What Letting Go Helped Me See 🦋

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit thisisgrieftoo.substack.comI’m a late-to-the-party big believer in taking a break from the normal routines and structures of life to gain fresh perspective. This year, I took about five weeks off from Substack and client work over the summer. The intention was to create space to move out of the home we’ve been in for 28 years so we could radically downsize and try a completely different lifestyle.We’ve left the gorgeous wildlife corridor and serenity of Laurel Canyon in the Hollywood Hills and are now renting a super cool loft in the Brewery Artist Complex right next to the 5 freeway in Los Angeles. I’ve gone from solo nature walks to a vibrant, dynamic community of over 200 artists.My mind, body, and heart are adjusting to the vibe and energy, but my gut says that it’s the right move, especially when I sit on our porch with my cup of tea and watch folks hauling creations, walking dogs, and bartering for goods and services. It’s magical in a whole new way.The stress, though, of the amount of change has got me down to my high school weight. Seems I’m purging more than old clothes and tschotchkes and notebooks and toiletries from fancy hotels. I never thought I was a hoarder until it was time to move.What I’ve also realized is that it’s time to let go of a part of my coaching identity: Moonshot Mentor. It was a name that a former client pitched me, and I felt honored that she would see me in that way — and I really do love helping people go after their big dreams.But what I’m seeing more and more, and what’s really calling out to me, is how every moonshot comes with some form of attachment –- to what achieving that moonshot means to your identity, your purpose, your sense of belonging, your legacy, financial security, recognition. You can’t care about something and not be attached. So when something matters, losing it matters too.I’ve heard from so many people who have experienced professional loss that they’ve felt traumatized, or punished, or left behind as a result of what happened. They’ve felt angry, confused, adrift, and despondent. They’ve lost confidence, their sense of self, stability, or a future. They swing back and forth between “this is all my fault” to “these things happen.”I too have felt all these things. And I got stuck for a decade because I treated speed bumps as evidence that I’d done something horrifically wrong, or that I was unlucky, or that I just wasn’t good enough. When I gave myself permission to grieve and took stock of the meaning I’d created from what happened, I was able to course-correct and stop making decisions from a place of fear, feeling less than, and proving myself to others. And I’m not the only one who had to grieve an attachment …* The lawyer who hated his job with every fiber of his being and had to grieve the identity he had established as someone with status and stature before he could become a therapist.* The creative executive who was laid off and couldn’t get a single interview, who grieved the career dream she held since she was a kid. Through mourning, she realized that what she now loved was salesmanship, and that created a new dream.* The director who was publicly fired and grieved the loss of confidence and her belief in fairness. Through mourning, she regained her footing and a fresh set of beliefs before becoming the artistic director of a major theatre.And so, Moonshot Mentor is becoming This Is Grief Too.This Is Grief Too is a reader-supported publication. Subscribe for new posts about professional loss, career grief, and what’s next.While mentoring moonshots will always be a part of my work, I’m shifting the primary focus to helping people recognize grief in all forms, not only related to the loss of life. I don’t want anyone to suffer because of unacknowledged loss. I want us to get better at recognizing grief when it shows up outside the places we’ve been taught to look for it. Because when we can notice and name what we’re experiencing, we can stop trying to solve the wrong problem.If you’re already a Moonshot Mentor subscriber, there’s nothing you need to do. You’ll continue to hear from me here, just under a new name, with a broader focus and a new rhythm:* Instead of a long-form piece every week, I’ll send a weekly newsletter with shorter insights, practical tools, career strategy, and cool stuff I find along the way.* Career Conversations is becoming This Is Grief Too: Live. Twice a month, I’ll talk with special guests about the highs and lows of their careers, as well as loss, change, and what comes next. Join us live on Substack, with replays available for paid subscribe