EP 79: Living in the Aftermath with Lyndsey Hackford: Stories of Survival, Advocacy, and Hope Beyond Abuse

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Lyndsey Hackford, a domestic violence survivor, advocate, and host of the podcast Living in the Aftermath. After enduring years of coercive control and abuse that began at just 16 years old, shaped by her strict Mormon upbringing, Lyndsey now uses her voice to shed light on the psychological realities of abuse and why leaving is often far more complex than it seems. Lyndsey shares how her abuser used subtle manipulation to isolate her from dance, family, and her sense of independence, along with the darkest moments of her experience and the challenges she faced within the justice system. Drawing from both lived experience and her advocacy work, she now helps others understand trauma, reclaim their identity, and find meaning and purpose after abuse. Together, Laura and Lyndsey explore the long-term impact of coercive control, the complexities of healing, and the importance of creating honest, supportive spaces for survivors. Through her podcast Living in the Aftermath and her advocacy, Lyndsey continues to educate, empower, and amplify the voices of those navigating life after abuse.   Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction (00:01:25) Laura introduces her guest, Lyndsey Hackford, a survivor, advocate, and host of the "Living in the Aftermath" podcast. Meeting the Abuser (00:02:46) Lyndsey shares that she met her abusive ex-partner at the young and naive age of sixteen. Upbringing and Religious Background (00:03:19) Lyndsey describes her strict Mormon upbringing, which taught her to be subservient and not question male authority. Early Isolation Tactics (00:04:58) Lyndsey's abuser convinced her to quit competitive dance, a lifelong passion, framing it as a way to gain independence. The Subtlety of Control (00:07:12) Lyndsey explains how her ex's manipulation didn't seem like isolation at the time, but rather like supportive encouragement. Questioning Authority (00:07:57) Lyndsey and Laura discuss being labeled "difficult" as children for asking questions, especially within high-control religious environments. The Dynamics of Isolation (00:11:30) Lyndsey describes how her ex made family events so uncomfortable that she chose to cut off contact with her family. The Burden of Managing an Abuser (00:15:09) The hosts discuss the exhausting and impossible task of managing an abuser's emotions and making them feel comfortable. Life After Abuse (00:18:46) Lyndsey and Laura talk about the overwhelming but exciting process of rediscovering their own identities after leaving their relationships. Emotional vs. Physical Abuse (00:22:02) Lyndsey emphasizes that the emotional abuse she endured for years was often harder to process than the physical violence. Grieving Someone Who Is Still Alive (00:23:56) The hosts discuss the unique and complex grief of mourning a relationship with an abuser who is still living. A Violent Attack (00:27:29) Lyndsey recounts a brutal physical assault where her ex threw her onto concrete, resulting in a serious head injury. The Danger of Leaving (00:30:05) Lyndsey explains why leaving is the most dangerous time for a survivor, using her own story as a powerful example. The Abuser's Childhood (00:35:38) Lyndsey explains how her ex's traumatic childhood, including being given up by his birth father, shaped his abusive behavior. The First Arrest (00:37:17) Lyndsey details the confusing events leading to her ex's first arrest, which he initiated by calling the police himself. The Afte