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Better After Divorce: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Coach Ivy
Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is for women who’ve rebuilt the career, the home, and the life, and still feel the dimmer switch. Not recovering. Becoming.Each episode names the patterns that keep us choosing what hurts, in dating, in love, and in the life we’re building, and what to choose instead. Real stories, honest talk, and a little velvet-edged truth from someone who’s been exactly where you are.I help women after divorce turn their light back on. Happily ever after starts with you.
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- 1 weeks ago35 min
You Already Know Why He Only Sees You on Weeknights
You Already Know Why He Only Sees You On WeeknightsHe only sees you on weeknights. He’s “not big on labels.” And somewhere underneath, you already know why.What you tolerate in month one becomes the relationship. In this episode, I walk you through every guy who came through my dating funnel after divorce, including the one I never took out on a weekend, and the question that changed what I let in.IN THIS EPISODE→ Red Light, Green Light: two months in, weeknights only, and he’s “not big on labels”→ The text-only guy, the still-married guy, the guy with eight kids, and the one I matched with twice→ The four years I couldn’t even see men, and what that taught me about patterns→ Why my relationships always felt like the scaffolding was still up→ The two questions to ask before your next date→ Why there’s no rejection, only mismatch→ How your pattern runs game on you, not just on himREFERENCE→ Companion article: It Wasn’t the Men. It Was What I Kept Tolerating → Related episode: the dating game episode: You Were So Busy Being Chosen You Never Chose HimJOIN ME LIVEChoose, Don’t Chase: Stop Repeating the Heartbreak. Live on Zoom, Wednesday, October 28, 7 PM ET. Your $27 seat comes with a free plus-one. Bring the friend who shares your pattern.FOUNDING MEMBERSThe extended segment: why I’m single on purpose, and what my Michelin three-star list looks like now. Subscribe to Better After Divorce on Substack.IF THIS EPISODE RESONATEDSend it to the friend who keeps telling you he’s “fine.” COACH IVY RESOURCES→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVYInstagram: @coachivyvineFacebook: CoachIvySubstack: Better Dating After Divorce Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.
- 3 weeks ago32 min
The Heartbreak You Keep Choosing
🎟️ Choose, Don't Chase: Stop Repeating the HeartbreakLive on Zoom · Wednesday, October 28 · 7 PM Eastern$27, and every seat comes with a free plus one. Bring the girlfriend who's dating the same guy with a different name.Save your seat → [event link]IN THIS EPISODE→ Red Light Green Light: he texts every day, sends flowers and poetry, but never makes plans to see you in person→ Why consistency isn't enough, and what to look for instead: congruency→ The three endings: unavailable, incompatible, noncommittal→ Why smart women miss the pattern, and why it feels like chemistry→ The "no labels" speech, and what I finally understood about my own pattern→ The five archetypes running underneath your choices→ Why a sovereign woman chooses instead of chasingREFERENCE→ The Wedding Date (2005), the source of Nick Mercer's line "Every woman has the exact love life she wants."IF THIS EPISODE RESONATEDSend it to the friend who keeps saying "it's not the same thing." Then bring her to the 28th. Her seat's on me. COACH IVY RESOURCES→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVYInstagram: @coachivyvineFacebook: CoachIvySubstack: Better Dating After Divorce Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.
- Sep 28, 202624 min
Every Man You Date Is Being Asked to Prove You're Not Broken
Every Man You Date Is Being Asked to Prove You're Not BrokenFor years I dated as proof I wasn’t broken. Every man was evidence for a case I didn’t know I was building. This week I’m telling the origin story behind all of this work — the pattern I ran in dating, and the same pattern I found running everywhere else in my life.IN THIS EPISODE→ A Red Light Green Light on liking him vs. liking that he likes you→ Why "the work" I did after my divorce didn’t touch the actual pattern→ The sentence that cracked it open: it wasn’t the men, it was my pattern, my frame, my belief→ Where this same pattern showed up outside of dating — brain fog, work, asking for help→ Why I believe dating, leadership, and every role you play are the same subject wearing different clothes REFERENCECompanion article: The Forgotten Reason You Forgot: Menopause Brain Fog Related episode: Being Single on Purpose IF THIS EPISODE RESONATEDSend it to a woman who’s still building a case for the defense. She doesn’t need a better man. She needs to see the pattern. COACH IVY RESOURCES→ 🧩 Find your pattern — Get the free Dating Pattern Guide when you subscribe→ 🧭 Go deeper — Schedule your Archetype Breakthrough Session→ 🚦 Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL→ ⭐ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVYInstagram: @coachivyallenFacebook: CoachIvySubstack: Better Dating After Divorce Coach Ivy · #SelfEvolutionRevolution · Notice. Name. Choose Differently.
