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Where Do Gays Retire Podcast: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Mark Goldstein
Where Do Gays Retire is a podcast where we help you in the LGBTQ+ community find a safe and affordable retirement destination. Join Mark Goldstein as he interviews others who live in gay-friendly places around the globe. Learn about the climate, cost of living, the LGBTQ + community, healthcare, crime and safety, and more.
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- 5 days ago1h 35m
This Is Not the Spain You See on TV: Retiring in Bilbao with Debra Bongard
Bilbao, Spain: Green, Rainy, and Nothing Like the PostcardsGuest: Debra Bongard | Host: Mark GoldsteinDebra Bongard moved to Bilbao, Spain in May 2025 with her spouse and her son, who is now 24. She had planned to retire in another two or three years, but after watching friends have their lives cut short or their retirement plans derailed by unexpected health issues, and after the 2024 US election left the family uneasy about where the country was headed, they moved up the timeline. Debra holds dual Irish and American citizenship through her mother, which made moving to the EU much simpler than it would have been otherwise. Born and raised in Southern California and a longtime Long Beach resident, she moved to Portland in 2020 and landed in Bilbao five years later. Her career was in technology, working as a programmer and project manager on ERP systems, and she left her job when they moved because her employer could not keep a worker living outside the country.🗺 What Is BilbaoBilbao sits on a river in Spain's Basque Country, on the southern edge of the Bay of Biscay, roughly an hour and twenty minutes from the French border. Debra describes it as feeling almost like a different country from the Spain most Americans picture. If you love Madrid, she says, it won't feel the same. The Basque language was violently suppressed under Franco, and today the region works hard to help it flourish, which translates into free cultural programming all year long. Tapas are largely a tourist offering here. The local equivalent is pinchos, small plates built on a slice of bread and topped with everything from goat cheese and bacon jam to mushrooms and meat. Everyone speaks Spanish, signage is bilingual, and Debra learned a handful of Basque words to be polite. Bilbao proper is compact, smaller than Portland, with a considerably larger metro area around it.🌤 Climate and GeographyDebra calls it a warm Ireland. Very green, very much like the Pacific Northwest with added humidity. It rains frequently but rarely all day, and she notes the local joke that if you do not like the weather, wait ten minutes. Winters are mild with no snow, though the days get short since Bilbao sits about as far north as Portland, Oregon. Summers are changing. Her first summer brought one heat wave that topped 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and the following summer brought three. She cannot tolerate heat, which is exactly why she ruled out southern Spain, and she bought a portable room air conditioner for the worst stretches. The coast is reachable without a car, and the mountains are about an hour and a half away by rental car for skiing.🌈 LGBTQ+ LifeFinding the local queer center took some searching, partly because the Spanish naming conventions and the order of the acronym letters differ from what Americans expect. Bilbao has gay bars, two Pride parades in June, and an Axel hotel, the chain known for catering to gay travelers. The center hosts groups, though they meet in Spanish. Debra says she feels safe, would hold hands with her wife without a second thought, and sees other couples doing the same almost daily. Her summary of the atmosphere is simple: nobody cares, and that is how it should be.💰 Cost of LivingThese are Debra's own numbers from her household at the time of recording, and they will vary by neighborhood, apartment, and household size. Her rent is 1,400 euros a month for a large three-bedroom. Her previous, slightly smaller three-bedroom was 1,575, which is part of why they moved. Fiber internet plus two mobile phones runs about 30 euros a month total, which she calls a genuinely pleasant surprise. Electricity averaged roughly 64 to 65 euros a month over a full year, with the highest month at 93 during the air-conditioning stretch. Gas averaged about 55 euros a month, higher in January and February. The family eats out often, which she estimates at a couple thousand euros a month, so that line is a lifestyle choice rather than a baseline. A menú del día at lunch runs about 13 to 16 euros for three courses, a drink, and dessert.🚶 Daily Life and WalkabilityNeither Debra nor most of her friends own a car. Bilbao's center is flat along the river, where the Old Town, the Guggenheim, the restaurants, and the football stadium sit, with the hills rising at the edges of the city. She walks to nearly everything, including doctors and the hospital. The grocery store is in the basement of her own building. Metro rides cost less than a euro, and the nearest beach is about 20 to 25 minutes out, with her preferred beach closer to 35 or 40. The metro shuts down around midnight for much of the year, which is worth planning around, though she and her son have simply walked home when they missed it. Uber, taxis, and rental e-bikes are all available, and there is a rive
