435 | When a Child Cheats Because They Have to Win: What's Really Happening in the Playroom?

In this episode, I answer a question about an 8-year-old who loves playing games but will do almost anything to make sure he wins—including cheating, changing the rules, and creating games where the outcome is stacked in his favor. When he does lose, he becomes angry, shuts down, or refuses to continue. I explain why our goal in CCPT is not to teach a child that losing is okay. That subtle shift gives us a therapist agenda. Instead, the therapeutic goal is for the child to eventually discover that even though losing may feel awful, he can handle it. I also explore what may be underneath the need to win, including low self-esteem, low frustration tolerance, anxiety, power and control, and the child's tendency to connect losing with being a loser and failing with being a failure. Rather than stopping the cheating or correcting the rules, we remain neutral, reflect feelings, provide encouragement that isn't tied to outcomes, and trust the child to work through these struggles in the playroom. Progress isn't that the child suddenly enjoys losing—it's that eventually he can lose, tolerate the disappointment, regulate himself, and say, "Okay, let's play again." PlayTherapyNow.com is my HUB for everything I do! playtherapynow.com. Sign up for my email newsletter, stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice. If you click one link in these show notes, this is the one to click! New Live Training Events Announced: New Jersey & Tampa dates are locked in and registration is open for New Jersey. Go to iamccpt.live for more information. New Resource for Play Therapists: The Parent Companion for Play Therapy is now available at author pricing for therapists. Created specifically to help parents better understand the child-centered play therapy process, this book is designed to support parent engagement, improve buy-in, and reduce attrition throughout the therapeutic journey. As a listener of the Play Therapy Podcast, you can order a copy for just $8 (our cost plus shipping). Click here to order your author-priced copy. ** Limit 1 per therapist, offer valid in the Continental U.S. only. Order copies for your practice and save with discounted bulk pricing. Bulk ordering makes it easy to place Parent Companion for Play Therapy directly into the hands of the parents you serve. If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you. Ask Me Questions: Call ‪(813) 812-5525‬, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Common References: Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948 Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.