Can We Repair What’s Broken? Grief, Yom Kippur, and the Scars We Carry

Yom Kippur asks us to reflect, repent and repair—but what happens when repair cannot return us to what was? Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove and Jon Frankel begin with the meaning and traditions of Judaism’s holiest day before welcoming Rabbis Nicole Guzik and Erez Sherman, the husband-and-wife co-senior rabbis of Sinai Temple in Los Angeles. Their conversation begins with their own preparation for Yom Kippur: the relationships that may never look the same, the stories that remain untold, and the possibility of making room for hope even when remorse or regret remains.That idea takes on deeper meaning through their book, Grieving a Child: A Companion Guide for Clergy. Born from years of conversations with a family that experienced the death of a child, the guide addresses what religious training and traditional rituals cannot always prepare clergy to face: what happens before, during and long after devastating loss. From navigating shiva and anniversaries to remembering milestones a child never reached, Guzik and Sherman argue that pastoral care cannot end when the formal mourning period does.At the heart of the conversation is a powerful image: the scar. Repair may be possible, Rabbi Guzik explains, but repair does not mean returning to what existed before. A scar remains; what can change is how we see it, carry it and allow it to become part of our lives. The rabbis also offer practical wisdom for anyone trying to comfort a grieving family: don't make their loss about your own experience, don't offer assurances, don't be afraid to speak about the child—and don't disappear once shiva ends. Sometimes the most meaningful words are simply, this is heartbreaking, and I'm still thinking about you.As Yom Kippur draws near, the conversation becomes ultimately not only about death, but about life: the people we remember, the relationships we carry, and the community that surrounds us as we enter another year. Rabbi Nicole Guzik:https://www.sinaitemple.org/about/clergy-senior-staff/rabbi-nicole-guzik/Rabbi Erez Sherman:https://www.sinaitemple.org/about/clergy-senior-staff/rabbi-erez-sherman/Grieving a Child: A Companion Guide for Clergy:https://momentmag.com/clergy-child-loss/?srsltid=AfmBOorNTf4Eket9D6YuZSPKW8lfVDlfzqHhrL1VYkOUBqIwx8xAEuXD Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove:https://www.instagram.com/elliot_cosgrovehttps://x.com/RabbiCosgrovePark Avenue Synagogue:https://www.pasyn.orghttps://www.instagram.com/parkavenuesyn/#Jon Frankel:https://www.instagram.com/skifrankel Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.