- 2 weeks ago1h 26m
Retiring in Akrata, Greece: 60% Cheaper Than Orlando
🎙 Retiring in Akrata, Greece: 60% Cheaper Than OrlandoHost Mark Goldstein talks with Jeffrey Davidson and Walter Zak, a married couple who left Orlando, Florida, after more than thirty years and now live in a hillside village above Akrata on the Gulf of Corinth.Wally spent more than thirty years in hotel real estate development and finance, finishing with the opening of a one-billion-dollar resort in Orlando. Jeff spent twenty years in resort marketing and creative, and before that, regional management for Blockbuster Video. They met at Disney's Pleasure Island, built a wide circle of friends over three decades in Central Florida, and had never once set foot in Greece until a cruise for their thirtieth anniversary in 2024. Roughly a year later, they bought a house there, largely sight unseen. At the time of this conversation, they had been in Greece about five months.A note on figures: all costs below reflect Jeff and Wally's experience at the time of recording. Rates, prices, and visa thresholds change, so treat these as a snapshot, not a current quote.🗺 What and Where Is AkrataAkrata is a beach town in Achaia, in the northern Peloponnese, on the Gulf of Corinth, roughly midway between Athens and Patras. It is popular with Greeks, who come out from the big cities to their summer houses, but draws very little international tourism. Jeff and Wally live above the town in Ano Platanos, a small stone village with its own church, a couple of restaurants, and olive groves running through it. Their description: the village from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, church bells and all.The location was a deliberate choice. They wanted to feel remote without being cut off. The town sits on the rail line, and the major highway between Patras, Corinth, and Athens, and an electric suburban rail line is being extended toward a station at the bottom of their mountain. Wally also had high praise for the Greek highway system, cleaner and better maintained than most of what he had driven in the United States, with a stretch along the water that reminded them of the Pacific Coast Highway.💛 Why They Left FloridaWally had just finished the largest project of his career and was asking what the next phase of life looked like. Jeff was closer to retirement. As they started mapping a five- and ten-year plan, the golden visa entered the picture, bringing a question about timing: how long would that window stay open? They decided they were at a good age, positioned well, and didn't need to prove anything else.The 2024 cruise was the turning point. What struck them was less the scenery than the people. After decades in a city built on hospitality performed for visitors, they found the Greek welcome unguarded and honest. They fell hard for Athens, a city Wally called unpolished but carrying four thousand years of energy. Coming from Orlando, where you are essentially living in the land of make-believe, the chance to walk among three-thousand-year-old ruins was its own argument. When Wally floated the idea of retiring there, Jeff said it would happen as soon as he sold his Corvette. It sold within a week.🏡 Buying a House Sight UnseenThey made an offer on their home before ever seeing it in person. Jeff visited once before closing, but the decision was already made.What made that possible was structure. They kept their lawyer and real estate agent separate, hired an Athens firm that respected the agent they had chosen, and had the agent conduct multiple video walkthroughs, talking them through problems rather than hiding them. The house turned out to be exactly what he had shown them. Something less rational was at work, too. The home had belonged to a family whose mother was an artist, like Wally's mother, and they say it felt like it was calling them.💰 Costs and HousingTheir headline figure gives this episode its title. Adding everything up, they estimate they are spending about forty percent of what they spent in Orlando, which is to say roughly sixty percent cheaper. That excludes healthcare and travel, and healthcare turns out to be minimal anyway.The house cost 400,000 euros, roughly 461,000 US dollars. That bought about an acre with eight olive trees and fruit trees, and a panoramic view across the Gulf of Corinth toward Delphi and the mountains beyond. The property is roughly 2,100 square feet and functions almost like a compound: a two-bedroom, one-bath main house; a one-bedroom, one-bath apartment downstairs with its own entrance; and a separate 600-square-foot guest house, each with a full kitchen and the same view. All of it was built within the last ten years, unusual for Greece.Their running costs, in their own numbers:Roughly 1,800 euros a month covers everything, including groceries and dining out. Private health insurance
