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ShameOver - The Drink Less Podcast: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Erica Mallery
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- Yesterday13 min
Why does drinking less feel SO hard… even when you genuinely want to change?
In this powerful conversation, I sit down with licensed psychotherapist Merrilee Burke, LMFT, to unpack what’s really going on underneath overdrinking, urges, self-sabotage, and the “why can’t I just stop at one?” cycle.Spoiler: it’s not because you’re weak, broken, or lacking willpower.We dive into:Why “sober or bust” messaging keeps so many people stuckThe truth about mindful drinking + moderationHow rebellion and people-pleasing can show up in your drinkingThe surprising role childhood conditioning can playWhy tracking your drinking is awareness — not punishmentThe simple mindset shifts that can completely change your relationship with alcoholIf you’ve ever felt frustrated because you KNOW you want to drink less… but part of you still keeps reaching for the wine anyway… this episode is for you.This is Part 1 of a 3-part conversation.Connect with Merrilee Burke, LMFT:Website: merrileeburke.comIf this episode helped you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss Part 2 next week — where we dive into alcohol, identity, fun, creativity, and why so many women feel like they forgot how to play without wine.And remember:You do not need more shame. You need support, awareness, and tools that actually work in real life.Want that support? Join my cohort starting June 1!Learn more at https://www.ericamallery.com/group-coaching
- 1 weeks ago12 min
This One Trick Can Interrupt Overdrinking in the Moment
Most people don’t plan to overdrink… it just happens.In this quick episode, I’m sharing a simple “code word” tool that helps you interrupt drinking in the moment — without willpower, shame, or feeling controlled.In this episode, we talk about:why overdrinking isn’t a willpower issuehow your brain shifts after just a couple drinkswhat “autopilot drinking” actually ishow to stay connected to your intentions in the momentthe code word method and how it workswhy tone and delivery matter more than the word itselfhow to involve someone you trust (without feeling judged or controlled)how to interrupt the pattern without shameIf you want more support:This is exactly the kind of shift we go deeper into inside my reset — where we focus on understanding your habits, patterns, and what’s actually underneath your drinking so you can finally feel in control in a way that feels good and sustainable.👉 Join the reset here.***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***
- 2 weeks ago19 min
Your Behavior Is Not Who You Are: Self-Sabotage, Trauma, & Healing w/ Elani Engelken (Part 2)
Welcome to Part 2 of this powerful conversation with depth psychotherapist and somatic practitioner Elani Engelken.If Part 1 helped you understand why alcohol can become a form of regulation, this episode takes it a step further. We get into the deeper healing work: intuition, dissociation, freeze states, trauma responses, self-sabotage, and why your behavior is not the same thing as your identity.This is the kind of conversation that makes you stop and go,“Wait… that explains so much.”We talk about why so many of us stay disconnected from our bodies, how old survival patterns can quietly run the show, and what it actually takes to heal without shaming yourself in the process.If you’ve ever wondered why you keep repeating patterns even when you know better — this episode is for you.In this episode, we talk about:how intuition shows up in the bodytrauma responses like fight, flight, fawn, and freezewhat dissociation can look like in everyday lifewhy some people live in a “functional freeze” statehow healing happens when safety is finally presentwhy self-sabotage is often a symptom, not the real issuehow unresolved pain can show up through chaos, drinking, and repeated patternsthe power of reparenting, support, and being deeply seenwhy the right healing path should both challenge you and speak to youFavorite takeaway:Your behavior is not who you are.It’s often the clue pointing to the part of you that needs care, support, and healing.Connect with Elani:Elani Engelken is a depth psychotherapist and somatic healer whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, depth psychology, and embodied healing. She works with individuals, couples, families, and groups to explore the patterns that live beneath the surface, in the body, in the lineage, and in relationship. She is particularly drawn to the places where psychology and the sacred meet.Learn more at elaninicole.com or check out her podcast A Little Bit Psychic🚀 READY TO ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR DRINKING?This is exactly why I created my Drinking Reset — to help you get back to the basics, understand your patterns, and uncover what’s really driving your habits.Not a sobriety program.Not restriction.Just real awareness, real tools, and real change.👉 Join the reset here.***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***
- 3 weeks ago23 min
Why So Many Moms Use Alcohol to Shut Off with Elani Engelken (Part 1)
