166: Surviving in the Face of Trauma with Vince Benevento (Boys Will Be Men author & therapist)

Today's guest, Boys Will Be Men author and therapist, Vince Benevento has spent decades of his life helping men battle their own demons and heal their internal environments.    Vince was originally attracted to men's mental health after facing his own share of demons in his 20s. But he never imagined how much he'd need to lean on his decades of experience when his life was uprooted in the face of an unspeakable trauma…   One day, out of absolutely nowhere, one of his sons developed an unexpected rash that suddenly turned into life-threatening illness. His son spent 135 days in the hospital. Went through multiple surgeries. And at one point, he had a sub 10% chance of surviving.    Vince and his wife spent every second in that hospital with their son as he fought to survive. And despite being a therapist, an experience as traumatic (and random) as this caused a swelling of big, heavy emotions.    Vince admits that he didn't handle those 135 days in the hospital in the best way. But his son survived. Vince changed as a result. And he gives some pointers on how he would act today if he was thrown into a similar situation, which you'll find instantly applicable to any traumatic event that happens in your life.    Today's show is a masterclass in courageous vulnerability. And you'll learn a lot about how to soothe your own internal environment too.    Listen now.    Here's what Vince and I discuss:    How men can have more meaningful and vulnerable conversations with each other  The one area I'm personally stuck at in my healing journey (and why so many men get stuck at this point)  And, of course, Vince shares the story about how he handled his son's life-threatening illness   And more, including…    How conventional dialogue between men chokes out your emotions and your ability to connect meaningfully with other guys (5:06)  How to heal yourself so when your childhood wounds get poked you don't revert back into your old patterns or search for external support (6:13)  The counterintuitive way the traits you pride yourself on are the very things that box you in an emotional wall (16:22)  The "Do, Not Be" trap that guys are particularly vulnerable to that causes you to replace your emotional fulfillment with meaningless achievements (16:32)  Why success blows up so many marriages and relationships fathers have with their kids (17:23)  How Vince handled one of the most traumatic experiences a parent have (and how he would handle it differently today): his son ended up with a life-threatening illness out of nowhere, spent 135 days in the hospital, and at one point had a sub 10% chance to survive (20:43)  Why surrendering to deeply traumatic experiences, as wrong as it may sound, gives you the deepest sense of freedom, peace, and relief (39:51)    Guest Bio:    Vince Benevento is the Director and Founder of Causeway Collaborative, leading and providing direct service for all three specialized teams. A licensed professional counselor, he holds a BA in Psychology from Wesleyan University and an MA in School Counseling from Fairfield University.   Vince began his career as an in-home therapist for adolescents and families at the Wheeler Clinic in Plainville, Connecticut, a regional behavioral health services provider. From there, he entered the corporate world, where he worked as a professional recruiter and honed his career-counseling skills. With this valuable experience under his belt, Vince transitioned back to individual and community-based counseling as an employment specialist for the Kennedy Center, one of Connecticut's largest and most highly regarded community organizations. At the Kennedy Center, Vince worked to find meaningful jobs for unemployed adults with psychiatr