shift from "How do I feel?" to "What does the situation need?" to help your family move away from shame or blame to working together. Dignity is Non-Negotiable: Treat your child with the same respect you'd offer a friend because every person on the ship—parent and child alike—is equally deserving of dignity. Listen to Behavior: Look beneath the surface of "misbehavior" to find the unmet need; quiet yourself, listen for the need instead of reacting to the symptom. Encouragement Over Criticism: Positive change only grows from strengths, never from weaknesses. Throw away the "red pen" of perfectionism and focus on building muscle through noticing effort and strengths. The Lifelong Task Marjie reminds us that growth happens throughout our life journey, not a task to be finished. Paige encourages us to stop obsessing over our children's "life tasks" and instead modeling what it means to be a caring, resilient adult. Ready to steady the ship? If you've spent too long exhausted by the daily tug-of-war, this conversation is an invitation to drop the rope. Tune in to discover how to stop reacting to the storms and start steering with more intention. You'll walk away with more than just tips—you'll gain the tools to build a family culture where everyone feels seen, respected, and ready to navigate family life together. Join the Conversation: Your ideas and questions matter. Need advice on how to get started? We'd love to hear your ideas and answer your questions. Share your thoughts on Instagram or drop us an email at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org. 🙏Subscribe & Rate: If you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to rate and review us wherever you listen to your podcasts. ⁉️Questions/Suggestions/Feedback: Your feedback helps us continue bringing you helpful and insightful episodes every week. Please email us at questions@familyleadershipcenter.org Hosts Marjie Longshore, Founder of Family Leadership Center Paige Trevor, Parent Coach Special thanks to editor Max Cotter, Marike Pienaar, and Wendy Tracy Resources 🎧 Worth a listen: 018 Finding Strengths: The Essence of Encouragement ♥️ Quick reminder about what Encouragement is (and isn't) Ode to Encouragement 🧰Pick up a Family Meeting Toolkit if you don't already have one! Stay Connected 📝Subscribe to the Family Leadership Center newsletter ⚖️Subscribe to Paige's newsletter
About Circle In: The Family Leadership Center Podcast
Circle In: A Family Leadership Podcast provides inspiration, up-to-date research, timeless wisdom, and humor leaving parents and caregivers hopeful and encouraged.
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