- Sep 14, 202628 min
Body Betrayal or Body Evolution - The Pause No One Talks About
BODY BETRAYAL OR BODY EVOLUTION - THE PAUSE NO ONE TALKS ABOUT Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy · FemFactor Fit, Episode 1Nobody asked me. I wasn't prepared. And frankly — it sucks.For a while I thought aging was something you could outrun. Then my body laid down in the road — like Dorothy in the poppy field, shoes on, mid-stride, done. This episode is the confession the article didn't have room for: the full ninety-day list of everything that paused on me without asking, what my clinicians actually said, and the reframe that got me back on my feet. It's the first episode in a brand new series — FemFactor Fit — and it is not a fitness program.IN THIS EPISODE→ The full ninety-day list — sleep, hormones, exercise, food, desire, career — every pause named out loud→ What happens in five minutes with a clinician, and why the pamphlet isn't the whole story→ The reframe: FemFactor Fit isn't a program to get your body back — it's coming home to the body you're in now→ What The Pause does to intimacy — married, dating, or content on your own, it touches all three→ Where this series is headed over the coming weeksREFERENCECompanion article: "The Pause and the Poppy Field" The Mel Robbins Podcast episode with Dr. Mary Claire — the clearest breakdown of the biology I've found so farSend your own Pause story for Red Light Green Light → coachivy@lifecoachivy.com, subject line RLGLIF THIS RESONATEDSend this to a woman who's white-knuckling her way through The Pause alone. She needs to know she's not the only one who fell asleep in the poppy field. And tell me — on a scale of one to ten, where are you in your Pause? I read every reply, and I answer. RESOURCES MENTIONED →Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide →Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson → Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL → Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVY Instagram: @coachivyallen Facebook: CoachIvy Substack: Better Dating After Divorce Coach Ivy #SelfEvolutionRevolution Notice. Name. Choose Differently.
- Sep 2, 202638 min
Worthy of Being Choosen
Worthy of Being Chosen When I got divorced, I thought I’d lost everything. The marriage. The family I’d built. The thing I was most proud of. That’s not what I lost. The finale of Dating From Fullness — and the part I left out of the written version on purpose. IN THIS EPISODE → The trap in the title, and why you were never the one who had to qualify → How each archetype proves her worth — five women, five receipts nobody asked for → Breaking the generational curse, and what happens when the thing you built ends → The first time I heard my own voice — and what she said → Why nobody can hand your sovereignty back to you → Six parts, one arc: the whole series in five minutes → What’s coming September 7, and the rooms I’m opening REFERENCE → Read the companion piece: coachivy.substack.com → Find your archetype — free guide: → Already know yours and still running it? Book an Archetype Breakthrough Session IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED Send it to the woman who’s been proving her worth to people who never deserved the receipt. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. RESOURCES MENTIONED →Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide →Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson → Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL → Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVY Instagram: @coachivyallen Facebook: CoachIvy Substack: Better Dating After Divorce Coach Ivy #SelfEvolutionRevolution Notice. Name. Choose Differently.
