Who Were You Before the World Told You Who to Be?

Subscribe so you don’t miss an episode:Apple | Spotify | GetMomReady.comEpisode Show NotesWhen you think of the Enneagram, you probably think of phrases like, “I’m such a 7,” or “That’s so Enneagram 8 of me.”But what if the Enneagram was less about labeling yourself and more about learning how to notice your patterns with a little more honesty, kindness, and compassion?In this episode of Get Mom Ready, Holly, Meredith, and Anna sit down with Meredith’s longtime friend Nicole Shephard to talk about the Enneagram, but not in a “put yourself in a number box and stay there forever” kind of way.Nicole is certified in the Enneagram for Conscious Living, and she helps us think about the Enneagram as a tool for noticing our patterns, understanding ourselves with more kindness, and maybe yelling at our kids slightly less when bedtime goes off the rails (Or at least understanding why we yelled)…baby steps.Why Moms Will Love This ConversationBecause motherhood has a special way of revealing exactly what is going on inside of us.* The bedtime routine gets disrupted and suddenly you’re not just annoyed, you’re deeply annoyed.* Your kid has a meltdown and somehow it activates every unhealed thing inside your body.* Your spouse says one normal sentence and you’re like, “Wow, interesting tone.”* You finally get a quiet moment and instead of relaxing, you start mentally reorganizing the pantry, planning summer logistics, and wondering if your child’s entire emotional future depends on how you handled bath time.So yeah, we need tools to help us navigate the many emotions of motherhood.And in this conversation, Nicole helps us see the Enneagram as one of those tools. Not to overanalyze everyone in your house. Not to type your toddler. Please do not walk around saying, “She’s giving unhealthy 4 energy” about your preschooler. But to ask better questions about ourselves:* What’s actually underneath my reaction?* Is this fear, shame, or anger?* What pattern do I keep falling into?* What does my kid need from me right now?* What do I need right now?* And Nicole’s favorite: how do I bring a little more compassion into the whole situation?The Enneagram Is Not Just a Personality TestNicole explains that the Enneagram is wayyy more layered than the quick internet version most of us have heard.Instead of saying, “I am a type,” she uses the phrase “center of gravity,” which feels so much less dramatic and permanent. Your type is not your prison sentence. It’s simply a pattern you tend to return to.The goal is not to say, “Well, I’m an 8, so good luck everyone.” The goal is to notice the patterns, understand what they were trying to protect, and decide whether they are still helping you now.Please Don’t Type Your ToddlerOne of our favorite parts of this conversation is when Nicole talks about using the Enneagram as a mom.She is not trying to figure out her kids’ Enneagram numbers while they are still little. Instead, she uses the framework to pay attention to what might be driving their behavior by asking:“Is this coming from fear, anger, shame?”A much more useful approach than trying to diagnose every tantrum.Because sometimes our kids are not “being difficult.” Sometimes they are scared, embarrassed, mad, tired, overstimulated, or all of the above (plus they were given the wrong color cup, which, as we know, is a full family crisis).Nicole talks about meeting our kids in that place instead of immediately trying to fix or correct the behavior. And that led us into a really tender conversation about our kids’ essence: who they are before the world tells them who they should be.Yes, we cried a little. 🥹Marriage, Routines, and the Plans We Keep Not MakingNicole also talks about instincts (self-preservation, social, and attraction/sexual) and how they show up in real life.And this is where Holly realizes that she and her husband, Elliott may both lean hard toward structure and routine, which would explain why they can talk about rock climbing for 13 years and never actually go rock climbing.They have also discussed going to a concert multiple times but still haven’t bought the tickets, because apparently wanting to do something and actually disrupting your routine to do it are two very different activities.If you have ever said, “We should totally do that,” and then immediately returned to your couc