This Isn’t a Bad Divorce. It’s Domestic Violence. And We Need to Stop Getting It Wrong with Susan Guthrie on Divorce & Beyond #419

Over the past couple of weeks, headlines have described a tragic murder suicide involving a couple going through a divorce, once again framing it as a "contentious divorce." Let's be very clear about something: divorce did not cause what happened. Divorce does not cause murder. Domestic violence causes murder. That is why Susan Guthrie is doing this difficult but important solo episode. She walks through the patterns of abuse, the high risk indicators that change a situation entirely, why the moment of separation is so dangerous, and what a thoughtful, strategic exit actually looks like. This conversation moves from awareness to action, so if any part of what you hear feels familiar, you have something calm and structured to carry with you as you think through your next steps. Covered in this episode: Why the moment of separation is often the most dangerous time, and how understanding that allows you to move more thoughtfully and strategically. The high risk indicators to take seriously: strangulation, threats to kill, access to firearms, stalking, extreme jealousy or control, and statements like "if I can't have you, no one will." What a thoughtful, strategic exit actually looks like, from quiet planning and digital safety to building a small, trusted circle of support. Why your children and pets must be part of your safety plan from the very beginning. ⚠️ IMPORTANT: ACCESS TO A FIREARM SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASES YOUR RISK If there is access to a firearm and you are leaving, you have to take that seriously. It significantly increases risk. This is where having professional guidance before you leave, and as you are making your plan, becomes critical. Find a domestic violence advocate Find a divorce coach who specializes in helping people experiencing domestic abuse or violence Meet with an attorney who understands the risks Include your children and your pets in your safety plan from the beginning Do not announce your plan before you are ready, as that can increase your risk This is not a time for informal arrangements. The structure of your plan will matter, and getting guidance early on and plotting your strategy so that it is fully developed can make a meaningful difference.   FREE DOWNLOAD: Your Safety First, A Practical Exit and Protection Plan for High-Risk Relationships Susan created a companion guide to go along with this episode. In a moment like this, you should not have to remember everything you are hearing on a podcast episode. This is a calm, structured, step-by-step resource to help you think through your situation and your next steps. Find it here. If this episode helped you, please share it and leave a review. It genuinely helps the show reach the people who need it most. Referenced Episodes from the Archive Everything You Need to Know to Get a Restraining Order with Attorney Uswah Khan Empowered Advocacy: Effectively Sharing Your Abuse Story and Achieving Justice with Beverly Price Walking on Eggshells in Family Court: Meet Aimee Says, the AI Tool Transforming Survivor Support with Anne Wintemute _____________________________________ Aimee Says: Support for Survivors Creating a Safety Plan Aimee Says is a private, AI-powered tool designed to support survivors navigating post-separation abuse by helping you document experiences, identify patterns of coercive control, and organize your story with greater clarity. This can be especially valuable when creating a safety plan, preparing to communicate with professionals, or navigating the legal system. It is a supportive tool, not a substitute for professional help, and if you are in immediate danger, please contact a domestic violence hotline or local resource. Learn more here: <a href='https://www.aimeesays.com/en/home