- Aug 26, 20261h 2m
Being Single On Purpose
Being Single On Purpose The world has exactly one story for a single woman in midlife: something is wrong with you. You're waiting. Still looking. Got issues. Bullshit at its finest. There's a difference between single-and-waiting and single-and-sovereign — same relationship status, completely different woman. One's keeping a seat warm. The other one already picked herself. This week we get into what that actually looks like, including the part nobody says out loud: sovereign doesn't mean never lonely. IN THIS EPISODE → Why the toy aisle told you the story before you could even read → Single-waiting vs. single-sovereign — two entirely different women, one status → How all five archetypes do alone: proving, serving, investigating, defending, breathing → The aligned one who still walked away — and why disappointment is its own kind of grief → What Frances figured out in Tuscany that most of us are still waiting on → The honest part: some Saturdays are long, and that doesn't mean you got it wrong REFERENCE → Read the companion piece on Substack: Being Single On Purpose → Find your archetype — the free guide → Already know your archetype and tired of watching yourself run it? Book an Archetype Breakthrough Session IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED Send it to the woman who keeps getting asked when she's going to settle down — and has stopped explaining herself. She needs to hear this. RESOURCES MENTIONED→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVYInstagram: @coachivyallenFacebook: CoachIvySubstack: Better Dating After Divorce
- Aug 12, 202646 min
Intimacy Cost More Now - And You Have More to Lose
Intimacy Cost More Now - And You Have More to Lose You want the closeness, the connection. You even want the sex. So why does the thought of actually going out and getting it make you want to take a nap? It’s not that desire left. It’s that the price went up. This week we’re talking about what intimacy actually costs in midlife — and why your “I just can’t right now” isn’t a flaw. It’s accurate pricing. Because intimacy isn’t sex. Intimacy is letting someone see the parts of you you’ve kept hidden since the divorce — and that bill doesn’t take Saturday nights anymore. IN THIS EPISODE → Red light on “Keepin’ It Easy” — why easy for him is expensive for you → One comically unsexy Tuesday night — the nighttime ritual, the covers, and Hercules holding his ground → The three costs — the body, what you have to lose, and the past → The reframe — the price didn’t rise because you got difficult; the asset appreciated → Five women, same exposure — how each archetype meets intimacy, and the wall she can’t take down → What Samantha Jones understood that most of us miss → Coach Ivy’s truth — not dating right now, on purpose. Not a waiting room. Ownership. REFERENCE → Read the companion article on Substack: Intimacy Costs More Now — and You Have More to Lose on coachivy.substack.com → Find your archetype — free Dating Pattern Guide: coachivy.involve.me/relationship-pattern → Book an Archetype Breakthrough Session: calendly.com/coachivyallen/the-archetype-breakthrough-session → Write me — I answer every email personally: coachivy@lifecoachivy.com IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED Send it to the woman who keeps apologizing for not having the energy to date. She’s not too tired for love — she’s too rich to overpay. She needs to hear this. RESOURCES MENTIONED→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVYInstagram: @coachivyallenFacebook: CoachIvySubstack: Better Dating After Divorce
- Jul 26, 202642 min
You Were So Busy Being Chosen You Never Chose Him
You Were So Busy Being Chosen You Never Chose Him The date went well. You know it did — because you checked. Once when he leaned in, and again in the car, replaying the whole thing. And somewhere around the second exit it hits you: you can't name one true thing about him. Not what he said. You have all of that. You don't know who he is. Whether you even liked him. This week we're talking about the difference between fear and fullness — and why it's not a feeling you have on a date. It's the position you walked in standing on. Fear spends the whole night auditioning. Fullness walks in with nothing to extract, which is the only reason it can actually see him. Because the real cost of dating from fear isn't heartbreak. It's blindness. IN THIS EPISODE → Why fear isn't an emotion — it's a position, and it doesn't just show up on the date, it shows up about all men → Five women, same fear, five completely different dates — how the Lioness, Matriarch, Seeker, Valkyrie, and Empath each dance around it → Erica Barry's turtlenecks — the armor you don't notice you're wearing → The Game of 26 — the dating experiment that made joy possible again, and why the point was never to date 26 people → Fear vs. fullness — a past you're still arguing with vs. a past you've stopped negotiating with → The part nobody names — how "being chosen" quietly replaces choosing him REFERENCE → Read the companion piece on Substack: You Were So Busy Being Chosen You Never Chose Him IF THIS EPISODE RESONATED Send it to the woman who's been on a hundred good dates and still can't tell you if she liked a single one of them. She needs to hear this. RESOURCES MENTIONED→Find Your Pattern — Download the Dating Pattern Guide→Want to go deeper — Schedule Your Pattern Breakthrough Sesson→ Send your Red Light Green Light scenario to: coachivy@lifecoachivy.com — subject line: RLGL→ Loving the show? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — I read every one, and yours might be featured on a future episode. CONNECT WITH COACH IVYInstagram: @coachivyallenFacebook: CoachIvySubstack: Better Dating After Divorce
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About Better After Divorce
Better After Divorce with Coach Ivy is for women who’ve rebuilt the career, the home, and the life, and still feel the dimmer switch. Not recovering. Becoming.Each episode names the patterns that keep us choosing what hurts, in dating, in love, and in the life we’re building, and what to choose instead. Real stories, honest talk, and a little velvet-edged truth from someone who’s been exactly where you are.I help women after divorce turn their light back on. Happily ever after starts with you.
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