217: How to Sit In The Discomfort

Certainty in dating is a fantasy. There is no milestone, not exclusivity, not "I love you," not moving in, not marriage, that finally makes relationship anxiety go away. In this episode Sabrina breaks down why your brain would rather have a bad answer than no answer, how anxious attachment turns an unanswered text into a story about rejection, and why chasing, overthinking, testing, people pleasing, and checking your phone every five seconds are ways of managing anxiety rather than dating strategies. She also separates the two kinds of discomfort: walking on eggshells, accepting breadcrumbs, and tolerating mixed signals and inconsistency, versus asking for what you need, setting boundaries, saying no, and letting someone leave. Plus the tool of the week, evidence versus story, a simple practice for catching the narrative your brain invents when you do not have all the information. Secure people are not secure because they have certainty, they have capacity. Pre-order Sabrina's book coming out October 2026,⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠ Get your free workbook and access to the companion course after pre-ordering 'Why Am I Like This?' by filling out the form at the bottom of the page at http://sabrinazohar.com/book Take the new and improved dating quiz! sabrinazohar.com/quiz If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step  ⁠HERE!⁠ If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself ⁠HERE!⁠ Get Ad free ⁠HERE!⁠  Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠HERE!⁠  Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠HERE!⁠  Don't forget to follow ⁠Sabrina⁠ and ⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠ on Instagram and ⁠Sabrina ⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠YOUTUBE!⁠ Chapters: 00:00 Why certainty in dating is a fantasy 02:58 Why your brain needs an answer now 05:39 Overthinking texts and short replies 08:01 Why not knowing feels so stressful 10:24 Wrong discomfort vs right discomfort 13:12 Do they come back after a break? 15:54 Why control does not make you safer 18:38 Why you attract the same people 21:53 Tool: evidence vs the story 23:48 Why secure people have more capacity Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices