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At a Total Loss: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Katherine Lazar
We’ve all had moments that leave us at a total loss — for words, for direction, for what comes next. For me, that moment came when my baby died at 37 weeks. I know firsthand what it feels like to have the world stop and to wonder if you’ll ever find a way forward again.Sometimes it’s the death of someone you love. Sometimes it’s heartbreak, illness, trauma, or failure. But being “at a total loss” isn’t where the story ends.This podcast is about what happens after the unthinkable. Each week, host Katherine Lazar sits down with people who have faced life’s hardest blows and asks the real questions: How did you survive? What did it take to keep going? And how did you find a way to thrive again?Because the truth is, we don’t survive these moments alone. It’s in the stories we share and the community we build that we find the strength to keep going.Raw, unfiltered, and sometimes even funny, At a Total Loss is here to remind you: whatever’s left you speechless, you’re not alone — and the
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- 4 days ago27 min
The 3 Things I Do When Life Gets Heavy
Life keeps lifing. Loss keeps lossing. And sometimes, just when you think you've finally gotten your head above water, something comes along and knocks you right back down.So how the hell do you keep going?After losing my son Brody almost five years ago, and navigating two more pregnancy losses this year, I've learned a few things about getting through the really shitty parts of life. And in this episode, I'm sharing the three things that have helped me dig myself out of some incredibly dark places.We're talking about giving up giving a shit about what people think, finding the little things that keep you afloat (hello, iced coffee and my borderline obsessive home decorating), and learning to do life anyway. Even when you're sad, angry, scared, or just really fucking exhausted.Because here's the thing: you don't have to stop grieving to start enjoying your life again. You can miss your baby, cry your eyes out, buy the ridiculous throw blanket, laugh your ass off, and find moments of happiness. All in the same damn day.This isn't about moving on, getting over it, or pretending everything is fine. It's about learning how to live alongside the pain.And sometimes, you've just gotta grab that mothereffing shovel and dig.Love you guys. ❤️Stuff I'm talking about in this episod: IT Mascara: https://a.co/d/0gr3k9LmBetter Than Sex Mascara: https://a.co/d/04QkWSVPLash Growth Serum: https://a.co/d/07QU2bbpBink Bottle in Coco: shop hereFind my NEW BOOK on Amazon! Stillbirth Survival *************************************This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today. NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops! Find me here:Instagram @thekatherinelazar Youtube: @thekatherinelazarWebsite: www.katherinelazar.com Local to Atlanta:https://www.northsidepnl.com/
- 1 weeks ago55 min
Therapist Elle Margetson: Does Grief Ever Get Easier? The Truth About Healing After Baby Loss
I sat down with Elle Margetson for an honest conversation about grief, parenting after loss, and the question so many of us ask: does it get better?We talk about what it means to keep living while carrying the loss of a baby—the guilt that can come with feeling happy, the fear that healing means losing your connection, and the way new losses can make old grief feel painfully fresh again. Elle shares how grief can affect the brain, why mourning and grieving aren’t quite the same thing, and what it can look like to do the deeper work without having to relive every painful detail.We also get into the very real complications of grieving alongside a partner, setting boundaries, finding your way through the bad days, and trying to function when your nervous system has apparently decided everything is an emergency. (Relatable. Rude of it, honestly.)Most of all, we talk about learning to carry both: the love and the grief, the hard days and the good ones. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting your baby, and feeling joy doesn’t mean you loved them any less.Elle is a therapist specializing in pregnancy and infant loss, and the creator of the Lost Mama Method and Sanctuary Circle. I’m grateful for her gentle, grounded perspective—and for a conversation that made room for the messy truth, too. To contact her: info@ellemargetsonhypnotherapy.com or on Instagram @elle.hypnotherapyIf you’re grieving, supporting someone who is, or just trying to understand what life with loss can look like, I hope this episode helps you feel a little less alone. Find my NEW BOOK on Amazon! Stillbirth Survival *************************************This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today.NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops!Find me here:Instagram @thekatherinelazar Youtube: @thekatherinelazarWebsite: www.katherinelazar.comLocal to Atlanta:https://www.northsidepnl.com/
- Oct 5, 202642 min
More Loss, More Grief, Still Here
