The Difference Between Saying You’re Sorry and Being Sorry

There is a difference between saying you’re sorry and actually being sorry.And sometimes we give people credit for an apology they never really gave us.In Episode 384 of You’re Probably Right, MCM breaks down the difference between remorse, discomfort, apology, access, forgiveness, and actual change.Someone can be upset that you are angry with them.They can miss talking to you.They can miss your attention.They can miss your help.They can miss the version of you who used to answer the phone, do the favour, keep the door open, and make life easier for them.They can even be genuinely bothered that you no longer look at them the same way.And still not be sorry.That is the distinction at the centre of this episode.Sometimes people are not sorry they hurt you.They are sorry that hurting you changed your relationship with them.Those are not the same thing.MCM looks at what a real apology actually requires.Ownership.Can they name what they did?Recognition.Do they understand what their behaviour cost you?Repair.Are they willing to do something differently?And change.Does the behaviour that follows the apology actually support the words?Because if someone apologizes for the same behaviour twelve times and then does it a thirteenth time, eventually the apology becomes part of the behaviour.“I’m sorry” cannot become the cleanup crew that follows the same destruction every week.This episode also looks at defensive apologies, vague apologies, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” “I’m sorry, but…,” and the difference between asking for forgiveness and asking for access.Because sometimes “Can we just be okay?” really means:Can I have the old version of you back?The version who answered every call.The version who tolerated more.The version who gave endlessly.The version who kept the door open.And maybe the answer is no.You can accept an apology without rebuilding the old relationship.You can forgive someone without restoring the same level of access.You can stop being angry and still decide that something has permanently changed.An apology does not obligate you to recreate the relationship that existed before the injury.And if they never apologize at all, closure cannot always depend on the person who hurt you finally understanding what they did.Sometimes you have to acknowledge the injury yourself, decide what you learned from it, change what you will tolerate going forward, and keep moving.Because saying you’re sorry is a sentence.Being sorry is evidence.Episode 384You’re Probably Right with MCMEntertainment first. Everything else is just bonus opinions.Connect: yprpodcast@gmail.comListen on Apple Podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/youre-probably-right/id1551574121Listen on Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/show/1L65QCDAGp1h5Vca5zwE7X