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Getting Close: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Aidan Wharton
Getting Close is an intimate exploration of how we connect, love, and build relationships in the modern world. Each week, host Aidan Wharton sits down with culture-shaping voices to give you practical insights from honest conversations about relationships, Queerness, sex, connection, and community. gettingclosepod.substack.com
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- Today54 min
Gay Shame Researcher - on the Male Gaze, Sex with Your Friends, and how Compulsive Dating is Actually a Shame Response
If you find yourself stuck in endless cycles of bad dating, unfulfilling friendships, and bad sex, this episode will help you get untangled. In this episode, you and I sit down with Jordan Gonsalves to talk about the hidden impact of shame on all of our lives. We dive deep into Jordan's journey with shame, how shame shows up in relationships and dating, self-worth and aging, practical tools to combat shame, and Jordan's new podcast Unshaming. Jordan Gonsalves is a journalist who reports on shame and the host of a new podcast called Unshaming, coming out June 17th. He's interviewed over a hundred people on how shame has kept them from finding love, from being happy with their body, from being happy with their lives, and how they've overcome it. His goal is to teach you that the shame we carry isn't ours to begin with. We Get Curious About How the opposite of shame is actually belonging How compulsive dating is a shame avoidance strategy Why you need to grieve the past chapters of your life How to combat any compulsive behaivors How learning your virtues can help you find community. Links Unshaming: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unshaming/id1495535622 Jordan on Substack: https://jordangonsalves.substack.com/ Jordan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/jor_gonsalves/ Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/ Chapters Understanding Shame and Its Impact Jordan's Journey with Shame The Roots of Shame in Childhood Shame and Validation in the LGBTQ+ Community Compulsive Behaviors and Escaping Shame Dating and the Role of Shame Grief, Vulnerability, and Healing Shame Overcoming Shame: Steps to Acceptance Embracing Self-Worth and Acceptance The Power of Belonging and Community Aging and the Gift of Life Curiosity and Connection in the Modern World
- 1 weeks ago56 min
Love & Connection Expert - on Why Gay Dating Feels so Hard, Modern Relations & Hinge's 2026 LGBTQ DATE Report
If you're fed up with modern dating, this episode is for you. In it you and I sit down with Hinge's Love & Connection Expert Moe Ari Brown to bring you actionable data from Hinge's 2026 LGBTQ+ D.A.T.E. Report! We talk about what dating looks like in 2026, why dating feels so hard for so many gay men, what the data can tell us to make dating easier, what people are actually looking for in relationships these days, and so much more. Moe Ari Brown is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over a decade of experience helping people build genuine, lasting relationships. Moe has worked with people across all identities on their journey to love themselves and establish meaningful connections. He also serve as a Diversity & Equity Consultant. Moe graduated from Northwestern University with an MS in Marriage and Family Therapy. His insights have been featured in publications including The Wall Street Journal, Essence, Out, and Cosmopolitan. We Get Curious About The biggest trends in LGBTQ dating in 2026 Why daters are looking for clarity above all else in dating What it means to date by showing, not telling The surprising ways uncertainty about the world is affecting all of our relationships Why reliability is the #1 thing gay men look for in dating and how to ask for it The ideal amount of time you should spend on the apps before you ask to meet up IRL What your digital body language says about you to prospective dates What long term and open relationships can glean from this data, too Links Hinge's 2026 LGBTQ+ Date Report: https://hinge.co/newsroom/2026-LGBTQIA-Report Moe on IG: https://www.instagram.com/loveoutproud/ Moe on Substack: https://moeari.substack.com/ Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/ The Sexual Health Alliance: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/ Chapters Navigating Relationship Strain in Uncertain Times Understanding the Role of Clarity in Relationships The Impact of Emotional Safety on Connections Insights from Hinge's LGBTQ+ Dating Report The Shift Towards 'Show, Don't Tell' Dating Embracing Vulnerability in Dating Whimsy and Fun in Modern Dating Building Connections Beyond the First Date The Importance of Consistency in Relationships Understanding PDA Preferences in LGBTQ+ Relationships Navigating Reliability in Modern Dating Optimizing Dating Profiles for Success Rekindling Laughter in Long-Term Relationships The Importance of Clarity in Relationships Emotional Safety and Relationship Dynamics Communication in Open Relationships The Role of Early Relationships in Shaping Love Seeking Emotional Safety in Uncertain Times Building Community and Connection
- 2 weeks ago56 min
Steven Rowley - on Gay Aging, Reinvention, and Aliens!
