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Unraveling Me: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Kara Rubinstein-Deyerin & Alan Katz
Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.
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- 2 days ago48 min
S1E46 Unraveling Sheridan
S1 E46 – Unraveling Sheridan By 40, Sheridan believed she had already done the difficult work of understanding her childhood. The man named as her father on her birth certificate died by suicide when she was six, leaving her to grow up beneath the weight of grief, religious shame, unanswered questions, and the childhood belief that perhaps she had not been enough to make him stay. In her late 30s, Sheridan began confronting how that loss had shaped her. She recognized the connection between fatherlessness, fear of abandonment, and an identity built around being helpful, funny, charming, and indispensable. With the support of her husband, she worked through much of that grief and entered her 40th year feeling grounded. Then she took a DNA test. It was supposed to confirm her Dutch ancestry before a family trip to the Netherlands. Instead, Sheridan matched directly with a man identified as her father—a man who was very much alive.Content note: This episode includes a discussion of suicide.SHOW NOTESIn this conversation, Kara and Sheridan discuss:Growing up after a father’s death by suicide and carrying the religious stigma surrounding itThe fears children internalize when they believe they might have prevented a parent from leavingWorrying that mental illness or suicide might be part of your own genetic inheritanceHow loss and instability contributed to people-pleasing, overfunctioning, and the need to be indispensableThe lasting impact of fatherlessness and the harm hidden inside jokes about “daddy issues”Loving and appreciating her mother while still making room for grief, anger, and unanswered questionsSheridan’s “psychology of and”—the ability to hold seemingly conflicting truths at the same timeThe surreal moment she realized the father she believed was dead was not her genetic fatherTrying to process an impossible result while her mother insisted the test must be wrongSheridan brings both lived experience and the insight of a therapist to a conversation about grief, worthiness, abandonment, and the stories children create to explain what adults will not tell them. Her story shows that healing is not erased when new information arrives, but it may need to expand to hold a truth we never imagined.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- 1 weeks ago51 min
S1E45 Unraveling Matthew
S1 E45 - Unraveling Mathew Mathew grew up without a consistent father in his life. In 2013, he took a DNA test simply hoping to learn more about his ancestry. Eight years later, a Facebook message asking whether he was related to someone led him back to those results. His mother refused to tell him the truth. As Mathew built relationships with his new paternal family, his mother and much of his maternal family resisted or minimized his discovery. The resulting estrangement contributed to a severe mental health crisis. Mathew speaks candidly about suicidality, how his wife helped save his life, and how the NPE community helped him begin to heal.Content note: This episode includes a candid discussion of suicidal thoughts. Please listen with care.SHOW NOTESIn this deeply honest conversation, Kara and Mathew discuss:Growing up without a father figureReturning to DNA results years laterA mother’s denial despite clear evidenceFinding a genetic father who already knew about himGenetic mirroring and a lifelong love of trucksMaintaining his relationship with the father he had always knownMaternal family estrangement and invalidationThe impact of his discovery on his wife and childrenSuicidality, support, and finding helpThis is a powerful conversation about fathers, truth, belonging, and the importance of finding people who understand. Mathew’s willingness to speak openly—especially about men’s mental health—reminds us that no one should have to navigate a DNA surprise alone.If you or someone you know needs immediate emotional support, call or text 988. Right to Know also maintains a non crisis hotline 323-825-5673.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- 2 weeks ago1h 5m
S1E44 Unraveling Susan & Marci
S1 E44 – Unraveling Susan & Marci This episode is about living between worlds and eventually discovering that identity does not have to fit neatly into a single category. We can be fully connected to more than one culture, build families through both genetics and choice, and create a sense of home around the people who truly see us. Susan and Marci both grew up in white adoptive families, visibly different from the people raising them and separated from cultures they were somehow expected to understand. Susan, an American Indian transracial adoptee, was removed from her family at 18 months. Marci was born in South Korea and adopted into a deeply religious family in Upstate New York. Both learned early that even when their families did not acknowledge race, the outside world did. They were left to navigate racism, cultural disconnection, and the pressure to be grateful while searching for a place where they could feel fully at home.SHOW NOTESIn this deeply thoughtful conversation, Kara, Susan, and Marci discuss:Saviorism and the expectations placed on adopted childrenWhy “not seeing color” leaves transracial adoptees unprepared and unprotectedExperiencing racism that their raising parents could not, or would not, recognizeCultural memory, code-switching, and knowing the rules of one world while looking like you belong to anotherTraveling