The Compliment You Never Gave

Why is it so easy to think something nice about someone, yet so hard to actually say it? And why, when somebody compliments us, do so many of us immediately try to convince them they're wrong? In this episode of Quest for Success Podcast, you'll discover what psychology says about the surprising power of a sincere compliment—and why we often underestimate how much our words mean to other people. Research shows that people giving compliments tend to overestimate how awkward the receiver will feel while underestimating how good the compliment will actually make them feel. (PubMed) You'll hear the story of a teacher whose experience with praise eventually affected multiple generations of students, learn simple ways to give compliments that actually mean something, and discover why learning to simply say "thank you" may be harder—and more important—than you think. And yes, Mandy makes an appearance, because apparently marriage provides an unlimited research laboratory for compliments, communication, and occasionally knowing when to keep your mouth shut. Key Takeaways Give compliments that are specific, sincere, and meaningful. Recognize effort, choices, kindness, and improvement. Stop automatically deflecting praise and practice saying "thank you." Understand why receiving compliments may sometimes feel uncomfortable. Use your words to encourage the people around you. Remember that a few honest words may have an impact long after you've forgotten saying them. For more episodes, resources, and information from Quest for Success, visit Quest-Success.com. Suggested Reading & References Boothby, E. J., & Bohns, V. K. (2021). "Why a Simple Act of Kindness Is Not as Simple as It Seems: Underestimating the Positive Impact of Our Compliments on Others." Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47(5), 826–840. Read the study on PubMed Zhao, X., & Epley, N. (2021). "Insufficiently Complimentary?: Underestimating the Positive Impact of Compliments Creates a Barrier to Expressing Them." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 121(2), 239–256. Read the study on PubMed The Bible — Ephesians 4:29. A passage about using our words in ways that build others up and benefit those who hear them. Read Ephesians 4:29 L. M. Montgomery — Anne of Green Gables. The classic novel featuring Anne Shirley, whose ability to notice and express the beauty she sees in life provides the story connection used in this episode. (penguinrandomhouse.com) Mentioned in This Episode #AnneOfGreenGables #AnneShirley #LMMontgomery #EricaBoothby #VanessaBohns