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Welcome to The Black Mother Wound, a podcast where we dig deep into the unique challenges faced by Black women in their relationships with their mothers. Join us every week as we embark on an honest, vulnerable, and nurturing journey toward embracing, understanding and healing, and embracing our inner little girl. In a world that often tries to silence our voices, this podcast is a safe space where we unpack the complexities of our relationships with the women who raised us. We confront the reality of toxic dynamics and the profound impact they have had on our lives. But we don't stop there; we're committed to unraveling the threads of generational trauma and weaving new narratives of strength, resilience, and self-love.Visit JenniferArnise.com to start your healing journey.
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Originally Aired January 20, 2026 Let’s keep in touch! Grab my free mini-course Work with me one-on-one Attend my live event in Charlotte Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. “Keeping the peace isn’t peace. It is self-erasure.” For many people healing the mother wound, peacekeeping became a survival skill. It meant staying small, agreeable, and easy so no one else exploded. It worked when we were young, but in adulthood it begins to feel like disappearing. Oversharing often comes from the same place: giving too much in hopes of being seen or accepted, mistaking exposure for connection. The shift begins with honest noticing. Before explaining, pleasing, or revealing too much, we pause and ask, “What am I hoping to get right now?” This small moment interrupts old survival habits and teaches our inner child that safety is not earned through performance. With practice, boundaries take the place of peacekeeping, discernment replaces oversharing, and clarity softens guilt. Healing becomes less about controlling how others feel and more about refusing to abandon ourselves. Slowly, peace stops being something we manage for others and becomes something we build within. In this episode, I’m answering listener questions about oversharing, keeping the peace, and identity. We talk about oversharing as a form of seeking approval, how “peacekeeping” leads to self-abandonment, and why guilt shows up when you stop managing other people’s emotions. If you’re tired of performing or pleasing just to feel accepted, this episode breaks down what choosing yourself really looks like. Key Takeaways: “Any oversharing is you seeking validation. It is giving something that people didn’t earn.” “Prostitution is any exchange of who you are to get something in return.” “Have integrity with yourself to be honest about what it is that I’m looking to get from these people and what I am afraid of.” DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived. Support the show Follow me on IG @jenniferarniseSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch! Grab my free mini-course Work with me one-on-one Attend my live event in Charlotte Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. This episode dives into how healing our relationships with our mothers transforms our entire lives. Jennifer shares her journey of stepping into her power via her appearance on the Breakfast Club, unpacking the feelings of being taken seriously, and how that shifts our self-perception. Imagine the tough love, raw honesty, and vulnerability of a big sis who’s done the work and is now showing you how to do the same. In this episode: Jennifer’s behind-the-scenes journey to being featured on The Breakfast Club, and what it reveals about self-belief How being taken seriously by the world is a direct mirror of how seriously you take yourself The deep-rooted fear of rejection rooted in childhood, especially for Black women healing mother wounds The importance of asking for what you want, even if that means risking a “no” Why self-doubt and wanting to be “perfect” can hold you back from greatness How to shift your mindset from “I need more” to “I already have enough” The power of claiming your voice and showing up authentically, no matter the stage Recognizing that success is a gift that confirms your worth and encourages further healing Practical ways to start taking yourself more seriously today, without waiting for perfection Timestamps: Introduction and Exciting News - Jennifer shares her excitement about being on the Breakfast Club. (0:02 - 0:46) Experience on the Breakfast Club - Discussing the experience and its impact. (0:46 - 1:40) Personal Reflections - Jennifer reflects on personal growth and challenges. (1:40 - 3:05) Journey to the Breakfast Club - How she got the opportunity. (3:34 - 4:04) Empowerment and Self-Belief - Encouraging listeners to believe in themselves. (4:31 - 5:00) Overcoming Doubts - Discussing self-doubt and overcoming it. (10:05 - 12:09) Importance of Healing - The role of healing in personal growth. (21:09 - 22:08) Closing and Gratitude - Jennifer expresses gratitude to her audience. (26:54 - 27:51) DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch! Grab my free mini-course Work with me one-on-one Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. In this episode of the Black Mother Wound Podcast, Jennifer answers a listener question about being no contact with an aging mother who is now using guilt to reopen the relationship. What do you do when your mother is getting older, but being close to her still harms you emotionally? This conversation is for the Black daughter who feels torn between protecting herself and being seen as a “bad daughter.” Jennifer unpacks the shame, obligation, guilt, and emotional debt many daughters carry, especially when society keeps reminding us, “But that’s your mother.” This episode is not about telling you whether to see her or not. It’s about helping you come back to yourself long enough to make a decision from autonomy, not fear. Jennifer explores the difference between guilt and shame, why end-of-life guilt can feel so heavy, and how to decide what kind of access, if any, your mother gets to have. Whether that looks like no contact, a phone call, one public visit, or a limited relationship with firm boundaries, the question remains: What keeps you whole, safe, and connected to yourself? In this episode, Jennifer talks about: The pressure Black daughters feel to care for mothers who did not emotionally care for them. Why “guilt” may actually be shame. How aging and death can be used as tools of manipulation. The importance of asking yourself if you actually want contact. How to define access without abandoning yourself. Why your mother being elderly does not erase the harm. The role of your inner little girl in making this decision. Why healing the Black mother wound is really about rebuilding the relationship with yourself. How to practice autonomy with the person who may have made autonomy feel unsafe. Estimated Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome, personal update, and graduation season01:54 Pulling from listener questions02:42 Listener question: What if my elderly mother is still emotionally harmful?04:09 The Black daughter’s obligation and emotional debt05:34 When care has never been reciprocal06:45 Guilt as a tool of manipulation07:40 Why what you call guilt may actually be shame09:47 Autonomy and making a decision that belongs to you10:20 The first question: Do you actually want to see her?12:51 Death, grief, and the fear of future regret14:43 Knowing your capacity before reopening contact15:36 Asking yourself what you are hoping to get from contact16:24 Healing is about your relationship with yourself17:22 When “I’m getting old” becomes emotional labor for the daughter18:53 Checking in with your inner little girl first20:04 Asking your mother why she wants to see you20:48 Using her response as clarity22:23 Remembering you can pull access back22:49 Practicing autonomy with the original relationship wound24:59 Thinking through death, funerals, and what honoring yourself looks like26:05 Staying in your body when engaging with her26:55 Releasing responsibility for your mother’s emotions28:20 Reflection questions to sit with29:37 Closing thoughts and reminder to put your inner little girl first Reflection Questions From This Episode: What am I afraid will happen if I stay away?What am I hoping will be different this time?Why am I engaging?What has her pattern shown me over time?Do I want to see her, or do I just want to stop feeling guilty?What kind of access can I offer without abandoning myself?What does my inner little girl need before I make this decision?Pull Quote Options“You’re not a bad person if you don’t want to be around someone who has been abusive to you.”“Nothing you do will make you less worthy of love.”“Healing your Black mother wound is not really about the relationship with your mother. It’s about the relationship you have with yourself.”“You get to make the rule. You get to decide. Ain’t nobody else gotta like it.”“Do not go into this trying to fix her. Go into it asking, how do I stay in my body?” Pull Quote Options “You’re not a bad person if you don’t want to be around someone who has been abusive to you.” “Nothing you do will make you less worthy of love.” &ldq
Let’s keep in touch! Grab my free mini-course Work with me one-on-one Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. Episode Description What happens when you love your mother deeply, but the relationship still hurts? In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, Jennifer Arnise opens up a conversation that so many Black daughters struggle to name: the difference between loving your mother and being honest about what the relationship has cost you. After a conversation at the Black Effect Podcast Festival, Jennifer reflects on how quickly we answer, “I love my mama,” when the real question is, “What is your relationship like with her?” Because love and relationship are not the same thing. You can love your mother and still feel hurt. You can honor her and still tell the truth. You can be grateful and still grieve what you did not receive. This episode unpacks why Black women are often taught to protect their mothers, even when it means abandoning themselves. Jennifer explores loyalty, guilt, self-betrayal, emotional honesty, and the cultural pressure to keep performing love instead of experiencing real connection. This conversation is not about choosing between love and pain. It is about giving yourself permission to hold both truths and come back home to yourself. In This Episode, We Talk About Why “I love my mother” does not always answer the real question. How Black daughters are taught to confuse loyalty with connection. Why telling the truth about your mother can feel like betrayal. The difference between love and relationship. How protecting your mother’s image can lead to abandoning yourself. Why your mother does not have to agree with your lived experience for it to be valid. How shame convinces you that being hurt makes you a bad daughter. Why healing the mother wound is really about repairing the relationship with yourself. Key Takeaways You can love your mother and still be hurt by her. You can be grateful for what she did and still grieve what you did not get. Your lived experience does not need your mother’s approval to be true. Love asks, “Do I care about her?”Relationship asks, “What happens to me when I am connected to her?” Telling the truth is not betrayal. Abandoning yourself is. There is no debt you owe for being born, raised, fed, clothed, or protected. Healing begins when you stop making your value dependent on your position in your mother’s life. Reflection Questions What do I feel before I explain it away? Where am I performing love instead of experiencing connection? Where do I abandon myself to keep a relationship stable? What would change if I stopped needing my mother to agree with my truth? Am I protecting peace, or am I protecting the image of a relationship? Listener Invitation If this episode brought something up for you, sit with it before you rush to explain it away. Let yourself tell the truth without judging it. You do not have to choose between loving your mother and acknowledging your pain. Two things can be true. Mentioned In This Episode Jennifer will be hosting Healing Our Black Mother Wound: A Live Experience on June 13th in Charlotte. The event will include a live podcast recording, audience questions, a fireside chat, healing techniques, and community connection. Ticket information will be available in the show notes. DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience. Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferarnise See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
The Black Effect Presents... The Black Mother Wound! Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic. Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. *************************************** How we can stay connected and work together! 1. Grab my free mini-course 2. Work with me one-on-one 3. Join RESOLVE Evolved Today *************************************** Mother's Day can feel like a minefield when your relationship with your mother has been painful or distant. Society tells us to celebrate with flowers and praise, but what if that’s not your truth? You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to perform. You are allowed to be honest about how you feel. Instead of being swept up in the pressure and performance, start focusing on what’s real for you. This week, pay attention to what lifts you. Celebrate the people and the progress that remind you you’re loved, seen, and growing. Let your joy come from within, not from forced expectations. And if sadness shows up—let it. Feel it. Care for yourself with compassion, not shame. Healing doesn’t mean you never hurt. It means you know how to care for yourself when you do. This Mother’s Day, center yourself. You get to define what this day means to you now. And that, in itself, is powerful. In this episode, we talk about how to care for yourself before and during Mother’s Day, especially if your relationship with your mom is painful or complicated. I share why it’s important to be honest about how I really feel, stop telling fake stories, and stay grounded in my truth. Instead of forcing happiness or pretending everything’s okay, I offer real ways to comfort yourself, feel your feelings, and find joy in your own life. This is a gentle, honest conversation to help you stay grounded during a tough time. Topics Covered: Episode Snippet Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast Be honest about how you feel Society can confuse your real feelings Mine for good feelings You create your feelings The fantasy is your underdeveloped ego Your responsibility is to you Resolve doors are open Fireside Chat Question Key Takeaways: “Healing really is about taking back control of your own mind.” DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience. Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound Support the show Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise Ep 060: Dealing with Mother’s Day When You Have a Mother Wound May 6, 2025See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch! Grab my free mini-course Work with me one-on-one Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. Strength was never meant to cost this much. What looked like maturity was often a child trying to survive. Needs were set aside. Feelings were handled alone. Responsibility came too early, and being “the strong one” slowly became a way of life. It was praised and even admired, but underneath it all was a quiet loss of comfort, safety, and being cared for without having to earn it. That way of living does not stay in childhood. It follows into adulthood and shapes how love is experienced. Care becomes something to give, not receive. Worth feels tied to what can be offered. And even when love is present, it can feel unfamiliar, hard to trust, or difficult to fully accept. There is also a quiet grief. Growing up too fast, carrying too much, and doing it all alone. Beneath that grief is a question that lingers. What would life feel like without the weight? Healing begins with awareness. Noticing the patterns. Questioning the beliefs behind them. Making space for something different. A life where care is not earned, but received. In this episode, I sit down with Dorcas Asuming Opoku to unpack the reality of the parentified child and the lasting impact of the mother wound. We talk about the hidden loneliness behind high performance, the blurred line between protection and control, and the internal conflict of longing for love while struggling to receive it. This conversation offers language for what