Marriage Lab

Stop Calling Strategies “Needs”

February 26, 2026·36 min
Episode Description from the Publisher

In this episode, we unpack one of the most practical distinctions we teach: the difference between a need and a strategy. A need is a relational longing: connection, safety, being seen, being prioritized. A strategy is your idea of how that need should get met: date night, quicker texts, no phones at night, doing the dishes before sitting down. The problem is, most of us accidentally disguise strategies as needs… and that’s where control sneaks in. We talk about why that feels so painful (for...

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