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The Nuance Diaries: Daily Summaries Delivered
by Alexa Juanita Jordan
What sensitive, deeply feeling people are thinking but don’t say. AKA the stuff you usually save for the group chat. Consider my vulnerability a permission slip for yours. thenuancediaries.substack.com
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- Yesterday29 min
How to Make Your Own Luck on the 'Luckiest Day of The Year'
Welcome to The Nuance Diaries! Unfiltered alchemy from your most unhinged group chat. Consider my vulnerability a permission slip for yours.For those who don’t know me yet — hi! I’m so glad you’re here. I’m a storyteller and alchemist. My magic is making something out of nothing as a coach, writer, actor, and multimedia creator. I am a native New Yorker, born and raised, a Gilmore Girls enthusiast, and a lover of all things pink. More here.Today, July 29th, is thought to be the luckiest day of 2026 because of the Jupiter Cazimi in Leo. (If you’re not into astrology, don’t run! I’m not going super in-depth on this — just giving a little context.)The gist of it is that the cazimi is the exact alignment of the Sun and Jupiter in Leo. This alignment is also coinciding with a full moon in Aquarius. You can learn more about why cazimis are such a big deal here. And also check out Chani’s podcast this week for more on the astrology of this current moment!All that matters for our purpose is that July 29th is a lucky day.I don’t believe in people just waking up and getting what they want because they’re luckier than the rest of us. I think it’s something that we all can do, even if we’re not Lindsay Lohan in that 2000s movie, Just My Luck.I was really inspired by what the Knicks’ Coach Mike Brown said to the team during that fateful halftime in Game 4 when they were down 29 points.He told them to go make their own luck.It’s what you have to do when the cards are down. If you want it bad enough, you have to go make your own luck.And so, here are 6 things I’m doing to make my own luck today— and all year round, as much as I can help it! I hope you’ll join me, reflect on your own life, and take what you can from this framework.* Step Being So Realistic* Act Like The Main Character Of Your Story* Expect Good Things To Happen* Never Underestimate the Power of a Good Reframe* Talk to Yourself Like a Toddler Who Is Doing Something For the First Time* Look How Far You’ve Come+ a bonus! WAYS TO STAY CONNECTEDBook a free center stage sessionwhere I’ll walk you through a game of make-believe, adult make-believe, that will reveal your vision for your life and what’s standing in your way.Subscribe!Consider becoming a paid subscriber for just $7/month. That’s less than a quarter a day!I’m calling in more paid subscribers on this lucky day, and for the entire Lion Gate’s portal. (Another astrology thing!)Buy my book, Start of It All.Alexa Jordan is a storyteller and alchemist. She’s a coach, writer, actor, and multimedia creator (and she’s also going to stop talking about herself in the third person!)My magic is making something out of nothing, wildly compelling stories out of thin air. I love helping people who don’t feel like the main character of their lives, the center stage, and the stories they actually want to tell. I coach one-on-one clients and facilitate custom workshops (if you’re in OGC — check out the calendar for the one coming up 8/27!)I’m the author of The Start of It All, a 20-something’s guide, and a contributor to the Best Women’s Monologues of 2022. And I write weekly here on Substack in The Nuance Diaries, where I am a 5 rising bestseller.I’m the author of The Start of It All: A 20-Something’s Guide, a contributor to The Best Women’s Stage Monologues of 2022, and I write weekly on Substack inside my blog The Nuance Diaries (5x Rising Bestseller). I have a B.A. in Drama from Vassar College and a Classical Acting Diploma from The London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts. I received a New York Times feature for my performance in “There’s Blood at the Wedding” at the globally acclaimed La Mama Experimental Theater Club. I now sit on the board of CultureHub (a global art and tech community founded by La Mama and Seoul Arts), where I was the associate producer of ‘Turning Your Body Into a Compass.’I first fell in love with storytelling inside of theaters. Stories are how I make sense of the world around me and help people reclaim their narratives. Whether I’m on Zoom, with people across time zones, or on a campus with 75 sophomores at Vassar College, or in a black box theater with like 20 people. I know firsthand that a powerful story can change your life. This is a public episode. If you'd
- 3 weeks ago3 min
How to Rewrite Your Story in Q3
Hi! I’m Alexa. Storyteller and Alchemist.I’m a coach, writer, and multimedia creator.My magic is making something out of nothing — wildly compelling stories out of thin air. I love helping people figure out who they truly are and what they actually want, so that they can take center stage in their own lives. I coach 1:1 clients and facilitate custom workshops. I’m the author of The Start of It All: A 20-Something’s Guide, a contributor to The Best Women’s Stage Monologues of 2022, and writes weekly here on Substack inside The Nuance Diaries.Here you will find unfiltered alchemy from your most unhinged group chat. My hope is to turn my vulnerability into a permission slip for yours.Usually, I share a personal essay or song. But today, I have an invitation ✨I like to think of Q3 and Q4 as the second half of your 2026 story.Whether you’re aware of it or not, your brain has subconsciously written a rough draft of how the rest of the year will go.Our brains love patterns; it’s easy to slip into the mindset that the first half of your story will predict the second.But what if that’s not true?Spoiler Alert: it’s notWhat if you have the power to rewrite your story, take center stage, and reclaim the rest of your year?Spoiler Alert - you doWhat if one hour is all it takes to rewrite your story?It is. And we’re going to do just that.On July 9th from 12:00 - 1:00 PM , we’ll...⏳ REFLECT on the first half of the year🧘♀️ RESET your mindset and energy✏️ REWRITE your storyYou’ll leave with the tools you need to take on the rest of the year with renewed confidence, conviction, calm, and clarity.What happened before this does not define what happens next.You are the one holding the pen. By the end of this hour together, you’ll have taken it back.July 9th. 12:00 - 1:00 PM EST. Zoom. Free.See you soon!If you can’t make it live, you’ll be sent the recording if you’re registered by the time of the event :)RSVP HEREPS Have you watched my guest appearance on my friend Liz Batsche - Your Host with 💗’s show Well Hosted with Liz? Get into it! We had so much fun making it, and it is genuinely so good. (Not just saying that because I’m a guest!) So proud of you, Liz. Thanks again for having me, not just as a guest but as a friend :)WATCH WELL HOSTED HERE This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thenuancediaries.substack.com/subscribe
- Jun 28, 202618 min
How to Come Out After Your Therapist Decides That You're Not Gay
READ/LISTEN ON SUBSTACK (and subscribe while you're there!) "I bet your feelings for her will go away as soon as the play ends.You’re probably not actually gay."The first time I wondered if I might like women, I was playing Hermia opposite a girl playing Lysander (traditionally played by a man) in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.For the first time in my 21 years, I was questioning my heterosexuality.The circumstances are both poetic yet unremarkable, having my first crush on a girl playing my love interest in the theater department at a liberal arts school. Up until then, I had always been a fierce LGBTQ+ ally, but had never once considered that I might be a part of the community myself.I grew up at the intersection of conservatism and liberalism; a Native New Yorker raised in a religious household on 20th and 1st. I started attending Sunday School as a toddler, and was teaching it myself before I entered middle school.And yet, my family thankfully does not share the same conservative beliefs that so many churches do.I first learned about same-sex couples as a toddler while driving around downtown with my mom. While waiting in traffic, we intercepted the Pride parade.I asked my mom why two men were kissing. She said something along the lines of “people kiss when they’re in love.”Until then, it hadn’t registered to me that Barbie could love Barbie, and Ken could love Ken. It immediately made sense. It wasn’t a big event. Just a fact. And it still is. Love is love. Ironically, I don’t remember much about my first impression of the girl playing Lysander.I do remember thinking that she was funny in an irreverent way. A little elusive. Definitely disarming. There was something unique about her. I wanted her to like me, and it went beyond wanting to work well together. I also didn’t want her to think I was trying too hard, because I wanted to seem cool.I don’t remember the exact moment that I fell for her, but it truly felt like it happened overnight. At first, I told myself that my fascination was purely about taking my acting role seriously. I had never played opposite a woman and wanted to ensure that we developed a believable connection. The more we got along offstage, the better.Yet even now, years and years later, I can remember the electric, thrilling feeling of running into her on campus, or walking into the room and meeting her gaze at a rehearsal. I was so bewildered by my feelings, even though I couldn’t have been in a more supportive environment. I had no idea what her sexual orientation was, or if she would ever be interested in me.I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with myself. I once ran on the treadmill for miles without stopping to release some of my pent-up emotions. I couldn’t just show up to rehearsal and blurt out,“Hey, I’ve never had a crush on a girl before, but I have these feelings toward you that I can’t describe, and I have no idea if I want to pursue them, and no idea what your sexual orientation is, but just thought you should know!”So, I ran. From her and my feelings. Even when she appeared next to me on the adjacent treadmill by total coincidence (true story), I kept on running.(Very unlikely for me. I only run when I’m late. Back in freshman year, it took me until December to realize I hadn’t packed sneakers. That’s how much I don’t care about the gym.Eventually, I told one of my best friends and housemates about the crush. She was supportive, but not shocked. It was an anticlimactic conversation.You have to understand that we went to Vassar. Coming out was a non-event. The percentage of people who come to Vassar thinking they’re straight and leave queer is astronomical.And so, that’s the attitude I went into my therapy session with when I told my (former) therapist the news. “By the way, I think I might be gay. How’s the weather?”Alexa, I bet your feelings for her will go away as soon as the play ends. You’re probably not actually gay.And just like that, I wasn’t queer. Because my therapist said so.If my therapist of 5+ years didn’t think I was gay, I couldn’t be gay, right?Part of me was shocked. But I didn’t question her at all.I immediately agreed with her, and I thanked her for helping me “come to my senses.” Imagine thanking someone for telling you you’re not gay.I let myself continue to indulge in my feelings for the girl playing Lysander until the show ended, and then we went our separate ways. My feelings “faded” just as my therapist said they would.Until five years later.I’m 26. I am still c
- Jun 21, 20266 min
I know I’m working hard and sometimes I can see it
SUBSCRIBERead The Start Of It AllRead '5 Life Lessons From The Devil Wears Prada 2' Book a Coaching Session with Me! Welcome back to The Nuance Diaries!I’ve been playing around with how I describe what I write about here, and recently landed on this:“Unfiltered alchemy from your most unhinged group chat. Consider my vulnerability a permission slip for yours.”I kind of love it. Thoughts?I wrote this song around 3 years ago now. It was inspired by a conversation with one of my best friends last weekend. A specific sentence that she said inspired the whole thing, and that specific sentence is in the song - verbatim. I’ll let you guess what it is (or you can just listen to the voiceover where I’ll tell you!)Highly recommend listening to this one if you’re usually a reader. Highly recommend listening to The Nuance Diaries in general, honestly. It’s not a robot voice - I read them!Can’t see where my life is headin’But I can see the bottom of my sinkAnd that might not mean much to youBut Lord it means everything to meAnd I cannot rememberThe last day that I went without a drinkBut today I did my dishesAnd that’s gonna have to be enough for meI think myself in circlesAs I sit here sprawled on the couchI have all these great ambitionsSometimes I even write a few downAnd I cannot rememberThe last time that I believed in meBut today I did my dishesAnd that’s gonna have to be enough for meI know I’m working hardAnd sometimes I can see itThey say I’m doing fineMaybe one day I’ll believe itThis is a great big worldAnd I am just one girlI wanna do everythingAnd nothing at allI’m gonna try to work onNot feeling so smallI’m gonna try to work onThinking I can have it at allBut for now I’ll clean my closetDo my dishesSing this songCan’t see where my life is headin’But I can see the bottom of my sinkThat might not mean much to youBut Lord it means everything to me This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thenuancediaries.substack.com/subscribe
- Jun 14, 20266 min
The Knicks, The Fans, and a $100K Lesson in Audacity
Read This on Substack (and subscribe!) Me all of last week, “The amount of think pieces we are about to see on LinkedIn about the Knicks…Fast forward to me, last night, writing this between Q2 and Halftime to avoid freaking out.As a Broadway Baby, I have often likened sports arenas to theater performances in order to understand the appeal.When the Chiefs were in the Super Bowl a few years ago, for Taylor Swift’s first appearance in Travis Kelce’s box, a creator on TikTok made an analogy between a football stadium and a theater in the round.There were many first-time viewers that year, many of us Swifties. We wanted to understand what was going on. We wanted to root for Taylor’s boyfriend’s team. But we simply had no idea what was going on. After all, the last time we were at Arrowhead, it looked a lot different.I remember a creator on TikTok saying that a football game is like theater in the round, and the football itself is the thing that the players/ “actors” want more than anything in the world. Therefore, they will do anything they have to do to get that ball. It is the thing that matters most to them.Is this a simplification? Sure. But it was also my access point into a pretty gate-kept and gendered world.Fast forward to the Knicks’ championships.See how I’m calling it the Knicks championships, even as I write this during the second quarter of the game?The Spurs are technically also there, too. Their biggest adversary.And the refs — the Knicks’ other biggest adversary.Thousands of spectators inside MSG and Frost Bank Center wholeheartedly believe in the Knicks more than they have ever believed in themselves.People who spent large sums of money to be in the room where it happens, and watch the Knicks soar to victory(edited: WHICH WE DID!!)Audience members at plays and musicals also pay similar sums of money to watch actors play characters that they’ll root for far more than they do themselves.Both audiences and fans are there to be entertained and moved, as they ruthlessly root for the people on court and on stage.The difference?In a sports arena, there is no way of knowing how the night will end.No script.The stakes are honestly much higher than they are in a theater, in a lot of ways.People pay hundreds to thousands of dollars, with no idea how the night will unfold, and deep trust that the outcome will be in their favor.Sure, the teams have performed well before. There have been great sports games before. Many would say it’s an objectively worthwhile risk, and money well spent.How much would you have paid to be at one of the championship finals games?How much is that rush of adrenaline worth to you? That piece of history?Would you, too, spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to attend an event with an unknown, unpredictable outcome?If you were offered the chance to have a life-changing experience with an unknown outcome, would you take it?An unforgettable night.A singular experience.One that could truly change your life.Would you go?What about an unforgettable conversation?A singular conversation.That could change your life in the same way.If I offered you that experience, would you take it?Without knowing the outcome, purely hoping and believing in the best?That’s the bold, brave risk that people make when they sign up for a session with me.A conversation with me is an unforgettable experience, with an unpredictable outcome, that will likely change your life.Want to change the end of your story, when you’re down 29 points in the second half?And find a way to get the thing you care about most, when all the odds (refs) seem stacked against you?Just like our Knicks, you’re capable of all that and more.But you can’t do it alone. No one does it alone.I’ve honed a rare and powerful set of skills that perfectly position me to help people figure out who they are, what they want, and how to get it.I help people get connected to themselves so that they can get the most out of life and achieve all that they want to.I’m the coach you want in your corner for your personal championship.Reach out to learn more about how we can work together.OR head straight to the free throw line to take a shot at a 1:1 session(I had to get one more basketball reference, come on!)<a target="_b
- May 30, 202613 min
I Don't Talk About My Book Enough
Less than 0.1% of the global population will ever write a book. Not publish — write.Someone told me that statistic recently, at an event where I talked about my book. Around 0.0086% are published authors.Over 50% of U.S. writers are women, which is major, major progress.And when we filter by Black women?We make up 4% to 7% of published authors in America.Regardless of the exact stats, which are changing all the time and differ based on where you collect them —I’m in very rare company as a published author.And a self-published author at that.You know what’s wild, though?As I went to type ‘self-published’, what I first wrote was ‘selfish.’And I can’t blame that on autocorrect. That was 100% my subconscious at work.Selfish.It’s a word that’s been viewed as ‘dirty’ and very much weaponized as an insult.It makes my skin crawl a little, as a recovering people pleaser.We’re all selfish to some extent, though, aren’t we? Or shouldn’t we be?I deserve to be proud of my book.I deserve to talk about my book without making excuses about what I would’ve done differently.It’s not about the number of copies I’ve sold or the money I’ve made.There is a book with my name on it, sitting on people’s bookshelves.A book I rarely talk about.People have said such beautiful, kind things about my book, The Start Of It All. Many people read it in a day. Someone in their seventies even loved it. Imagine that, a 70-something loving a book that I wrote for 20-somethings. And yet — I don’t really talk about it. Ever. I wrote it, published it, posted about it a few times, sold a hundred or so copies, and then…just stopped.It’s not intentional. I’m not trying to hide my book.Or maybe I am, subconsciously?The Start of It All is a book full of questions designed to help you get to know yourself better, paired with stories about my 20s. And that’s mostly true. But if we’re being specific…Those stories about my 20s? They’re about my messiest moments. When I hand my book to someone, it feels like I’m handing a part of myself over to them — because I am. I truly poured my entire being into this book. I always say that I want my vulnerability to be a permission slip for yours, and I mean that. I love handing out those permission slips left and right, here inside The Nuance Diaries each week. I talk about this Substack all the time. But not the book. Why don’t I talk about my book?I’ve already had more success as a writer than I ever could have dreamed of.I have an amazing playwriting agent.My work is featured in The Best Women’s Monologues of 2022; the same kind of anthology I used to look for monologues in high school. My plays have been performed across the country — most recently, at Notre Dame this Spring. The college senior directing it emailed me that they were rehearsing on the beach in Mexico on Spring Break.I’ve never been to Mexico. Or Notre Dame.But my words have.A play that I wrote on my couch in pajamas has literally been to a country that I myself have not. I’m pretty proud of that. So why not the book that I wrote in pajamas at my kitchen table?In the project proposal for my senior thesis, I told the committee that if just one person had a “me too” moment during my play, I’d be unimaginably happy and proud. I still feel that way about all of my work. If any contribution I’ve made to the world can help someone feel less alone, I’ve done my job. I know for a fact that The Start Of It All has helped many people feel not only less alone, but truly seen. The very thing I craved during my 20s — and still do now.In my 20s, I needed to know that I hadn’t screwed up my life entirely.I still need daily reminders of that.In my 20s, I needed to know that I still had time.I still feel like I’m running out of time, a la Hamilton. In my 20s, I needed to know that it was okay to have a lot of questions and no answers.These days, I’m smart enough to know that no one has the answers.In my 20s, I needed to know that ‘crushing my 20s’ wasn’t a prerequisite for a good life.I now know that anyone who says they crushed their 20s is lying to either you or themselves.Perhaps what I needed most of all in my 20s was for someone to tell me that no one knows more about me than I do. Because it’s true.No one knows more about me than me.Just like no one knows more about you than you.Having that kind of personal autonomy would have drastically change
- May 20, 202610 min
To The Class of 2026
This is less of a speech, more of a pep talk, and really — just some reflections from someone coming up on their 10-year college reunion who feels like graduation was just yesterday.Instead of picturing me on a podium in regalia, let’s pretend I’m sitting next to you on the floor of your dorm as you pack up your things, or sitting across from you at brunch after graduation, or in the backseat of the car on your drive back home, or wherever life is taking you next post-college.To the Class of 2026,The day after I graduated from college, I didn’t get out of bed until 5 PM.I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t watching TV.I barely texted anyone. I was just scrolling through my Instagram feed and well…lying there completely exhausted.The only reason I got up was to get dinner at a pizza place that no longer exists with a friend I stopped talking to a few years later.It would probably shock my 22-year-old self to read these words, about losing touch with that friend, not the pizza place closing.As a native New Yorker, I’m all too familiar with favorite restaurants, coffee shops, and bookstores closing down. My favorite Barnes and Noble on 86th and Lex is now a Target. The benches by the magazine section where I spent countless hours pouring through glossy pages, have now been replaced with a homeware section.I once leafed through a magazine in that very Barnes and Noble, with a cover highlighting a Hollywood actress and her “hard-won happiness.” That phrase always stuck with me.At the time, I probably didn’t have the self-awareness to admit I was far from truly happy. I did know that I liked the idea of describing happiness as “hard-won.” Those two words made me feel instantly seen and validated, as someone who used to secretly roll her eyes when people talked about waking up happy in the morning, with an easy-breezy feeling that I was convinced only exists in fairy tales.The summer after graduation, I moved to Portland for an acting program, hated it, and came back to New York with no idea what I was going to do next. I eventually landed a role in an incredible new play at La MaMa, after originally inquiring about being the stage manager’s assistant. It was an amazing experience. I was featured in the New York Times. Everything was going according to plan.But it turns out, I didn’t love the life of a working actor as much as I thought I would. I started working as a temp receptionist at many Manhattan offices and ended up writing a play while at my desk.I wouldn’t realize that I wanted to be a playwright for a few more years, though. I spent too much money doing things I didn’t enjoy, with people I didn’t have a lot in common with, trying to keep up with the “New York scene.” I look back, and I really don’t like what those “friends” brought out in me, but if you’d asked me at the time, I would have told you that I had a great community. I constantly hustled for my self-worth, and was so busy trying to prove myself to everyone that I could barely enjoy success when it came.I co-directed the same play that I starred in as a fourth grader at my elementary school (Charlotte’s Web) and found more joy working with kids than I’d had in years - even though if I knew I wasn’t meant to be a teacher long-term. Those kids are now in high school, close to entering college themselves (which feels impossible, because they were 9 and learning how to spell just yesterday).(I’m 31, and I still feel like I’m learning how to spell.)We used to dance across the floor to this song called Shine during warm-ups, in a dance class I took in college. I’ve loved it ever since. It goes,Here's where you lose your mindThe water here's divineYou're doing just fineSo, come on, darlingOh, don’t you want to shine?I’m not always sure of what it means to shine. These days, I’m less interested in sparkly, shiny perfection. I do love the heat of the lights in a theater. And the brilliance of the sun, when I’m on a walk listening to a podcast. The verb “shine” is defined in the Oxford American Dictionary as “give out a bright light” or “direct (a flashlight or other light) somewhere to see something in the dark.”When I was in your position, I just wanted all the answers to everything. I was longing for someone farther along than me to pull me out of the darkness and guide me through the murkiness of adulthood, straight into the light. I wanted to shine, and I wanted someone to tell me exactly how to do so. I was adamantly convinced that someone could give me “all the answers.”It took me an entire decade of searching, but I now finally know that no one has those answers I once craved.No one knows everything. And most importantly —<
- Apr 28, 20263 min
You do not have the same 24 hours in a day as Beyoncé
Subscribe to The Nuance Diaries on SubstackBuy my book Book a session + Check out client testimonials I’m going to list out some different kinds of people. I’ll tell you what they all have in common in a second— but you can guess first for fun if you want.* People with chronic illness* People with PTSD* People with Complex PTSD* Trauma Survivors of any kind* Disabled people (physical and/or mental)* Parents* Caregivers* People who are grieving* People who don’t have housekeepers* People who don’t have laundry in their building* Eating Disorder survivors who love or hate meal prep* People who commute* People who work from home* Astronauts* Oil pastel artists* Toddlers who are teethingDid you guess? Ready to hear the answer?Time moves differently in each and every one of their lives.Someone doing a Broadway show has a different 24 hours in a day than someone working on a cruise.ER doctors have a different 24 hours than podiatrists.Our lives are all different. It may sound redundant, but it’s true.This simple fact bears repeating, every time a stranger tries to tell me I have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé.I do not have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé, and shedoes not have the same 24 hours as me!At no point during her 24 hours can she run to the corner and buy a banana on a crowded New York City block.At no point during my 24 hours can I outsource all the household tasks and life admin that take time away from my career.We have different privileges. Our lives are designed differently.I consider it a privilege to go wherever I want without paparazzi.Beyoncé gets the privilege of being Queen B and performing all of our favorite songs, running an empire, using her wealth for good, and being a goddess, diva, and cowgirl all in one.God, I love BeyoncéI digress.I do not have the same 24 hours in a day as BeyoncéNeither do you.And that’s okay.Stop shaming yourself into accomplishing more or using your time more constructively, or whatever it is you’re doing to yourself when you tell the lie that you have the same 24 hours a day as everyone else.You’re not lazy. You’re not deficient. You’re doing your best with the resources available to you and the energy in your body.Maybe use a few minutes inside your 24 hours to remind yourself of that today.I myself am going to use a few minutes of my 24 hours to listen to some Beyoncé.Further Reading/Listening: My ancestor's wildest dream is me doing dishes listening to Beyoncé This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thenuancediaries.substack.com/subscribe
About The Nuance Diaries
What sensitive, deeply feeling people are thinking but don’t say. AKA the stuff you usually save for the group chat. Consider my vulnerability a permission slip for yours. thenuancediaries.substack.com
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