has been felt but rarely named, and a starting point for creating a life that is no longer shaped by survival alone. “Sometimes the mother does not see the daughter as a separate individual, you are an extension of her. She can't see you as separate.” – Dorcas Asuming Opoku Topics Covered:00:00:00 — Episode snippet00:00:58 — Introducing our guest, Dorcas Asuming Opoku00:03:22 — Why choosing a new path is allowed in life00:05:26 — What is a parentified child?00:09:50 — The hidden cost of being “the strong one”00:13:02 — When is the breakthrough moment in healing?00:18:44 — Where shame begins in childhood00:21:30 — Sharing breaks shame00:28:28 — Why “explainable” is not the same as “excusable”00:31:10 — The mother as authority and savior figure00:37:01 — The grief of lost time and lost self00:42:54 — Protection versus control in parenting00:48:59 — Daughter seen as extension, not separate self 00:50:27 — Daughter as “redemption plan” for mother’s unmet life 00:52:37 — Fear and control when daughters individuate 00:56:10 — How does guilt shape us? 01:00:37 — Approval-seeking becomes identity 01:02:28 — Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing people 01:05:51 — Prioritize yourself 01:10:27 — Regulation over reaction in triggering relationships 01:12:07 — Community as support in healing 01:13:56 — Relationship is a dance 01:14:41 — Building a new emotional ecosystem 01:16:02 — Building a new emotional ecosystem Key Takeaways: “Every shame that she holds within, she also sees in you. Everything that she dislikes about herself, she also sees in you.” “You are my redemption plan. If I didn't go to college, you have to do this. You have to do that.” “With guilt comes obligatory loyalty.” “The number one way a black woman can… show that she's a good person is that she does what her mama says.” “You get the most affirmation from a mother who compliments you very minimally.” “You no longer really understand who you are because you're constantly on a journey of performing.” “You have to choose you over her.” “Community is a pillar in healing.” “You still exist wholly, even if she sees you differently.” “Stop allowing your mother to dictate your environment. The people in your life are a representation of your own ecosystem.” About the Guest</str
Let’s keep in touch! Grab my free mini-course Work with me one-on-one Join RESOLVE Evolved Today Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. *************************************** The way you speak to yourself did not start with you.The words spoken over you, and the ones that never came, do not simply pass through, they take root. They settle into the soil of your mind, growing into beliefs that shape how you see yourself, how you move, and what you believe you are allowed to have. Over time, those beliefs become patterns, and those patterns begin to feel like identity. What started as someone else’s voice can become the one that guides your choices, questions your instincts, and defines your worth.Along the way, that voice can feel like the truth. A mother’s words can echo so loudly that they become the lens through which everything is filtered. Even her silence can speak, teaching you what is valuable by what was never affirmed. Without realizing it, life can begin to orbit around unspoken rules, where rest feels like something to earn, joy feels excessive, and expression feels unsafe. The result is a quiet shrinking, a life shaped more by limitation than possibility.Change begins by listening closely to what has been running in the background. Not to silence it immediately, but to understand it. To sit with it, to trace where it came from, and to gently introduce something new. This is not about fixing what is broken, but about tending to what was planted. With new language, spoken with intention and care, new beliefs can grow, creating space for a life that feels more honest, more grounded, and more your own.In this episode, I sit down with Britnei Nicole to explore how language shapes identity, behavior, and healing within the mother wound. We talk about how words become belief systems, how traditional Black parenting influences what is passed down, and how even silence can define self-worth. This conversation opens the door to a different way of relating to yourself, one where you begin to choose the words that will shape who you are becoming.“You don’t have to attack your thoughts to change them; you can respond with care. There is healing power in not trying to change the feeling right away, but sitting with it.” – Britnei NicoleTopics Covered:00:00 — Episode snippet00:10 — Introducing our guest, Britnei Nicole03:03 — How does language shape who we become?05:00 — Language as the technology of belief06:36 — Healing requires making thoughts “moldable”09:00 — Your mother as your first mirror11:40 — How does language impact identity?15:56 — Power struggles between Black mothers and daughters19:01 — Language that creates self-doubt and weakens self-trust20:26 — Rewiring your thoughts takes practice23:21 — Root belief: Life is made of suffering27:07 — Limiting yourself once meant staying safe28:10 — You are built for a different time30:20 — Choose to do your own inner work31:46 — Taking your mother off the pedestal33:38 — Perfection blocks real connection36:40 — Her perspective is not the only truth37:31 — Rest, joy, pleasure40:00 — No “right way” to be a Black woman43:08 — Start with your needs before pleasure47:10 — Build a relationship with yourself48:16 — Release shame around centering yourself51:09 — Rebuilding your expression and voice54:36 — Sit with the critical voice first58:10 — Validate before trying to change01:00:04 — Healing is a relationship with yourself01:01:10 — Safety allows to access deeper memories01:02:19 — Healing starts with changing your self-talk01:03:17 — Words carry power and energy01:04:15 — Healing doesn’t erase your experiences01:06:29 — Turning pain into strength01:07:39 — You can put down what isn’t yours01:10:25 — Connect with Britnei NicoleKey Takeaways:“Language is the technology that creates these patterns of thought in our mind.”“If we’re constantly thinking a certain way, we become a certain way.”“Language brings the experience to life and makes it something your brain can engage with.”“To heal something, it has to be like clay—you have to be able to soften it and make something new out of it.&r