I’m opening up about the reality of pregnancy after loss, the cesarean scar ectopic pregnancy that led to emergency surgery, and the quieter work of figuring out how to keep living when grief keeps reopening old wounds. In this episode, I talk through what happened this summer—from the first worrying ultrasound to the devastating diagnosis, surgery, and the emotional aftermath. I share how this experience brought me back to the pain of Brody’s death, reignited old triggers, and made me confront what healing looks like when both your body and heart have been through trauma. I very colorfully talk about: Cesarean scar ectopic pregnancy Why trying to conceive can become a form of re-traumatization after loss How grief, hormones, and racing thoughts can collide under stress The loneliness of navigating fertility, motherhood, and social situations after baby loss The small things that keep me afloat—home decor, coffee, friendship, and showing up anyway I also get honest about the awkward, often insensitive things people say to grieving parents, especially around children, baby loss, and “at least” language. If you’ve ever felt blindsided by grief, alienated by conversations meant to be supportive, or wondered how to move forward when life keeps taking hits, I hope this conversation meets you where you are. This is a heavy episode, but not a hopeless one. I’m still here, still processing, still building, and still choosing the things that make life feel livable. Sometimes survival looks like coffee, wallpaper, and taking one honest day at a time...sprinkled with a bunch of F bombs, let's be real. Find my NEW BOOK on Amazon! Stillbirth Survival *************************************This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today. NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops!Find me here:Instagram @thekatherinelazar Youtube: @thekatherinelazarWebsite: www.katherinelazar.com Local to Atlanta:https://www.northsidepnl.com/
- Aug 6, 202641 min
Podcast is Moving and So am I!
Podcast is moving to YouTube! Don't worry, all episodes up until now will still be available on Spotify and Apple. But moving forward, our home will be on YouTube @thekatherinelazar where I'll be sharing more videos, insight, and content around life after stillbirth. In this episode I talk about: The impact of moving on mental health and grief Balancing grief with everyday life and motherhood The importance of honesty and community in healing Practical tips for self-care and creating a peaceful home The role of research and knowledge in health and wellness Find my NEW BOOK on Amazon! Stillbirth Survival ************************************* This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today. NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops! Find me here: Instagram @thekatherinelazar Website: www.katherinelazar.com Local to Atlanta: https://www.northsidepnl.com/
- Jul 2, 202651 min
What I Learned From My Miscarriage After Stillbirth
There was a time when I thought surviving a stillbirth meant I had already lived through the worst thing imaginable. Then I miscarried. In this episode, I'm sharing what I learned from experiencing a miscarriage after stillbirth—and why it challenged so much of what I thought I knew about grief, hope, healing, and myself. This isn't a chronological retelling of what happened. It's an honest conversation about the lessons that came from losing another baby: why you never become "used to" loss, how trauma changes the way your body experiences pregnancy, why hope can feel terrifying after heartbreak, and how rebuilding a life doesn't mean leaving your babies behind. Whether you've experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, or any kind of profound loss, I hope this episode reminds you that healing isn't linear, grief evolves, and it's possible to carry both heartbreak and hope at the same time. We'll talk about: • Why every pregnancy loss is different—even after stillbirth. • How trauma shapes future pregnancies and the waiting that comes with them. • The surprising ways grief changes over time. • Why protecting your heart isn't the same as giving up hope. • What rebuilding your life has taught me after losing two babies. If you've ever wondered whether you'll be able to hope again after loss, this episode is for you. Find my NEW BOOK on Amazon! Stillbirth Survival ************************************* This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today. NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops! Find me here: Instagram @thekatherinelazar Youtube: @thekatherinelazar Website: www.katherinelazar.com Local to Atlanta: https://www.northsidepnl.com/
- Jun 26, 202642 min
Overprotective vs Aware After Loss
I hate when people say we are "Overprotective"...No, that's not it. We are SUPER AWARE of what can happen. This means we know the potential outcomes, we take necessary steps to prevent, we know what we can control and what we can't, we have a plan in place if something bad happens, we are no longer ignorant. We are experienced....unwantingly so... We come from a loss lens. We see things differently now. We have had the unimaginable happen to us and to our babies. Now what? Well, now we look at things through awareness. We can read situations, people, things, ourselves, etc. I hate it here but here we are. If you are navigating anything in this life, especially parenting after loss, I hope this helps. You are doing your best, through all the spirals, meltdowns, anxiety, panic attacks, sheer fear, you're amazing. Keep going, I got you, I'm right there with you... Find my NEW BOOK on Amazon! Stillbirth Survival ************************************* This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today. NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops! Find me here: Instagram @thekatherinelazar Youtube: @thekatherinelazar Website: www.katherinelazar.com Local to Atlanta: https://www.northsidepnl.com/