If you've ever felt behind in life, like you aren't quite measuring up to your peers, or perhaps you have no clue what you're doing. If that's the case, this is the episode for you. In this episode, Steven Rowley and I sit down to discuss his incredible career and how he became a bestselling author after he turned 45. We unpack what it felt like to take that leap of faith and why it's never too late to reorient your life and start chasing your dreams. We also get vulnerable about the challenges of long-term relationships, our relationships to aging, and what it really means to be a role model in a post-AIDS world. Steven Rowley is the New York Times bestselling author of Lily and the Octopus, The Editor, The Guncle, The Celebrants, The Guncle Abroad, The Dogs of Venice, and Take Me With You. Originally from Portland, Maine, he is a graduate of Emerson College and currently resides in Palm Springs with his husband, the writer Byron Lane, and three rescue dogs. Links Steven's Books: https://www.stevenrowley.com/ Steven on IG: https://www.instagram.com/mrstevenrowley/ Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/ Chapters Introduction to Reinvention and Second Chances The Journey of Coming Out and Embracing Identity The Path to Becoming a Writer Navigating Relationships and Loneliness The Challenges of Long-Term Relationships The Leap of Faith into Writing Aging and Its Perception in Society Exploring Themes of Grief and Relationships in Writing The Role of Humor in Grief and Reinvention Navigating Grief and Creative Validation The Importance of Intergenerational Friendships Crushes and Their Significance in Relationships The Intersection of Personal Life and Creative Work Evolving Perspectives on Marriage and Relationships The Impact of Online Discourse on Relationships The Artist's Relationship with Their Work Advice for Aspiring Authors Being a Role Model Through Visibility The Power of Storytelling in Building Empathy Community and Connection in the Digital Age
- 3 weeks ago52 min
Gay Money Expert — How the Gays Afford Their Trips, Surprising Side Hustles, and Shame Spending
If you're constantly worrying about money and wondering how you're going to make it through the summer without maxing out your cards, this episode's for you. In it, I sit down with finance guru Nick Wolny, author of Money Proud, as he teaches you and me his seven words to generate wealth. We also explore how shame makes us spend beyond our means, why Grindr is designed to make you so miserable, the unique ways LGBTQ folks interact with money, why you need to stop shopping on Instagram, and why investing is the key to building wealth. NICK WOLNY is a finance author and editor. He writes about money, behavior, queer culture, and how they intertwine, usually via his email newsletter Financialicious. Nick is the finance columnist for Out magazine and has provided on-air commentary for CNN, Good Morning America, and others. His first book, Money Proud: The Queer Guide to Generate Wealth, Slay Debt, and Build Good Habits to Secure Your Future, was published with HarperCollins and recommended by The New York Times. We Get Curious About: How consumerism was invented to make you feel like sh*t about yourself How LGBT folks are much more likely to overspend Why gig work isn't the long-term side hustle we hope it is Nick's number one tip to start turning your money around How the gays afford all their lavish trips How Grindr's bugs are all part of their plan to make you miserable Links Money Proud by Nick Wolney: https://nickwolney.com/book Nick on IG: https://instagram.com/nickwolney Aidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwharton Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/ Wealthfront Investing App - https://www.wealthfront.com Acorns Investment App - https://www.acorns.com Weapon-Free Funds - https://www.ethicalinvesting.com/weapon-free Prison-Free Funds - https://www.ethicalinvesting.com/prison-free Chapters Introduction and Gratitude Understanding Money Stress in the LGBTQ+ Community The Emotional Side of Spending Thought Patterns and Financial Literacy The Seven Word Plan for Wealth Budgeting and Intentional Spending Consumerism and Identity The Impact of Advertising on Spending Behavior The Economics of Dating Apps Exploring Income Opportunities The Importance of Multiple Income Streams Investing for the Future Navigating Ethical Investing Community and Connection in Finances
- 4 weeks ago53 min
Lesbian Bar Historian — on Windows as Protest, Queer Bar Gentrification, and How You Can Save Them
