Ep. 235 - Desire, Guilt, and Pleasure - the Psychology of Sex at Midlife with Dr. Michael Bader

In this fascinating episode, Dr. Fiona Lovely sits down with Dr. Michael Bader, a psychoanalyst with over 45 years of experience, for a deep dive into the psychology of sexual desire, pleasure, and the often-unexamined beliefs that shape our erotic lives. Together, they explore why sexual excitement is not simply a biological drive that bursts into consciousness, but rather something the mind carefully regulates based on unconscious assessments of safety and danger. Dr. Bader introduces listeners to the concept of pathogenic beliefs—the unconscious rules we form in childhood about what we are "supposed" to feel or not feel. These beliefs, often rooted in guilt or shame, can create roadblocks to sexual excitement into adulthood that no amount of hormone replacement therapy alone can fix. He explains how sexual fantasies function as creative solutions, momentarily bypassing these inhibitions and allowing pleasure to flow.  Listeners will walk away with a new understanding of their own erotic minds and practical insight into how psychological safety, guilt, and shame influence their capacity for pleasure. Dr. Bader offers a compassionate perspective, reminding women that understanding these dynamics is valuable—but that acceptance without judgment is also a valid and healthy outcome.  Tune in for a conversation that is as enlightening as it is liberating.   Connect with Dr. Bader: Website:  https://michaelbader.com/ X: https://x.com/psychpolitics YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjTd0ydMlfFZO__pCjDrZxw   Thank you to our sponsor for this episode: 🌱 Ready to level up your nutrition? Check out AG1 for nutritional insurance on busy days! Visit our partner page here, to discover the ultimate all-in-one nutritional supplement. Plus, our podcast subscribers score exclusive freebies! 💚  💧If you're noticing fine lines, wrinkles, or sagging skin — thanks menopause —ugh, me too. Menopause can deplete your skin's collagen, speeding up aging. But here's the game-changer: Vitali Skincare has built its entire line on the power of GHK-Cu copper peptides — a proven ingredient that signals your skin's stem cells to produce new, healthy collagen. Head to vitaliskincare.com and use the code LOVELY at checkout for 20% off. 💙 How to work with Dr. Lovely: We get many requests for this info, so here it is!  First off, thank you for listening to the NYMM podcast.  It's because of your support - listening and sharing the episodes and using our product links, we can continue to dispense this information.❤️ Thank you! 🙏🏼 Follow Dr. Lovely on IG and TikTok: @drfionalovely Follow the podcast on Facebook:  www.facebook.com/@notyourmothersmenopausepodcast Please sign up for our newsletter - Fiona's Friday Favourites!  This is where we make the first announcements, share course offerings, drop new episodes,  blog posts and the coveted 'Fiona's Favourites' column, etc.   drlovely.com  to sign up to the email list and get our 5 brain health tools for menopause guide! Finally, a humble request:  If you love the podcast, please leave us a review!  It helps more people find useful info for a challenging time: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/not-your-mothers-menopause-with-dr-fiona-lovely/id1097326296  Please scroll to the bottom of the page to leave a review.  Thank you!  💕🤗 Partnerships by Category3 Media Group