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Unraveling Me: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Kara Rubinstein-Deyerin & Alan Katz
Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.
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- 2 days ago46 min
S1E32 Unraveling Melody
S1 E32 Melody: Melody took a DNA test for one reason: to search for the younger brother she had not seen since childhood who’d been relinquished to adoption. Instead, her results revealed a truth she never expected. Raised African American, Melody opened her DNA results and found close white relatives, no close matches on her mother’s side, and an ethnicity estimate that made no sense with the family story she had always known. What began as a search for her brother became a search for herself.SHOW NOTESIn this thoughtful and layered conversation, Kara and Melody discuss:Losing her birth certificate father as a child and being raised by a beloved great-auntDiscovering close white DNA matches and realizing her father was not her genetic fatherBuilding mirror trees and doing months of genetic genealogy researchFinding her genetic father and connecting with several half-siblingsThe complexity of being raised Black and learning her genetic father was whiteNavigating race, belonging, politics, and acceptance within a new familySeeking medical history and answers without wanting anything materialThe ache of never fully knowing how her parents’ relationship beganMelody’s story is about more than a DNA surprise. It is about race, identity, family stories, and the complicated work of integrating a truth that changes how you understand your past. Her journey reminds us that knowing where we come from matters not because DNA tells the whole story, but because missing pieces shape how we see ourselves, our families, and our place in the world.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- 1 weeks ago46 min
S1E31 Unraveling Dr. Syb
S1E31 Unraveling Dr. Syb: Dr. Syb spent 42 years feeling like something didn’t fit. Then, at a family funeral, a cousin confirmed what her body, spirit, and intuition had long known: she had been adopted. Born during the Baby Scoop Era and raised in a same-race domestic adoption, Dr. Syb grew up in a loving family—but one built around a secret she was expected to carry quietly once the truth came out. For seven years, she did not search, trying to protect the mother who raised her. Eventually, she realized the truth belonged to her too.SHOW NOTESIn this conversation, Kara and Dr. Syb discuss:Learning she was adopted through a family commentThe emotional impact of being lied to for decadesBaby Scoop Era adoption and same-race adoption in the Black communityAmended birth certificates and the legal fiction adoptees are forced to useSearching for and finding both genetic familiesThe grief of finding graves instead of living parentsRelationship, attachment, and abandonment wounds after adoptionThe power of names, voice, and reclaiming authorship of your own storyHow friends and family can support someone after a life-changing discoveryThis episode reminds us that secrets do not disappear when people take them to the grave. They leave others to sort through the pieces. And sometimes healing begins when we finally say: this is my story to tell.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- 2 weeks ago1h 6m
S1E30 Unraveling Nick
S1 E 30 Unraveling Nick Nick was supposed to receive a DNA test for his birthday, but his parents asked that the gift be delayed. The next day, they sat him down and told him the results might reveal something unexpected. What followed led Nick to a truth he never imagined. Through both his book Inconceivably Connected and the "Inconceivably Connected Podcast", Nick has transformed his own discovery into a platform for connection and truth-telling. This episode reminds us that even life-altering truths can also be invitations: to understand ourselves more fully, to connect more honestly, and to realize that identity is often far more expansive than we were first told.Kara and Nick explore identity, genetic mirroring, family, and what happens when the story you believed about yourself suddenly shifts beneath your feet. SHOW NOTESIn this episode, Kara and Nick discuss:Learning he was donor-conceived the day after his 36th birthday How his parents’ honesty before the DNA test changed his discovery experience Discovering 14 half-siblings The surreal experience of seeing himself reflected in strangers Nature vs. nurture and the power of genetic mirroring Navigating new sibling relationships and redefining family Why his father who raised him remains the hero of his story Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- 3 weeks ago1h 23m
S1E29 Unraveling Monica H
S1 E 29 Unraveling Monica H Monica was adopted as an infant and raised in Alaska rough-and-tumble 1970s oil boom in a home where much was left unbroken. From early on, she learned to navigate instability, dysfunction, and sexual, emotional, and physical abuse – without the language or support to make sense of it. At 15 after experiencing a sexual assault, Monica became pregnant and was pressured to relinquish her daughter. That loss followed her everywhere, shaping how she understood herself, her relationships, and her place in the world. And then she did the work to understand what happened, reclaim her story, and begin choosing herself.(Content warning: This episode contains discussion of child abuse, sexual abuse, and sexual assault.)SHOW NOTESIn this conversation, Kara and Monica discuss:Growing up adopted and navigating identity without clear rootsA home shaped by dysfunction, addiction, and silenceDiscovering her Métis identityThe lasting impact of that loss across her lifeThe emotional complexity of reunion with her genetic family as well as with her daughterBoundaries, self-worth, and learning to choose herselfMonica shares her story with directness and honesty, naming both what she lived through and what it has taken to keep going. There are no easy resolutions—just the reality of carrying loss, making meaning of it, and continuing forward.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- May 14, 202657 min
S1E28 Unraveling Maria
