Binge Eating and Living with Hidden Shame with Jane Pilger

If you love the show and you'd like to support it directly you can tip the host here https://imperfect-adulting.captivate.fm/supportIn this episode of The Art of Imperfect Adulting, Amy Stone speaks with Jane Pilger about the reality behind polished public perceptions, the experience of living with binge eating, and the path to recovery and self-compassion. Jane calls Albuquerque, New Mexico home.Jane Pilger knows what it’s like to look successful on the outside while struggling in silence on the inside. After years of battling binge eating while working in corporate accounting and commercial real estate, she made the leap to help others find the freedom she once thought was impossible. Today, she teaches people how to understand their behavior, trust themselves with food, and cultivate safety in their own bodies. Her work blends neuroscience, compassion, and lived experience—and her life outside coaching is filled with family, friends, and triathlon adventures.Main Topics Covered:Understanding binge eating: what it is, how it feels, and why shame keeps it hidden.The difference between occasional overeating and binge eating—particularly the heavy burden of shame.How “having it all together” on the outside can mask private struggles—and why perfectionism fuels secrecy.Ways that secrecy, emotional labor, and self-judgement perpetuate unhealthy patterns.The critical role of sharing your story and breaking the cycle of isolation.How changing careers and discovering nervous system regulation contributed to recovery.Practical steps to seek support, from therapy to coaching, and why “permission to be human” is vital.Resources, offers, and tools Jane uses to help others change their relationship with food.Quote from the Episode: “Shame thrives in the darkness...it wants to hide. And especially around food, any time any of us show up with a behavior that we wouldn't want other people to know, that's where the shame comes in.”—Jane PilgerTimestamps: [00:00:06] Welcome & intros; Jane’s home in Albuquerque, NM; media impressions vs. local perspective[00:00:53] Jane shares her love of the Sandia Mountains and the meaning behind their name[00:02:22] Introduction of today’s topics: public perception, keeping secrets, and binge eating patterns[00:03:00] Defining binge eating—beyond the clinical DSM criteria[00:04:01] The role of shame and the feeling of being broken[00:05:25] Brene Brown’s lessons on shame; shame as an isolating force[00:06:36] Why food is a uniquely complex coping tool[00:07:18] The challenge and benefits of self-diagnosis, social media influences, and finding community[00:07:52] Jane discusses her own podcast and the power of hearing others’ stories[00:09:16] Exploring behaviors as “lights on the dashboard”—the value of understanding root causes[00:11:12] How people’s motivations and destructive habits often have hidden, rational reasons[00:12:15] The reality of maintaining a successful image vs. inner struggle; perfection, vulnerability, and “permission to be human”[00:15:04] Using food to soothe—is it always bad? Reflecting with compassion[00:16:49] The pendulum swings: all-or-nothing thinking and cycles of binge eating[00:17:07] Jane’s history—25 years of binge eating, how secrecy started, and telling her husband[00:19:41] Isolation, secrecy, and the emotional labor of hiding disordered eating[00:21:51] Did anyone know? Jane’s reflections on secrecy versus reality[00:23:16] Tactics for concealment—replacing food and hiding evidence[00:25:08] The gradual journey from secrecy to seeking help; finding support, therapy, and its impact[00:26:29] Hunger cues, the complexity of physical vs. emotional hunger[00:28:16] Career change: leaving accounting and real estate for coaching and helping others[00:32:04] The nervous system’s role in relapse and recovery; making sense of protective patterns[00:34:11] Examples of protective behaviors and what drives “revenge bedtime procrastination”[00:35:23] How Jane helps others—podcast, YouTube, group and individual coaching[00:4