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Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Eileen Devine
The Brain First Parenting podcast supports parents who are raising children, teens or young adults with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms. We are a safe space for parents who have historically felt like there isn't a place for them in the parenting advice world. At Brain First Parenting, we see each child as a unique individual with a unique brain, who deserves accommodations to thrive in a world that is frequently not set up for people with neurobehavioral challenges. We prioritize supporting the parents of these kids and teens so that they can, in turn, feel hope and confidence and joy in their parenting experience.
Latest Episodes
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- 6 days ago22 min
Ep. 54 | Reconsider the Reward Chart: Why Traditional Parenting Strategies Fall Short
SUMMARY - Have you tried consequences, reward charts, timeouts, or repeated explanations, only to find yourself navigating the same challenging behavior again? In this episode, Eileen explores five common parenting approaches and the brain skills each asks children to use, including memory, impulse control, regulation, and perspective-taking. She explains why knowing a rule or wanting a reward doesn’t necessarily mean a child can meet the expectation in the moment. Through everyday examples, you’ll learn how to look more closely at where your child is struggling and identify support that makes success more possible.TAKEAWAYS -Why understanding a rule and being able to follow it in a difficult moment are different skills.What consequences ask of a child’s memory, ability to connect experiences, and impulse control.How lecturing during an overwhelming moment can add demands a child has difficulty managing.Why being sent away to calm down assumes a child can regulate independently.How point systems and reward charts can overlook the support a child needs to meet expectations.What required apologies ask of relational cognitive skills—and how to support meaningful repair.RESOURCES -Episode 40: When Your Child’s Behavior Feels Personal: Understanding Relational Cognitive SkillsThere are three ways Eileen supports parents: 1:1 parent coaching, group coaching, or in her amazing Resilience Room Community. Learn about all three at eileendevine.com=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
- 2 weeks ago23 min
Ep. 53 | Remaining Curious: Decoding Baffling Behaviors w/ Robyn Gobbel (Pt. 2)
SUMMARY - In Part 2 of my conversation with Robyn Gobbel, we explore how to take our understanding of the nervous system and apply it to the everyday challenges of parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors. Robyn’s owl, watchdog, and possum framework gives us a practical map for making sense of what’s happening underneath our child’s behavior, shifting our focus from trying to stop the behavior to understanding where it began and what support might help. We also talk about how this shift in perspective can change what happens in our own nervous systems, helping us stay more connected to our owl brain during difficult moments. And importantly, we explore why so much of this work begins with us as parents, and how understanding our own nervous system can help us cultivate greater self-compassion along the way.TAKEAWAYS:How to use the owl, watchdog, and possum framework as a practical map for understanding your child's nervous system and responding to challenging behaviors.Why shifting our focus from stopping a behavior to understanding where the behavior began can change how we support our kids.How this understanding can influence our own nervous system state, helping us stay more connected to our owl brain during difficult moments.Why learning the general framework is only the beginning, and how to apply that understanding to your child's unique nervous system.How asking, "What can I do next to take a small step toward regulation?" can help us find a way forward when things feel overwhelming.Why so much of this work begins with us as parents, and why that's especially difficult when we've been navigating challenging behaviors for years.How recognizing our own nervous system states and the human experiences we bring to every interaction can help us cultivate greater self-compassion.RESOURCES:Robyn Gobbel websiteRobyn's Books- Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work and The Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
- Oct 5, 202636 min
Ep. 52 | Watchdogs, Possums & Owls: Decoding Baffling Behaviors w/ Robyn Gobbel (Pt. 1)
SUMMARY - In part 1 of this 2-part podcast series, Eileen is joined by her dear friend and colleague, Robyn Gobbel, MSW. Robyn is an internationally recognized children’s mental health expert, author, and educator who has spent more than 20 years supporting children with vulnerable nervous systems and the families who care for them. She is the author of the bestselling Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work and The Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors. She is also the host of "The Baffling Behavior Show" podcast and founder of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute.TAKEAWAYS:How understanding what’s happening underneath behavior can shift the way we respond to kids with big, baffling behaviors.Robyn’s memorable owl, watchdog, and possum framework for understanding different nervous system states—and how those states influence a child’s behavior and capacity in the moment.Why a child’s behavior can look intentional or oppositional when their nervous system is actually responding to stress, threat, or overwhelm.Why the owl brain—the part of the brain that allows for reasoning, flexibility, problem-solving, and connection—can become less accessible when the nervous system detects a threat.How recognizing whether a child is in an owl, watchdog, or possum state can help parents better understand what their child needs rather than focusing solely on stopping the behavior.Why felt safety and regulation are so important for helping kids access the skills and capacities we know they have.How a brain- and nervous-system-based understanding of behavior can help parents move from “How do I get them to stop doing this?” to “What is happening for my child right now, and what support do they need?”RESOURCES:Robyn Gobbel websiteRobyn's Books- Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work and The Guided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