S1 E28 Unraveling Maria In this wide-ranging and deeply insightful conversation, Kara and Maria explore what happens when personal discovery intersects with law, ethics, culture, and belonging. Maria was 53 years old, standing in her kitchen, when a DNA test result upended everything she thought she knew about her identity.Raised in a deeply Catholic family, with a Filipino immigrant mother and an Irish American father, Maria’s life had always felt coherent, until a test revealed she was half Ashkenazi Jewish.SHOW NOTESKara and Maria discuss:Receiving unexpected DNA results and the immediate unraveling that followedConfronting parental secrecy and navigating a mother unwilling to engageThe search for, and eventual relationship with, her genetic fatherHow late discovery reshapes identity, faith, and cultural belongingThe legal and ethical risks of consumer DNA testing, including privacy and insurance concernsMisattributed parentage and the broader policy gaps affecting NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived peopleSobriety, trauma, and the importance of support when facing life-altering truthsThe tension between truth-telling and protecting family secretsMaria brings both personal vulnerability and professional insight as an attorney, offering a perspective that goes beyond individual story into systemic impact. Her experience led her to write Before and After the DNA Test, a comprehensive guide to the legal, medical, and ethical realities many people never consider before “spitting in a tube.”Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- May 7, 20261h 4m
S1E27 Unraveling Aaron & Jess
S1 E27 Unraveling Aaron & Jess In this thoughtful and often funny conversation, Kara, Aaron, and Jess explore what happened when a long-abstract donor relationship became real—and how that reality slowly reshaped all of their lives. What begins as a donor-conception story becomes something much more unexpected: a conversation about the many ways family can take shape. Years after choosing an unknown donor because it felt like the safest legal and emotional choice, Jess’s daughter took a DNA test to learn more about her ancestry and found Aaron right away. What followed was not just a new connection for a donor-conceived child, but the beginning of an evolving relationship between two adults trying to navigate unfamiliar terrain with care, curiosity, and respect.SHOW NOTESKara, Aaron, and Jess discuss:Why choose an unknown donor in the first placeWhat donor conception looked like in the early 2000s, before photos, social media, and widespread DNA testingAaron’s decision to take a DNA testA child’s experience of donor discovery when the truth was never hiddenHow Jess and Aaron built trust while following her daughter’s leadThe emotional complexity of genetics, parenting, and belongingThis episode challenges old assumptions about what makes a parent, what makes a family, and how connection can grow when honesty is there from the beginning. Aaron and Jess show that while genetics matter, relationships matter too, and neither has to cancel out the other. Their story is a reminder that sometimes the families we build do not fit familiar templates, but can still be rooted in care, respect, and love.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Apr 30, 202643 min
S1E26 Unraveling Amanda
S1 E25 - Unraveling Amanda - Amanda speaks with honesty, perspective, and compassion—for herself, her parents, and the complexity of the choices made long before she had a voice in them. In this thoughtful and deeply reflective conversation, Kara and Amanda explore what it means to carry a truth for years, sometimes quietly, sometimes in pieces, and what it takes to finally live openly inside it. Amanda’s story begins before DNA testing was widely available. At 20 years old, when her father asked her to take a paternity test and quietly revealed he had always had doubts about her paternity. What followed was not just a confirmation of truth, but the beginning of a decades-long journey through identity, secrecy, connection, and ultimately, self-acceptance.SHOW NOTESKara and Amanda discuss:Discovering the truth before the era of direct-to-consumer DNA testingHow honesty strengthened her relationship with her raising fatherConfronting parental secrecy, shame, and long-held silenceSearching for, and ultimately connecting with, her genetic fatherNavigating expanded family dynamics, including siblings and stepfamilyThe emotional toll of living “two lives” and the turning point toward opennessGrief not just for loss, but for lost time and missed opportunitiesAmanda's story reminds us that The Truth doesn’t always arrive all at once. Sometimes it unfolds over years. Finding the courage to live openly within it can be its own kind of healing.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Apr 23, 202654 min
S1E25 Unraveling Lisa
S1 E25 - Unraveling Lisa - Lisa took a DNA test out of curiosity: something light, something fun. But when her results came back, they didn’t just surprise her. They unraveled everything she thought she knew about who she was. In this conversation, Lisa shares how a single test led her to uncover donor conception, connect with a half-brother, and rethink the meaning of family, culture, and self. Raised in a fully Ashkenazi Jewish family, Lisa was confronted with results that made no sense—until they did. What followed was not just a search for answers, but a profound reckoning with identity, belonging, and truth. Through it all, she brings humor, honesty, and a deep sense of compassion for everyone involved, including her mother. SHOW NOTESKara and Lisa discuss:Taking a DNA test “for fun” and discovering unexpected resultsGrowing up with a strong cultural identity—and having it suddenly questionedThe confusion of early DNA matches and making sense of new relationshipsNavigating donor conception and the reality of medical practices in earlier generationsThe emotional complexity of truth, love, and protecting family relationshipsTurning pain into storytelling through her feature comedy One Big Happy FamilyLisa’s story holds both weight and lightness. It captures the disorientation of late discovery, but also the perspective that comes with time—how something once devastating can eventually be transformed into art. By turning her experience into One Big Happy Family, Lisa found a way to share her difficult truth with humor, heart, and humanity.Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.At Right To Know, we encourage engagement to facilitate and create real change. As an organization, we are inclusive. We assist adoptees, the donor-conceived community, people with an NPE, birth parents, gamete providers, new genetic family, recipient parents, raising families, and significant others. In learning and growing from each other, we must put the voices of adoptees, donor conceived, and people with an NPE first.For more information about Right To Know - or if you have a story you want to tell - please visit us at https://righttoknow.us/. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
About Unraveling Me
Everyone has the right to know the truth about where they come from. Unraveling Me speaks to those people impacted by DNA surprises, NPEs (non-paternal event), adoption, assisted reproduction, and other revelations that their parentage isn't entirely what they thought. Having experienced an NPE herself, Kara (through Right To Know and this podcast) seeks to highlight those moments when we learn the most unsettling of secret—who we really are.
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