Why You Get Anxious During Sex (Even When You Want It)

You want sex. You care about your relationship. But when things actually start to happen… something shifts. You get in your head. You feel anxious, disconnected, or unsure of yourself.And sometimes, you walk away wondering why it didn’t feel as good as you hoped—or even feeling shame or guilt.In this episode, I’m joined by sex therapist and Certified IFS Therapist, Patricia Rich, to unpack what’s really going on beneath that experience.Because it’s not just about libido.And it’s not something you can fix by trying harder or “being more confident.”We’re diving into how different “parts” of you can take over during sex—pulling you out of the moment, creating tension, and leaving you feeling disconnected from your own desire.Once you understand this, everything starts to make a lot more sense.💡 What You’ll LearnWhy anxiety shows up during sex (even when you genuinely want it)How “parts” of you can override your desire and create inner conflictThe difference between being present vs. going on autopilot during sexWhy you might feel regret or disconnection afterwardA simple way to start reconnecting with yourself in the momentChapters00:00 Introduction to IFS and Sex Therapy02:45 Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)05:34 Exploring Parts in Sexuality08:27 Vulnerability and Intimacy in Relationships11:22 Self-Led Sexuality and Awareness14:12 Curiosity and Differentiating Parts17:05 Practical Application of IFS in Sexuality23:21 Exploring Vulnerability and Playfulness25:41 Navigating Safety and Judgment in Relationships28:07 Understanding Parts and Their Needs32:13 The Complexity of Human Emotions36:28 Communication and Vulnerability in Relationships41:06 The Goldilocks Approach to Therapy44:58 Training and Resources for IFS in Sexuality👩‍⚕️ About the GuestPatricia Rich is a sex therapist and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and consultant. She specializes in helping people understand their inner world so they can experience more connection, clarity, and ease in their relationships and sex lives.🔗 Learn more about Patricia’s work:https://patriciarich.com (update if needed based on exact link you prefer)Want Help Applying This?If this episode resonated with you, there are a couple ways to go deeper:🔥 Take the Free QuizFind out what’s actually keeping you stuck:👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com💫 Work With MeIf you’re ready for personalized support, my Pathway to Passion coaching program helps you reconnect with your desire, improve communication, and create a sex life that actually feels good again.👉 https://HeatherShannon.co🎧 Loved This Episode?Make sure you’re following the show so you don’t miss future episodes on emotional intimacy, desire, and building a better sex life in your relationship.This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp