S3 | Session 12: Between a Rock and a Hard Place: The Cost of "Going With the Flow"

Doing real emotional work is physically exhausting. When Mike logs on for this session, the very first thing he shares is that he feels completely "taxed and jumbled". He is asking his brain to operate in an emotional language it was never taught to speak. Today, we trace that language barrier straight back to its origin. We dive into Mike's family history, examining the impact of a grandfather who was "straight business" and a father who was "avoidant to the core emotionally". In that environment, Mike learned early on that you don't feel things—you brush them off, distract yourself, and simply "go with the flow" to keep the peace. But as we peel back the layers of a recent conflict, we uncover a completely different truth about how this impacts his marriage. Mike's passivity wasn't an act of pushing Rachel away; it was a desperate, silent attempt to invite her in and beg her to help him manage a lifetime of fear. The moment he is able to articulate this fear instead of weaponizing it, Rachel doesn't pull away—her empathy system opens wide. Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship. For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast Take Julie's Negative Cycle Workshop: Mapping Your Negative Cycle Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.