Red Sonja (1985) Swords, Sorcery, and a Legendary Red Mullet

Do you remember Red Sonja from the 80s? Of course you do. Brigitte Nielsen running around in what can only be described as decorative chainmail—armor designed less for battle and more for… audience engagement. And Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up as Conan… except legally he’s absolutely, definitely not Conan. Just a totally different guy who looks, sounds, and acts exactly like Conan. We remember loving this movie as kids, and shy wouldn’t we? Swords, explosions, questionable acting, and whatever was going on with that script. It was basically Conan 3… just without the budget, the name, or any real reason to exist. At least that’s how we remember it.