- Sep 21, 202625 min
Ep. 51 | When You and Your Partner See Your Child Differently
SUMMARY - Parenting a child with complex needs can put tremendous pressure on even the strongest partnerships, especially when two parents understand their child’s behavior differently. In this episode, Eileen explores how family-of-origin experiences, deeply held beliefs, fear, grief, and our own nervous systems can contribute to parenting disagreements and how bringing curiosity and a Brain First lens to our partners can help us find greater understanding and connection.TAKAWAYS:Parenting partners don’t enter parenthood as blank slates; each person brings their own beliefs about discipline, respect, responsibility, and what “good parenting” should look like.Two parents can love and be deeply committed to the same child while being at very different places in understanding and embracing a Brain First approach.We can’t force our partner to think, feel, or behave differently. Instead, we can become curious about what may be underneath their reactions, just as we do with our children.Fear and grief can look very different from one person to another. Recognizing what may be underneath a partner’s behavior can help bridge the disconnection that often occurs during stressful seasons.Getting on the same page doesn’t mean becoming identical parents; it means developing enough of a shared understanding of your child to work together rather than from fundamentally opposing perspectives.Concrete plans for sharing responsibilities, taking turns rebuilding resilience, discussing resentment and support needs, and protecting kid-free time can help strengthen the parenting partnership.RESOURCES:Brain First Parenting - Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent KidsThe Resilience Room Membership CommunityThe Brain First Parenting Program=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
- Sep 7, 202618 min
Ep. 50 | The Disappointment We Don't Talk About In Parenting
SUMMARY- Expectations are an unavoidable part of parenting, but when we’re raising a child with brain-based differences, expectations rooted in neurotypical norms can create a painful gap between what we think our child should be able to do and what they actually have the capacity to do. In this episode, I draw from Brené Brown’s Rising Strong and her exploration of disappointment, expectations, and resentment. Through a Brain First lens, we’ll consider where our expectations come from, how they influence the way we interpret our child’s behavior, and how adjusting expectations can help protect our relationship with our child without giving up on our hopes for them.TAKEAWAYS:Disappointment often begins with the gap between what we expected to happen and what actually happened.Many of our expectations for children are unconsciously shaped by neurotypical developmental norms and ideas about what kids “should” be able to do at a certain age.When we believe our child should be capable of something, their inability to meet that expectation can easily be misinterpreted as refusal, defiance, lack of effort, or another behavioral problem.A Brain First approach asks us to consider whether an expectation is based on our individual child’s actual skills, nervous system, and capacity rather than their chronological age.Adjusting an expectation doesn’t necessarily mean giving up the goal; sometimes the timeline, level of support, or path toward that goal simply needs to change.Parents can acknowledge their own disappointment and grief while still deeply accepting and supporting the child in front of them.RESOURCES:Brené Brown, Rising StrongThe Resilience Room Membership CommunityEpisode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent KidsEpisode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
- Aug 24, 202617 min
Ep. 49 | The Hidden Struggles of Kids Who Look Capable
SUMMARY - Some kids can appear incredibly capable in many areas of their lives while still experiencing significant lagging cognitive skills that are largely invisible to those around them. In this episode, we explore why these kids are especially vulnerable to being misunderstood through a behavioral lens and why recognizing their asynchronous development is essential to understanding the support and accommodations they truly need.TAKEAWAYS:Why kids whose brain-based differences are less visible can be especially vulnerable to being misunderstood and punished for their disability rather than accommodated.How a child’s strengths and capabilities in one area can lead us to overestimate their abilities in other areas.Why asynchronous development is such an important part of understanding kids with brain-based differences.How lagging executive functioning skills can look like defiance, lack of motivation, or a refusal to try—even when accommodations are already in place.Why a child who has age-expected speech and language can sound like they understand a situation while still struggling significantly to understand context, nuance, and what’s happening around them.How lagging relational cognitive skills can lead kids to be labeled as selfish, “too much,” or self-sabotaging in their relationships.Why understanding your child’s neurobiological profile can help you advocate with greater confidence for the support and accommodations they need.RESOURCES:Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 15 — A deeper discussion of kids who can “talk the talk” but struggle to “walk the walk,” including the gap between how capable they sound and what they actually understand.Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 40 — An episode focused on relational cognitive skills and how lagging skills in this area affect a child’s ability to navigate relationships and social interactions.=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
- Aug 10, 202632 min
Ep. 48 | Addressing School-Based Anxiety with Dr. Emily King
SUMMARY - In this episode, Dr. Emily King joins me to discuss her new book, The Neurodivergent Learner, with a special focus on school anxiety—for both neurodivergent children and their parents. We explore the behaviors that can signal anxiety, including the ones that are hard to miss and those that are much easier to overlook, and why behavior is often a sign that a child needs more support. We also talk about the very real anxiety parents experience when school is a source of ongoing stress, and how shifting expectations to reflect a child's unique developmental trajectory can help both children and parents.TAKEAWAYS:Looking at a child through the lens of neurodiversity means beginning with the understanding that the child is not the problem.School anxiety can show up in behaviors that are “hard to miss” as well as behaviors that are “easy to miss.”Children who appear to be doing well at school aren't necessarily doing well. People-pleasing, perfectionism, and holding it together can all be ways a child manages significant anxiety.School-related anxiety can begin long before a child enters the classroom and can be connected to leaving home, transitions, the sensory environment, expectations, and the many demands of the school day.Instead of viewing difficult behavior as the problem to solve, we can see it as information—a sign that the child may need more support.Parents can experience significant anxiety alongside their child: waiting for the call from school, wondering how the day is going, or even waiting for the other shoe to drop when things seem to be going well.Parents need support that matches the intensity of their child's needs. Supporting the child without attending to the parent's experience leaves out an important part of the picture.Chronological age isn't always a useful guide for expectations. Understanding a child's unique developmental trajectory helps parents and educators check assumptions and adjust expectations accordingly.RESOUCES:The Neurodivergent Learner — Dr. Emily KingWritten for both parents and educators, Dr. King's book helps adults better understand neurodivergent learners and gives parents tools for communicating more effectively with their child's teachers. Chapter 8 focuses specifically on school anxiety and the experiences of both children and their parents.=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
- Jul 27, 202622 min
Ep. 47 | When Kids “Lack Motivation,” What’s Really Going On?
SUMMARY - When your child appears unmotivated, it's easy to assume they don't care or simply aren't trying. But motivation is a brain-based process that depends on a number of cognitive skills and nervous system capacities that may still be developing. In this episode, I explain why motivation is often misunderstood in children with brain-based differences and how viewing it through a Brain First lens can transform the way you support your child.TAKEAWAYS:Why motivation is a brain-based process, not simply a matter of willpower or attitude.How challenges with regulation and stress recovery can make motivation difficult to access.Why cognitive processing, mental stamina, and executive functioning all play a critical role in motivation.How task initiation, especially for non-preferred activities, is often misunderstood as laziness or defiance.Why children may genuinely want something but still struggle to take the steps needed to achieve it.How a fragile nervous system and a narrow window of tolerance contribute to shutdown, avoidance, and withdrawal.Why rewards, consequences, threats, and shame often fail to increase motivation in children with brain-based differences.How understanding the cognitive skills behind motivation can reduce frustration, strengthen connection, and guide more effective support.RESOURCES:Related Episodes: This episode connects with many earlier episodes that explore individual cognitive skills in greater depth. If this topic resonates with you, Episodes 5 and 28 are excellent places to continue learning.=======================If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.comAnd of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:FacebookInstagramYouTubePinterest
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About Brain First Parenting with Eileen Devine
The Brain First Parenting podcast supports parents who are raising children, teens or young adults with brain-based differences and challenging behavioral symptoms. We are a safe space for parents who have historically felt like there isn't a place for them in the parenting advice world. At Brain First Parenting, we see each child as a unique individual with a unique brain, who deserves accommodations to thrive in a world that is frequently not set up for people with neurobehavioral challenges. We prioritize supporting the parents of these kids and teens so that they can, in turn, feel hope and confidence and joy in their parenting experience.
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