Confidence, Motivation, & Values: Focusing on Direction, Not Perfection [276]

When confidence is built on external approval, performance, and outcomes, it's fragile. It's also a fragile support for motivation that depends on getting the win, which then boosts your confidence and motivation temporarily, priming you to start the search for your next win to fuel your sense of confidence and refill your motivation tank. The problem comes when the wins sit far apart and your , confidence and motivation start to run on fumes. Or, if you try and fail, then your confidence and motivation can collapse. This episode offers a more durable foundation for your confidence and motivation to be built on: your values. When you ground your confidence in your values rather than your performance, the question shifts from "Did I nail it?" to "Did I show up in alignment with what matters to me?" We'll dig into some practical values-clarification exercises to help you identify your values and follow-up next episode with how to take action. Here's the list of values from Dr. Brene Brown that we referenced: https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/ Note: This episode includes a brief reference to gun violence at 3:30. You can skip to 4:50 or 6:00 to avoid that section.  About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Common Questions & Mental Health Tips from this Episode: Q: What do my values have to do with building confidence? A: When confidence is anchored in values rather than performance and external approval, it becomes something you practice daily rather than something you achieve once and lose the next time you fail; this episode explains the shift and offers a twist on Viktor Frankl's three-category framework for identifying your own values. Q: How do I figure out what my values actually are and not what I think they should be? A: This episode offers a practical exercise using a twist on Viktor Frankl's categories (what you love to give, what you love to receive, what you stand up for). Henry also gives specific guidance on noticing when you're answering authentically vs. answering how you think you should.   Key moments: [00:00] Content note: brief reference to gun violence at 3:30 — skip to 4:50 or 6:00 to avoid [00:30] Welcome back to the Element of Confidence — introducing values clarification as the next step [01:00] How confidence gets built on external factors: performance, "shoulds," what others think of us. This creates fragile confidence that's dependent on outcomes, approval, hitting specific standards [02:00] The shift: grounding confidence in values rather than performance [03:00] Values are not something you achieve — they're something you live from, an ongoing practice [03:30] Henry's story: asked to speak to a community deeply shaken by a school shooting [note: gun violence reference here — skip to 4:50 to avoid] [04:50] Henry's internal shift: moving from "do I have the expertise?" to "how can I show up with compassion?" [05:30] The result: compassion-based confidence doesn't require perfection, it requires alignment [06:00] When you're grounded in values, the question isn't "did I nail it?" — it's "did I show up with care?" [07:00] Defining values: the compass, not the destination — many of Joy Lab's Elements of Joy are values  [07:30] Aimee shares the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment