Chasing Confidence: Why It Doesn't Work, and What To Do Instead

S3 Ep. 2: What if confidence isn't what you actively need to cultivate to show up boldly on stage? In this solo episode, I'm breaking down confidence by working backward from the outcome most of us want. We often tell ourselves that we need to feel confident before an audition or big performance, but confidence isn't an emotion we can summon on command. And "fake it till you make it" only takes us so far. Instead, I share a practical framework for building confidence that I use with my clients. It's a ground-up approach that starts with Curiosity, Experimentation, Problem Solving, Competence, and how all of those are what lead to TRUE Confidence. For musicians, this can completely change the experience of practicing and performing. When something doesn't work, curiosity allows us to see mistakes as data, not judgement. The work stops being personal, and becomes information rather than evidence that something is wrong with us. From there, we can experiment, solve the problem in front of us, and develop genuine competence. I also explore the big differences between curiosity and shame when it comes to getting the results you want, why perfectionism breeds fake confidence, and how becoming your own inner coach can help you pursue excellence without making every result a referendum on your worth. Real confidence doesn't mean believing that everything will go perfectly - It means trusting that you can listen, adjust, problem-solve, and that you'll be ok regardless of what happens.   Key points: Why I don't believe confidence is something we should chase The difference between genuine confidence and fake confidence How I reverse-engineer confidence through the lens of curiosity Why mistakes are more useful as data than as personal judgments The difference between the voices of curiosity and shame How experimentation supports excellence without demanding perfection What it means to build confidence that isn't dependent on your result   Timestamps 00:00 Welcome and episode setup 00:30 Why "feeling confident" isn't where we begin 01:28 Confidence as an action, not a feeling 02:56 Working backward: confidence begins with competence 04:22 Curiosity as the foundation of the process 06:19 How curiosity protects our identity and confidence 08:07 Moving from curiosity to excellence—and eventually, confidence   Also - Come say hi! @mindfulopus on Instagram, or mindfulopus.com