- Jun 16, 202635 min
Healing is Not Betrayal
WE'RE BACK! omg i'm sorry y'all, life has been lifing! The book launched, my living son turned 3, we are showing our house to sell it, we are trying to expand out family, and i'm just living the grief dream! But I accidentally put the podcast aside, and I didn't even mean to...But it's back and it's not going anywhere!... My grief has changed because my life has changed and now at the 4.5 year mark, I want to talk about how normal life is with pain and joy at the same time. So this episode is about healing and how it's NOT a betrayal to our babies. It's so freakin hard you guys, like, the first year is suffocating and all we can do is survive, then we kind of come up for air and decide we want to try healing from this (which by the way, for me means, living and functioning happily with grief by my side always). How do we do that? Well that's the journey! I decided that I wanted to make Brody proud and live a life worth living. So I'm rebuilding and creating a life I love again. Healing is where it's at and that includes little joys, my family, friends, my mental health, creating a beautiful home, and a life I'm proud of. Coming with me?? I hope so! :) If you are new to Loss Life, please start the pod from the beginning. That is where I talk deep in the beginning of this journey and where it might resonate the most MY BOOK, Stillbirth Survival is now on AMAZON! Buy it HERE ************************************* This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today. NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops! Find me here: Instagram @thekatherinelazar Youtube: @thekatherinelazar Website: www.katherinelazar.com Local to Atlanta: https://www.northsidepnl.com/
- Apr 14, 20261h 4m
Jenny: What Joey Taught Me
In this deeply moving episode, I sit down with Jenny Kim as she shares the unimaginable story of losing her sweet son, Joey, at just six months old in a tragic accident in 2022. Jenny opens up about the devastating pain of child loss, the shock and trauma that followed, and the questions that can haunt a grieving parent. As a medical professional, Jenny also speaks candidly about the added layer of heartbreak that came with being someone who was exceptionally careful, informed, and vigilant—yet still experiencing the unthinkable. We talk about the guilt, the “what ifs,” and the brutal reality that tragedy can happen even when everything is done “right.” She also shares how she and her husband navigated grief both individually and together, the ways loss impacted their marriage and day-to-day life, and what it has looked like to continue living while carrying Joey with them. Most beautifully, Jenny talks about the ways she is honoring his life and carrying forward his legacy with love, purpose, and intention. This is an honest conversation about love, trauma, survival, and what it means to keep a child’s memory alive. Find Jenny and all her amazing work on Instagram at @whatjoeytaughtme ************************************* This Podcast is brought to you by LossLink.com. Find your loss posse in our are or internationally! Join this private, membership based community today. NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. This podcast is not in place of therapy. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! For more REAL TALK about stillbirth and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops! Find me here: Instagram @thekatherinelazar Youtube: @thekatherinelazar Website: www.katherinelazar.com Local to Atlanta: https://www.northsidepnl.com/
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About At a Total Loss
We’ve all had moments that leave us at a total loss — for words, for direction, for what comes next. For me, that moment came when my baby died at 37 weeks. I know firsthand what it feels like to have the world stop and to wonder if you’ll ever find a way forward again.Sometimes it’s the death of someone you love. Sometimes it’s heartbreak, illness, trauma, or failure. But being “at a total loss” isn’t where the story ends.This podcast is about what happens after the unthinkable. Each week, host Katherine Lazar sits down with people who have faced life’s hardest blows and asks the real questions: How did you survive? What did it take to keep going? And how did you find a way to thrive again?Because the truth is, we don’t survive these moments alone. It’s in the stories we share and the community we build that we find the strength to keep going.Raw, unfiltered, and sometimes even funny, At a Total Loss is here to remind you: whatever’s left you speechless, you’re not alone — and the
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