Can't You Take a Joke?

The sentence arrives about a second and a half after the remark, and it is always delivered lightly: I'm only joking. Notice where it sits. It doesn't withdraw what was said — it leaves the remark exactly where it is and changes what you're allowed to do about it. Michael Comyn on deniable aggression: why a thirteenth-century West African institution got the rules right, what a linguist in Harlem discovered about the one thing a ritual insult is never allowed to be, and why the person doing the teasing and the person being teased are not in the same joke.