- Oct 7, 202659 min
Lancaster, PA: No Gay Bars, No Gayborhood, No Problem - With Stephen Hardy
WHERE DO GAYS RETIRE PODCASTShow NotesLancaster, PA: No Gay Bars,No Gayborhood, No ProblemHosted by Mark Goldstein| Guest: Stephen Hardy |Lancaster, PennsylvaniaRuntime: approximately 60 minutesStephen Hardy and his husband Addison thought Phoenix was the finish line. They had raised two sons there, downsized into a gut-renovated mid-century condo in Midtown, and built a full civic life. Stephen served on the boards of Ballet Arizona and Arizona Opera and chaired the ballet's 2025 gala. Then the desert started to wear on them. Addison missed having a garden. They both missed seasons, museums, and being a short hop from a big city.France was ruled out over the language barrier and the bureaucracy. The Pacific Northwest, where they are both from, had gotten too expensive. New England was on the list, until Stephen's research turned up a name he was not expecting. Lancaster, Pennsylvania.On paper it checked every box. Liberal, walkable, excellent health care, a serious arts and food scene, an hour by train to Philadelphia and three hours to New York, and no Pennsylvania state tax on retirement income. They visited in April 2025 and knew within two hours. They bought a 1920s townhouse in Chestnut Hill and moved in this past April.Here is the part that surprises people. Lancaster has no gayborhood and no gay bar. Stephen says neither is missed. Pride flags fly year round in shop windows and on front porches. He and Addison hold hands walking home from the theater. The city is only about 60,000 people, but it packs them in densely enough that Stephen describes it as the West Village set down on its own in Pennsylvania. Four months in, they had built a full social circle with almost no effort.If you have ever worried that leaving a big city gay scene means giving up community, this conversation is for you.🎧 In This EpisodeWhy a couple who loved Phoenix's arts scene still decided to leaveWhat it actually feels like to be an out gay couple in a small city surrounded by conservative farm countryWhy Lancaster has no gay bar, and why Stephen argues it does not need oneWhat a 1920s townhouse in the nicest neighborhood in town really costsHow Pennsylvania's retirement income tax break stacks up against its property taxesThe one piece of DMV paperwork that catches every out of state mover off guardHow they built a real friend group in under four months⏱️ Chapters00:00 Introduction. Who Stephen and Addison are, and why Lancaster03:18 From New York to Connecticut to Phoenix. Two dads, a fashion career, and a second act as an author05:15 The Mark connection. Neighbors in Phoenix, and two very different exits06:41 The April 2025 visit. Why the Philly suburbs did not work and Lancaster did in two hours08:32 A family migration. Stephen's sister, then Addison's sister, followed them09:04 It is not Amish country. A real small city with four colleges and a multi ethnic population11:22 Choosing Chestnut Hill. Tree lined streets, fifteen minutes from Penn Square13:11 Four seasons again. Snow, humidity, and why neither is a dealbreaker15:23 Rivers, gentle hills, tree ordinances, and yes, sometimes you smell the fields17:14 LGBTQ+ life. No gayborhood, no gay bar, and no sense of loss19:31 The Gayest Happy Hour, the Belvedere, and year round Pride flags19:47 The Gelks. How the Elks Club became a gay bingo night20:51 Amish Country Queer, and the LGBTQ+ youth who come into the city to be themselves21:59 City versus county. Navigating a conservative rural surround23:28 The kilt question24:03 Cost of living. What a Chestnut Hill townhouse costs, and what the $200,000s still buy25:10 Property taxes, school taxes, and why they are glad to pay them26:12 The famous Stephen and Addison renovation, round two27:10 No Pennsylvania tax on Social Security, pensions, or retirement withdrawals28:15 Utilities, groceries, dining out, and the state liquor store markup30:29 Walkability, the Keystone train line, and getting to Philadelphia, New York, and Europe33:01 Health care. Penn Medicine, an openly gay primary care doctor, and a dentist shortage36:16 Crime and safety. Walking home at night, and the one real hazard40:22 Arts