to Korea and returning to the reservation in search of connectionFeeling like an imposter within your own racial or cultural communitySusan’s unexpected path to finding the siblings who had been searching for herMarci’s acceptance that she may never find her Korean familyThe history and systemic forces behind Korean intercountry adoption and American Indian child removalThe lifelong need for genetic, ancestral, and medical informationLetting go of expectations and defining family, identity, and belonging for yourselfSusan and Marci speak candidly about what transracial adoption can sever—not only family relationships, but language, culture, social memory, and the instinctive ways people learn how to move through the world. They also challenge the idea that adoptees must prove they are “authentic” enough to belong anywhere.Susan is the author of Bitterroot: A Salish Memoir of Transracial Adoption. Susan, Marci, and Kara are also contributors to Relative Strangers, an anthology edited by B.K. Jackson.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- 3 weeks ago56 min
S1E43 Unraveling Ashley
S1 E 43 – Unraveling Ashley Ashley grew up in what she describes as a hurricane—an unpredictable childhood shaped by physical and emotional abuse, fear, and the constant need to stay small and safe. As an adult, therapy helped her recognize just how unhealthy the family system had been, and she eventually made the difficult decision to cut contact and build a life that felt completely different from the one she had known. Years later, while struggling with infertility, friends pointed out something Ashley had long noticed but never seriously questioned: she did not look like her family. Show NotesKara and Ashley touch on: Growing up in an abusive and volatile home and learning to hide her needsTherapy, boundaries, and deciding to cut contact with her family Infertility, pregnancy loss, and becoming a mother Learning that many knew the truth except for herMoving slowly through reunion and allowing a new relationship to develop Becoming a mother and seeing her own childhood through a different lensWhat it feels like when someone simply keeps showing up Ashley’s story holds two very different kinds of family disruption: the family she had to step away from in order to protect herself, and the family connection she never knew was possible. Her experience is a reminder that discovering the truth does not always make life easier—but sometimes, amid the grief and disorientation, it can also bring something unexpectedly good. (Content warning: This episode contains discussion of childhood physical and emotional abuse, suicide, and pregnancy loss.)Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Aug 20, 20261h 5m
S1E42 Unraveling Mary
S1 E 42 – Unraveling Mary - Mary always knew she was adopted. She grew up with loving parents, an adopted brother, and a younger sister, and while she was curious about where she came from, searching for her genetic family was something she could put off—until a comment from her young daughter made her see that the unanswered questions did not belong to her alone. That moment eventually set Mary on a decades-long search through closed adoption records, Catholic Charities, confidential intermediaries, courthouse files, libraries, old newspaper clippings, and more than a little detective work. Then she took an AncestryDNA test.SHOW NOTESKara and Mary talk about:Growing up knowing she was adopted and the questions she learned not to askThe conversation with her daughter that changed how she thought about searchingNavigating closed adoption records and confidential intermediariesDiscovering a brother who had also been relinquishedSeeing a photograph of her genetic mother for the first timeUnexpected DNA matches that make you reconsider what you believed for decadesMaking room for the different people who have filled the role of father Why knowing the truth about our origins matters, even when that truth changes everythingMary’s story is a reminder that finding family does not always mean reaching the end of the search. Sometimes, the answers we find become part of the mystery themselves.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Aug 13, 20261h 10m
S1E41 Unraveling Ona, Nina, Christine & Sarah
S1 E41– Unraveling Ona, Nina, Christine, and Sarah This episode is a powerful reminder that family truth rarely lands evenly. One sibling may feel immediate joy while another needs distance. A parent may have been loving and present for one child while remaining absent, or causing profound harm, in another child’s life. A discovery can validate feelings carried since childhood while also creating entirely new questions and grief. In today’s episode, Kara sits down with Nina, Christine, Ona, and Sarah. Each came to her discovery through a very different door, but their stories share one central theme: unexpectedly finding a sibling later in life. Their stories appear in Relative Strangers, an anthology edited by BK Jackson. Together, they reveal that discovering a sibling is rarely only about adding someone new to the family. It can expose long-held secrets, reshape how we understand our parents, and awaken grief for the years, memories, and relationships that can never be recovered.