Gay Shame Researcher - on the Male Gaze, Sex with Your Friends, and how Compulsive Dating is Actually a Shame Response

If you find yourself stuck in endless cycles of bad dating, unfulfilling friendships, and bad sex, this episode will help you get untangled. In this episode, you and I sit down with Jordan Gonsalves to talk about the hidden impact of shame on all of our lives. We dive deep into Jordan's journey with shame, how shame shows up in relationships and dating, self-worth and aging, practical tools to combat shame, and Jordan's new podcast Unshaming. Jordan Gonsalves is a journalist who reports on shame and the host of a new podcast called Unshaming, coming out June 17th. He's interviewed over a hundred people on how shame has kept them from finding love, from being happy with their body, from being happy with their lives, and how they've overcome it. His goal is to teach you that the shame we carry isn't ours to begin with. We Get Curious About How the opposite of shame is actually belonging How compulsive dating is a shame avoidance strategy Why you need to grieve the past chapters of your life How to combat any compulsive behaivors How learning your virtues can help you find community. Links Unshaming: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unshaming/id1495535622 Jordan on Substack: https://jordangonsalves.substack.com/ Jordan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/jor_gonsalves/ Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/ Chapters (00:00) Understanding Shame and Its Impact (02:51) Jordan's Journey with Shame (05:44) The Roots of Shame in Childhood (09:07) Shame and Validation in the LGBTQ+ Community (11:56) Compulsive Behaviors and Escaping Shame (14:50) Dating and the Role of Shame (18:06) Grief, Vulnerability, and Healing Shame (20:57) Overcoming Shame: Steps to Acceptance (27:40) Embracing Self-Worth and Acceptance (32:59) The Power of Belonging and Community (40:04) Aging and the Gift of Life (46:14) Curiosity and Connection in the Modern World