- Sep 23, 20261h 30m
Uruguay for LGBTQ+ Expats: Permanent Residency, Public Healthcare, and Daily Life in Montevideo
🎙️ Uruguay for LGBTQ+ Expats: Permanent Residency, Public Healthcare, and Daily Life in MontevideoHosted by Mark Goldstein, Where Do Gays RetireUruguay has some of the strongest LGBTQ+ legal protections in the world, and almost nobody talks about it. Steven Guthrie noticed. When he started looking for somewhere outside the United States to build a life, Spain and Mexico were the obvious candidates. Both were also filling up fast, with rising housing costs and growing friction between newcomers and locals. He wanted somewhere his money would go far and stay that way.A trip through Argentina and Chile, plus a detour into astrocartography, landed him in Montevideo in October 2022. He has been there ever since, now holding permanent residency and managing a growing LGBTQ+ immigrant community of roughly 160 people.In this chat, Steven walks us through what daily life in Montevideo actually costs, how he navigated residency without a lawyer, what the public healthcare system covers, and why individualism will not serve you well in Uruguay.🌟 What We CoverWhy Steven ruled out Spain and Mexico, and what drew him to Uruguay insteadNeighborhood by neighborhood: where to land first as a newcomer, and which areas feel most livable long termThe climate reality, including a winter that gets colder than the palm trees suggest and a sun strength that surprises people from FloridaWalkability, the bus network, and life without a carCarnival, candombe, murgas, and one of the longest celebrations in the worldHonest trade-offs: the distance from the US, the absence of direct flights, and what Steven genuinely misses🌈 LGBTQ+ LifeWhether the day-to-day experience matches Uruguay's strong legal reputation, and where the gaps still areBuilding community from scratch: the WhatsApp group, monthly brunches, the gay men's chorus, and the resource website Steven's group launchedDating culture in Montevideo, and why relationships move faster than most Americans expectGender affirming care and what is and is not available for trans residents💰 Costs and HousingWhat a realistic monthly budget looks like, and what it buysRent in the city center, utilities, and the imported goods that cost far more than you would expectWhy Uruguay is one of the pricier countries in Latin America, and where the money still goes further than in the US🏥 HealthcareThe three systems explained: mutualistas, the public ASSE system, and how pre-existing conditions factor inHIV treatment access, PrEP availability, and the organization that helps new arrivals bridge their medication gapWhat to sort out before you move if you manage a chronic conditionLanguage and healthcare: why Spanish matters more than finding an English speaking doctor🛂 Visas and ResidencyThe residency process step by step, and the documents that slow people downSteven's advice on relocation specialists, and why he says you do not need a lawyerThe path to citizenship in five years, with no language test requiredUruguay's ten-year tax holiday on foreign income📊 Numbers Steven SharedAt the time of recording, Steven described a comfortable monthly budget of roughly $1,500 to $2,000 for a lifestyle similar to what most Americans expect. He pays around $850 a month for a two-bedroom apartment in the city center, with utilities typically running $50 to $75 depending on the season. He mentioned seeing refurbished apartments in the city center listed around $150,000. Private mutualista healthcare, as he understands it, runs roughly $50 to $70 a month, while the public ASSE system he uses has been free for him, including HIV medications, specialist visits, and lab work. He estimated relocation specialists charge somewhere between $1,000 and $2,000 per person. Costs vary by neighborhood, lifestyle, and exchange rate."I would say be prepared for it not to be a sunshines and rainbows story, because even if you have all your I's dotted and T's crossed, there is going to be an endless amount of mistakes and different mishaps that happen throughout the way, and you have to be able to be prepared to just smile through it." — Steven Guthrie🔗 Resources MentionedASEPO, a Uruguayan organization that connects people with HIV to medical providers, testing, and medicationCentro LGBTQ Uruguay, the community resource site Steven's group built for LGBTQ+ immigrants: centrolgbtquy.orgSteven's TikTok, where he shares his experience of Uruguayan culture and cuisine: @stevensin
- Sep 9, 20261h 36m
Retiring in Toulouse, France: Gay Life in the Pink City with Cameron Bray
Retiring in Toulouse, France: Gay Life in the Pink City with Cameron BrayIn this episode, host Mark Goldstein sits down with Cameron Bray, an Australian-born, naturalized British citizen who has been living permanently in Toulouse, France for over ten years. Cameron arrived with a simple plan: stay three months, learn some French, and move on. That plan never quite worked out. He fell in love with the city, fell in love with a French partner, and never left. Now approaching 60, Cameron is a gay man who has built a full and thriving life in southwest France, founding his own international human resources consultancy and navigating French business life as a foreign entrepreneur. He hopes that by sharing his experience, he can inspire others to take that same leap.Note on currency: as of June 21, 2026, 1 Euro equals approximately $1.15 USD. All figures in this episode are from Cameron's personal experience and reflect conditions at the time of recording.What Is ToulouseToulouse is France's fourth largest metropolitan area and its fastest growing city, located in the southwest corner of the country near the Spanish border, roughly three hours northwest of Barcelona. Often called La Ville Rose, or the Pink City, the city earned its name from the distinctive long, thin red bricks used in its buildings throughout the region. In certain light, particularly at sunset, the bricks give the entire city a warm pink glow. The Garonne River runs through it. Views of the Pyrenees mountain range are visible from the city center.Cameron describes Toulouse as a "Goldilocks city": not too big, not too small. At roughly 1.2 million people in the metro area, it has enough energy, ambience, and cultural life to feel vibrant, without the overwhelming scale of a major global city. It is also France's biggest university town outside of Paris, which gives it a youthful, buzzing street energy that Cameron says he still pinches himself about after a decade.Why Cameron Chose ItCameron did not plan to stay. He came on the recommendation of friends who had a small apartment there, with a flight to check out the Alliance Francaise language school. He had been made redundant as an HR director in Brighton, had recently come out of a long relationship, and had the financial cushion and the freedom to try something different. What was meant to be a three-month adventure became a permanent life. He describes the move as one driven by gut instinct rather than analysis, noting that over-thinking it might have sent him straight back to the airport.LGBTQ+ LifeToulouse and France more broadly have a deeply laissez-faire attitude toward sexuality. Cameron says he has never experienced discrimination, abuse, or felt unsafe walking the streets of Toulouse or anywhere else in France as a gay man, including in the countryside. France was one of the first countries to decriminalize homosexuality, and same-sex civil partnerships and marriages have been legal for over twenty years, with the same rights as heterosexual partnerships.There is no defined gayborhood in Toulouse, and Cameron says that is very much a reflection of how accepted LGBTQ+ life is there: there is simply no need for one. Gay bars and venues exist, though Cameron notes, as in many cities around the world, the traditional scene has shifted with the rise of apps. Gay men and women live throughout the city and in the surrounding countryside. Cameron has friends, a gay couple, who live in a small rural village an hour and a half away and were welcomed by the mayor at the village festival with flowers and wine, the same as every other new resident.Daily Life and WalkabilityToulouse is highly walkable, and Cameron describes his immediate neighborhood as a textbook example of what some urban planners now call the 15-minute city. His bakery is in the building. His butcher, fruit and vegetable shop, wine shop, pharmacy, supermarket, and tram stop are all within a few hundred yards. A fresh market takes place nearby daily.Over the past decade, Toulouse has actively worked to remove cars from the historic city center, converting parking into bike lanes and creating shared pedestrian, cycling, and scooter spaces. The old city is a labyrinth of cobbled streets that was never really designed for cars in the first place. Cameron and his partner walk rather than drive and say they rarely take taxis anywhere within the city.Food and Cafe CultureFood culture in Toulouse is rural-based and deeply regional. The city is known for a few signature dishes: the saucisse de Toulouse, a thick, fatty sausage typically served with pureed potatoes; cassoulet, a hearty white bean stew with dark sausage and breadcrumbs that originated as farmhouse food; and anything involving duck, including confit and, yes, foie
- Aug 26, 20261h 16m
Is Lyon, France the Most Livable City in Europe for Gay Retirees?