(Content warning: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault and childhood abuse.)SHOW NOTESIn this thoughtful and deeply layered conversation, Kara, Nina, Christine, Ona, and Sarah discuss:Four very different paths to discovering previously unknown siblingsThe disbelief, relief, recognition, validation, and joy that can accompany discoveryGrieving lost time, missed childhoods, and siblings who died before they could meetGenetic mirroring, shared traits, physical resemblance, and unexpected sibling synchronicitiesWhy family members can respond very differently to the same new siblingAdjusting to the language of an expanded family—from “my father” to “our father”Cross-siblings and the relationships that form between people connected through a shared siblingHow one discovery can raise new questions about what else a family may have concealedDeciding what to tell a sibling about a shared parent who was loving, harmful, absent, or complicatedLoving a parent while also confronting the harm caused by their choicesNina, Christine, Ona, and Sarah do not offer a simple reunion narrative. They offer something more honest: a conversation about secrecy, truth, lost time, belonging, and the complicated work of building a relationship with a new sibling. Relative Strangers, edited by BK Jackson, is a collection of 28 personal essays exploring the shock, longing, grief, and transformation that can come with discovering previously unknown close relatives.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Aug 6, 202648 min
S1E40 Unraveling Dee
S1 E40 – Unraveling Dee - At 23, while grieving the death of the mother who raised her, Dee learned another life-changing truth: she was adopted. For her entire childhood and young adulthood, Dee had believed the story she was given. She never questioned whether she belonged to her family and had no reason to investigate what her parents told her. Suddenly, she was mourning her mother while also trying to understand an identity and history that had been hidden from her. Within months, Dee found her genetic mother and entered reunion carrying enormous hopes for connection. But reunion did not unfold as she had imagined. Thirty years later, a DNA test intended to fill gaps in her paternal medical history revealed yet another surprise.SHOW NOTESIn this thoughtful conversation, Kara and Dee discuss:Learning she was adopted at 23 after the death of her adoptive motherEntering reunion with high expectations and learning why moving slowly mattersThe difference between longing for connection and building an actual relationshipThe emotional and medical consequences of carrying incorrect family health informationNavigating new family roles, including becoming the oldest sibling after growing up as the youngestReparenting the inner child who emerges during discovery, reunion, grief, and rejectionWhat's it like to be an LDA with an NPETurning pain into purpose through speaking, mentoring, and supporting other adopteesDee’s story spans late-discovery adoption, reunion, grief, medical uncertainty, and a second parentage discovery. It is a reminder that finding the truth does not restore what was were lost, but it can give us the freedom to decide what happens next. She’s transformed her experiences into a source of support for others. We may not be responsible for the choices made before we had a voice, but we can take ownership of our healing, reclaim our identities, and create lives rooted in truth.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Jul 30, 202658 min
S1E39 Unraveling Priscilla & Bill
S1E39 – Unraveling Bill & Priscilla - This episode is a testament to persistence. Sometimes the truth takes decades, thousands of names, and one final piece of evidence to uncover—but being able to say “I know” instead of “I wonder” can bring a profound sense of peace. Bill was one of the earliest people to take a Y-DNA test, but for more than 20 years, one question remained unanswered: why didn’t he match anyone from the Sharp family whose name he carried? The answer arrived when his brother tested. At 72 years old, Bill learned they were half-siblings and that the man he had known as his father was not his genetic father. But identifying the truth would take another decade of research. Fortunately, Bill was married to Priscilla—a genealogist, search angel, author, and adoption advocate who has helped solve more than 2,000 cases. By tracing generations of DNA matches, abandoned marriages, military records, name changes, and a divorce filed in the right place at the right time, Priscilla finally uncovered the identity of Bill’s genetic father.SHOW NOTESIn this thoughtful and wide-ranging conversation, Kara, Bill, and Priscilla discuss:• Recognizing that Bill’s Y-DNA did not match the Sharp family line• Growing up feeling like a guest in his own family• Carrying the name “Junior” after learning he was not genetically related to the man he was named after• How small clues—and a genealogist’s eye for detail—can unlock long-buried answers• Finally seeing yourself reflected in family photographs• The medical consequences of relying on the wrong family health history• Family estrangement and losing the opportunity to ask his mother what happened• Finding compassion for a parent’s trauma without excusing secrecy• Why people deserve the truth about their origins much earlier in life Priscilla also shares her own experience as a mother who relinquished a daughter during the Baby Scoop Era. She describes being told to hide the truth, being misled by an adoption agency, searching through newspaper archives before the internet existed, and reuniting with her daughter nearly 40 years ago. Together, Bill and Priscilla’s stories reveal how the loss of genetic continuity can ripple through adoptees, parents, siblings, and people with misattributed parentage. Their journeys are different, but both are shaped by secrecy, separation, unanswered questions, and the enduring need to know.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
About Unraveling Me
Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.
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