Let’s keep in touch! Grab my free mini-course Work with me one-on-one Join RESOLVE Evolved Today Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask. *************************************** Fear is not always yours, even when it feels like it lives inside you. Much of what feels like hesitation, overthinking, and self-doubt can be inherited, passed down through generations as protection but experienced as limitation. What once helped keep someone safe can quietly shape how you move, what you avoid, and what you believe is possible for your life. Over time, that fear can sound like your own voice, guiding your decisions and making you question your instincts. It can look like being careful, strategic, and prepared, while underneath it is a deep fear of getting it wrong. Along the way, it becomes easy to confuse fear with wisdom. A mother’s anxiety can feel like guidance, and her control can feel like love, making it difficult to recognize where her experiences end and your life begins. This creates a pattern of second-guessing, seeking validation, and avoiding risks, all while believing it is the right way to move. The result is a life shaped more by what is being avoided than what is truly desired. Breaking away from this requires awareness, patience, and the willingness to try differently. It means learning to recognize your own voice, separating it from what was taught, and slowly choosing based on truth instead of fear. The process is not immediate, but each small step creates space for a life that reflects who you are, not what you inherited. In this episode, I talk about the fear you inherited from your mother and how it shapes your ability to trust yourself, make decisions, and take risks. I share how this fear is rooted in history, survival, and generational patterns, and how it can show up as overthinking, perfectionism, and self-doubt. I walk you through how to begin identifying what is yours and what is not, and I invite you to start choosing your own path, even when it feels uncomfortable. “Fear became the way that we kept ourselves safe. That fear that was once rational became something we passed down, and we thought it was love, but it is trauma.”– Jennifer Arnise Topics Covered:00:00 — Episode snippet00:21 — Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast02:34 — The Inherited Fear04:25 — Your mother’s fear becomes your voice05:08 — Her fear vs your reality08:12 — You are built for a different time09:10 — Traditional Black parenting shaped by survival10:50 — Separate her fear from your own16:04 — Inherited fear makes you doubt your decisions18:02 — Fear disguised as strategy19:57 — Fear-based parenting and its impact23:50 — Signs you are living from inherited fear24:49 — How obedience keeps you stuck in fear26:10 — Carrying your mother’s fear for love and approval28:48 — What fear is driving your life?30:20 — Reparenting yourself31:21 — Choose your own path Key Takeaways:“We don’t know that we’re looking through the lens of our mother’s trauma when we see ourselves and the world.”“The core of you not being able to trust yourself is not because you’re not capable, it’s because of your mother’s fear.”“Our mother’s worst-case scenarios felt like the truth, and because of that we learned to second-guess everything.”“We discount our own instincts and our own intuition because we believe our mothers know what is best for us.”“We are built with a different technology based on the world we are living in now. Our mothers didn’t grow up with the same access, autonomy, and opportunities that we have.”“You’re going to have to learn the difference between the fear you inherited and your own thoughts, ideas, and emotions.”“More than success, more than having the life of your dreams, we want a mother who loves us and approves of us.”“As long as you are living through your mother’s fear, your compass is off and you don’t have a true direction.” DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming y
Welcome to The Black Mother Wound, a podcast where we dig deep into the unique challenges faced by Black women in their relationships with their mothers. Join us every week as we embark on an honest, vulnerable, and nurturing journey toward embracing, understanding and healing, and embracing our inner little girl. In a world that often tries to silence our voices, this podcast is a safe space where we unpack the complexities of our relationships with the women who raised us. We confront the reality of toxic dynamics and the profound impact they have had on our lives. But we don't stop there; we're committed to unraveling the threads of generational trauma and weaving new narratives of strength, resilience, and self-love.Visit JenniferArnise.com to start your healing journey.
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