Understanding R*pe Culture vs Consent Culture with Rosalia Rivera from Consent Parenting

Why Children Stay Silent Belonging need overrides safety rules Kids will violate known rules to preserve a friendship or peer connection Fear of losing the group is neurologically equivalent to exile Tattling vs. reporting distinction never taught Tattling: getting someone in trouble for non-safety issues Reporting: telling a trusted adult about something unsafe, to or from anyone Kids fear getting a friend in trouble, not just themselves Fear of consequences compounds silence Losing devices, games, or friendships if they disclose Punishment-based parenting makes disclosure feel risky 90% of abuse is by someone the child knows and trusts Child often wants the behavior to stop, not the person removed Fear of the unknown outcome keeps them quiet Consent Culture in Early Childhood Birdhouse (Chazz’s Brooklyn school) models consent from ages 2-5 Adults prompt: “Do you like that?” then shift to peer-to-peer checking in Mixed-age groups create natural power dynamic teaching moments Goal: children eventually check in without adult prompting Checking in changes the receiver’s experience too Being asked “do you like this?” opens kids to genuine self-reflection Same behavior lands differently when consent is sought vs. assumed Tickling example: don’t remove the experience, teach the check-in Sensory-seeking kids may want touch; the lesson is voice, not avoidance Intervention, Redirection, and Education Three-part framework when boundary crossing occurs: a. Intervention: name what’s not okay b. Redirection: offer an alternative way to play c. Education: explain why, without shaming either child Root cause matters: was it curiosity, desire for connection, or coercion? Coercive behavior (knowing it’s wrong and continuing) is a red flag requiring escalation Most peer sexual play is exploratory, not predatory Chazz’s preschool story illustrates the dynamic Friend used “I won’t be your best friend” as leverage, a learned threat pattern Adult intervention happened but education was incomplete Threat behavior in a 3-year-old reflects what she absorbed from her own environment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices