27. ADHD and Survival Mode: How to Stop Trying Harder and Actually Thrive (with Rachel Few)

From the outside, she's on top of it. Then something small happens — a cold, a bad night, one extra thing — and the whole thing collapses. And she decides the collapse is the problem. She needs to be better. More disciplined. Try harder.But the collapse isn't the problem. The collapse is information. The problem is that she's been running her whole life on a system that was never built for her brain — and every time it falls over, she reads it as proof that she's the thing that's broken. Rachel Few is back, and this one is about the loop underneath all of it: if I could just try harder. Why effort was rewarded your whole life, why it stopped working the moment you had kids, and what it actually takes to stop surviving and start thriving — not the influencer version with the one massage and the full cup, the real one.CHAPTERS00:00 — The collapse isn't the problem. The collapse is information.02:07 — Why 'just try harder' worked for years — until it didn't03:12 — Jane's two years out of school, and the effort trap hiding inside a success story04:36 — Add kids, and the sprint you can't run as a marathon05:42 — Fight or flight: why you can't get the drone view of your own life06:41 — Why every mum deserves a coach, and nobody questions it for a marathon06:56 — The homework trap — leaving every appointment with more to do09:02 — Why women keep landing back on 'I'm the problem'10:25 — Effort that's purposeful vs effort that's just doing, doing, doing11:26 — 'I've done years of therapy but I still can't get the shopping done'13:22 — When to go back and unpack, and when to stay in the here and now15:27 — The Friday meltdown that actually started on Monday16:48 — The map: why women stop feeling like they're winging it17:45 — The wine-and-big-plans trap, and Jane's real conversation with her husband20:15 — The rugby coaching question — is it the thing you want, or one of four?23:38 — Doing the mapping for our kids but never for ourselves26:35 — Her one takeaway: cancel half a dayRESOURCES & REFERENCESFor more on Rachel Few — https://rachelfew.com/Free ResourcesADHD Physical Health & Emotional Wellbeing Kit — for the burnout and the body-keeps-score part — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-physical-health-emotional-wellbeing-kit/Paid ResourcesADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning — the closest thing to the 'what fills my cup, what goes, where are my spoons' mapping Rachel walks through — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-reset-workbook-values-energy-planning-for-adhd-mums/ADHD Mums Shop — https://adhdmums.com.au/shop/Related EpisodesOverstimulated Before 7am — And No One Sees the Work — with Rachel Few — her first episode, one of the most-consumed on the show — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/rachel-few/What Is Underneath the Mask? Uncovering Who You Are After Diagnosis — S2 EP17, with Tanya Hicks — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-17-underneath-the-mask-uncovering-who-you-are-after-diagnosis/Burnout, Pain & Weird Symptoms? The ADHD Link No One Told Us About — S2 EP62, Jane solo — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-62-burnout-pain-weird-symptoms-the-adhd-link-no-one-told-us-about/Preventing Burnout: The Power of Setting Boundaries — S2 EP37, with Kara Lynch — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-37-adhd-autism-or-both-karas-story-of-burnout-and-sensory-overload/About the GuestRachel Few runs Neurodivergent Counselling and Mentoring on the Sunshine Coast — telehealth, available Australia-wide. As a social worker, former school couns