Why You Sabotage Good Things (and How to Stop) ft. Dr. Marisa G. Franco

#364: In this week's episode of She's So Lucky, I'm sitting down with returning guest, psychologist, and bestselling author Dr. Marisa G. Franco to talk about the science of self-worth and why so much of what we call "identity" is actually just an old memory in disguise.You might remember Marisa from our February 2023 conversation on platonic intimacy, which ended up being our top episode of the year. She's back this time to talk about her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, and this conversation picks up right where that one left off.Marisa breaks down the difference between the "good twin" and "bad twin" of high self-esteem, why the healthiest people are often the ones who feel their feelings instead of pushing them away, and how memory reconsolidation can actually change the way old pain sits in your body.Marisa and I talk about how attachment styles became status symbols, why "secure" turned into something people perform instead of something people feel, and why she prefers the term "secure-ish." We also talk about ambition, and why wanting more doesn't automatically mean you're operating from a wound.This one's tender, it's smart, and it's going to have you thinking about your own memories differently for a long time after you finish listening.This episode is for you if:You've ever felt like the other shoe is about to drop, even when things are going wellYou reject compliments or feel weird when people are nice to youYou've used attachment theory or self-help language to build an identity instead of understanding a feelingYou're tired of the "love yourself unconditionally, all the time" messaging and want something more realYou're questioning whether your ambition is coming from a healthy place or an old woundYou want to understand the actual neuroscience behind why certain memories keep showing up in your bodyYou're ready to stop shaming the parts of yourself that are still healingYou want language for what it feels like to be loved and still not feel lovableEpisode Links:Intimacy in Friendships: Having Healthier Friendships and Making Friends As An Adult with Dr. Marisa G. Franco: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0YZPgrhNWqFtJLyN1BSj2r?si=338a3c77357d46e2Get Dr. Franco’s new book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment https://bookshop.org/a/55347/9798217046591Follow Dr. Franco on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmarisagfranco/Check out Dr. Franco’s website: https://drmarisagfranco.com/Sponsors:Dae: Just for She's So Lucky listeners, visit https://www.daehair.com and use code LUCKY at checkout for 20% off your first purchase.Monarch: Monarch is the personal finance app that tracks everything — accounts, investments, savings goals, and spending. Get your first year of Monarch Core for half off at https://www.monarch.com using promo code LUCKY.Opill: Preventing pregnancy is as easy as Opill. You can find Opill at most major retailers, in-stores and online.Bask &amp; Lather: Explore viral bestsellers and products of healthier hair of ALL types from Bask and Lather. Go to https://www.baskandlatherco.com and use code LUCKY for 20% off.Shopify: Start your free trial at https://www.shopify.com/lucky.Cozy Earth: Head to https://www.cozyearth.com and use my code LUCKYLES for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear.This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.Produced by Dear Media See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at <a h