What if alcohol isn’t actually the problem… but the support system you’ve been relying on when real support is missing?In Part 1 of this conversation, I sit down with depth psychotherapist and somatic practitioner Elani Engelken to talk about what somatic healing actually is, why so many women use alcohol as a shut-off valve, and how motherhood, overwhelm, and nervous system dysregulation all play a much bigger role than most people realize.This episode goes way beyond “just drink less.” We get into the deeper why behind drinking, especially for women and moms who are carrying a lot, giving a lot, and often don’t have enough support themselves.If you’ve ever felt like that evening drink is the first time all day you get to exhale… this conversation is going to hit.In this episode, we talk about:what somatic work actually means and why it’s become such a buzzwordthe difference between top-down healing and body-based healingwhy so many women use alcohol to “shut off”how alcohol can become a stand-in for support, soothing, and regulationthe role of motherhood, caregiving, and overwhelm in drinking habitswhy co-regulation matters so much more than we’ve been taughthow Western culture disconnects us from our bodieswhy community can be one of the most healing parts of the journeyFavorite takeaway:Alcohol often isn’t just about the alcohol.For so many women, it has become the support system where support is lacking everywhere else.About Elani:Elani Engelken is a depth psychotherapist and somatic healer whose work sits at the intersection of nervous system science, depth psychology, and embodied healing. She works with individuals, couples, families, and groups to explore the patterns that live beneath the surface, in the body, in the lineage, and in relationship. She is particularly drawn to the places where psychology and the sacred meet.Learn more at elaninicole.com or check out her podcast A Little Bit Psychic🚀 READY TO ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR DRINKING?This is exactly why I created my Drinking Reset — to help you get back to the basics, understand your patterns, and uncover what’s really driving your habits.Not a sobriety program.Not restriction.Just real awareness, real tools, and real change.👉 Join the reset here.***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***
- 4 weeks ago22 min
Why You Get Irrational When You Drink (And What It’s Actually About)
Ever felt like you turn into a version of yourself you don’t even recognize after a few drinks?Maybe more reactive… more emotional… more combative… or just not you anymore?You’re not alone — and you’re not broken.In this episode, I’m breaking down what’s actually happening when alcohol starts to shift your personality… and why it’s not random.Because here’s the truth:Alcohol isn’t creating the problem — it’s exposing what hasn’t been processed.We dive into:Why your personality can change after “just a few”What’s really happening in your brain when your “off switch” disappearsThe hidden buildup of unprocessed emotions (and where they go)Why so many women feel pressure to “keep it together” — and how that backfiresThe connection between overgiving, depletion, and drinkingHow alcohol becomes a form of self-soothing (but not real regulation)The powerful shift from “what’s wrong with me?” → “what do I actually need?”And one of the most important takeaways:You’re not overreacting… you’re under-expressing.This episode is your invitation to get curious about what’s underneath your drinking — without shame, judgment, or extremes.🚀 READY TO ACTUALLY CHANGE YOUR DRINKING?This is exactly why I created my Drinking Reset — to help you get back to the basics, understand your patterns, and uncover what’s really driving your habits.Not a sobriety program.Not restriction.Just real awareness, real tools, and real change.👉 Join the reset here: https://stan.store/ShameOver/p/drink-less-reset-with-erica***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***
- Apr 9, 202615 min
When You’re Not Okay (And Why Numbing Makes It Worse)
If you’ve been feeling off lately… disconnected, unmotivated, or just not like yourself—this episode is for you.In this raw and unfiltered conversation, I’m sharing what’s been going on behind the scenes, including the recent loss in my family, navigating grief, and what happens when you can’t access your emotions the way you expect to.I am talking about:Why emotions come in waves (and sometimes hit out of nowhere)The surprising ways your body holds onto stress, grief, and unprocessed feelingsWhat happens when you use alcohol to cope (and why it actually prolongs the pain)How to start feeling your emotions instead of avoiding themSimple ways to regulate your nervous system and reconnect with yourselfThis is your reminder that:You don’t have to be “strong” for everyone else.You don’t have to numb your way through hard seasons.And you are allowed to not be okay.Because drinking less isn’t about willpower… it’s about healing what’s underneath.If this resonates, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to start changing your relationship with alcohol in a way that actually feels good, you know where to find me.Don't forget to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!Work With MeIf you’re ready to:Drink less without giving it up entirelyBreak the all-or-nothing cycleRegulate your nervous systemBuild confidence without alcoholCome join me inside ShameOver. Go to shameover.me to get started today.***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***
- Mar 17, 202623 min
Regulating Your Nervous System Without Alcohol