If a gay bar you love has ever shut down, you must listen to this episode.In this episode, Rachel Karp and I get into her incredible road trip where she visited every lesbian bar in the country with her wife and best friend. She takes us on a tour of Queer bar history, complete with a legal fight to wear pants, how windows are actually a sign of progress, the difference between blue state bars and red, how bars are changing to keep up with the times, and four ways you can actually help your favorite queer bar today.RACHEL KARP is a writer and producer who has worked across podcasts, TV, film, theater, and digital media. The co-creator and producer of the award-winning documentary podcast Cruising, she has also supported series for LinkedIn News, Paramount+, A&E, and Oxygen. She holds a bachelor’s degree in theater and English from Skidmore College.We Get Curious About:* How queer bars sometimes start the gentrification that eventually kills them* Why queer bars in Oklahoma have better communities than the ones in New York* Why queer bars with windows are a signal of radical progress* Who gets to exist in Queer bars?* How her podcast helped open a new Queer bar in Massachusetts* Four unique ways you can save the Queer bars you love! LinksPre-Order The Lesbian Bar Chronicles: https://www.beacon.org/The-Lesbian-Bar-Chronicles-P2460.aspxCruising Podcast: https://cruisingpod.comRachel on IG: https://www.instagram.com/rachel.karp/Cruising on IG: https://www.instagram.com/cruisingpodAidan on IG: https://www.instagram.com/aidanwhartonGetting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/Chapters Introduction to Queer Spaces and Their Importance The Journey of Chronicling Lesbian Bars Experiences in Queer Bars Across the Country The Significance of Community in Queer Spaces Historical Impact of Queer Bars Adapting to Modern Times: The Evolution of Queer Bars Inclusivity in Queer Spaces: A Double Standard? Navigating Identity and Community in Queer Bars Exploring Queer Spaces in Red States The Impact of Gentrification on Queer Bars Supporting and Sustaining Queer Spaces The Future of Queer Bars and Community Preserving Queer History and Spaces This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe
- May 12, 202656 min
Gay Bulge Expert (on Performance Anxiety, Holetox, & Sexting Pitfalls)
If you’ve ever avoided sex because you were scared of what might happen, this episode is for you.In this episode, nurse aesthetician and founder of Lushful Aesthetics, Chris Bustamante, and I explore all things dick-related. We get into why performance anxiety happens, what your testosterone is doing in your body, how your porn habits might be affecting sex, and why your sexting habits might need to change. CHRIS BUSTAMANTE is an aesthetic nurse practitioner and received his doctorate of Nursing Practice from Columbia University. Chris specializes in aesthetic treatments and utilizes both his knowledge of medicine and passion for aesthetics to deliver effective treatments from top to bottom that help his patients feel more confident about their appearance. Chris cares deeply about education and has built a following by sharing informative and engaging content about Lushful Aesthetics procedures, his clinic, which helps educate people on the world of aesthetic procedures and promotes a deeper understanding of the process behind these treatments.We unpack:* ✊Why you’re probably gripping your 🍆 too hard when you’re watching porn.* 🌶️Why you might be s*xting ‘too hard’* 😫Why bottoming without preparation is making sex painful.* 💪🏼Why you can stop worrying about your testosterone levels.* 😌What your body is trying to tell you when you get soft.Links* Chris on IG: https://www.instagram.com/injectorchris* Lushful Aesthetics: https://lushfulaesthetics.com/* Splash Blanket: https://splashblanket.us/* Aidan on IG: https://instagram.com/aidanwharton* Getting Close on IG: https://www.instagram.com/gettingclosepod/Chapters Introduction to Vulnerability and Connection Exploring Sexual Shame and Anxiety Understanding Masculinity and Performance The Role of Testosterone in Sexual Health Differentiating Between Performance Anxiety and ED Rewiring Experiences and Overcoming Anxiety The Impact of Porn on Sexual Expectations Navigating Vulnerability in Sexual Encounters Navigating Online Communication and Expectations Understanding Gooning Culture and Its Effects Exploring Performance Anxiety and Alternatives The Role of Holetox in Enhancing Comfort Body Image and Sexual Health Insights The Importance of Connection and Community This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe
- May 5, 202655 min
3 Lessons To Make You Happier with JP Brammer
If you’re tired of all the noise and want three simple tips to find a little more happiness, this is the episode for you. Today, you and I are sitting down with JP Brammer as he reveals three lessons that are making him genuinely happier right now. We learn how to ask for what you need, why you need to wash your thoughts like dishes, why you might feel lonely in a group of gays, the corrosive effects of comfort, and how to really trust what’s best for you.John Paul Brammer is an award-winning writer and artist from Lawton, Oklahoma, currently based in Brooklyn. His memoir-in-essays, ¡Hola Papi!, was published in 2021, and is based on his popular advice column of the same name. His bylines include The New Yorker, The New York times, The Washington Post, and The Los Angeles Times. He is working on his second and third books.We explore:* Why hell is the Fire Island house next door* How a 1700s Swedish mystic can grant you a day pass to heaven* How Buzzfeed personality quizzes created a generation of anxiety* Why the Spotify CEO considers silence his biggest competitor and what that means for your brain* The one piece of advice every gay person needsLinks* John Paul Brammer on Instagram* John Paul Brammer on Substack* Splash Blanket Waterproof Blanket* Aidan Wharton on Instagram* Getting Close on InstagramChapters Introduction to Connection and Happiness Navigating Advice and Autonomy The Journey of an Advice Giver Lessons from Vulnerable Communities Embracing Your Authentic Self The Importance of Asking The Role of Spirituality in Connection Communities and Personal Growth The Complexity of Community and Loneliness The Quality of Thoughts and Mental Hygiene Influence of Social Media on Thought Patterns The Value of Silence and Stillness Cruelty and Its Cost on Mental Health Trusting Your Intuition and Recognizing Discomfort The Illusion of Comfort and Its Consequences Navigating Discomfort in Relationships Advice for Future Self and Creative Projects Community Connections and Personal Growth This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe
- Apr 28, 202654 min
Bi Sex Columnist: How Rejection Leads to Sexual Shame
If you’re tired of missing out on opportunities for fear of rejection, this episode is for you.Today, you and I are sitting down with Zachary Zane to discuss how rejection rules our lives and ends up turning into shame. We get into so much juicy stuff like how rejection lives in the body, the nuances of bisexuality, how to overcome shame and embrace your kinky side, the lessons Zach has learned from the vast amounts of sex he’s had. Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based sex columnist and author whose work centers on sexuality, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and co-author of Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever. He is also editor-in-chief of the BOYSLUT zine, and his writing has been featured in Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, New York Times, Rolling Stone, Washington Post, GQ, Playboy, and more.We unpack:* How to take rejection like a pro and keep moving* How to navigate sexual shame to become a bit more liberated* Why being specific about your kinks on the apps actually gets you rejected less* How to navigate bottom stigma in the gay community* Why you should practice your rejections in the mirrorLinks* Boy Slut by Zachary Zane* Zachary Zane on Instagram * Boy Slut on Substack * Splash Blanket Waterproof Blanket * Aidan on Instagram* Getting Close on InstagramChapters Understanding Rejection and Shame Navigating Personal Experiences of Rejection The Impact of Rejection on Relationships The Role of Kindness in Rejection Exploring Bisexuality and Rejection Attraction vs. Behavior in Sexual Identity The Journey of Oversharing Navigating Shame and Vulnerability Building Community and Connection Challenging Stigmas in the Gay Community Exploring Bisexual Representation Curiosity and Connection in Literature This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit gettingclosepod.substack.com/subscribe
About Getting Close
Getting Close is an intimate exploration of how we connect, love, and build relationships in the modern world. Each week, host Aidan Wharton sits down with culture-shaping voices to give you practical insights from honest conversations about relationships, Queerness, sex, connection, and community. gettingclosepod.substack.com
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