Is Lyon, France the Most Livable City in Europe for Gay Retirees? With Eric WayIn this episode, host Mark Goldstein sits down with Eric Way, a Tennessee-born engineer who arrived in Lyon, France, in 1989 as a university exchange student and never left. Now approaching his 38th year in the city, Eric lives downtown in a 19th-century apartment with his French architect husband and splits time between Lyon and a farmhouse they own in the French Alps. He brings a rare depth of perspective: nearly four decades as an American expat, a career in corporate diversity and inclusion, and a front-row seat to how Lyon has evolved as a livable, gay-friendly city.This episode covers what it actually looks like to build a life in Lyon: the walkability, the world-ranked healthcare, the cost of living compared to Paris, the LGBTQ+ scene, the visa path, and the honest trade-offs.What Is LyonLyon is France's third-largest city, located in southeastern France at the confluence of the Rhône and Saône rivers, a geographic feature that gives the city two riverfront parks and a distinctive linear layout. It sits roughly two hours south of Paris by high-speed train and serves as a hub for reaching the French Alps, the Beaujolais wine region, Burgundy, the Riviera, and even Barcelona. The historic center, known as the Presqu'île (the peninsula), is a UNESCO World Heritage site dating back to the Renaissance and the Middle Ages. Lyon is widely considered the gastronomic capital of France.Why Eric Chose LyonEric arrived in 1989 on a one-year university exchange program and found something he did not expect: a city whose values matched his own. Coming from a fundamentalist Christian family in Tennessee and still in the process of coming out, he discovered in Lyon a culture of live-and-let-live tolerance that felt, in his words, freer than the United States. He stayed. A few years later, he met his husband. The rest, as he says, is history.LGBTQ+ LifeLyon has a visible but modest LGBTQ+ scene concentrated around the City Hall area on the Presqu'île. At the time of recording, there are two gay bars, a gay sauna, a sex club, and a bear bar reportedly opening within months. There is a city-sponsored LGBTQ+ center and an annual Pride march, though Eric notes that Lyon Pride has become more politically divided in recent years, with some organizers now refusing corporate participation. The broader city is deeply accepting. Eric and his husband have lived part-time in a 250-person Alpine village for years and describe being fully adopted by their elderly neighbors without a moment of discomfort. Among their friend group, gay and straight friendships naturally overlap, though, like many couples without children, their closest circle has become predominantly other gay couples over time.Daily Life and WalkabilityEric's doctor is three blocks away. His pharmacy, organic grocery store, bank, bakery, butcher, and eye care are all within one to two blocks. Outdoor markets run on Wednesdays and Sundays in his neighborhood. The metro system is efficient and growing, with a tram network expanding even faster. A single ticket costs approximately 2.30 euros and covers one hour of travel. Monthly passes run around 100 euros. Seniors receive rail discounts starting at age 60, often allowing first-class travel at second-class prices.Eric drives his older car into Lyon no more than 52 times per year under a city environmental permit system, which he now finds perfectly adequate since he is no longer working. Lyon's riverfront parks, pedestrian streets, and walkable neighborhoods make car ownership largely optional for daily life.Costs and HousingLyon is typically half the price of Paris for both rent and property. Eric and his husband purchased their 800-square-foot, two-bedroom downtown apartment approximately 30 years ago for about $35,000. It is now worth roughly ten times that. Their monthly electricity bill runs approximately 70 to 80 euros every two months; gas adds about 45 euros on top of that. France applies a 20% VAT on most purchases, which is worth factoring into any cost-of-living comparison.HealthcareFrance's healthcare system consistently ranks first in the world for quality, accessibility, and cost. A standard doctor visit costs 30 euros; specialist visits range from 70 to over 100 euros. Foreign residents access coverage through PUMA, France's universal health coverage, which applies to legal residents regardless of employment status. Most residents also carry a Mutuelle, a supplementary top-up insurance policy that covers what the national system does not. Eric pays approximately 250 euros per month for a Mutuelle covering both himself and his husband.Visas and ResidencyThe standard route
- Aug 12, 20261h 44m
Retiring as a Single Lesbian in Setúbal, Portugal: Finding Community Beyond Lisbon with Jules de Mello