In the final part of my conversation with Jessica Tanir, we dive into something that does not get talked about enough when it comes to drinking less: nervous system regulation.So many women think they have a drinking problem, when really alcohol has become a coping tool — a fast way to de-stress, disconnect, numb out, or finally exhale. In this episode, Jessica and I talk about what it means to actually regulate instead of numb, and why this is such an important part of healing your relationship with alcohol.We also get into social media and comparison, the power of in-person connection, Jessica’s experience with plant medicine and retreats in Peru, and the practical strategies that helped her stay alcohol-free — including non-alcoholic alternatives, adaptogens, and bartender-approved tips for drinking less in social settings.This episode is such a good one for anyone who wants to feel better, drink less, and build a life that doesn’t constantly leave them desperate to escape it.In this episode, we cover:Why so many women drink to regulate stressAlcohol and the nervous systemWhy numbing emotions keeps you stuckSocial media, comparison, and overstimulationThe value of in-person events and real connectionJessica’s experience with plant medicine in PeruIntention setting and emotional healingBartender-approved tips for drinking lessNon-alcoholic drinks, adaptogens, and mocktail alternativesWhy finding supportive alcohol-free options mattersConnect with Jessica TanirThe Reconnection Retreat - https://www.jessicatanir.com/retreatInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/jessicatanir?igsh=MTlvYW00c3VqZ2RxMQ==Jessica is an Integration Guide, yoga and sound healing facilitator, and psychedelic mentor. She supports individuals in integrating habits, rituals, and mindset shifts that cultivate a deeper connection to self and more intentional living.Work With MeIf you’re ready to:Drink less without giving it up entirelyBreak the all-or-nothing cycleRegulate your nervous systemBuild confidence without alcoholCome join me inside ShameOver. Go to shameover.me to get started today.Don't forget to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***
- Mar 13, 202621 min
Why Your Drinking Habits Aren’t the Problem — Your Mindset Might Be (Part 2 of 3)
In part two of my conversation with Jessica Tanir, we go beyond alcohol itself and into the deeper mindset patterns that often drive our habits.We talk about what happened after Jessica first took a break from drinking, why she eventually chose to continue living alcohol-free, and how easy it is for labels like “sober,” “drinker,” or even “problem drinker” to become part of someone’s identity.This episode is a powerful reminder that your drinking habits are rarely just about alcohol. They’re often connected to self-worth, people pleasing, negative self-talk, pressure, perfectionism, and the way you see yourself.Jessica and I also talk about why so many women are disconnected from themselves, how productivity culture keeps us stuck in cycles of stress and overconsumption, and why real change starts with awareness and self-respect — not shame.If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of overthinking, starting over, beating yourself up, or feeling like you “failed,” this episode is for you.In this episode, we cover:What happened after Jessica’s first sober experimentWhy labeling yourself can backfireThe problem with making sobriety or drinking your identityWhy mindset matters more than willpowerThe connection between alcohol and self-worthPeople pleasing, perfectionism, and negative self-talkWhy so many women struggle to truly connect with themselvesProductivity culture and the pressure to always be doing moreWork With MeIf you’re ready to:Drink less without giving it up entirelyBreak the all-or-nothing cycleRegulate your nervous systemBuild confidence without alcoholCome join me inside ShameOver. Go to shameover.me to get started today.Work With JessicaThe Reconnection Retreat - https://www.jessicatanir.com/retreatInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/jessicatanir?igsh=MTlvYW00c3VqZ2RxMQ==Jessica is an Integration Guide, yoga and sound healing facilitator, and psychedelic mentor. She supports individuals in integrating habits, rituals, and mindset shifts that cultivate a deeper connection to self and more intentional living.***Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and reflects personal opinions and lived experience. It is not medical, mental health, or addiction treatment advice and should not be used to diagnose or treat any condition. Always consult with a qualified healthcare or mental health professional about your specific situation before making changes to your drinking, medications, or treatment.***
About ShameOver - The Drink Less Podcast
ShameOver: The Drink Less Podcast helps women build a healthier relationship with alcohol—without quitting completely or living in shame.Hosted by Erica Mallery, alcohol mindset coach and former daily wine drinker (and weekend binge drinker), this podcast explores mindful drinking, harm reduction, nervous system regulation, and emotional wellness for women who want to drink less, feel better, and laugh more!If you’re tired of all-or-nothing sobriety messaging, sick of the shame spiral around drinking, or curious about Dry January alternatives, this podcast offers a compassionate, empowering approach to change.Each episode blends real talk, science-backed insights, and practical tools to help you understand why you drink, how to reduce overdrinking, and how to reconnect with yourself—without labels, rock bottoms, or giving up your social life.Topics include mindful drinking, moderation, rebound drinking, emotional regulat
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