The Good Side of Anger with Sam Parker

We've all been told that anger is a problem—something to control, suppress, or apologise for. But what if the real problem isn't that we have too much anger, but that we have no idea what to do with it?This month on the podcast, I sat down with Sam Parker—senior editor at British GQ and author of Good Anger: How Rethinking Rage Can Change Our Lives—to dig into why so many fathers have a broken relationship with this most fundamental emotion. Sam argues that anger isn't the enemy. Aggression is. And that learning to feel anger without shame or fear might be one of the most important things we can do—for ourselves, our partners, and our kids.We talk about the moment each of us realised we'd been burying our anger for decades, what happens in your body when a boundary gets crossed, and why repairing after you've lost your temper matters more than never losing it in the first place.Subscribe to the PodcastSpotifyApple PodcastsYouTubePocket CastsWhere to Find Sam ParkerSam's websiteFind Sam’s book Good Anger on Amazon and Bookshop.orgThe Good Father newsletter on SubstackEpisode ReferencesThe Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne BrysonThe Gottman Institute: The Four HorsemenKevin's essay: "Where's My Jenny?"The New Fatherhood Therapy FundInside Out (Pixar, 2015)Timestamps00:00 — welcome to the anger episode03:39 — meet Sam's family: Jessie, baby Olive, and life in Kent04:32 — rethinking what anger is for05:18 — when anger gets swept under the carpet06:15 — suppression vs. aggression: the anger problem nobody talks about07:10 — the "I don't really get angry" myth9:49 — anger does not have to equal violence12:39 — how anger can manifest in the body14:06 — what is "good anger"?14:48 — the discomfort caveat17:45 — Sam's boxing breakthrough19:11 — anger can be clarifying20:44 — how anger hijacks the brain27:50 — managing anger between siblings33:05 — getting mad near a newborn39:00 — dad's role was disciplinarian42:24 — resentment as anger's cousin Get full access to The New Fatherhood at www.thenewfatherhood.org/subscribe