Retiring as a Single Lesbian in Setúbal, Portugal: Finding Community Beyond LisbonGuest: Jules de Mello | Host: Mark GoldsteinWhen Jules de Mello retired after a 27-year career as a federal criminal investigator, she went looking for a sunny, walkable place near the water where she could build a full life on her own terms. Lisbon was the plan, until the rents priced her out. Then she discovered Setúbal, a working port city on the cusp of its own renaissance, and never looked back.In this conversation, Jules opens up about what it really takes to retire as a single lesbian abroad: finding her people, and often building community from scratch, navigating a country that is warmly accepting but culturally reserved, and weighing the honest trade-offs of starting over solo in a place where you do not yet speak the language. It is a warm, practical, and refreshingly candid look at one of Portugal's most underrated cities.Meet JulesJules spent 27 years as a federal criminal investigator across several U.S. agencies before retiring in 2022. With Azorean roots on her great-grandfather's side, Portugal had always called to her. She first scouted the country in 2018, arrived permanently in Setúbal in April 2023, and soon became a self-described "connector," co-founding the Setúbal Pride meetup to bring locals, women, trans, and non-binary folks together in a community that had mostly orbited Lisbon before.In this episode00:00 Introduction: from federal investigator to Setúbal04:02 The 2018 trip that planted the seed06:48 Priced out of Lisbon09:31 Renting vs. buying in Portugal13:41 What Setúbal is really like17:46 Climate and the seasons24:00 Building queer community and founding Setúbal Pride29:31 LGBTQ+ acceptance and local culture33:53 Cost of living: rent and housing44:55 Utilities, internet, and getting around48:30 Food, markets, and the daily lunch special55:16 Walkability and transportation1:06:06 Healthcare: public, private, and Medicare1:25:39 Dining, wine, and café culture1:31:14 Visas and residency1:39:18 Honest trade-offs and final adviceWhat you'll learnWhy Setúbal, and not Lisbon? A medium-sized port city of roughly 140,000 people, Setúbal sits on an estuary with the Arrábida Nature Reserve rising behind it. Jules compares the feel to standing at the water's edge in Seattle, looking back at the hills. Downtown is flat and walkable, the covered market is considered one of the best in Portugal, and you are a short drive or train ride from Lisbon without paying Lisbon prices.What acceptance actually looks like. Portugal is legally progressive, with marriage equality and legal abortion that both predate the United States, but the culture is reserved and private. As Jules puts it, you can show up exactly as you are and be accepted, without anyone needing to label it or make a fuss. Older generations who lived under the dictatorship tend to be more guarded, while younger people simply do not think twice.The reality of building community. Finding the LGBTQ+ community as a single woman took real effort. Jules and a friend started the Setúbal Pride meetup in early 2024, hosting tea dances, potlucks, film nights, and gatherings designed to be diverse and welcoming. Her honest take: lesbians and gay men often socialize differently, and the language and cultural barriers add another layer, so she had to become the initiator rather than wait for community to find her.Walkability with caveats. Downtown is flat, and you can reach the butcher, the market, the pharmacy, and your doctor on foot, supported by a strong local bus system. But the cobblestone calçadas are uneven and tough on anyone with mobility challenges, so comfortable, flat walking shoes are not optional.Healthcare, honestly explained. Once you live in Portugal, you are covered under the public system, and many residents also carry private insurance. The two systems run in parallel and do not really talk to each other. Trauma and emergencies are routed through the public hospital, while private insurance speeds up elective procedures that would otherwise mean long public waitlists. Almost every physician speaks English, though front-desk staff and nurses often do not, so a translation app becomes part of every appointment.A practical snapshotThese are the figures Jules shared from her own experience around the time of recording. Treat them as a starting point, not a quote: costs shift with the market, and euro amounts convert to dollars at the current exchange rate.Rent (1 to 2 bedrooms): ro
- Jul 29, 20261h 34m
Transgender in Mexico: Living Authentically Abroad with Stephanie Byers
