#57: What 'Kiasu' Culture Is Really Costing Us with Teo You Yenn

Most of us have been taught that the pressure Singaporean parents feel is a mindset problem. That we just need to relax. Stop being so kiasu. The data tells a completely different story. Associate Professor Teo You Yenn spent three years interviewing 92 Singaporean parents across every class background for her new book Unease; and what she found will reframe how you see your own life. Not just parenting. The whole thing. She makes the case that the exhaustion, the anxiety, the feeling that you're doing everything right and still something is off.. none of it is personal. It's structural. And until we understand that distinction, nothing changes. We talked about: Why "kiasu" is not a cultural trait; and what it actually is What it means that most parents describe their child as a problem to solve Why Singapore's falling birth rate isn't a fertility problem - it's a conditions-for-family-life problem The three quiet costs to our society that nobody is talking about What the opposite of unease actually is (it's not ease) What stayed with me long after we stopped recording: the way we're living is shaping who we're becoming. As individuals, as parents, as a society. And we haven't stopped to ask if this is who we want to be. Chapters 00:00:00 Introduction 00:01:36 Meet You Yenn: Exposing the Contradiction of Singaporean Success 00:04:02 Defining “Unease”: The Quiet Struggle of Helplessness in Singapore 00:05:45 Why “Kiasu Mentality” is Too Simple an Excuse 00:07:33 How the System Conditions Singaporeans to Run the Race 00:10:48 The Painful Cost of Losing Agency 00:12:00 Returning to the Original Dream of Prosperity in Singapore 00:14:30 Seeing Our Children Through the Lens of Problems 00:16:49 Reevaluating Our Values Across Class Lines 00:20:48 The Unequal Weight of Motherhood 00:23:42 What Does a “Pro-Family” Society Look Like? 00:25:43 Singapore’s Low TFR: A Fertility Problem or a Family Life Problem? 00:28:01 Singapore’s Obsession with Finding “Top Talents” 00:32:29 Shifting the Narrow Definition of “Family” in Singapore 00:34:17 Writing for a Historian 50 Years from Now 00:36:10 Finding Hope in a Shared Public Resonance 00:39:15 Final Reflections Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/ Follow You Yenn’s updates here: https://www.instagram.com/ethosbooks/ Purchase ‘Unease: Life in Singapore Families’ here: https://www.ethosbooks.com.sg/products/unease-life-in-singapore-families Write in to the team at hello@rachreflects.com