🎙️ Where Do Gays Retire PodcastTransgender in Mexico: Living Authentically AbroadGuest: Stephanie Byers |Host: Mark GoldsteinWhat does it actually feel like to walk down the street as a trans woman in a small Mexican lakeside town, and have nobody give you a second glance? That's the reality Stephanie Byers describes in this deeply moving and eye-opening episode. Stephanie, a former Kansas state legislator, GLSEN National Educator of the Year, and the first transgender Native American ever elected to a U.S. state legislature, and her wife Lori now call Ajijic, Mexico, home. And she says it's the freest she has ever felt.Whether you're trans, LGBTQ+, or simply curious about what life looks like on the shores of Lake Chapala, this episode is for you. Stephanie holds nothing back, from the paperwork to the pharmacies to the cost of a knee replacement to the neighbor who shows up with a walker before you even get home from the hospital.🌟 About Stephanie ByersStephanie Byers is a 63-year-old trans woman, Native American, educator, activist, and trailblazer. Here are a few highlights from her remarkable life:Spent 32 years teaching band and orchestra, including 29 years in Wichita, Kansas, and 28 of those at a single high school.Began living authentically in 2014, describing it not as a transition but as simply allowing the world to finally see who she had always been.Named the GLSEN National Educator of the Year in 2018. Her students celebrated by replacing toilet paper in 100-year-old oak trees with rainbow streamers.Spoke on the steps of the U.S. Supreme Court during the landmark Bostock v. Clayton County hearings, the case that redefined "on the basis of sex" to include sexual orientation and gender identity.In 2020, became the first transgender Native American ever elected to a U.S. state legislature, serving in the Kansas House of Representatives.After her legislative term, she and her wife, Lori, moved to San Antonio, Texas, to care for Lori's aging parents.In March 2025, Stephanie and Lori moved to Riberas del Pilar on the shores of Lake Chapala, just outside Ajijic, Mexico.🌈 LGBTQ+ Life in AjijicStephanie describes the Ajijic expat community as overwhelmingly liberal and affirming, with a thriving LGBTQ+ presence:The transgender expat community is actively growing. Stephanie knows multiple trans women, trans men, and non-binary people living in the area.The local attitude is best described as live and let live. Walking down the street, Stephanie is simply "a woman" to the people she passes.Occasional misgendering happens, but Stephanie attributes it almost entirely to language translation rather than intention. Spanish uses "su" for he, she, and it, so nuance can get lost.The expat community is notably protective of its LGBTQ+ members. When uncomfortable moments arise, people show up.A Queer Women of Lake Chapala group and a Queer Men of Lake Chapala group both meet weekly.Westboro Baptist Church has protested Stephanie three times in her life. None of that energy exists here.Stephanie wears her beaded trans pride earrings made in the style of Southeast Native American nations, and no one notices. "They just match my shirt."🏥 Healthcare for Trans WomenOne of the most practical topics in this episode, and one of the most reassuring:Gender-affirming medications are available over the counter at local pharmacies, no prescription required. Stephanie walked in, asked for estradiol 2mg tablets, and walked out with them.Progesterone is available through a mail-order pharmacy with no prescription.Costs are lower than paying out of pocket in the U.S., and significantly less than what many U.S. insurance plans now charge, if they cover transgender medications at all.Stephanie has not yet needed to see a physician for trans-related care, but trans women she knows locally report no issues accessing care.Specialist physicians in Guadalajara focus specifically on transgender healthcare.Most doctors speak English. Staff may not, but translation apps fill the gap.Lori's total knee replacement at a private hospital in Guadalajara, including the physician, hospital, and everything else, cost $12,000. The same procedure in the U.S. would easily exceed $100,000.🛂 Visas and ResidencyStephanie applied for her temporary residency visa at the Mexican consulate in Houston (appointments in San Antonio were unavailable for months). She brought bank statements, pension letters, and proof of income.Once approved at the consulate, you complete the process in Mexico at an immigration office t
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About Where Do Gays Retire Podcast
Where Do Gays Retire is a podcast where we help you in the LGBTQ+ community find a safe and affordable retirement destination. Join Mark Goldstein as he interviews others who live in gay-friendly places around the globe. Learn about the climate, cost of living, the LGBTQ + community, healthcare, crime and safety, and more.
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